Still Cant Get 11 Month Old to Sleep Alone or Through the night!...PLEASE HELP!!

The book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" has helped me solve all of my sleep issues with my children. Good luck!

Truthfully - sounds normal. Infants and young toddlers are not mentally developed to self soothe themselves to sleep all alone. I co-sleep with my child - she's 5. She knows that she needs to start sleeping in her own bed because in 3 months she'll be a big sister and her new brother will be sleeping with Mommy.

Adults never go to sleep thru the entire night. If given a choice, adults do not choose to sleep alone. Adults will wake up for the bathroom, due to thirst or from hearing a sound or a bad dream. Why do you think if adults have such an issue sleeping all night your infant or toddler would not too?

It is so simple to give your child your time when it comes to going to bed. Just co-sleep. You need sleep, your infant definitely needs sleep - and she is trying to tell you she needs YOUR safety and comfort in order to do so. Is that so hard? If you want sleep too - you'll co-sleep. If not - you will all be miserable, sleep deprived and cranky - and how healthy is that?

Your child will not always be this small, this needy or this much wanting of your company!

sounds JUST like my son.
one thing ill tell you, she will get better. the only thing that will help is for you to continue what you are doing. instead of staying up late to read books, go to sleep with her, even if you have to set up some kind of bed on the floor or something. trust me, sleeping with your kid is great, and it is temporary. no matter what anyone else says, YOU know best. you are the mom! you need sleep, but you also need to do what gets the job done.

my son was just like this. would NOT accept substitutes for me, or being near me when he was sleeping. his crib was in our room until he was 3. nothing wrong with that!!! :) in fact, i have never met kids who sleep as well as he does. he is now 4 and hes just amazing with his ability to get into bed, and relax and go right to sleep.

does she have a blanket or stuffed animal that is her favorite? see if you can get her to attach to something (if you desire). this helps my son; he has one of those little blankies with the bear head in the middle. (they have bunnies and stuff too). he always snuggles up with what we call his snuggle bear, and goes right to sleep. i just cant impress on you how important it is that you keep listening to your heart and to your child.

if you tried CIO recently, it could be that there are some effects from that weighing on her. so give her some time to get back into confidence with you.

i did exactly what you are doing, and it really was great. i felt good and reaffirmed that i did what my son needed, and that it was the way i mothered him that made him into the confident boy that he is. he just needed that extra time next to me in bed. he still comes into our room or our bed at night around 4 am, but he will sleep peacefully until at least 7 or 8. i cant imagine ever doing it any other way. i mean, to have a kid so happy, so confident, so safe next to us, and never doubting that we will be there night or day for him. its just amazing.

however, hes 4, so even if he didnt come into bed with us, we would still wake up 2 times a night to take him to the bathroom. right now he wakes up, but doesnt realize that he needs to go potty at first, so he cries or fusses so we have to get up and get him to the bathroom or he just sits there in his bed.

and think of it this way; even when your child is grown, moved out, and on their own, you are still going to lose sleep about them! you are going to wonder if they are safe, fed, warm, etc. you know? you are always going to lose sleep over your kids. just do the best you can, sleep earlier, whatever you can do to make it work. its not all about you anymore, its about your family. and only you truly have the answers that you need.

dont let outside pressures get to you. so many people out there will "brag" that their kids sleep all on their own, that they get all kinds of sleep, etc etc etc, if you would only force your kid to "conform" to sleep training, all would be well. fact of the matter is, many kids simply lose trust that their caregiver responds to them (which is why the crying stops) and others simply dont need any extra attention, and do fine relaxing themselves. obviously those kids are not the same as yours. i empathize with you; my son was definatly more high needs than other kids, but working with that, instead of trying to change him or force him to conform to my life or sleep training... it ended much more amazingly than it would have if i had listened to everyone else.

your child just needs you. thats all. whats wrong with that? they arent soldiers, they are children. we dont even expect soldiers to do things alone, why would we expect children to? we dont sleep through the night; how many times do you wake to turn over, or go to the bathroom, or get a drink? likely its more often than you think. and when your spouse is gone, dont you miss them? its funny how all these things seem normal for adults, but we somehow as a society expect little infants to sleep in long stretches without waking, without having needs. its really irrational.

so anyway, write to me if you need any more support. you are doing just fine, you just might need to sleep with your baby more (sleep when baby sleeps i mean) and go ahead and bedshare or cosleep (room share) if that is what works for you. theres nothing wrong with that. we made a bed on our floor, or put the crib matress right on the floor once we moved the crib out. otherwise, put the crib in there. if nothing else, it saves you having to get your feet cold walking to another room right? lol

basically my thought is this. if you deny an infant of a need (and at this age, they are all needs) and they stop asking for them, its not because the need went away, its because she stopped trusting you to fulfill it. its like this: if you repeatedly asked for a raise at work, and never got it, you would eventually quit asking, and probably quit putting your all into that job. its painful isnt it? to be denied something? think about it from a completely immature infant's perspective. its scary to think that all of a sudden the only people in your world you can trust suddenly you cant trust them anymore? and we wonder why our teens act the way they do. trust isnt taught its shown. its nurtured. if we want teens to trust us, we must trust our infants, and show them that they can trust us. it really is do what i do not what i say to do. if you show your child unconditional love respect and trust, they will show it to you in return. ;) its beautiful!

good luck. thanks for breastfeeding, and thanks for being a great mother. you are beautiful, and so is your family! :)

Hi, B.! I sympathize with you. I remember when I was having trouble with my oldest son. Seems like just yesterday, but he'll be 27 this year! lol I nursed all my babies, and the reason he wasn't sleeping well was because I was drinking tea. The caffeine was too much for him. Are you drinking anything caffeinated during the day? Try taking a look at what you are consuming during the day and make some changes if you think the food or drink are keeping her awake. Her sleeping pattern sounds like mine when I was a student and worked full-time. I was downing 2-3 pots of coffee to keep me going and my sleeping pattern was crazy! I'd wake up every hour, had very fitful sleep, and was not rested in the morning. Eventually had to cut my coffee consumption way down in the afternoon and zero in the evening. Took me a little while to get back to normal. Good luck! Hope something works for you. Don't worry, these things pass with time. Your little girl will be starting her first day at school and you probably won't even remember writing about this! Take care!

Wow - I am sorry you are going through this. My answer will probably not be popular with the Mamas but I would see if weaning her to formula/cereal/table food would help fill her little belly up and put her to sleep for the night. Maybe try supplementing your breastmilk with one of those before bed and if that helps, make the transition.

I would also try and put her in her crib when she falls asleep or right before versus waiting until you are ready for bed. You will probably encounter the same crying but at least it will start earlier and maybe she will calm down by a decent hour. One other thought: does she have reflux? Elevate her on a wedge, let her sleep in a swing, baby seat, etc.

Good luck!

I read a couple of books (the no-cry sleep solution and the Dr. Sears sleep book (I don't remember what the title of the Sears book is, sorry), and the Dr. Ferber book (this is the CIO method--but there is tons of good info on the sleep cycle that can be really helpful to know/understand even if you don't do CIO)....

Anyway, one thing I learned was the signs that the baby was truly asleep (lack of hand/shoulder movement, "floppy arms/hands," etc.). And the fact that the baby, when she first falls asleep, goes into pretty deep sleep, so it's safe to move the baby (they will more likely sleep through the move). Also, when setting the baby down in the crib, do the bottom first, then the feet, then the head.

You can also try an Amby (sp?) crib--it is "self-rocking" in that if the baby moves around the Amby will rock and sooth the baby.... This might not work given your daughter's age, but it's really good for younger babies.

My daughter was the exact same way. For us it just took time. She just turned 21 months yesterday and has been putting herself to sleep for a week and a half now. What I did was our regular routine, and after the last book I told her it was time to go nigh night like a big girl and put her in her crib. I sat in the chair in her room and would occasionally talk to her (a reassuring "I love u" or "you're such a big girl") and give her a hug or kiss, but didn't pick her up. The 1st night took about 2 hrs of the saddest cry and biggest alligato tears I had ever seen!!! Broke my heart, but it was time. I would spend hours rocking her to sleep every night (it got tiring). So I did this for 1 week... Each night got easier, less tears and falling asleep within 20 min. so I did that for 1 week and the 2nd week we did the same routine but I would make up an excuse to leave her room. "mommy has to go brush her teeth" etc... And reassure her that I would be right outside her room if she needed me. We've been doing that for 5 nights now and it's going great!!! She'll call for me, and I say " mommy's right here" so she knows I'm close. But like I said, she's older, and this probably would not have happened if she was younger. But try it, it could work. All babies are different, but it will happen when the time is right!!! good luck!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel...

Hi:) My first son slept with me most of the night from the time he was born to about 12 1/2 mos. At that point, he fell out of the recliner we were sleeping in; and I decided that him sleeping on his own was a safety issue. We did cry it out, and it was horrible; but it did work.

He cried for about 1 1/2 hours the first night (yes, I cried most of that time too!). We went in every 5 -10 mins to reassure him we were still there (which mostly made him cry harder). However, after three pretty bad nights, he began crying for five or less minutes for the next week or so; and fairly quickly was fine to be left alone after our normal bedtime routine (which we'd been doing for months). While it was really hard, he slept better, longer, and seemed more rested after we did it. I did (and still do) sometimes pull him into bed when he woke up really early and needed a cuddle:)

My second son, luckily, has been quite a bit easier:) Good luck -- it's a tough issue all around!

ETA: Just read that someone said to wean, and I do disagree with that -- I breastfed both of mine to 16 mos. I'm sure you're probably doing solids to help fill her tummy -- no need to give her formula, which will just be another change for her to deal with, in my opinion!

We swaddled my daughter until she outgrew her swaddle blanket, I think around the same age. Her daycare transitioned her out of the blanket by slowly loosening it up each day; so day one just not as tight, day two looser and maybe arms out, last day with the blanket just not wrapped in it. It worked for them, so when we did it at home our daughter didn't flinch. As for the transfers, I have the worst record. I noticed my daughter got too heavy for me to put all the way down into the crib without her feeling like she was falling. My husband who is taller and has longer arms could always do it. When we moved her into a toddler bed (about 18 months) it was a lot easier. Good luck.

either ear infection or not getting enough naps

My advice to you would be: 1) Do not nurse her to sleep if possible. I also nursed my daughter to sleep and it was very hard to keep her asleep when I layed her down in the crib and tip toed out of the room. I would do the same routine you've been doing and nurse her as well, but maybe finish nursing when she is still awake. 2) With my daughter, she loved to nurse, she loved her bottle, and she loved her sippy cup. When I gave up nursing at around a year, I gave her a bottle before bed, when I took away the bottle at around 1 1/2 I gave her a sippy. She is 2 and I finally took away the sippy. I found that ALL of these transitions were easier then I thought they would be. I am the one that held out getting her off of the bottle and sippy b/c I thought it would be nights and nights of tantrums and screaming. But the minute I made up my mind and didn't offer them anymore, I stuck with it and it took 2-3 days to get used to the new routine. If I would have known it was that easy, I would have done everything a lot sooner.
3) It sounds like she has you trained :) I also had the same problem with my daughter not sleeping well. I didn't take her to bed with me, but I did get up and check on her. I started to let her "cry it out" when I realized she didn't need anything (she wasn't wet or hungry). That was definitely hard to get used to, but I did it. I also realized that if my husband went into her room when she was crying, she fell right back asleep because he did not pick her up or give her anything. So she definitely had me trained too. It is still the hardest thing to listen to your baby cry, but that is what worked best for me. I hope you get your sleep back soon!

My DD is 11 months, does the same thing. I couldn't do CIO with her because 1. she woke up the same as yours after a little bit of sleep and 2. we live with my in-laws, and we don't want them to have to deal with CIO.

One thing that really helped my DD was to feed her BEFORE starting her bedtime routine. Ours was almost exactly like yours... I switched it so now she now eats her dinner 2 hours before bed, then 1 hour later I would nurse her, bath, massage, brush teeth, books, then sing/cuddle her to sleep. That cut out one of her earlier wakeups. (MIL figures it gives her stomach time to settle or something...) I also started REFUSING to feed her before certain times. For my DD, it's 1:00am and 6:00am. If she woke up, I would cuddle her, let her lay in bed with me, sing to her, whatever it took to keep her calm but NOT feed her. Eventually, (took a few months) she stopped waking up except around those two times. I don't mind feeding her twice in the night. I also pulled her into bed with me, and when she was asleep transfered her to the crib. She usually woke up again, so I just repeated until she stayed asleep. Sometimes she still wakes up, but she usually sleeps pretty good in the crib. Now I am working on putting her down with less singing, and more awake. I'm sure it will take a while, but like you CIO just won't work for us. I read the no-cry sleep solution, and while it didn't 'cure' my DD's sleep issues (of course, I didn't really follow it too well...) it did help me understand her sleep cycles better, and come up with ways to help her sleep better on her own. (If you happen to have a nook, I could lend it to you. Just PM me your email.)

Wow - after reading through some of the posts - it makes me want to re-work our 'going to sleep habits', too. The one thing that stands out to me is the swaddling. I think it would limit her ability to self-soothe, since she's being 'positioned' for sleep. It seems like she's searching for something to grip. I'm not big on blankets - light or weighted. My kids dress for the weather by wearing warm jammies in winter and lighter ones in the summer months. And as needed, they pull up a blanket or kick them off. Phew. Good luck ! Thanks for posting !! I'm going to get busy getting my children to get themselves to sleep at night, too.

I also highly endorse "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Just as much as you need interrupted sleep, so does your daughter. A half an hour, as bru-tal as it is, isn't very long for CIO. With my oldest, it was an hour and a half the first night, about the same the second night, 30-45 min. for a couple nights, and then absolutely nothing from 2 weeks on. Hardly ever did he cry again. She's going to keep crying as long as she knows that you'll eventually go to her. You need to put her in her crib drowsy, but still awake. That's the only way she'll learn to get herself to sleep. Nursing right before bed isn't bad. All of this is stuff I've gotten from reading the Healthy Sleep Habits book. It is seriously the best and gives you all kinds of anecdotal stuff to help you through feeling bad for CIO. Also, you totally have to stop the swadle. I agree that it's preventing her from being able to self-soothe. Transition her by taking one arm out at a time. You can also put her in a sleep sack so that her legs are still somewhat contained.
Good luck.

I am not sure what to say..... is there someone else that can help you get her to sleep ? Sometimes it is harder for the moms but having someone else can help break a cycle. Lots of books out there....no sleep solution, crying it out ( which I could never do ) IDK. It is certainly tough to break some of these phases.

While I've never let my kids sleep in bed with me, I always nursed them to sleep. My daughter grew out of it, but my son (who is just today 1 year old) just slept through the night for the first time last night with some help from me and my husband. Do you nurse her each time she wakes up? This past weekend I decided to take away all his during the night feedings and he was not happy about it, nor was he happy about having daddy soothe him sometimes at night. However, each night he woke up less and less. He was up a bunch Friday night, only twice Saturday night, once Sunday and then none Monday night. I do still nurse him to sleep (when he falls asleep) before bed and for naps. (It's just so easy it's hard not to!!) I intend to take away his nighttime nursing first two weekends from now, then when he's adjusted to that I'll take away nap nursings as well. I really think this nursing business, the way I've done it, has been a hinderance to his ability to figure out sleep for himself. So far, however, it looks as if it's pretty easily reversible.
As for CIO, my son used to get himself so worked up (after not much time even) that he would throw up, or he would get so worked up he would be wide awake and ready to play. So CIO didn't work for us. It may work for you if you give it more of a go, but it doesn't work for a lot of babies. Also, I would cut out the singing. The less stimulation they get the better, otherwise they think it's time to interact and play.
Wish I could give you more advice, but you'll figure it out eventually--and sooner than you think! Just remember that it is a phase and it will pass. And whatever you do to get her to become a more independent sleeper won't scar her for life--promise!

2 things:

1- I also recommend Dr. Ferber's book, but his technique is not strict CIO (which I couldn't do), but rather a progressive waiting approach. It would take a long time to explain what is written so well here on Amazon's website. You can read the 1st few pages of the book, and see the reviews.

This book worked miracles for us. My son was 2.5 and STILL not sleeping through the night. I was at my wit's end when a friend recommended the book to me. He slept through the night the 1st or maybe 2nd night we tried the method. Granted, it wasn't fun getting him to fall asleep initially, but he stayed asleep. Within a few nights, he started falling asleep w/o all the drama. No problems since - ever (he's almost 12 now).

http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp...

2- Since you mentioned that swaddling calms her down, I thought a weighted blanket might help. This website has lots of info about why they help, and a bunch of testimonials. They also have weighted blankets that are safe for babies. I learned about them from a speech therapist friend who has worked closely with occupational therapists who are trained in sensory issues. She says they are helpful to just about anyone with sleep issues.

http://www.weightedblanket.net/

I know what you're going through- didn't know about the weighted blankets back then, but the book helped. Maybe together they'll work faster :)

I am so sorry you are still dealing with sleep problems - they are so frustrating! Read Dr. Ferber's book, and read the section about sleep associations. She has associated falling asleep with being on your lap, and so needs that same scenario when she wakes at night.

I took my baby to Dr. Ferber at around 12 months since he was such a terrible sleeper - he was waking like a newborn. Dr. Ferber basically told me, stop feeding him at night and he will stop waking to be fed. He also told me I was letting him nap too long and had me adjust his sleeping/ waking time, which helped a lot. It took a few days, and it wasn't as bad as I had feared, but the first two nights were terrible. He screamed and cried, and although it tore me apart, I knew that I needed him to sleep so I c ould rest. After two or three days, he was sleeping through the night. It took him a lot longer than 30 minutes. YOu need to be ready to try that - I was desparate and felt I could not function the way things were and I really needed them to change, so I was willing to let him cry for as long as necessary to learn to fall asleep by himself.

Read the sections on sleep associations, it will help you understand.
Good Luck!

Well sounds tough going, but remember she will only be this little and this dependent upon you for a short time overall. I would move slowly with her to get her used to sleeping on her own in a crib and then not being fed through the night. Start by feeding her to sleep then put her into her crib immediately after trying to get a burp. Or rock her to sleep then put her into her crib. Let this be the one and only goal until you achieve it. once this becomes easier and it may take a month or two then choose a timeframe say between 11pm and 6am where you will NOT feed her. So feed her anytime before or after that time but refuse the feed between these times and offer only cuddles or back pats for a while 3 - 5 nights. Eventually she should get used to not eating through the night and sleeping through. So, slow and easy and take your time but stick to it.

MY daughter was rough too, we finally did CIO at 9 months ( she was still waking 4-5 times at the time, nursing) , and it wouldn't have worked at all if I went back in at 30 minutes. You have to let them cry for up to an hour.

We followed the extinction plan in "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" it worked great! It was VERY hard to hear her cry, but I knew it was just s protest cry, she was dry and fed, and we did the whole normal betime routine, minus rocking her till she was all the way asleep. My daughter cried for 45 minutes the first night, only 20 the second night, and 10 the third, and the 4th night she let out one squall as I closed the door, and ever since then she has been a GREAT sleeper, and a much happier baby overall. She went from being rocked to sleep, and startling every time you put her in the crib, waking 4-5 times, to after only the first night of CIO, she slept through the whole night, and nearly every night since then ( unless sick and a few nightmares, but now knows ow to go back to sleep on her own) !

You have to stick to your guns with CIO, because going in while they are still crying will just reinforce the crying and teach them "if I cry for 30 minutes, mom will come back" , so they will keep crying longer the next time.

If you want to get her to sleep on her own, I highly reccommend that book and the extinction method. Otherwise, you wil be dealing with sleep deprivation yourself asl long as you continue what you are doing.