Toddler Behavior Regression

D.,

You need to determine if your son has lost skills, or is developing new behaviors that are more common of a younger developmental level. If you think that he had the skill, and it is now gone, that is a much different kettle of fish than a child who has a reason to be acting out with new behavior. If your son has in any way, shape, or form lost skills, then get him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician as soon as is possible. Skill loss at any age is serious bussiness.

If you think that your son is copying behavior that you do not like, then remove him from the opportunity to copy this, and begin a consistent dicipline plan to let him know in no uncertain terms that this is not acceptable behavior for him. If he cannot respond to consistient typcial dicipline, then you need to also examine his development. Children who expereience good, typcial, consistent dicipline and cannot apply the lessons to themselves need evaluation to know what the barrier is that keeps them from learning from appropriate and consistent diciplianry techniques, something your son's cousin's parents should look into themselves.

M.

At over 2 years old, he ABSOLUTELY can control this. Good work addressing it now. He needs firm discipline. Time outs are not firm enough. They work better for older kids-with boundaries already firmly set- that really care about being removed from a fun activity.
It doesn't matter what his cousin does, our kids have been with bad kids a lot for various reasons too. Keep each rule simple for him, and enforce a firm consequence after each second firm calm warning (he gets away with everything once with an explanation never to do it again). Don't get riled or give numerous warnings. He will stop when he learns he gets a real consequence every time he first begins these behaviors. Be sure his choice is black and white: Happy time, fun, and games, or stinging butt. No skin off your nose. His choice.

Our kids were allowed none of the behaviors you listed, and to this day at 2 1/2 and 4 1/2, they never have tantrums or do these things. The baby is no excuse, we had the same age spread twice. My 2 1/2 yo son is great with his baby sister. He's sweet and happy and non aggressive-most of his firm discipline was done between ages 1- 18 months. We spend almost no time on discipline at all. Nobody yells. The kids get constant positive reinforcement for their genuinely good behavior (just explaining that it has worked for us, even if it's not for everyone).

Be sure dad takes charge of discipline when he's there, he's the number one role model.

Keep him away from cousin or limit his time with him! "Monkey see monkey do." Before it was just your son and he watched and mimicked you, now he has other "midgets" his own size and age (called peers), he wants to do what they do...only natural.

It's common for a little one to regress when a new sibling comes along. There's a great book "Siblings without Rivalries" that gives understanding and has lots of great ideas.

A couple of things you can do is to tell lots of stories of when HE was a baby and all the things you did to dote on and attend to him. He may also like some responsibilities for caring for new baby, like helping to get something for you. You can try indulging him and see if that gets it out of his system.

Remember he's little and his world has just significantly changed. He doesn't have the tools to express his emotions about it or the skills to handle it either. Try to read between the lines and remember that he is doing the best he can at the ripe old age of 27 months.

He will seem so old and mature in comparison, but keep reminding yourself he is still a toddler, not even a preschooler and way far from all the skills and maturity a school age child has.

Congratulations!! Things will eventually fall into a rhythm as you all become used to each other.

He may be engaging in these behaviors and throwing these tantrums as a way to get your attention. Even if you are just putting him in a time out, he is still getting your attention. Instead, you could try completely ignoring him when he behaves this way. He will learn that behaving like this is not the way to get Mommy's attention, and you can in turn teach him the ways you would like for him to ask for your attention. Keep on praising him when he acts appropriately though; positive reinforcement is key!