To Leave Her in or Take Her Out - That Is the Question!
Updated on
May 10, 2008
A.
asks from
Plano, TX
8
answers
Hi ladies,
I desperately need your perspective and advice!! My husband and I are struggling to decide if we should take our DD out of the pre-school she is in now. We have another school in mind for her if we decide to, but we arent sure if changing schools will be in her best interest. Here is the situation:
Our school got a new head directress at the beginning of the school year. She seems nice enough, but does not seem to be a strong leader, and is definitely a poor communicator with the parents. Although we cannot seem to pinpoint anything significant, the quality of the school in general seems to have gone downhill.
Now, the primary teacher in her room is excellent. Elizabeth is 4 and is already learning to read, can write her name very well, can count to 30, etc. DD loves her teacher, who commands the respect of all her students. The way the school is set up, the primary teacher is free to run the room as she sees fit, and the educational portion of our experience so far has been really good. She also communicates well with the parents. Unfortunately, because DH and I work full time, DD is at the school extended days (typically 7:30am-5:30pm) and the primary teacher leaves at around 3:00pm. The afternoon teacher is new and (without getting into details) not quite up to the standard that we have come to expect from this school (at least under the former school directress).
Here is the extra glitch: I recently had a second girl (3mo old now). While DD1 LOVES DD2 and being a big sis, she has been having some real problems adjusting to not being an only child anymore. This combined with being 4 and having a strong personality anyway has led to some real behavior problems, both in the classroom and at home. DH and I had a conversation with the primary teacher at the P/T conference a couple of weeks ago and have established a better system of communication (we never learned before then how bad some of her behaviors had gotten). DD1 has shown some improvement at home and, since we havent received any notices in the last week, I assume she is doing better at school, too (I just returned back to work after maternity leave last week, so have not been able to catch up with her primary teacher. Im hoping to do that today). We are trying to give this system until the end of DD's school year to determine if we should pull her out (her primary teacher will be gone for the summer, so we want to have a decision made before she leaves).
I could really use your perspective on this. This is DD's last year in preschool before going into public kindergarten. Should we introduce another big change by pulling her out of school, away from her teacher and friends into a new school that is run by her former directress and seems to have a good program? Could such a change cause her to regress further? Or is it worth the risk for her to spend her last preschool year in a program we know is run well?
Thank you for your help, and I apologize for the long message!!
It sounds like the school isn’t perfect but the lead teacher is! The lead teacher is the main reason for any students progress. The situation with the director is only going to effect the parents . The part-time teacher in the later part of the day is there basically at the play or cleanup time. Only if the issues you have with her are safety related should you require a pull out at this time. Leave her in, the positives out way the negatives, she needs the stability at this time!
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J.H.
answers from
Dallas
on
Have you thought about a Montessori school for her? She seems to be thriving there right now but she might not over the summer. You got to listen to your mommystincts if you find that this place is not like you want pull her. Kids bounce back well from all sorts of change they might have a hard couple of times at it but thats how they are made.
Good luck. I bet she will do fine!
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T.T.
answers from
Dallas
on
I think pulling her out will do more harm than good.
She likes her teacher and is doing well.
Switching schools she will have to adjust to a new teacher, friends and suroundings. This might have more of a negitive effect than a good one.
I say leave her where she is.
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M.B.
answers from
Dallas
on
I would also recommend to leave her where she is. I went through a similar situation with my younger son and in the end moved him back to the school where he had been. From what I've read at this age, consistency and a known environment can compensate for some of the issues you forsee in her current school (the words I read were that "consistency can compensate for mediocrity" at this age). I think you have two separate issues and the one of sibling rivalry isn't necessarily going to change if you change schools. This is totally normal and IMHO the best way to compensate is for both you and your husband to make an effort to spend one on one time with your older daughter on a daily basis - do special things just for her and only with her. Also, it seems you've already done a good job in encouraging her relationship with her sister. I found that asking my son to help with things like diaper changes (he held the clean diaper until I needed it, handed me the wipes, etc.) and baths really helped. And, then he got to hold his brother on the couch after feedings - I would put my nursing pillow on his lap so he could hold his brother. The two have been best buddies (although with some normal rivalry and fights) since those early days.
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R.
answers from
Dallas
on
In my personal opinion, I would leave her there. If she loves the school and loves her friends why put her through such a transition only to have another one in August-that makes it very difficult for little ones. Now if you feel that she is in some sort of physical danger due to not being properly watched or something thats a different story but in regards to education-it sounds like she already has a great start and kindergarten will continue upon whats already been established. Is she really going to learn so much more in the summer at a new school? HTH
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A.O.
answers from
Dallas
on
I'd leave her in.
I have 2 daughters and my oldest had a hard time transitioning. Try some special one on one time for awhile. Runs to the grocery store with her, etc. Chances are some of the acting out could deal with the new sibling. It always seems like around 3 months they figure out that the little being, is not leaving. My husband has his special one on one time with her nightly singing or chatting and I have my special time reading. That is our own time with each one. Just an idea and thought. Before you know it, you'll forget what it was like to have an only child and they'll grow together more. Definitely takes time.
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M.C.
answers from
Dallas
on
I would leave her in. I think that right now your dd needs stability. She is already trying to adjust to a new sister and mommy going back to work after being home for awhile. I think one more change might be too much. My dd is 4 and I have a 9 month old boy. I try really hard to spend one on one time with dd. even if it's running errands. I call it "Hannah/Mommy time" and she loves it!! It has really helped with the jealousy issues that she was sometimes having (and still has) and its honestly nice be take her out and not have to lug around a baby and a diaper bag:-}
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M.E.
answers from
Dallas
on
I think it would be best to allow your child to stay in the school she is, so long as she is happy. Then change her to where her former head directress is, if you can. I would also explain your concerns, to your new directress. She may be thinking she is doing a good job. If you dont express your feelings to her nothing will ever get changed. I know sometimes a nice confrontation is still hard, but it is your daughter you are protecting and other children. Sometimes she may need someone to open her eyes before she can make a move.
