Toddler Withholding Pee

Updated on July 16, 2011
T.C. asks from Des Moines, IA
9 answers

My 22 month old daughter is potty training (day 1). She has watched her 3 year old brother master the potty over the past year and thinks she is big stuff and ready to give it a try. She almost always tells me when she needs to go, which is awesome. But here is the hang up. We get her on the potty and she freezes up. We sing or read and just as soon as she gets relaxed enough to go, she jumps of the potty and says, "All done." So we put her panties back on and 5-10 minutes later she tells me again that she needs to go - sometimes a little dribbles out, we run to the potty and again as soon as she is about to go, she quits. I know it has to be a strange/scary sensation for her. Today she held her urine all morning and through nap time, then did the every 5 minutes thing all afternoon. A few times she cried because she didn't know what to do, she didn't want to wet her panties but couldn't get over the stage freight on the toilet. I know that if she can just let go a few times, she'll figure out that it's not scary and be able to go all the time. I have tried running water, she likes it, but it doesn't seem to motivate her. I also tried pouring warm water on her crotch while she was on the potty. I did get her to go that time, but now she wont let me do it again. Any other tricks out there???

Edit: To those of you who think she is just not ready - you might be right. So here's my question, what do I do when she asks to go to the potty? Ignore her? I feel like that will be teaching her to go in her diaper. She asks because we have been training her 3 year old brother. So he asks and I take him... but when she asks I ignore her???? I'm not trying to pressure her - she is leading the way, but is afraid to go.
In response to a few questions: She does have a small potty that she uses and she has been drinking like a fish since I have allowed her juice and lemonade for training purposes - normally she just gets milk and water. And she does get an M&M reward if she is successful, even just a dribble. Thanks for the input keep the ideas coming.

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V.M.

answers from Cleveland on

I don't love the warm water on the crotch trick, seems scary to me. Does she had her own little potty? I like the free standing small ones better than the rings on a big potty. I would load her up with as much liquid as she can possibly take, another thing to try besides books and singing finger plays like itsty bitsy spider, Is to bring in a bottle of bubbles and let her blow bubbles, it's fun to do inside and it relaxes those muscles, while she is distracted.

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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

Just make it a relaxed time while she is on the "throne"...sit down on the floor beside her and read book(s) to her...or talk about your day...what you have done or what you are going to do...she know how to go potty...she just isn't relaxing enough to do it.
Most of all don't get upset...this is NOT a battle you are going to win...just relax...and praise her when she succeeds.
Maybe you could even come up with a "reward" something simple like stickers or some inexpensive toy that she loves

2 moms found this helpful

A.H.

answers from Portland on

She's either ready or she's not. Sounds like she's not and it's okay b/c she isn't even 2 yet so no worries. If you really want her to use the potty b/c of whatever reason why not use pull ups? She won't feel the huge pressure to use the potty (which she is and that's why she's holding her pee) and she can pee in the pull up if she doesn't want to use the potty. She's not even 2 years old, she'll be fine without potty training. Manipulating her (not meant in a mean way) into using the potty doesn't really teach her to use it for her own pride, she may regress that way. Forcing her when she doesn't want to is going to cause her some bladder problems from holding it, especially since you've up'd her fluids. That poor girl is going to just keep piling on fluid and never go (I personally experienced this horrid pain when my catheter kinked one time). She'll probably start peeing in secret in her room or something. I noticed it happens on a few posts on here and some little cousins have done it, not trying to be mean. The potty is not worth it if it means taking her to the hospital.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Perhaps get a little potty so that she is nearly sitting on the floor. It will be much easier for her to relax because she will be in total control of her body. No hanging legs. No gaping hole. No big "throne." It's just her size.

Another idea is to put toys on the toilet tank and sit her backwards on the toilet. She will be more secure in this position and she can play and possibly "forget" to hold onto the pee.

Maybe she's really not quite emotionally ready. I might not try potty training for a couple of weeks or more and start fresh later.

It's especially important to not make going pee a big deal. She might respond better to less attention. A matter of fact, "I know you'll pee when you're ready," and then no more attention to being on the potty. Read to her. Play games, etc. as if she's not needing to hurry.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

My mom's trick was to run water in the sink or the tub while she is on the potty. I started really young (14 months) putting my daughter on the potty at bath time, then running the water in the tub. It worked most times. By the time she was really ready for potty training (about 22 months), we had crossed that hurdle.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Place her hand in some water or run the water, even the tub. Distract her while all of this is going on. It still is not quite clicking for her yet, but she is very close.

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A.R.

answers from Omaha on

I didn't read your other responses, so sorry if this is a repeat. My friend just got through potty training her twins. She had the same problem with her girl of releasing. She finally figured out if she spread her legs while on the toliet it wasn't possible for her girl to hold it in. Maybe it will work for you?

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K.L.

answers from Redding on

Its only been 1 day so far,,right? Pretty early on to worry about it Id think, but I know what you are saying. Just a few months ago I was deep into training my grand daughter(almost 4), and as much as she knew what to do, and talked about it and agreed to try it, she just couldnt go while on the toilet. After about 6 days in panties, telling me she had to go, and then not ever going once we got there, she was standing in the bathroom as I was getting ready to put her on the toilet, she couldnt hold it anylonger and wet her pants. Shed been holding it for a long time and it just gushed all over, down her legs onto the floor. As she was going, she screamed,, "grama, whats that water coming out of me?" It scared her, she had no idea what was happening to her. I really feel she had been in diapers so much that she never felt the wetness of going and had no clue thats what would happen to when she went. So, I reassured her that it was ok, "thats just your peepee coming out and thats great you could go. Now when it feels like its going to come out you tell me and you can put it in the potty instead!" Amazing!! Instantly, she was potty trained! Shes only had a couple times when she wet her pants since,( Moms fault for not taking her while on a trip)and only wet her bed at nap time once since. Shes staying dry nights and is terrific about it all now. So, your daughter sounds a bit like this to me. She may have had diapers on so much she doesnt really know what it feels like to go. Id say put her in panties, just panties and shirt, no pants, no shorts. and let her go about her day and see what happens. Yes it means shes gonna leave a puddle somewhere. Maybe a couple times. But she has to feel it for herself to connect it to the potty. Good luck.

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T.J.

answers from Seattle on

My kids both wanted to only go on the big potty. I let them both try when they were ready, one was a month shy of 3, the other was 18 months. It was their idea, can't go wrong with that concept! We had a stool in front of the toilet and a princess potty seat, and they loved to flush it afterward! May have been something about doing it like the rest of us do that made them want the big potty. But I know some kids are scared of the big one and of flushing too.

Another helpful tip is when you don't have a potty seat available have them sit backward on the big toilet, then they don't feel like they're going to fall in!

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