Toddler Behavior - HELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Updated on February 03, 2009
C.O. asks from Saint Charles, MO
7 answers

Calling all moms of Toddlers:

Hello - my little one will be 2 on 2/20.... he has a tendancy to pull hair, squeeze your face or hit when he becomes frustrated or doesn't get his way. I'm so exhausted.... I tried the not nice approach - taking his hands and looking at his in the eyes and telling him "no"... doesn't work. I've started with time out and a pop or two - which I struggle with. He also continues to throw things - whether in his high chair or simply when he's playing - please help me!!!!

I'm not surviving this age very well thus far.... absolutely no patience. Any suggestions or feedback would be appreciated.

thank you - C.

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S.O.

answers from St. Louis on

You might try using simple sign language. The two favorites that I have are the signs for "stop" and "no" they are simple and with my first, more effective than words or other actions. He is now almost 5 and I still use them. In public, he can look at me and I can sign one of these and he knows. It is also empowering for them once they can use it! Anyway, whatever you decide to do CONSISTENCY is the key! It takes dedication and you want to give in when you are tired but stick with it. Another suggestion might be to look into books or make you own that talks about what we can and can not do with our hands. I know there is a series of board books that have titles like "Hands are not for hitting" that shows other ways to use hands. Once you start seeing him use things correctly, PRAISE him excessively and this will help encourage the positive behavior and more less focus to the negative behavior. (I know this sounds like a lot but there just a few strategies...I am a preschool teacher so I have a bag full:)

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S.G.

answers from St. Louis on

Get the book Dare to Discpline by Dr. James Dobson!

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H.S.

answers from St. Louis on

sounds like your little one is very frustrated that he cannot communicate his needs. toddlers are easily frustrated because of this. if i may make a suggestion. have you considered sign language for your toddler? it should help elevate the frustration level and help both you and your son.

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D.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I have found talking to my PAT (parent educator teacher) that a lot of this acting out is b/c they are not able to communicate clearly right now and they are wanting complete control of each situation. Have you tried giving your toddler more control by asking him/her what they want to do and giving them a few choices. Not too many choices, only two and then if they don't comply you say "Mommy is taking control and doing it this way" it usually works after a little bit. Getting down on their level, height etc helps too. Time outs are good but use a time out step or chair and always use the same and explain what is happening and why. Never hit them or laugh (i have done that, the latter)it doesn't help. Oh` I almost forgot the best thing - WE BOUGHT A BOOK "HANDS ARE NOT FOR HITTING" BY: Martine Agassi. They also have "Teeth Are Not For Biting" etc...we read nightly and it stopped our daughter's hitting...Hope this helps!

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K.G.

answers from St. Louis on

My son is just a little older than yours. Like others have said, consistency is key.
Time outs work for us (one minute for each year of life; the thing is, they have to do the whole minute; if they start screaming, run from the "time-out" spot, etc, the minute starts over)
"No" is good, but they also need to know that there are repurcussions. One of my favorites: Say "no" firmly, looking him directly in the face. If he does it again, make sure that you are face-to-face with him, but don't look him in the eye. Let him know (without words) that you are intentionally ignoring him. (Works best on a changing table, etc during diaper times) They want attention so badly, it really helps them know that you mean business.
If he throws things, tell him "don't throw" and give it back. If he throws things again (including food and drinks), tell him no and take it away. (Some people say to take it away but still keep it is his sight; others say to hide it; I have no real opinion either way)
As far as pulling hair: a few ideas. Cut your hair. When he pulls your hair, pull his back (lightly, but enough so he knows it hurts).
Squeezing your face: My son still likes to put his hands in my mouth, especially when I make a fish face, but again, the "no" the first time followed by "no" and intentially ignoring him (looking past him, avoiding his gaze, etc) really works then, too.
I understand your frustration. It does pass. But that doesn't make it any easier right now.
If your son is frustrated because he can't communicate the way he wants to, have him show you what he wants (be ready to "help him" get the milk out of the fridge, etc) and help him communicate by teaching him sign language or having a book that you make of things that he normally wants. (take pictures of things; put them in a photo album that he has access to; go through the album with him on a regular basis; add new things accordingly)

I hope this helps. Good luck!

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M.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi C.-
My turns 2 on the 13th and I have no advice, just empathy!!! We do time outs, but he actually seems to enjoy these, so I don't know what to do either. Now he's mocking me (!) when I tell him no, apparantly making the same face I do now when he knows he's in trouble and I'm mad at him. It's a good thing they're so cute. He gets like Jeckyl and Hyde, wonderful one minute and horrible the next. I actually look forward to going to work during the week! My only advice is, everyone says this is just a stage of course, but you need to get some "mental health" time for yourself. See if you can get your husband (or a babysitter or family member) to take over for a while, or find another mom to switch off sitting while the other has some free time. I'm out in O'Fallon if I can help, so feel free to contact me! Good luck - we both need it!

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G.N.

answers from St. Louis on

He testing you to see what he can get away with, its what toddlers do. Just keep being consistent and he will eventually understand what you want or not want him to do. My son with thru the same thing and just keep doing what your doing but add no that hurts mommy dont hit or say dont to him of whatever it is he is doing. When he throws something take it away and not give it back to him, let him know you mean business.

Stay cool he will stop in time.

Good luck

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