Toileting Problems

This is so completely normal for kids this age. They go through a growth spurt and just don't have enough room. First thing they know they're wet or messy and didn't even know they had to go.

I can tell you this stage is exactly why kindergarten teachers have parents bring bags and extra sets of clothes to school. It's not talked about much but even kids who are in child care at this age and not in school are going through the same thing.

Very normal, especially with all the changes. You say you are at your wits end. I'm not sure what that means considering that you say you feel awful for him.

Anyway, don't ask him if he has had a toileting accident so that he doesn't lie to you about it. Just tell him to come in the bathroom and clean up. If he poops in his pants, he has to clean his underwear into the toilet to get most of the poop into the toilet. Don't do it for him. Don't fuss at him. Just insist that he do it since it is his poop. Have him carry his underwear and pants to the washer and put them in the washer. Help him with the soap and turning on the washer. This helps him OWN his problem rather than giving it to someone else.

Then put him in the bathtub. If he balks, tell him that he has to get the germies off of his bottom so that he doesn't get sick. Don't argue or fuss. Just be very matter-of-fact.

All of this costs him time and trouble. He has to stop everything he is doing and spend time on all of this. If he has been outside playing, perhaps he doesn't get to go back out because "now it's late". You don't TALK about the consequences of pooping his pants. You just make excuses why he doesn't get to do what was fun anymore. And you DON'T sit him down in front of the TV or iPad after he does this. Instead, he does something boring.

He has to decide not to do this. It's up to him. Don't be at your wits end. It isn't the end of the world. He will have his own consequences. If he does it at school, the other kids will come down on him. (Make sure he has clean clothes at school because they will call you to bring them if they don't have any to change him into.) You can stop taking him places for a while (no playdates) if he's doing it somewhere else.

AND, you can take him to the bathroom every couple of hours while transitioning him to another activity. If he balks, just say "Well, I can't get the trains out until you've gone to the bathroom." And expect him to just do it. Keep your voice neutral and stick to your guns. You probably have another 6 months of this. Moving is really hard for some kids.

Also, you may want to find out about encoperisis - it's very common at this age because they have to hold their bowels, or don't like to poop at school, or it's more regimented, then constipation happens. It's an issue my son deals with on and off. And with all the stress on top of that, it's not a surprise. Ask the pediatrician about it.

This topic's been on here a lot lately - you might want to search through and see if any of the answers would make sense to you.

Stress and change can definitely set kids back (not usually permanently) so that could be it. Age six - it's still more frequent than you would think for these things to happen.

My boys around that age would occasionally come home with tiny spills and even though it was pretty rare and I knew they could go the bathroom it would happen mostly at recess or playing outside, and they were too busy to go in to use the washroom.

If he's denying it and getting into lying, then he must sense your disapproval or fears he'll get into trouble or shame - even if you aren't saying anything and are just trying to help - they sometimes pick up vibes (no one likes cleaning up messes, I remember .. ).

I had one child who had to go to the bathroom very often and he outgrew it. It was a phase. And it was urgent. Sometimes I think they have a growth spurt, and something doesn't quite catch up in time, and you go through a few hiccups on the way - because they often grow out of it before you've really had a chance to deal with it.

Your doctor will be able to ask you the right questions and figure out if there's a problem - good luck :)