Toddler Bed Hell

hoo boy. I hear ya! We went through all of that with my 2.5-year-old son...and I was about 5 months pregnant! I feel for you. The only thing I can offer is time and patience. And I know how much it sucks! Also, I started laying down and napping in his bed with him. He would hold out forever...but eventually went to sleep when mommy was sawing logs. And boy did I need my naps!

He has given up his nap now (baby is 5 months old). It stinks because I no longer have any alone time. But bedtime is much easier...and fewer awakenings at night.

Just remember not to let anyone make you feel bad by them telling you their kids sleep through the night perfectly and stay in bed like angels. Those people are either lying...or incredibly lucky! I think there are more sleep deprived mommies out there than are letting on!

Good LUCK!

We had a similar issue. Our son climber out of the crib at 19 months so we felt the only safe option was to remove the front rail to convert it to the toddler bed.

After 2 months of hellish fighting over nap and bedtime I started researching and found 2 solutions. The first was that he simply wasn't ready. Obviously, since he was climbing out we couldn't go back to teh crib and risk him falling and getting hurt. The other solution was that the toddler bed still felt to confining and it was time to try a regular bed.

We moved the twin bed from the guest room into his room and took the crib/toddler bed apart while he wasn't home. We had already bought big boy sheets (he picked them out) and I put them and his sleeping buddies on the bed. When he came home and saw his big boy bed he was THRILLED! He climbed into it, laid down and said "night night". We read books and played in his bed for a bit to get him comfortable and associate good things with it. That night it took putting him back into his bed 2 times. Nap time usually takes once or twice of putting him back into the bed even now, but bedtime is bedtime, no ifs ands or buts. We got in, I lay with him and read him a couple books, then I leave and my husband lays with him and sings the ABCs, tells him to stay in his bed and that's that.

I know exactly what you mean. I had a 2.5 year old when pregnant with my second. We needed to get him into a bed because we needed the crib but it was a process with some bumps. Bedtime took about 2 weeks of starting in the bed and usually after 30 minutes of not cooperating and ending up in the crib (often with a tantrum). For naps it was harder (he was less tired and my husband wasn't around to help) and he napped in the crib a while longer. When I had just had it he went back in the crib and I left the room to calm down. Most of the time he fell asleep and if not he stayed in his crib up to an hour before I got him out. I felt like it was better to let him cry it out than stay and have my buttons pushed until I yelled or was mean to him. Anyway, good luck. It is a hard stage especially when you are dealing with being pregnant and need to nap yourself!

I didn't read everything below - mainly because after reading Stephanie B's post, I wanted to second what she said. She said most of what I was going to type.

Being in a new bed is showing him that he now has freedom and more independence. We moved my daughter at 19 months, but she was crawling out of her crib.

You may feel the need to use a gate to 'keep' him in there but not lock him in his room. The best thing is to keep walking him to his room and leaving. He may end up crying all night the first night. My daughter ended up falling asleep in her doorway the first time we did this. I had rocked her for almost 2 years of her life and then about a month or two ago (she's 2.5), I knew she needed to be able to fall asleep on her own (and knew she could) because her baby brother was going to be joining her room. The thing is that he is testing you.

I'm not sure how old he is but the nap thing is never a guarantee. Some kids drop their naps around age 2. My daughter has not napped on weekends in months. But then again, Sat/Sun are the only days during the weekend that our entire family is together.

Since you are pregnant, you may want to rethink things here. Do you have a chair in his room? Tell him you'll sit in there for a few minutes. I still do this with my daughter. Some nights, I tell her I'm leaving after a few minutes and she's fine. Other nights, she wants me to sit there longer. She just likes me being close, but I told her I'm not going to sit in there until she falls asleep. Since you are pregnant, maybe sit in there for 10 minutes (set a timer out in the kitchen/living room) and tell him when the timer goes off, you are leaving. After that, if he cries or comes out of his room, walk him back but do not sit in there again. If he just cries, whines, screams, etc but STAYS in his room, ignore it.. He'll eventually fall asleep.

You need your sleep so I suggest napping or going to bed right when your son does. I did this when pregnant with my son. I was just so tired after being at work all day and then taking care of a toddler by myself at night (hubby works nights). Even if that means laying down for 1/2 hour after he goes to bed - not sure you can do that and go back to bed but I could!!

You are NOT a failure...you just need to figure out what works for you. For my daughter and I, some nights it meant I just put her into bed with me becuase I was so exhausted and did not want to fight her going to bed!

Hi S.!

I saw your original post and was going to respond (I don't think I did) but you sounded so happy and positive about it all, so I didn't! ;)

Let me just say that we had the exact same thing with my daughter. We moved her at about 20 months b/c I was pregnant. We moved her directly into a full size bed and for the first week or two things were fantastic. Then she figured out she could get out. It has been difficult ever since and she's almost 2.5 now. I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but if it's any saving grace my PAT rep. told me that she was one of the most challenging kids (in reference to bedtime) that she'd ever worked with! Yay me! ;) I digress... Things did get better but we had a rough go of it right before the baby was born. After he was born however, things got better for a month or so. I think maybe she sensed my stress, that things were different, etc. Anyway...it took me a long time to use a gate at her door, but now that I have things are better.

I really felt like if I was putting in this much effort, she should be able to learn this social skill of staying in her room. But after talking with my Parents as Teachers rep. I realized that she still needed physical boundaries and it was okay. My PAT lady gave me loads of great advice through this whole process too, so if you have one definitely talk to her, if not sign up ASAP! It's fabulous and free! Anyway, I have never been okay with locking my daughter in her room, and don't get me wrong, I truly don't judge people who do, because I get it now, but it's not for me. So, using a gate provides a similar barrier but easier for me to deal with. We give her one chance to sleep and stay in her bed and if she leaves her room we put the gate up. There have been tears but most of the time she really doesn't want the gate to go up so she stays put. I wish I would have used it sooner. You can't make them sleep but you can make sure he's in his room. Even if he's in his room playing and reading, it's surely not ideal, but he's in his room and you know he's safe, so you can at least sit down and rest briefly.

Before I used the gate I mostly did it a la Supernanny, which works, it's just tiring and can be stressful on you and you don't need that! You could go back to the crib and it absolutely wouldn't be a failure, but is that really what you want? I mean if you're going to have to buy another crib, don't do it, stick it out.

This is a really hard time and I feel for you because I've been there! Hang in there! It will get better! And if you've learned nothing else, it is to keep Child #2 in the crib as long as possible! ;)

We are actually in the same situation, what worked with our daughter and we've been trying with our son is putting him to bed at night in the toddler bed and putting him down for naps in the crib. Otherwise I don't think he'd get any sleep and I don't know about you but I'm not ready to give up naps yet especially while pregnant. We are still having to fight to keep him in bed some nights but I think he's doing better, then once he's adjusted to that a little more we'll start working on naptime.

Plus, If you plan on using a bassinet that can extent your deadline a little. I hope this is helpful.

K.
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When I moved my daughter to the toddler bed, I kept the crib up and in the room. Anytime that she fought going to bed in the toddler bed, I put her back in the crib and made her sleep there for that nap or night time. We were calling them the big girl bed and the baby bed. She did NOT want to be in the baby bed. It really helped us!

every transiton to a bed with out walls on it starts out like this. once he gets used to it he will do fine until then you are going to ahve to just stick it out. he may be ready to drop naps all together, I made naptime into quiet time. where they don't have to sleep but do have to say in bed.

Do not feel like a failure. This is a tough transition. Hang in there. I would definitely not put him back in a crib. Wouldn't you much rather tackle the "toddler bed issue" now, then when you have a brand new baby that you are wanting to get set into a schedule? It is frustrating I know, but just think if you start all over by putting him back in a crib, you are just prolonging the issue. Good luck!

How old is he, 2 or so?

Well when I was pregger's with my 2nd child, i REALLY made my eldest child a part of my being pregnant. And I found she really took to it and would even "mother" me. Though I did not ask that of her.

Next, when I just HAD to nap because of pure exhaustion... I told my daughter that Mommy has to nap... I have to take care of myself/her baby brother... and we'd go into a room together and I would just lay down. I would tell her to stay in the room, and she can play... but Mommy is going to "rest." She really cooperated. I made it "our" daily routine, and she'd often fall asleep herself. Or course, I did this at a time that was HER nap time too. (wink).

Or, if you can, is there a Grandparent that can come and mind him, while you rest? Boys are real physical, and they need to run around too. Maybe do this in the mornings, PRIOR to nap time... and then come home, wind-down, turn everything off, make QUIET and tell him that is the new routine- quiet time, then you both go into a room and wind-down, nap.
Make a routine with him... before the new baby comes. Then it will be less for him to adjust to... etc.
Or put a floor futon on the floor... and have him nap there... next to you.
That is what I would do too.
It was a happy medium. And in fact, it was a GREAT thing to have... once my 2nd baby came home. That way, we ALL got sleep.

All the best,
Susan

I am sorry you have to go through this stress right now. I don't know how old your son is, but 2 and up is a really good age to start with a big boy bed. You have to be consistent with him. When he gets out, take his hand and lead him back to bed. Give him a kiss and say "Mommy loves you. Now go back to sleep" in a calm voice and leave him. Do this everytime. Do not make chit chat with him, tickle him, laugh with him, and all that. Bed time should be a quiet relaxing time. Make sure he has a night light on so he will feel safe. He is just learning so it will take some practice and many nights of being woken up before he learns to stay in his bed all night. Give it time. I do not suggest putting him back in his crib. That wouldn't make any sense after he has been moved to a big boy bed. You are pregnant and this may be stressful. But it is not the most stressful thing you will endure in life. Just be patient with him and this time will pass before you know it.
P.S. I just read one mom's post. Please don't lock your son in his room. Can you imagine what would be going through his little head? Oh, that is just so mean! Children need to be loved and not punished at bedtime. They have separation anxiety issues at this age so it is bad enough they have to be without mom or dad in the scary darkness of night. That is just cruel.

Naps? What are those? My son was weaned off his binkie and put in a toddler bed around the same time at the age of 3. He gave up naps then and I didn't have the energy to fight him. Once I realized he wasn't going to nap anymore it was a much smoother household. We just put him to bed at night a bit earlier. We put the crib and the toddler bed in his room and had him choose what he wanted to sleep in. Sometimes he'd start out in his bed and then wake up and want put back in his crib. This didn't last long tho and he ended up in his toddler bed out of his choice. We're getting ready to do that with my daughter too who is 2 1/2. She gave up naps about 4 months ago altho sometimes she'll still take one - just not very often.

S.,
I am right there with you in so many ways. My son is 2.5, and I am almost 7 months pregnant. I totally understand that you need him to nap so YOU can rest! I'm right there. We also have just recently transitioned to a twin mattress on the floor. I was very worried about having the issues you are having- that my son would not sleep, and play around, etc.
Here's what I would suggest. First of all, ask yourself it's more important that he nap, or that he be safe while you nap/ rest? My son doesn't nap every day. Yes, it sucks on the day he doesn't, but I still rest. I have the monitor on, I have made sure his room is safe for him to play in, I tell him that I want him to sleep, and if he does, he will get TV time, or we'll go for a walk, etc., but it doesn't happen every day. It does happen most days, though. I also have told him that if he gets out of his bed or cries, I will put him back in his crib. He is at the point where he really wants to be a big boy, so knowing that he will be put back in the crib is something he REALLY does not want.
Try to take deep breaths. Do you have family in the area that can watch him one day a week so you can have a break? I will tell you, that has been my saving grace. My patience is hardly there some days, but the break really helps. Maybe you can also try letting go of him taking a nap every single day, and just let him have quiet time in his room so you can rest. Also, make sure you are taking care of yourself as much as you can. I say this, and I know that I could be doing a better job of that myself.

Hang in there, sister! :) Good luck,
T.
Barefoot Books Ambassador
www.ReadandGrow.com

There are no rules about when you have to do anything with your kids! So give yourself a break. Going back to anything, not just a crib, is not a failure. You and your family are going through another adjustment with the new baby on the way. Your toddler feels this too. Perhaps he wants to be a baby just a bit longer. Let him be in a crib if he wants to. No harm in that. Give him the option. He will choose the big boy bed when he feels like he wants to be a big boy. All kids are different and they will do things when they are ready. Just let yourself go with the flow, and enjoy your pregnancy. Your toddler will then be in the flow too and you can then find some harmony. If nap times have become a way for him to get your negative attention, then switch that up. Give him something to do quietly. Let him know that YOU need to rest. Maybe he can help take care of you and the baby. Rub your belly or massage your back. Play some soothing music, make some tea. Just some suggestions. Best of luck to you!