I am a WAHM with a toddler in PT daycare. Maybe it's because the holidays are over and family are no longer around to help me entertain her [or her entertain them!], but my daughter is driving me nuts. We spend several days a week by ourselves. I try to take her to activities outside the home, like storytime, the park, indoor play areas, etc. She generally refuses to leave my side. In the case of the park, it's gotten to the point that she won't even play. Instead, she just stands there and whines until I go to her or stares at other kids playing. So I try staying home instead. Here, she'll want my constant attention, whine some more, and refuse everything I try to feed her. I am so frustrated that I look forward to her daycare days [or at least naptime] so I can have some peace and quiet. I may have to start paying for a full-time daycare spot soon, and part of me wants to just send her there everyday just so I don't have to deal with, for lack of a better word, parenting. I feel terrible about feeling this way and I know I am lucky to have her in my life and to be able to stay at home with her, but I am being driven nuts! Anyone else feel this way? Is this normal? What do you do to not go bonkers?
Hi, I found this site which may be helpful to what you're going through. I really hope it helps.
http://www.justmommies.com/articles/clingy-toddler.shtml
This is exactly why I work full time! :)
It's perfectly OK! Not everyone is cut out to stay at home with their kids.
I find that when I'm home for long periods (vacation, or recently, maternity leave) my 2.5yo is CLINGY. He's NOT that way with mewhen I work regularly, and he's home with the nanny.
In our case, he's a more independent and happy child when I'm not there every day. (And I'm a happier mom!)
See if you can either get out of the house more (can you work from Starbucks or something like that?) or send her to FT daycare. Just SOMETHING to get out of the routine that you're in. Sounds like she needs it as much as you do.
Just wondering how old your toddler is. My son is 3.5 years now, and still pretty clingy, but he's gotten better since starting preschool and having more time away from me and around other kids. At the park, they may worry that other kids will push them or not play with them. I let him play at his own pace. At play dates, it sometimes takes him a half hour to warm up, then he's off on his own. The link Makeda posted has some excellent tips. Good luck.
It seems like she has some security issues! Maybe there are some things you could do to help her bolster her self-confidence. You didn't mention having play-dates with friends. Kids who display shy behaviors are more likely to come out of their shells when they are playing with only one or two kids that they know personally. If you don't know that many moms in your area, join up with a local mom's club or invite a mom over that you know from daycare. Also, teach her games she can play with the other kids. Some games that are not too tricky and don't require toys are: chase each other (of course), selling ice cream (requires a make-shift shop front and imaginary ice cream), "show" (where one kid sings a song like the ABC's and does a dance while the other kids watch and clap, and then they switch), "red light, green light" (where one kid makes a sign or says red light, green light, and the other kid(s) stop or go), and "bridges" (where one kid makes a bridge with her body and the other kid goes under). You can play these at home with her so she gets the hang of them. Plus, you can teach her to throw and catch a ball, or kick it, and take a ball to the playground (all the kids will want to play with her because she has a ball!)
Also, teach her how to play by herself. One game that my daughter plays ALL THE TIME is "friendies." In this game, two toys (sometimes even spoons!) are friends and they go to the pool together and splash in the water. Then they go to the playground and go down the slides and ride the swings. Finally, they go on an airplane ride together, which involves running around the house pretending to be an airplane. I think this is a good game to model for her. You can play one of the friends, but it's a good idea to play both of them, actually, so that she can see that one person can play both parts. Sometimes the friendies eat dinner together and go to sleep at the end of the day.
Avoid the TV as much as you can and help her learn to play by herself by getting her starting on playing with something (puzzles, blocks, etc.), then leaving in the middle of it to go make dinner or whatever. Come back to check on her and keep her engaged.
Try to teach her to be independent in everything she does, from playing to putting on her clothes, to making her food, to using the potty. Give her rewards (can even be a great big independence hug!) for doing a good job doing things on her own. She will only reluctantly give up the attention of you doing things for her, so make sure you make it as much fun as you can to learn independence (many would say not to overpraise, and this is true -- you must specifically recognize the task learned and how she had to try and try to make it work). The first step in her taking a step or two further away from you is her knowledge that she can make it on her own.
She refuses everything you try to feed her? Have you tried to let her prepare some of the food herself? For example, I let my girls make very tiny sandwiches out of Cheerios and american cheese, or they put some shredded cheese into a piece of spinach to roll up and eat as a "spinach burrito." Or if I cook some carrots or sweet potatoes until they are quite soft, I let them use a (not-too-sharp) knife to cut them into bite-size pieces. Or let them cut up some veggies or fruit for a salad (These pieces never actually get into the salad because they eat most of them up and the other pieces get kind of germy, but who cares? They're eating good stuff!) When they choose among different veggies for dinner, they usually do this according to their jobs they have with the veggies or the veggie games we play (they love to pretend that they are dinosaurs and they have to scare away any birds nesting in the "trees" before eating broccoli and cauliflower). Likewise it's fun to dip food or spread spreads. Don't fall into the trap of bribing with dessert (although I do hold seconds of the yummiest part of dinner until they have tried everything) because then she'll think dinner is just a chore (when really it's a fun time to learn new skills!).
I think that your tendency in such a situation (and whose wouldn't be?) would be to withdraw more from your daughter. However, I think that this will backfire because she will notice that your attention is dwindling and become even more clingy. Instead, see if you can boost your time with her to make it even more exciting and teach her really great games she can play on her own or with other kids. However, do continue to drop her with daddy or day care so she can learn to separate from you. Possibly instead of saying good-bye say "we are going to have so much fun playing together when I see you again." And mean it! This can be fun for both of you!
Also, see if you can find some books in the library on shyness (the only one I can think of right now is "Wemberly Worried" by Kevin Henkes but I know there must be others). Sometimes it is good for a message to be delivered by an authoritative source like a book!
Don't feel bad. Not all of us are cut out to be stay-at-home-moms. I could never do it and never have. I love my children, but I look forward to Mondays when I can dump them back in daycare. I think it helps me to better appreciate the time when we are together and I then try to focus on them. I have always been a career-woman and knew that if I wanted children, they would have to spend much of their time being raised by others. It was either that or they wouldn't exist at all. Your sanity and self-preservation has to come first, otherwise there is nothing left for your kids. You will always be her Mommy and she will adjust. Give yourself a break!
Just wanted to say you have my sympathy and support! My 2 yo son has been an absolute bear since Xmas. I know he got totally off of his schedule - his sitter was on vacation, people were visiting, his sleep schedule was altered, etc. So that didn't help but he has been downright mean at times. He told his Nana to go home (she lives 3 states away and sees us just a couple times a year) and he didn't love her. He has pushed everyone away at some point and said, "Get off!" I think - HOPE - this is a stage and this is just him reacting to the stress of the holidays and schedule shift! Hang in there.
Try finding a playmate or two for her - and you! A mama with a child near your child's age is a perfect match. When the kids are more comfortable playing together, they leave you alone to talk. It makes the interminable park days a little more bearable.
Hi, I am a SAHM and my youngest is 2yrs old. Toddlers can definitely drive parents bananas & it's a very normal thing especially when you are with them all the time. For me there is nothing I love more than being here with my kids but for my sanity & theirs its important to us that we have time with others too. On meetup.com I found a local moms group that were a perfect fit for me & my kids and it has been a life saver!! My child knows the kids so no matter where we play, parks/homes/etc, she is cool to play & leave me to chat/vent with the other moms. When at home, I try to be good to them & myself. Sometimes I say, ok, lets play & other times I say, you color/play on the kitchen table while mommy cooks & listens to music. This way we are together but not driving each other nuts. Although some moms are happier leaving for work, I know I am happier home with my kids so once you know which you enjoy & value more, then you will know what is best for you & your family. Good luck & God Bless!!
