Toddler Seems to Hate Parents

I have a 4 year old daughter, when my family is in town she does the same thing. But she does it i believe because she is always with me unless she is at school. She doesnt spend much time with them., so when she sees them she wants to spend as much time with them I do not think you are a bad mother or that she hates you, its most likely due to the fact she doesnt see them as much and its exciting for her to spend time with them when she can.

Some children like exploring new people.
This has nothing to do with you. She knows you. She plays with you and loves you, but "New" people are exciting..

Be glad she is able to go to others and to not be afraid of them. It sounds like you have done a good job of raising an out going, loving child, who is not shy..

It also sounds like your daughter knows she is surrounded by people that also love her.

Do not depend on your child to keep you secure as a mother. That is a heavy weight for her to carry.

Instead look inside of your self and ask.
Do you love your child?
Would you do anything to keep her safe?
Do you do your best to give her experiences?
Do you allow her to be her own little person?
Are you spending enough time with her, but also allowing her some time to play alone?

Do you allow her to try things on her own?

I am sure you answered yes to all of these, as long as you are doing your best, your child will be just fine.
Do you love her enough to teacher her rules and boundaries?

She seems fine. You seem dependent on her reactions to believe you are a good enough mom. Only a child who is very secure in herself can go to others and connect. She is doing great.
You need counseling. You are over reacting to her independence. Not good for you or her. You need some one with the skills and education to help you see your worth. I believe you are worth it.

I would just assume that it's the normal excitement of new people. When we visit family, my (almost) 4 year old IMMEDIATELY attaches herself to someone else. And at this point, I am SO okay with that! It gives me a break which I don't get otherwise. Just try to think of it as a mini-vacation and enjoy the time off from being Mom 24/7. :)

Children do not understand spoken language, they understand physical involvement. She KNOWS you and daddy love her. But she really doesn't know these other people, who they are or how they fit into her life. She wants to be loved by everyone so she goes to them for reassurance that everyone love her.

My new 3 year old never wants anything to do with mommy and daddy with his pop-pop or uncle are around. I think it's cute!

Don't take is personally, your daughter is just enjoying attention from other people. I think it's normal and a sign that she is confidence in her love from you.

it doesn't seem like attachment disorder per say. those symptoms are (per http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/reactive-attachment-diso...:

Signs and symptoms in toddlers, older children and adolescents may include:

Withdrawing from others
Avoiding or dismissing comforting comments or gestures
Acting aggressively toward peers
Watching others closely but not engaging in social interaction
Failing to ask for support or assistance
Obvious and consistent awkwardness or discomfort
Masking feelings of anger or distress

here is an article from attachment parenting titled "surviving the toddler years" (if that is a theory you are willing to look into - I personally like bits and pieces of the theory but for myself it would not work to use it 100% of the time):

http://www.naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/toddler.html

Good luck!

First, having worked with little ones for 20 years plus, I am going to have to disagree with one of the previous posts which stated this should be concerning to you. Please, know that there are lots of very bonded, highly attached children who show a natural curiosity and inclination toward other adults and kids, even to the point of ignoring their parents. This is not abnormal, instead this suggests that your daughter is so reassured of her bond with you that she feels safe to explore her extended family and relatives.

What a lovely treat for her, for them, and for you. I'm sorry you misinterpreted this as something it isn't. As AJC listed, *those* are the hallmarks of attachment disorder. I've worked with a few kids who have had these symptoms and they were extremely difficult for anyone--their parents, teachers, peers-- to connect with. Watching a young child flit from adult to adult would suggest to me that she feels safe, loved and a true sense of belonging with her family; that in fact, she's very secure in her relationship with you.

This is completely different from kids who tug and tug on mom's elbow or pant leg, only to be ignored, who sadly go off to find another adult to meet their needs. It doesn't sound like the case from what you describe.

My son is categorically very much like your daughter. He has done this since he was about 3.5-- he wants to tell everyone every.single.thing he is interested about. He would make up huge fantasy stories to share with the parents of other kids at preschool. He's very loving, affectionate and bonded with us, and I believe his desire to be outgoing really has a lot to do with being ready to explore more of his world.

I also agree with everything Laurie A. wrote. She regularly gives great advice and her post is spot-on. I hope you find a way to enjoy your daughter's excitement toward learning more about her relatives and how she fits into her family. Hugs-- it can really surprise us when our kids begin to ignore us at first, huh?! I've had those same pangs too.:)

Children that do this, usually have an underlying issue. Both parents work too much, not around, child bonds with nanny or care taker and does not bond with parents. Are all these family members around her all the time to provide this type of care? Don't know your situation, but you need to sit and address it with perhaps your pediatrition or a child psychologist. Don't feel crappy about yourself, address it. Good Luck.

This is all very normal. She is confident enough in your love for her that she can venture off and "play" with her family that she does not get to see as much. You should be happy with your parenting and enjoy the free time to mingle with other adults. She will also prob. go through stages where she only wants you or only wants dad. Kids like to mix things up to confuse us LOL

She doesn't have attachment disorder. She is just a finicky toddler. They are like that, unless they are attached at mom's hip and then scream if anyone else tries to help them. Those are two extremes. I promise you wouldn't like that one either...

Let her enjoy the other adults in her life (however, Uncle so-and-so shouldn't be taking her to the bathroom... she can't get her way with everything.) Unless they are plying her with sugary foods and ruining her dinner or refusing to listen when you tell them it's time for her to go to bed, it's okay and she will learn to trust her extended family members. You actually want this as she grows up.

Btw, it is not "imperfect" for her to want to be handled by others (you say she is "perfect" at home.) Please adjust your perceptions. She is a little child and does not look at life like an adult does.

Dawn

According to your posts, she is FINE with you at home, and is only interested in others when they visit. If she is an outgoing, confident child, this is normal behavior. It is YOU who are feeling rejected because a 2.5 year old is interested in the new people. That is what is not normal.

Kids pick up stress like radar dishes and reflect it back on us. If you are tense about her, she will feel that and pull away. It is not her fault. My son will act more cranky when I am cranky. He is calm when I am calm.

She doesnt hate you. I dont even think toddlers are emotionally capable of hate. This is too adult an emotion. You are reading so much negativity into your child's behavior, and turning them into adult feelings about you that it sounds very unhealthy. Mom, I know being a first time parent is hard and emotional. I think, based on this post and one from the past, that you need to take care of yourself and get some help to feel more confident and figure out why this is going on.

Please take a step back and really look at what's going on for you emotionally, and do your best to stop reading things onto your child. Interest in others does not mean that your child hates you. Feeling that it does is not healthy, so please, please, take time to figure this out and take care of yourself. Based on previous posts, it sounds like you have some anxiety, and your hormones may be out of wack. Talk to your doctor so you can find some peace.

Those people arent around all the time, thus making them more exciting. My daughter does the same thing. Its no big deal, some kids are more scared by people they dont know, some more interested. Just be glad she doesnt do stuff like that with complete strangers, which my daughter does all the time. Sometimes she even hugs waiters when we are out to eat and once she grabbed a cable guy and shoved her head into his butt area, he was jumping up and down on one leg trying to shake her off. My younger ds is not like that at all, and clings to my legs when new people are around, so I dont think it has anything to do with my parenting, just their personalities.

Why in the world do you think she hates you? Because she's secure enough in your love for her that she can show love and trust in other people to do things for her too? It's BECAUSE you're good parents that your daughter is doing these things.

It's because you are caring parents, and your child feels secure, that she is able and willing to be affectionate with others. I would worry if she didn't trust any of the other adults in her life.

Think about when you were a kid - you had a room full of great toys, but you loved getting to play with a friend's stuff, just because it was different than yours. When she sees her extended family, her brain reacts the same way: "MORE people who love me! YAY!"

My kids have always adored their relatives. When my daughter came home from college for the first time, she hugged all of us and then said, "Can I go to Grandma's?" without even taking off her jacket. :)

As she gets older, she'll complain about you to others, and tell people that you're mean, because that's what kids do. It's normal. It's about learning, in stages, to separate from your parents.

Relax. :)