On a Day to Day..

It's the quality of time you spend together, not the quantity.

I work from home, so I'm NOT at my son's beck and call. He has to entertain himself to a certain extent. When I'm not working, he helps me unload/load the dishwasher, helps carry the clean, folded laundry to the appropriate rooms, we read books or play short games, etc.

But again, for the most part, he's pretty independent, especially for that age. Best thing to do is cut her loose and see what happens. If she demands you play with her, SHOW HER how to play, then tell her to do it herself. It's not going to be easy at first, but she'll get the hang of it, and before you know it, she'll start applying her own imagination. Next thing you know, you'll be begging to participate ;)

Too bad you can't make the snobby mommies go away! LOL!

It'll get better soon. Right now she has nobody to pay attention to but you, and toddlers are notoriously self-centered, as in "Pay attention to ME!"

Have you considered going to observe a daycare center and see what they do with kids all day? Pick a good one that people recommend. Ask if you can come in and observe. They keep very good schedules.

You could also consider in the fall putting her in a Mother's Morning Out program. That would give you some time to yourself and her some real structure and the ability to learn to be with others.

Good luck!!

Dawn

A couple of the moms have outlined great schedules in their postings.
I will add a couple of things:
-reading time at your local library
-I used to get a lot done during my baby's nap
-take her to the park for a short trip (weather permitting)
-take her to the grocery store for a quick stroll in her stroller while you get
some shopping done. This way she gets to see different things
-I used to get certain things done during his nap: cleaning, rest etc :)
-If you could use a break/change of venue too, take her for a stroll at the
mall. I used to do that on rainy days for about 30 mins just to keep from
going crazy
-I think the schedule will save your mind from going crazy. It helped me
-If you see she is entertained for any amount of time, get crackin' to get
something done. :)
-I used to put my son in a play pen for about 15 mins to get something really important done (like going #2). Sorry TMI.
-Rotate toys out so she's doesn't get bored or overwhelmed w/them

Hi Stephani,

You can set her up with lots of different activities:

coloring with crayons
water color and a paint brush

make a fort for her and let her bring all her baby dolls and toys in for a tea party

give her a bunch of toys to sit and play with and start teaching her how to play by herself. You can sit right there and read a book or paint your nails. etc.

Stop fully entertaining her constantly and see what she goes for--then direct her into something that she can do and that doesn't get her into trouble.

Get a schedule together---she definitely needs one!!! Example:

wake up, brush teeth, eat breakfast, take shower, get dressed, play for an hour or so, nap, then play outside, lunch etc..... If you establish a routine that you stick to daily, she will adapt and do so much better because she will KNOW what comes next. Kids thrive on predictabilty and she will settle down and give you some of that "me time" that you need. Best wishes and one other thing--try to get into a playgroup, go to the library story time etc. Do activities with her outside the house and she will be less clingy at home etc.

I hate to break it to you, but at 20 months of age you're not going to get much time to yourself. It seems to be the age when they want your attention the most (at least it was for my kids). But it does get better! Hang in there.

As far as activities, just provide her with lots of opportunities to entertain herself (she won't do it, lol, but encouraging her will help in the long run). Cartoon-and-snack time is usually when I catch my shower, and nap time is when I take time for myself.

I do the chores while my kids are awake since they usually want to help, and chore time is also good learning time. A 20 month old can put away spoons, or tell you what color a shirt is, pick up one or two things, etc... It won't get done perfectly when kids help, but it teaches them to do chores, and provides some good activities for them.

Good luck!

LOL ``Me time`` What is that. Ever since I have had my daughter I have learned to suck her nap time dry of ``me time``. My daughter is the same way where she refuses to let me do anything that I am putting my attention towards if its not on her. But you know at the end of the day I am always happy that I get to stay home with her and that there will come that time soon where she will be off at school all day so while she is still little I try to play with her and engage her as much as possible. Sorry I dont have an ideas for you but Im sure it will get better over time - in the mean time just try to remind yourself that she will grow up way too fast and you will wish you had those ``clingy`` days back to cherish
Good Luck

I remember the toddler year - so hard on Mommy! The child is trying to get themselves killed at every turn or they are absolutely velcroed to you. By the end of the day you are "touched out" - I feel for you.
With both my kids when they were at this age (they are now 6 and 3), I would sit in the playroom/a room that was childproof and bar the door so they couldn't get out. I would be on the floor with a magazine (don't even try a book, it will do nothing but tick you off when you get interrupted every 3 minutes). My children would have a bunch of toys to play with - puzzles, whatever - and they would learn to entertain themselves a bit. I'm not saying you are going to get enough time to read War and Peace, but you should be able to get through a magazine with a few interuptions. The more practice they have, they better they get at it. Good Luck!

She does need a schedule and you'll find that she'll be less clingy once there is a routine in place. She will know what's going to happen and it will make her less anxious = clingy.

You should sit down and think about what you do during the day and turn it into a schedule. Also, I think you'll find that if you schedule in time for her to play alone AFTER you've played with her for 45 minutes to an hour, she will do really well entertaining herself. But you first have to "fill up her attention tank." In other words, you have to play with her first and then leave her to play on her own for a while.

My daughter's schedule went something like:

7:00 - Wake up
7:30 - Breakfast
7:45 - 9:00 - Play with mom
9:00 - 9:45 - Play by self
9:45 - 10:00 - - Morning snack
10:00 - 10:30 - morning walk/stroll
10:30 - 12:00 - Help mom clean (lol)
12:00 - 12:30 - lunch
1:00 - 3:00 - nap
3:00 - 3:15 - afternoon snack
3:15 - 4:00 - play with mom
4:00 - dinner - play on her own
After dinner, a bit more mom time, then a bit more baby time before starting bedtime routine.

Like I said, if you give her your undivided attention for about 45 minutes, she will probably follow that with about the same or a little bit more time of playing by herself. That's your time!

Put up some gates in the hallway with all the doors closed except her room, let her entertain herself. Put gates up so she can't get in the kitchen and other rooms that are not baby proof. Make sure she does not have access to any bathroom at all, lock the doors with a door knob protector so she can't drown in the toilets.

Learning to entertain themselves is hard but necessary. She needs to be able to do this and now is a good time to teach her.

It is not a parents job to stay and home and play with the kids all day. She would not be doing this if she had a sibling, they would be playing together. It is so much easier when there is more than one child.

As for the phone, I once read that if your kid is a pest while you are on the phone, keep wiping their face with a tissue. Your child will soon learn to associate the phone with you wiping their face and will stay away. As with everything, you need to be consistant with it.

Think about the various things you do everyday and write them down. Then make a schedule that follow daily. Allow for some flexability.

7am wake up - free play in living room
7:30 breakfast
8am - mom showers - baby is on floor in bathroom with some fun toys to play with
9am - go for walk or go to park
10:30 snack
11am books then free play
12 - lunch
1 - nap
2 - outside for an hour
3 - tv for half hour while mom chills
3:30 - snack
4:00 - errands
5:00 - free play while mom makes dinner

Try to write it down and stick to it. It may be slightly different each day. And chances are, you have a schedule, you just don't realize it.

Good luck

Honestly, I would find a program or a group of Moms (meetup.com) that are willing to do a babysitting co-op. Say you find 5 moms and You take Mondays for 3hrs, you are available to the other moms for "sitting" on Monday morning from 9am-12pm. Another mom takes Tuesday etc. Make rules you can only use the service once a week, you must give 3 days notice and make it where it can also be a play date so Tuesday and Wednesday come to play at your house with the kids but Friday dropped off. It can work if you find the right group of moms and have solid rules ... and whala! Me TIME! Plus social interaction.