Potty Training Stubborn 3 Year Old

I just went through the same thing with my son who will be 4 in August. I tried everything. Stickers, bribing him with candy, blowing bubbles on the potty, and letting him read on the potty. Finally around April my brother who is 14 showed my son that he could stand and use the potty and we haven't had any problems with him since.
It just takes time.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

I would give him a break for a month or so because he's really fighting it right now,a nd I don't think you'll get anywhere. Then toss the diapers. Let him go bare bummed, and see if he'll train. He will likely have a couple accidents. But then often they get it pretty fast! that's what I had to do with my son. With my daughter, she is offended at being bare bummed...so it might not work if he's the same! But I would definitely take a break. Let him have the diaper for a month or two, research potty training, then try again. I don't think it matters what you do right now - he's fighting it hard and a break will help.

Boys are often later in pottying and mastery of it.

My son was 3, when HE began to sit on the potty.
We used a Baby Bjorn potty chair and kept it nearby him in any room.
We kept him naked on the bottom.
We went by his cues. Didn't nag him or force it.
Then one day, HE just sat on it. HE did it. Not for us or for any reward. HE did it. And he was proud of himself. Because HE did it. Then, the frequency of him sitting on it, increased, GRADUALLY. Not in one sudden swell. Then along with that, his aptitude for it, increased as well. And then his body cues and brain awareness of it and his body.
THAT is key.

Keep in mind, that for night time dryness and napping, this is an entirely SEPARATE process. Night time dryness, does not occur, BIOLOGICALLY, until even 7 years old. And this is NORMAL.
It is a physiological, development of the child.
Thus, for naps and bedtime, a diaper still needs to be used.
A child will NOT get all confused, you just explain, for night time they still use a diaper.
Do not expect, day time and night time pottying, to be at the same time.

A child will not do it, until they are ready.
It is their body.
My son, would even tell quite pointedly to us "IT'S MY BODY!!"

Also keep in mind, that even when a child is older and fully potty trained, they WILL have accidents. This is childhood. No child is accident free. It is normal. It just is.

OK, I am the eldest of 11 children, have 2 children and 7 grandchildren, and have dealt with potty training many times. Bottom line, your grandson may be 3, but he isn't ready. No amount of trying to convince him otherwise will work, and it sounds like you've tried everything the experts suggest, except for backing off. Tell mom and dad to pack up the underwear, you pack away the candy, leave the potty in sight but don't talk about it, maybe move it to a room other than the bathroom, and leave the diapers on him.

He told you he's "not a good boy" which is equivalent to him saying he's not a big boy, as lots of kids do because they are just fine being a little boy (or girl) for the time being.

Your expectations, attempts at bribery, cajoling him to use the potty so he can go to school, trying to get him into the bathroom with his brother, etc., are traumatizing and intimidating him. If you keep it up you just may find you have a child who becomes anal retentive and then you'll have medical problems to deal with, a child in great physical pain dependent on laxatives with mom, dad, and grandma literally trying to keep him from squeezing his bottom muscles together to hold the poop in, and severe pain when he tries to poop. Just ask some of the many moms who post about that here on Mamapedia how they like dealing with that situation.

Chill, sit back, and allow your cute, stubborn grandson to learn at his own pace. More than likely once you ease off he will calm down as well, and sometime in the next year he will ask to have his pants removed or take them off himself so he can sit down to pee and poop on the potty. Look for him to say "pee pee" and "poop" when he is ready to go, a desire to sit on the potty, with clothes on or without, an aversion to being in a wet or poopie diaper, as signs he is ready. Subtly suggest he can use the potty IF HE WANTS, and let it be his decision to use it or not.

It sounds like you're pushing this child with more intensity than he's ready for. Almost every child I've ever known who has successfully trained has done it in their own time. When they're ready, and not feeling manipulated, forced, tricked or maneuvered into it, almost every child will train with few or no accidents in a day to a week.

Right now, your grandson is feeling like a NOT good boy because he knows he's disappointing you and his parents. He probably also hears you and his parents refer to his stubbornness. That's not a good setup for success. And age 3 is actually still on the early side for many boys. He may do much better a few months from now if he's given the space to work things through for himself, both physical and emotional.

Here's a wonderful, informative website you might find helpful. It gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness...

Mine really lock and loaded shortly after he turned 3.5 and did great. He mastered daytime potty and about two months later he was night trained.

It JUST HAPPPENED and then we were done potty training. I almost MISSED it once it clicked in his head and then his body.

Give him more time.

He doesn't sound ready. He's fighting because he's being forced to do something he has no interest in right now. Take a break and then reintroduce it more casually. The more you push the more he's going to fight and control something that no one can force him to do. Kids potty train willingly when they aren't being tricked into it. You can't force him to pee/poo in the potty or watch a dvd.
I'd take a break for a month or however long he needs to calm down about potty training. Then reintro the potty and put him in big boy underwear that he chooses and after a few accidents maybe he'll want to use the potty. Also try labeling his behavior, you did a good job putting pee in the potty. When you say your a good boy, he will internalize it as being a bad boy when he doesn't do it... kids are simple and don't know the rationalization of it being attached to action, not them as a child.

Good luck :)

Stubborn? I wonder where he got that from? Hee, hee?

How about instead of being stubborn and forcing him, you give him a break and teach him it is ok, to try again at another time?

Our daughter walked unassisted at 6 months, she was speaking in full sentences at 1. She would not even consider potty training until about 3.5 years old. I truly think seeing all of the potty chairs lined up at daycare and all of the kids going on their own and being told, "yes, she could look at books while on the potty", made her decide she was ready to try.

We asked and tried a few times before and there was no way to budge her.

He's simply not ready. All the bribing with candy, stickers and cute underwear isn't going to make his so either. Why does he need to be potty trained right now? Is he going to a preschool program that says they must be potty trained or is it just because everyone says he should be because of his age.

Lay off trying to get him to potty train. Save your money and frustration and try in a few months. Where is it written in stone that they must be potty trained by age 3?

JMHO,
Renee

I have to agree with just laying off for a while. My son isn't old enough to potty train yet, but I honestly am dreading it! ;) A good friend of mine has two boys and both were very late trainers. In fact, I know a lot of moms of boys and they were all late trainers. It's common with boys. One little friend of ours will be four in July and just, literally like last week, decided he could finally go poop in the potty. My friend was beside herself, as you'd imagine, but one day the switch flipped and he said okay, I think I'll use the potty and the rest is history! I get as the parent/grandparent that YOU are ready, but I think it sounds like he just isn't even very close yet. Store the undies, tell him where they are and let him know that when he'd like to use them to let everyone know, same thing with the potty. Good luck!

You are fighting a losing battle! Give up...completely...don't say anything to him, don't ask him if he wants to go...nothing! Once everyone stops making a deal out of it he just might decide it is time to do it himself. If he doesn't, then go ahead and try again in a couple months. This has become a power struggle. As a 3 year old I'm sure there are not many things he gets to decide or control...he has found something that he has complete control over. You can lead him to the potty but only he can control weather or not he goes.
Relax and good luck!!

Maybe just give it a rest for a month or two, and try again. He may just not be ready.

Switch to cloth?

Or plastic training pants (link below):
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000QU4IK2/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=...

My mom just made us get chicken pox when it was time to potty train... diapers hurt when you have poxs and a wet bum...

I have a stubborn 3 year old who wouldnt go poop in a toilet. So I took his favorite toy, a dinosaur, and had it poop raisins in the toilet. He has been going in the toilet ever since he saw the dinosaur do it. For whatever reason it worked. Good luck!

I agree will all the people who say stop trying for awhile. It has turned into a power struggle and a 3yo with a strong personality likes nothing better than a good power struggle. Everyone needs to stop asking...completely ignore the potty, the underwear, the rewards, etc. for 3 months. Then start back in with just one system...for us it ended up being the candy reward. I took all the focus off the potty and put it on the candy reward. Instead of asking do you want to sit on the potty? Or "do you have to pee?" I started saying "would you like a treat?". If the answer was "yes" then I would say "OK, quick run sit on the potty" (notice, no pressure to produce anything). Once he started enjoying sitting on the potty, then I would say he could have the treat if he peed on the potty. We worked on from there with going poop (but that was about 3 months later).

I had been reluctant to use treats as the lure, it just seemed wrong to me but he was 3.5 and making zero progress (he was way to interested in playing to want to interrupt it with a trip to the potty and he had sensory processing disorder which made him oblivious to the feel of a wet diaper). I thought I would have to wean him off the candy treat but it happened naturally. Once using the potty was automatic he simply forgot about the treats.

I wrapped about a dozen little presents from the dollar store and hung them in a bag on the bathroom door. They HAVE to be wrapped! He could only have a present if he went potty in the toilet. I tried not to make a big deal about going potty, I let it be his decision. If he did it in the toilet, he got to open a gift.
I also did this when he woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to sleep with us. No fighting, just no gift the next day. He only got a gift when he stayed in his bed all night.
I'm sure there are several hundred reasons why this is wrong but our son is very laid back and knows that there are consequences to his decisions. In that case, no gift.
And no, he doesn't get gifts anymore for going potty. I only needed one bag of presents, but you may need more and thats ok.
Just remember, he will learn!

make him run around without any underware. tell him he needs to pee in the potty. he also needs to make the connection between the fact that he is peeing and pooping before he will sit on the toilet or potty chair. no underware and no diapers. do not give in grandma. he will go when he realizes that he has no other choice. everyone needs to be on the same page in the family or it will not work.

An important developmental step for every child is potty training. Most children begin using the toilet as toddlers, usually between 18 months and 3 years old. (Note: It usually takes a little longer to potty train boys than girls. Boys, on average, can be successfully potty trained in 12 weeks. Girls, on average, can be successfully potty trained in 10 weeks.)

Signs that your child may be ready to start potty training include:

Staying dry for at least two hours at a time.
Having regular bowel movements.
Being able to follow instructions.
Being uncomfortable with dirty diapers and asking for them to be changed.
Asking to use the potty or saying that they need to urinate or have a bowel movement.
Showing interest in the toilet and/or wearing “big kid” underpants.
When you begin potty training:

Dress your child appropriately for potty training. Garments with elasticized waists, Velcro, and snaps are usually easy for your child to take off and put on.
Choose a potty seat that your child can easily use on their own.
Your child may want to personalize his/her potty: by letting him/her write his/her name on the little potty, a sense of ownership can develop. Your child may be more likely to use a potty if s/he feels it is uniquely his/hers.
Assure your child that s/he will not fall in the potty (many children have fears of falling in a toilet while sitting on it).
Encourage your child to use the potty at regular intervals - or whenever s/he show signs that s/he needs to go.
Use proper terms (urinating and defecating) as well as the terms your child may be more comfortable with (peeing and pooping). Make sure that you define your terms so that your child becomes adept at using the terms him-/herself.
Start with the basics. Both boys and girls should be shown how to potty from a seated position first. Once boys master urinating from a seated position, they can “graduate” to learning how to urinate while standing. The reason boys should learn to urinate while seated first is that bowel movements and urination often occur in the same bathroom visit . . . additionally, the delay in learning to urinate while standing minimizes the likelihood of your son making messes while enthralled with the spray he can create by urinating.
Teach your child to wipe properly. Show him/her how to remove toilet paper from the roll, wipe, and throw the used toilet paper in the toilet. Instruct girls to wipe from front to back, which helps avoid urinary tract infections. (Note: your child may need help to wipe effectively, especially after a bowel movement, until about age 4 or 5.)
Be supportive and use rewards, such as stickers, when your child is successful on the potty.
Use praise, applause, special songs, reading a special book in the bathroom, or whatever else resonates with your child.
Avoid pressure: your child will likely have accidents during the process. Don’t punish him or her for any setbacks.
Be sure that your babysitter understands your approach to potty training and is consistent with rewards, praise, etc.
Let your child pick out new ‘big kid” underpants with his/her favorite characters (Dora, Thomas the Train, etc.) on them.
Use potty-themed books and videos to reinforce key messages.
Don’t begin toilet training during a stressful time (e.g., moving, new baby, starting a new preschool, etc.)
Recognize that your child has control of his/her bodily functions, and you can’t get him/her to “go” on the potty until s/he is ready. Don’t turn this into a power struggle because it’s one that you won’t win. If your child seems to develop a resistance to potty training, don’t continue the potty training. You can resume potty training when you child again expresses an interest in learning to use the potty.
When your child has completed a visit to the potty, show your child how to flush the potty. Some children experience fear of the flushing mechanism: they fear that they themselves may be flushed away. You may need to flush the potty for your child for a period of time, until your child observes no harm resulting from each flush. At that time, your child should naturally develop a desire to try his/her own hand at flushing the potty. Once the potty is flushed, show your child how to wash his/her hands.
Calmly and patiently teaching your child how to use his/her potty can be a trust-building, bonding experience for both of you. Let the potty begin!

If you still want to try and it is warm now, I don't know a boy who won't go pee outside. It depends on how private your backyard is but let him pee outside standing up. Once he is used to that, then it won't be a big step to the big potty.