Toddler Being So Mean to Her Little Brother

You are going to be getting this more as they get older (sorry I KNOW that's not what you wanted to hear :() You just have to continue to reinforce to her that she must share (and he must as well) give each of them 'special' toys that aren't to be shared, keep them in a separate place for each of them.

As to the, 'post nap' problem, she needs to alwayz be in her, 'big girl' bed as Julie said, being the 'big sister' is going to be important to her if you let her know that (once again as Julie said ;) ).

It's just a kid & mom thing, that is going to continue until they leave the house...I mean @ 18!!!

Best & hang in there mama!

I would not put her in the crib anymore. She has outgrown it and you are setting her up to pull this poop and pee stunt for other perceived offenses. So take her out of the crib and if that means shorter naps, so be it.

Continue to model good behavior towards her brother, even if it kills you. Decide where you draw the line, though. When she crosses it with him, like hitting him or knocking him over, put her in her room for a 15 minute time out. She will fight you tooth and nail over it at first, and things will get worse for a while. When she sees you really mean business, things will start to get better.

When she is older, talking through things will get you somewhere. Right now, she isn't going to really listen. She's jealous of him and that's that. But you must protect him right now and you must separate her from both of you so that she learns to want to stop, in order to not be separated.

Putting her in her room will also help you not yell at her - in a way, it also serves as a time out for you. When she has NOT crossed your line, instead of saying "NO" to her, say "We don't take toys away from other children".

Yes, 3 year olds DO take toys away from other children. They don't really play together - they parallel play. But you still work with them on it until the light bulb finally goes off.

Good luck with all this. I promise you that one day, your not-so-little guy will haul off and let her have it, and it will probably be the last time she hits him or knocks him over. She will finally learn her lesson.

Dawn

It a 3 year old thing. Just keep working with her and complimenting her when she is really helpful and nice towards her brother.

As to the nap thing, i know you want her in her crib because she sleeps so well, but you need to encourage "big girl" behavior. You also need to start discussing with her that she is modeling for him, and that if she treats him badly, he will learn to hit her.

3 year olds are very selfish. I had a hell of a time with my 3 year old and her 21 months younger brother. Hang in there and make sure you are getting some "me time."

I noticed in some responses that 123 magic is recommended and I just wanted to give my two cents on that.

If you start counting to 3 every time you the child exhibits bad behavior before you implement a consequence, that child is going to make you count to 3 EVERY time. Children are not stupid.

I don't know about you, but I don't have the time, patience or desire to sit around counting to 3 every time I ask a child to do or not do something. For me, I say it once and you respond or there's a consequence. Plain and simple. So to me, it depends on how responsive you want your child to be.

she's your big girl, but she's only 3. 3 year olds haven't learned empathy yet. it's good that you're not a yeller. hang onto that, and your sense of humor. this too shall pass!
er.....not the competitiveness. they'll probably whack away at each other for many merry years yet. but at some point he'll be better able to defend himself<G>.
clearly the crib's not working for her. quit using it.
easy fix!
khairete
S.

For the intentional potty "accidents" - I would have her do the cleanup afterwards "herself" - obviously closely supervised/assisted by you. Don't yel, just be very matter fo fact - "Oh, you decided to poop in you bed/on the floor, but tha tis not where we put poopies - where do they go?" ( she replies in the potty) and you say " Yes, good, now, you can take them and put them in there and flush them down, and then you have some cleaning up to do." Then have her remove all the sheets, take them to the laundry area, use baby wipes to pick up poopies and dump them in the potty where they go, wash out her own undies in a bucket with detergent and warm water, show her how to scrub. Make it long, boring and yucky, and she will start going in the toilet again. Otherwise - put her back in diapers like a little baby and let her decide - either you go in the toilet or you are like a little baby.

Also, make a BIG DEAL out of how great she is doing when she helps you or does something for herself....Make sure she knows that little baby brother can't do ...whatever....becasue he is just a little baby - but big girls get to do such and such. Make it FUN to be the big sister, make sure to give her some one on one time with you and daddy have the other parent take the baby, and take her somewhere special - even grocery shopping by herself with you and getting ot pick out a character of fruit snacks can be a big special treat, if you make it so.

I'm surprised she still takes naps, I know some do but mine all stopped before they were 2. I agree the crib is not working and she is very clearly telling you that.

As for her being mean to her little brother, it is normal for her age. Besides modeling good behavior what are her consequences? When mine were young, I would step in, model proper behavior and then hand down a consequence. Rinse and repeat as needed.

Just a heads up, but the youngest will, in time be the aggressor so you will feel like it's an endless circle. It's not, just be patient and make sure you eek out a little time for yourself each day.

I don't have this exact situation because my son is 3 and my daughter is only 3 months, but I have some insight based on what has worked for us. With my son we emphasized all of the things he can do that his baby sister can't. When she was born he got a coupon book of special big brother activities (ice cream trip, playground trips, camping with his grandparents, etc.). Like all kids he did try some of the baby behaviors, but treating him like a big boy has really helped. I agree with the other posters that she needs to be in a big girl bed all the time. With my son we emphasize how yucky it is to pee in your pants, but his little sister hasn't learned how to go in the potty yet. He can also get special treats like ice cream that she can't have and go on overnight trips without us, but she's still too little to do that.

As far as the discipline goes I also try not to yell at my son (though I'm not always successful). The book 1,2,3 magic worked well for us. You count when they do something wrong and if they get to 3 they go in time out. No yelling, no dramatic reaction, just time out. Yes she's only 3, but snatching toys and hitting is never ok in our house. Anytime my son does something that could hurt someone else it's an automatic time out, no counting at all. We sometimes go a week without any timeouts and other days he gets sent to the step 5 or 6 times.

Just try to remember that she is going through a lot and take it one day at a time. Some days you will do really well and other days will feel like a disaster, but you'll get through it. And I agree that you should try to take some time for you to recharge. You need a break if you are going to be patient when she is acting out.