My husband and I picked up our daughter from day care yesterday and while we were riding in the car back to the house, she said her teacher (Ms XYZ) slapped her. She's only 3 - but was able to tell us that the reason she was slapped was because she wouldn't climb down from where she was. She also said another boy was doing the same thing. She had a little mark on the corner of her mouth which she says is from the slap (but I don't know). She's never made up stuff like this before so this morning when my husband dropped her off at day care (she first wouldn't go to the same teacher) he asked if there was an incident the previous day, she said nothing happened. He left it at that and came home.
I ended up calling the day care to tell them what happened, and they investigated. When my husband met with them in the afternoon, they still denied anything happened. And said maybe she fell at home. The teacher and asst director repeated that nothing like that ever happened and that our daughter said she got the cut when she fell at home (which is impossible since she had it when she was in the car). We just told them that we would pull her from day care if anything like this happened again. I don't know what I should do next. Any suggestions?
** I don't know the facts, other than what my daughter said. And because of that I really don't want to get the teacher fired. It is a day care (pretty renowned) so they would have a huge liability if it in fact happened. But I just remembered something a couple of months ago, when the same teacher had scolded her for wanting her sippy cup all the time, and my daughter didn't want to go to her the next day. I'm going to try asking her again today what happened - but you know kids - they are very good at changing the subject.
***They didn't file an incident report because they said nothing happened. Our daughter also didn't tell us until we were in the car on the way home. I did ask her last night what exactly the teacher did, and she actually slapped my face. It wasn't pleasant - and I'm not sure if the kids are doing this to each other in daycare. I just cannot believe the teacher would do this - I know her - and she has always been very nice. In any case, I'll talk to my daughter again tonite, and I plan to look her over more carefully from now on.
Thanks for all your comments - I believe my daughter and do not want her in harms way. Neither I nor my husband have ever slapped her so for a teacher to do this is just incredulous.
Like I said, my husband sat down with the Asst Director and the teacher concerned this afternoon, and they both deny anything like that ever happened and she also denied that my daughter had misbehaved yesterday. She said that she is always good and she never has a problem with her. So I just don't get it.
I am going to look at another place and pull her out.
** The day care stands by their story that nothing happened - including the fact that she was trying to climb and that the teacher told her to step down. The thing is, my daughter has been very consistent in her story - she climbed up - the other boy did too (she could tell me his name and even point his picture out to me) and they were told to get down. And then the teacher hit her on her face. I've asked her in different ways, and she says the same thing over and over. She has never complained about her other friends pushing her around or anything like that. In fact, she loves all her friends and teachers. I'm going to be watching over my daughter really closely, as I do believe something happened that day. Maybe not in the way she is recounting the sequence of events - but something happened. What I don't get is how the school can say no incident (of climbing like the one my daughter described) even took place. That just doesn't make sense.
I would believe my daughter under these circumstances. I would talk to the director and remove my child from the classroom ASAP.
In a situation like this I would rather be safe than sorry - even if it doesn't happen again, it is not an environment that sounds either loving nor as if it promotes learning.
Good luck!
You have a couple of choices. Pull her from daycare or simply be way more observant. My son went to school with a little kid who constantly got hurt because he was either climbing, standing on his chair, or....just running too fast and biffed it on the playground. He always blamed another child for hurting him. If he got skinned up...so and so pushed him. So and so hit him or knocked him down. It all came to light for his parents when they were ready to skewer someone because again he blamed a little boy for a scrape on his elbow, who as it turned out, wasn't even at school that day.
Do you really think your daughter would have been slapped in the face for not getting down when asked?
If she didn't want to go to the same teacher the next day, it may be because she knows she blamed her for hitting her if she really didn't.
There are crazy people in this world, and they will harm children, but I don't see the school protecting someone actually slapping a child. There is too much danger and liability associated with that. THEY would get rid of her if they thought it really happened and I'm sure they will be watching more closely. Especially if they are dealing with a child who will blame others for every scrape and scratch or tell different stories about what happened.
I believe in listening to our children and protecting them, but I don't believe in freaking out right off that bat. That can lead to getting attention by saying someone hurt you if they didn't. I wouldn't even bring that up if I didn't know for certain of instances where that exact thing has happened. Why kids will blame someone else, I don't know. But I've seen it happen.
If she is telling the truth, other kids would have seen it and without promting talk about the slapping.
This is a serious allegation.
It's actually a criminal allegation so you need to make sure that you have all the facts straight. She had a mark on the corner of her mouth. Was her cheek red from being slapped? Did she have a fat lip? Does your daughter say she was she slapped when she was up or after she came down?
Like I said, other kids should be able, without prompting, to say if there is slapping going on.
Let us know how it works out.
I believe that we as parents are the best advocates for our kids. If she says she was slapped, it is your job to believe her. I would get her out of there ASAP and file a written complaint to the center.
My daughter is 3 and I believe that at that age they are able to give an accurate account for situations. The fact that your daughter slapped your face as an example of what she says she experienced is a mind blowing red flag.
Sounds like you've done exactly what you should. It is possible that no such thing happened – kids have very imaginative ways of seeing and explaining their worlds. And if something did happen, you have put the school on notice that you are watching closely. The teacher may well be under closer supervision now, too.
But leave a little room for the possibility that your daughter is telling her version of the truth, but that it is not completely in line with "fact." It would be a shame to harm an innocent woman's future in child care.
My friend's daughter will be 3 this month and keeps telling her grandma and her daycare teacher that her mom hit her. The grandma tested her by asking about something that she knew had happened, and she said that mommy did it, when obviously, she didn't.
I wouldn't pull her out just yet. When I was three, I told my grandpa that our house was robbed and they stole my chairs and my bike, lol!
Do keep your eye out, but maybe nothing happened.
I don't know-my daughter is three. She has a little boy in her class named Carter. Anytime anything happens, she says "Carter hit her" even though Carter is no where in sight. She even does this while at home. When her daddy makes her mad about something, she'll run to me and say "Daddy hit me" even though I was watching and know he didn't. I guess just go with your instincts.
Maybe another kid at daycare slapped her or she heard them talking about slapping someone (their brother/sister?). My daughter was pinched by another little girl (not to hurt her - they were learning about their parts of the body and everyone was grabbing their own cheeks and the girl pinched my daughters). It ended up looking HORRIBLE!!! But they wrote up an incident report.
Another time, my daughter was biten by a little boy (again an incident report) but since then she had told me numerous times that the same boy hit or pushed her.
Is this a daycare center or home daycare? I'd question it more if it were a home daycare (guess I figure not as much at stake with the state? could be wrong). Does the provider have kids of her own there? if so, maybe your daughter witnessed her slapping one of them? Do they allow tv? Maybe she saw it on there.
I would talk to your daughter again - ask her if someone hit her (don't say who). Ask her they W questions - who, what when, where, why. If she keeps saying that she was hit by X teacher for climbing, I would believe her. Maybe it was a swat on the hand or something more. I just do not think she would KEEP telling you the same thing over and over again.
You now have to decide if you want to keep your child going there. I would consider another place. Especially if she was hesitant to be around that teacher the day after.
This happened to us when our daughter was 2 1/2. She said the nanny hit her on top of the head when the nanny told her to be quiet so as not to wake the baby. We asked the nanny about it and she denied it. We really loved that nanny, and we couldn't verify the story at all. It came down to erring on the side of our daughter's safety adn we let the nanny go. It was terribly inconvenient and stressful, but what if it did happen? If I felt we had to have a "nanny-cam" then we didn't have the right nanny.
first things first, your daughter is not safe in that environment. do not take her back. kids can come up with lots of stuff but not at 3. i seriously doubt your daughter would know how to make up about slap. has she been slapped before by anyone else?
take your daughter our, tell them why, and also ask them to investigate it.
I agree that you need to contact your COUNTY LICENSING DEPARTMENT and report this! They will write it down so if they get more complaints they know it's probably that something happened and investigate. IF nobody ever reports anything, who knows what kids could be going through.......
And I would also pull her out immediately. You know your daughter. If she does not just make things up, I'd believe her. I know I'd believe my daughter if she told me someone slapped her........ She doesn't make things like that up.....
This is a very difficult position for you to be in but you must trust your gut instinct and be an advocate for your child. I am a Pre-K teacher and have witnessed first hand a colleague slap a child. The teacher still works at the daycare center and I don't believe the child's parents were ever notified of the incident. The child was actually removed from the center abotut a week later because he was causing trouble. The teacher was obviously frustrated with the childs behavior and slapped him when she lost patience. It's easy to lose your patience when working with several young children but NO CHILD deserves to be hit by a child care provider no matter how naughty they were. I reported the incident but am not sure what happened with the case is anything. One thing I do know is that you can never totally trust anyone no matter how sweet the teacher seems...this particular teacher is very friendly around parents and seems to be professional as an outside observer however she does not deserve to still be working with children after that incident. Unfortunately, I think I may be more upset and traumatized by it then she ever was. The only "punishment" she got was early dismissal that day (she left an hour early on a Friday afternoon) and had to attend a 1hr. training on managing challenging behavior. Makes me sick to my stomach. The director of the center said she wanted to make it a learning experience and that she didn't want to leave her without a job. The lady is in her late 40's and a parent herself...I'm sure she has had plenty of learning experiences in her life and this one was at the expense of a child. She should have lost her job and "learned" that maybe this career isn't for her. Sorry if I am ranting but I have never really gotten over the incident and it still haunts me to this day because I still have to work with this teacher. The moral of this story is; please be an advocate for your child, even if it was a misunderstanding and the incident in question didn't occur your child must have some ill feelings toward this teacher. Find a new place for your child and trust your gut instincts when choosing a child care center. Check teacher credentials not just with the director (I know the director at our center can sometimes "sugar coat" things to make it sound better) but ask the teachers specifically about their education and work background. If it sounds like they've moved around a lot from different jobs that might be a red flag. Look for teachers that are certified or that are taking courses in Early Childhood Education. Come right out and ask the director what kind of training the teachers receive in handling behavior, etc. It's your right to know what your child is being exposed to while you are away. Also, "pop-in" to the classroom at random times if you get a chance...it keeps teachers on their toes and will give your child some comfort. Never feel foolish or overbearing when it comes to your child. Hope this helps and hope things are going well for you and your family.
Do they normally have incident reports for when there are injuries (scratching from another child, falling down, etc.)? I always look my son over and ask about any that I see. Some could just be he scratched his own face, if it is tiny, but there was one incident of scratches all over his face, that only seemed to come out the longer I watched, so it was right before I picked him up. The director was very understanding, and while no one saw it - they weren't deep and he probably didn't cry, there was a girl that was having issues at the time, and they knew it was her. After addressing the issue, they paid much closer attention to that girl. If you aren't getting the answers or response that you need from the teachers, talk to the director, and go up the line. This is only if you truly believe that something is going on. If nothing else, the director should be keeping an eye on that classroom to make sure that swatting/slapping isn't going on. My son says "hit" when he is "giving 5", so make sure that you have your daughter SHOW you what happened when you talk to her. It is a hard age to know for sure.
Pull your child from the daycare. My child went to a daycare that could never tell me what happen to him. He came home with a black eye and scratches. If nobody can explain what is going then your child is not being watch. Some daycare do have abusing teachers in them but listern to the child because she is going to let you know everytime something is not right. If you looked your child over before she went there and ther was nothing and you find something when she comes home. Ask the teacher about it and if they can't explain what happen it time to call CPS(child protected service). On the news three months ago a daycre provider was putting the children in the trunk as a punishment when a child did something that they did like. Because the child told his mother about it she asked question and got CPS involved, the daycare is closed and her license is gone and can not be reinstateed Listern to your child because if you don't later on she will stop telling stuff of things that do happen. Sometimes you have to just pop up at the daycare to see what is going on, you have that right to know. You don't wanted your child abused in anyway or form. Go to the daycare and check on your child I do it all the time and even have may family member go just to check and see what is going on at the daycare. I feel more safe knowing that I can work and my child is safe. Doing drive-bys and popping in without telling them is the best because you see alot more then when they know you are coming. They put on a acted when they know you are coming and show their true colors when you they have no idea that you are coming just to watch them and how they interact with your child and others.
