Toddler Scared of Her Room

My daughter,who is now 10,used to be scared at night also. She would not sleep in her room. Finally, after her sleeping with my husband and I, I decided to try taking her into her room at bed time and reading her a story and then I promised her I would stay there until she went to sleep. I would sit in the floor next to her bed until she was sleeping then sneak out and every so often I would sit a little farther away from her bed. Eventually she was used to her room and all of the things in it and she was fine. I also (even now for my 7 year old son) leave the light on until he is asleep.

My daughter went through a major fear of her room also. She kept saying that she couldn't see. We tried everything and struggled until we finally moved her bed so that she was in front of the door and could look out while she was laying in bed. She has done much better since then.

This may not be the most helpful advice, but in times of extreme stress, I just lay down in bed with my children until they fall alseep. Most of teh time I end up falling alseep too. The challenge with this technique is weaning them off my presence can take over a week after the crisis time has ended. In the end, I count it as their cry for quality time with mom, and we all sleep better.

about me: working student mom of 3 (ages 7, 5, & 2)

hi T.,

I let my 4 yr old sleep with the lights on, and that started at around age 2. She is very frightened of shadows, so the lights have to be on all the way.

Also, if she's feeling afraid of 'monsters' or whatever, (sometimes witches) we have a routine where I stand up in the middle of her room and yell with an authoritative tone..... "All monsters! you get out of my little girls' room right now and out of this house and out of this town!"... you get the idea. My daughter loves this - it makes her laugh and it comforts her.

We still have a very set bedtime routine also (bath, pj's, piggy-back ride from dad, toothbrush, storytime in rocking chair) this probably sounds like a lot, and it takes about an hour & a half, but it 'disconnects' her from the t.v. for awhile before bed - and she almost always goes to bed with no arguments or fright.

I've noticed there is some scary stuff on t.v. after 7:30pm - even just previews to movies, commercials, etc so I don't let her watch t.v. or movies with us after that time for the most part.

good luck,

W.

Try rearranging the furniture.
If that's not feasible, have her sleep with her head at the other end of the bed. (It works for me when I'm having nightmares, one night "upside down" and it always does the trick) And, it may have her feeling like it's an entirely different room.

Perception is reality.

PS: Feng Shui would say "kill the clutter" too.

Hi T.! Try getting a spray bottle full of water. Then have her "spray" the monsters out of her room! W.

We recently just got thru with my daughter being afraid of her room at night. She kept telling us that the snails would get her. She was so afraid and got so worked up she would almost throw up. It would help her if I did a magic spell in her room with her. Also, I took an air freshern (sp?) and would spray it and asked her if she smelled it. She said yes, and then I would tell her that snails didn't like the smell of it and they said I'm getting out of here. Every night it got better. Good luck, I remember how it felt. It would take my daughter about 3 hours to finally fall asleep, sometimes on the floor in her room but it was in her room.

My brother's daughter started being scared of her room when she started watching Scooby Doo with her dad. My oldest daughter started being scared when she watched Monster's Inc...we didn't let her watch that for a long time after that. My youngest daughter started being scared of her room because she sees eyes looking at her...who knows where she got that from because we don't have regular tv and they only watch approved DVD's.

All children will go through a phase or two.

With my oldest we put in a night light and made sure the closet was closed, put a quilt over the back of her daybed so nothing could come up behind her, and we taught her techniques to fight off bad dreams....1.) when she wakes up from a bad dream she knows she should pray that God will take the bad dreams away 2.) She has to think of something good like Pooh Bear, flowers, butterflies, and so on...Then she will dream about good things.

With my youngest we put in a night light and then we gave her a play rubber bat that the girls have for playing ball. I lay it in the bed with her. We talk to her about her dreams being in her head...that they aren't real. We tell her that there are no such things as monsters...that is just your imagination like cartoons aren't real...just mad up. And then I tell her that if anything scared her then she should pick up the bat and hit it. That worked great for her. Now she will tell you that dreams are in your head. And she rarely if ever needs the bat.

Not sure what my brother did with his daughter outside of showing her each night that nothing was in her closet....Oh and for awhile I left the light on in my oldest daughter's closet so she would see that nothing was in there if she woke up.

Hope something from all that might help.

I also used the water bottle / monster spray technique, but my kids were scared there were monsters. I would say to you, keep her assured until she can tell you what is bothering her. maybe say 'honey mommy wants to help you feel safe, but if you cannot tell me what is scaring you, i can't help, and that makes me sad, because i want to help you feel safe'.

I dont doubt that you've said this or tried to get her to come around and tell you whats wrong, but keep working on it.

My one daughter woke up from a dream once terrified of her CARPET! she refused to step on her bedroom floor for a week! She wouldn't tell me why... but she was absolutely HYSTERICAL! climbing up me and holding on so tight when i tried to set her down. I eventually forced her to stand on her carpet with me and prove to her that there was nothing wrong with it. she was fine after that. I'm sure many would disagree with that... but i was at my wits end. what was the worst that would happen? she'd still be afraid of her carpet afterwards... but she got over it.

good luck

My son started to go thru this. I realized it was TV. Whatever he was seeing that he couldn't comprehend was scaring him. So, he stopped watching TV for a little while and the memory must have gotten distance. Cause it didn't take too long, and it went away. We also realized that he figured out real quick that if he said he was scared, we would give extra cuddles and rock a little more before we left. Once we stopped that, he got the idea and stopped saying he was scared of everything.

I didn't have this problem with my daughter, but my best friends two kids had this problem.

My solution for her [which worked] was creating a 'Monster Repellent'. We used water and some of her hubby's aftershave, [which the kids would subconsciously associate with her hubby]and we put it in a spray bottle.

[Your pillow might work for the same reason; your daughter smells you on the pillow.]

You might make a sticker for the bottle if you try this, and you will have to figure out if YOU or HER are going to be in charge of spraying it around the room. It should probably be you since she's so young [you don't want her spraying electrical items] but she should be involved in WHERE to spray.

Good luck.
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When my daughter was babysitting, she had a little girl afraid of her room (monsters) so my daughter put some water and a little vanilla in a colorful spray bottle and labeled it Becky's Monster Spray, before she would put Becky to bed they would spray her room with it!!! The room smelled good, and NO MORE MONSTERS. She was allowed to keep the spray next to her bed and if she got scared she could fight them on her own, what a big girl. Hope it helps.

T.

ha ha ha... that's too cute. I'm sorry... Umm, well if she saw that Aurthur game and spaceships came and took the bunny away, she probably thinks the same thing is going to happen to her. I would take a spray bottle of "magic door protectant" and I would take one myself and give her one, and we would go into our bedroom and spray all the doors and windows with what you will know is water, but what she will think is magic spray to keep all the space ships out so no one can bother her while she sleeps. ( I did this with my nephew when he had monsters coming out of his closet at night ) It works like a charm. That's the best advice i can offer you.

I think around this age they just become more aware of their surroundings. Both my daughter and son did the same thing. We did find out through my daughter that if she has a smoke detector in her room that the light really bothered her. So we covered it with black electrical tape. Then we also keep her closet light on with it open and the hallway light on until they have been asleep awhile and then turn it off. With my daughter we had the "monster spray" bottle and we sprayed it everywhere that she wanted to before going to bed. That really worked and we defiantly don't need it anymore! Just some ideas! Good luck!
D.

I feel there are a couple of ways to tackle this. The first way is to make the room less scarey. I know you have tried with numerous night-lights. But what if you have a couple of day-time "camping" adventures. Make the room dark, and spend time with her in the room doing fun camping things. Perhaps making the dark "fun", it will help eliminate the "dark=scarey". Also, a regimented bedtime routine may help. Reading happy stories to her while she lies in bed right before bedtime. I hope these might help. Good luck!

When my daughter was 2 1/2 her fear was so sudden and so real, it almost made US believe in monsters!!! We made Monster Spray with fine mist bottle of water and sprayed around the perimeter of our daughter's room. The "secret chemical" was a squirt or two of a perfume of mine that she liked in the water. Because she could smell the monster spray, it seemed more real to her. We also put a sign up that said "No Monsters Allowed" and gave her a small stuffed mouse because all monsters are terrified of cute mice, you know. She's 6 now, and when she was 4 and had to change rooms before her twin siblings were born, she wanted her sign transferred to her new room. For her, just having the fun ritual of spraying the room and smelling a little of my perfume and the few extras like the mouse & sign was all it took. Good luck!

Hi T.,

When my children were little we started "going to bed" early. Taking a leisurely, getting into PJ's, putting on soothing music, lighting candles - basically I created a routine that allowed them to slow down. Reading in their bedroom was always part of the routine, along with music in their room, maybe some yoga type quiet music or lullabies. We always said goodnight to everything in the house - good night pictures, candles, tv, etc. and then good night to everything in the room. I loved your idea of giving her your pillow to sleep with at night and creating a sparkle paradise for your girly girl right now might give her a love for her room and chase away the bade feelings. I think you are a great Mom thought so keep up the good work. E.

We gave our 8 yr old "magic sleep spray" when she got a new room. It was actually a chammomille / lavender pillow spray we got at TJ Max. She could spray it whenever she wanted and it helped her with her confidence and the aromatherapy helped her relax. Good luck.

LMBO... we did just like Lili when my son was a toddler afraid of the boogey man under his bed and in his closet and in his dresser and behind the blinds and any every possible place he could hide. We made a game out of going monster hunting before bedtime... we did not use Ozium but we used a dust buster to suck them up and then I would make a big deal out of putting it in the garbage can or flushing down the toilet and he would sleep wonderfully...

I also found as he got a little older that I would pretend like I was afraid and then he would comfort me and tell me it is ok and pat my head and what not! It was a great way to get extra hugs outta him! :) My daughter and I do this now and she wipes my "tears" away and then once I am smiling she will growl at me again and play the protector!

Your pillow idea is great and I will remember that for when I go through it with my daughter as she gets older.
Good luck and I hope you get some sleep too! Blessings!

We have a bottle of "stay away spray". Our oldest, now 6, had nightmares. Since she didn't understand that word my husband asked her if she "saw pictures" when she was sleeping. I took a spray bottle filled it with some water (you could add a drop of perfume or something to make it seem special) and told her it was a VERY expensive stay away spray we bought. We would get the bottle and chant "pictures pictures stay away Mia's got the stay away spray". Then we would spray a few times saying "stay away pictures". Don't spray enough to grow mold or anything. At six she still wants to use it if she is going through a rough period.
We also watch tv right down the hall until the girls are asleep. Having us upstairs and not down gives them a real sense of comfort..heck I don't like to sleep by myself why should they?

I envy you for having little ones because mine are grown but in this day and age, scary commercials can come on before you can even change a channel. Even the music on the commercials are startlingly loud and scary. Reinforce the fact that all these things are not real and close your eyes with the child when these things come on. Check her room at nighttime and leave her door open with the night light on. It's good that you're concerned. Too many parents think too little of these things. Good job mommy

Looks like great advice already. Was just going to say that when my son was 2.5, it took a while after moving to the new house, but we finally figured out what about his room that scared him...the fan blades had a swirly design on them. Slept fine after turning the fan blades over. The poor guy. So maybe an "easy fix" will come if there is something specific she's afraid of. Any shadowy spots that could look scary to an imaginative 2.5 year old?? Best wishes to you both!!

When my son was afraid there were skeletons in his closet we got a can of Ozium & told him it was to clean scary things away. We sprayed as he watched before bedtime & after a few nights he was fine.

We went through this, my brother came over with a spray bottle he put a label on and it said "Monster Spray". Then he wrote to use two squirts before bed. It worked. She slept in her room with no problems.

She is now almost 6, and she is terrified of the light on the smoke detector. I wonder if she saw that Arthur show? We can't figure out why she does not like it. But she is sleeping in her room, and we also had to remove everything scary (posters with eyes, etc). Good luck!

Do you have a dog? My son is the same way he would rather sleep with me, but I put one of our dogs in the room with him and he is better. I also bought him a lightning macqueen night light and that helped. I also put a fish tank with a light in his room. That helped with sound and light. The sound of the air pump and filter is very soothing. Hope this helps.

Your daughter is at the age when she makes a big shift in her relationship with you, as she is getting to be a big girl who can be more independent, and yet she is still a little girl who wants to be around her mommy and family. You probably see this with her during the day when she goes off to play independently in another room for a bit--and then comes back to find you and stays right by you for a while. For her to play into the "I want you close" side at night is a good mechanism for her, though it is probably getting a little tiresome for you! A couple of things come to mind--and you may already be doing this. A good, dependable bedtime routine with a bath, quiet conversation, a story or two and a little back patting after the lights go out (except for the assortment of night lights!) can help ease her into the sleep mode. Your provision of your pillow for her to sleep on was a brilliant idea--it puts "mommy" right there in bed with her, and would be a good thing to continue until this passes by. You might also tell her, after the bedtime routine is over and it's time for sleep, that you will sit outside her door, outside her room. While that may be a little awkward for you it is at least a chance for you to get a little reading done, etc. It lets your daughter know that you are keeping an eye on things for her. You would not want to go into her room, but could respond quietly that "I'm right here" and "I'm watching out and everything is OK, honey" if she calls to you. Obviously other adults in the house could perform this function as well. If her bedtimes have been easier before, they will get easier again once she's through this developmental moment. It won't go on forever, though her bedtimes may continue to take a while until this passes.

my anut made a chart for her son that would always sleep with her during the night . So she made a chart and everytime he would stay in his bed that night they would put a star on the star and her he lets say gets 8 stars they would take him to chucky chesse or out somewhere else.