Toddler Anxiety After a New Baby

K.-

I have a 2.5 year old too with no sibling and she has started waking up at night too. My other friends with only children say the same thing. I think it's a phase and it may not be related to the little one. What has worked for us is the reward system. She gets to watch Mickey or Dora if she sleeps all night. or if it's a weekend, we go to the park or swimming if she sleeps all night.

Good luck!

M.

It is timing right now more then anything. It is very normal at 2.5 to throw tantrums, have sleep disrutpion. Even without changes.
Change takes time. Do not sleep with her at night, it is fine to reassure her but encourage her to be the big girl and if you continue this pattern it will become a very hard habit to break.
Let her cry for 5 to 10 minutes, if she continues, go in, get kisses and hugs and tell her it is time to sleep. During the day explain how sleep helps you grow and stay healthy. Just in a matter of fact fashion.

Explain too, if she gives up naps, then she has to go to bed very early and let her choose. My son did this at about almost 3 and he had to go to bed at 6:30. After a few nights he preferred not to do that so he started napping well again for a few more months then gave them up all together. He had an earlier bedtime when the naps stopped and he was finally okay with that but I let him decide.

Consequences and not changing her routine is the best thing you can do for her. You can give her some extra TLC but at the same time don't coddler her anymore then you did previously before the baby. Have her get a baby doll and help her baby when you are helping your baby. Get her photo album out of when she was that little and explain how much she needed you at that age and explain how babies don't talk and need lot's of extra attention right now.
Just give it time.

It can throw them off a bit, but keep things consistent for her for added security. It is very normal at her age to start with tantrums anyway, my daughter didn't have her first one until 3 and it was about the same time her little brother came along, it wasn't jealousy as so much the age for the frustration fits to start. Just keep things structured, praise her for the good behavior however have consequences for the bad behavior too. Letting her know that things are still the same and rules still apply.
Biggest thing is to not sleep with her to get her back to sleep, you need your rest and it will get better.
Hang in there, Congrats on your new baby!

Totally normal! My son (2 at the time) did the exact same thing when his baby brother came along-- the sleep/needy issues, which he had never shown before. He had always been a fabulous sleeper, and was never overly clingy/needy and wham! a few weeks after the baby was born, things changed. Just keep doing what you're doing-- whatever is working for your family. It will get better, and is just a phase, although I know it is an exhausting one! Good luck!

My son went through that when the twins were born, he got better, and then he acted up again just recently. I think it is a stage that they go through. However, to lessen it a little we started doing "dates" with him. Mommy would take him somewhere all by himself, or Daddy would do something special with just him. For example we started the building program at Lowe's and Home Depot (they are free) and my husband would just play with him for awhile while I had the twins. Then we would do stuff together as a family too. Doing that has helped a lot.

i have read "listening so your children will talk and talking so your kids will listen" it's an excellent book, the same authors also wrote "sibings without rivalry" which i have not read, but believe would be of equal quality. i'm sure some of the concepts would come into play already. it's a pretty easy read, i might suggest picking that up for some ideas. but this just sounds like the normal course of tots and siblings.

Just before bed, try to had one-on-one time, and say something like, "You are so special to our family! I am so happy you're mine!" Or maybe, "Can I keep you forever and ever?" Also, a little heart-to-heart, "We love you so much, we wanted another baby. You are such a great big sister!" Some children really need the verbal, not just the actions that say we love you.

another good way is to find stories - or make them up -about welcoming a new baby, and how each member of the familhy is important.

I haven't experienced this, but I am anticipating it with our second child due in a couple of months and toddler who is currently very much the center of attention. I've been reading about it in preparation. I've read that all children will likely experience some jealousy- some will internalize it more than others. It is acually good if they don't internalize it becuase they need to get it out. After a new baby comes, children become afraid that you won't love them as much or that they can somehow be replaced. Most of the advice that I've read is to reassure them, give them extra attention, extra love, and it will pass as they realize that none of their fears are coming true. Also, a doctor once told my friend that if you find yourself in a situation with two children that both need attending to, deal with the oldest first because they will remember.

good luck!

I feel for you - my son did the exact same thing when my second child was born. He was the same age as your oldest and would also need us to lay with him until he fell asleep...however, we put an end to it because with a newborn, just couldn't take it and I didn't want to start bad sleeping habits since he has always been a good sleeper. We talked to him as we were getting him ready for bed and told him that mommy or daddy would read him books, rub his head (he's always loved this and it soothes him) for 2 minutes and then we're leaving his room and he needs to stay in bed and sleep. The first few nights were tough and he'd cry for 10-15 min, but after that he adjusted and went back to his old sleeping habits. You may try it and if she really gets hysterical, go back in, calm her down and repeat the process...she'll get it eventually.
Regarding the tantrums...ah, yes. My son has never been so tempermental and tantrum-prone as after my daughter was born. He would throw a fit over the smallest things...yes, I'm sure a lot of it is just their age, but I know it's also attributed to the new baby. I have noticed that my son seems to do better when he gets one on one time with me - it's super hard to find time while caring for a newborn, but it really does make a difference. We make a big deal of spending just mommy and son time together - even if it's just going outside and playing catch or something like that. However, it most definitely doesn't stop the tantrums! :) I think another 5 years may help that! :) Hang in there and good luck to you!!

A lot of kids regress when there's a new sibling added. And she could just be anxious because she feels jeleous but doesn't want to hurt the baby. I would give her extra lovin's and make sure she knows her place in the home.

I can totally sympathize, and yes, I think it is soooo normal. When I had my son (2nd child), I was talking to my mother-in-law about the impact on my daughter (then 2 yrs, and 2 mos. old), and she put it this way: it would be like if your husband brought home another wife and said, "Honey, this is my other wife, and she's going to live with us now. Just because she's here doesn't mean i love you any less, but you'll need to share all of your things with her, share my attention with her, and you have to be sweet and loving toward her." It's kind of funny, but it really helped me put into perspective how my daughter must have been feeling. It sounds like you're doing all you can do: keep spending time with her (make sure some of that time is special one-on-one time--maybe go on a date with her), keep giving her a lot of love, and keep reassuring her of her place in your family. I would talk to my daughter a lot, and ask her to tell me when she needed attention from me vs. acting out or flipping out. It took a lot of reinforcement and time, but she did get to where she can say, "Mom, I need a little 'tention." Just hang in there, keep up the WONDERFUL mommy work you're doing, and give it some time--I found it improved tremendously after about 2 months.
You know, the funny thing is that I always thought I would have a hard time making time for the first child once the 2nd one came along, but it ended up to be the opposite! I have guilt b/c i have a hard time finding time for the baby, the first child being so demanding. It made me feel better to talk to my friends and find out they experienced the exact same thing. Guess that's what makes 2nd children so independent! :)
Good luck and big hugs!
S.

I am sure she is just adjusting to all the changes. Maybe she is not as active as she used to be when you were still pregnant? Have you tried using the night time baby wash and lotion. Is she hearing her baby sister cry in the night? A sound machine might help with distracting. If it is just temporary you could just try to give her some motrin to help her sllep through. And that would help her get back into her routine. Good luck and god bless