I have no suggestions for you, but I had to respond to clear up your mom's comment. ;-)
Here's a description of the Anal Retentive Personality:
Noun 1. anal retentive personality - (psychoanalysis) a personality characterized by meticulous neatness and suspicion and reserve; said to be formed in early childhood by fixation during the anal stage of development (usually as a consequence of toilet training).
One of the other things that classifies a person as truly anal retentive is that they are so meticulous that they will not poop unless it is under certain conditions (a particular time of day, in a particular place, etc), therefore retaining the waste until releasing it suits their parameters.
I just had to get that off my chest. A bit anal of me, perhaps? LOL!
In all seriousness, I do feel you pain and frustration, and I hope you will find a solution soon.