2 1/2 Year Old Refusing to Go to Preschool/son Is Closer to 3 Yrs Ol

When you say he refuses to say hellot to the teacher, he is trying to tell you something. I say it is the teacher who has something to do with it. I would look into it.

I would stay 1 time and see if you can see any obvious differences. And I would still make him go regardless.

Hi C.,
Wow! You are getting many responses regarding this issue.
I am a mom, a former preschool teacher and now I am a child care provider at my own home family child care.
I have a few ideas of what it could be but first I want to ask you,
"What does your gut tell you?" If you feel like your son is stressed out by the potty training thing, you may be right.
Potty training is a big milestone for any child, especially boys! Typically boys are not interested (they just couldn't care less) or ready to stop what they are doing and stand there to potty (or sit).
It is also a comfort thing for them. He might not be comfortable doing this at school because he doesn't want someone else other than you to help him clean up, etc. if he has an accident.
I would suggest you let him enjoy his social time at school, since it is only a couple of days for a few hours and work on the toilet training at home.
He will gain confidence with you and it will carry in to his preschool environment.
When your child is in a preschool environment for as short a time as yours is, it is pretty obvious it is for social reasons. Now days, (that sounded dated!) people are afraid to let their children have neighborhood playtime. Also, many people are not home til evening time. Children make friends in the daycare/preschool environment. I think that is good for your child and you parents.

You sound like you are doing a good job! You are in touch with your child's feelings and you seem to understand him. I think everything is fine.
He is just adjusting. Relax! It's all good!
He is only 3 (almost)! Sometimes we worry too much! He will be on this planet until he is in his 70's or older! I guarantee he won't go to Kindergarten in a diaper ! :-)
Oh by the way...sometimes all it takes for a child to snub the teacher is seeing her outside the school! The kids think we live there! I had numerous occassions when my little guys would not talk to me if they saw me at the grocery store or somewhere other than school.
I would tease them when they saw later at school...
They are so cute and funny! I think the word is quirky!

Best wishes~
C.

PS~ To all the responding folks,
This is a great place to answer questions and give a little encouragement and advice. It is NOT our place to judge one another....we are all muddling through parenthood to the best of our ability and if we have questions, we ask other mom's and we read advice books. Let's be kind to one another here, eh?

Could just be a weird phase he is going through. My son went through a few weeks where he kept saying he didn't want to go to school too. But he also kept saying that one of his teachers was telling him he was a "bad boy".

I had a talk with both of his teachers to see what was going on. What I determined from it all was that my son was acting up at school (the incidents they told me about are the same things I was trying to deal with at home so I knew they were telling me the truth). Once we told my son why he was being disciplined at school and that Mommy and Daddy knew about it and were going to reinforce it at home, the issue of not wanting to go to school stopped.

I would just go in and talk with your sons teacher and then go with your gut instinct.

Your son could be trying to deal with something negative happening at school (like a bully or a mean teacher or the pressure of potty training). Or it could be just a phase. Either way you want to be on the same page with the teacher on how to deal with it.

Your son only has problems with the teacher? He likes his classmates, but refused to even say hello to his teacher? He liked class for awhile, but now he refuses to go? I am sensing a theme. I remember a time when no one ever questioned if the teacher could actually be the problem, but that isn't today. So you have to ask yourself, is the problem the teacher?
I am biased from personal experience and the experience of several friends, but let me give an example. A very smart boy, 11 years old, handsome, popular. I was his teacher at church and he was a joy to teach. He listened, he played well with the other children, he was funny and popular, he always saw to the heart of the story and had great questions. He made others feel special by including everyone in his group of friends. His dad built a new house and this 11 year old boy designed the sprinkler system all by himself and then helped install it. Then ... He stopped enjoying school, grades were dropping, starting saying "I can't do it, I'm too stupid." Starting saying that he wished he was dead. Stopped playing with other kids and kept to himself. His parents took him to counseling and they found out that his school teacher had been sitting him at what she called, "The Stupid Table." Every time he asked a question or didn't immediately understand, she would call the whole class to attention and say, "We're going to have to stop what everyone is doing now because Billy didn't listen properly." His parents starting talking to classmates and found out that what he said was true and that many of them had similar things happen to them.
We live in a world where we can't always trust the teachers anymore. Yes, go talk to the teacher, but talk to your son too. Listen to what he is trying to say and ask him if he would like to go to a class with a different teacher. I am biased, but similar things have happened to a lot of people, including my own husband as a child. If being embarrassed about potty-training isn't the problem (and I sincerely hope it is something like that), you should start asking yourself if this teacher is the problem. I sincerely hope that this is not the case. Good luck.

Easy solution! Take him out of preschool. He is obviously too young for potty training, Most boys are at that age no matter what the pre school people tell you. You stay at home, so day care is unnecessary - and if he isn't enjoying it, why send him??? Pre school is for 4 year olds.

Dear C.,
You've already gotten so much good advice - perhaps this is not needed - but I feel for you. It's hard enough to HAVE to send your little one to preschool if you must because of work or something, but then all these other problems happen that kids can't always explain! One good thing I do have to share with you - some neat potty training tips, that worked for my 7 kids, and may work for yours. Here's the link:
http://www.gomommygo.com/pottytraining.html
PS - You can also give a copy of the potty training 'chart' to your childcare provider and explain how it works with her, so she can follow up on the same thing at school. If she's a nice person and never gets mad, that's the best kind of person to be doing childcare. Kids never want to listen to someone who's yelling at them anyway, right? I hope she never yells at your son! Blessings to you!
R.

I am a preschool teacher of 3 and 4 year olds and I also think that 2 1/2 is young for preschool if you have that option. Every child is different, it seems that the teacher may be pressuring him to be potty trained and making him feel bad. You should talk to the teacher again and see her reaction, depending on that he may be too young and not ready to go on the potty. Let him go at his own pace, you can also do play dates with some of the friends at school and meet at the park or something so that his socialization continues. You will be amazed, once the pressure is off of him to go on the potty and he is ready, he will be potty trained just like that. Kids know what they need and want but sometimes just have a hard time expressing it. You need to trust their actions!!! There is still lots of time for preschool!!Good luck!

C.,

Trust your child . Please Trust your child. He has a good reason but he can't tell you, try to talk to him and tell him that you agree with him "that you also don't like that teacher" get him to tell you why he dislikes her...and let him know that no matter what you will always take his side and never be angry with him for telling you the truth.

V.

I read your post a few days ago & felt like you were being ganged up, so I'm going to voice my opinion now that I've had some time to think about it.

It shouldn't matter why your son goes to preschool, whether you have to go to work or you want him there for socialization reasons. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy (Sep birthday) and I know he needs to go to school. It's an issue I've been battling a lot lately because I'm pregnant & not working much and soon won't be working at all, so I wonder if I should keep him there. Either way, when he goes there he sits and actually learns from his teacher (when I try to teach him it lasts 10 mins & I'm a fully credentialed teacher). He learn about songs, the alphabet, word recognition, then he has art and crafts. He loves showing me his art. Yeah he plays, but at his age it's great so he can learn how to play with others and he burns energy. The school requires that he gets there by 9AM and I normally keep him there until 3PM (he naps from 12:30-2:30). I know I couldn't provide the variety of crafts that they do, also he naps horribly for me and wonderfully for them. Needless to say I think it's good he's there. Plus I'm recharged and can't wait to see him and he is sooo happy when I pick him up, a good happy because he has had fun.

Now for the "wanting to be there." My son gets upset too on some mornings about going to school, I just try to remind him of how much fun he has. Another thing that I found makes him happy is bringing a luch pail with his breakfast with him, when I get there I set up his breakfast on a table and he gets very excited and kisses me goodbye. I'm not saying this will work, but see if the teacher has a suggestion of something you can do to help the situation. Also it's one thing if he's not happy when you drop him off, but another if he's not happy when you pick him up (like somethings not right about the place-but go with your intuition).

Good Luck & remember school is good for him (and you), I hope this helps.

Hi C.,
Nobody knows your child like you do. When something is wrong with our children we are the first to pick up on it-whether or not they can tell us. Obviously something or someone is upsetting your son as moms it is our job to find out what that is.Is this a new teacher? When my son was younger about 3 he loved sunday school, until he got a new teacher.It became an argument every Sunday.It turned out that he just wanted his old teacher back.He adjusted quickly, but If this is the only teacher your son has known and he now doesnt want to be around them this is absolutely a RED FLAG, and by not talking to his teacher is his sign of telling you that something is wrong, try sitting in during class and watch your sons reactions to his teacher, only you can read your childs reactions.If it continues I personally would change classes.Have you tried asking him whats wrong? He may actually tell you,dont under estimate your toddler! Good Luck

I agree w/ all who write that it could be the teacher ("could" being the operative word). Two personal examples: I was sent to "the naughty chair" in nursery school & found the experience so humiliating that it became my very first memory. But it was really innocuous: I acted out, sat in the corner once, end of story. So your child could have a strong reaction even if the teacher is acting appropriately.

Second example: my husband hated his mean first grade teacher. One day, she literally had a nervous breakdown in his face, screaming at him, nose to nose, for 15 minutes. She was fired and admitted to a mental hospital the next day! Ack!

Long story short: Spend a day watching the teachers in action. You'll be able to tell whether they are genuinely nice, creepy "fake" nice, or even bats--t crazy! Good luck.

Congratulations on being a SAHM. So if you are going to raise your own children, why are you sending your 2 1/2 yr old baby away to be raised by someone else? My heart hurts for him.
My advice? Keep him at home with you, that's where he really will be much better off. Isn't that why you had him, so you could love him, and raise him yourself? Two year olds need their Mommys, they don't need "school". That comes way later when they are developmentally ready for intellectual learning. Good luck.

I have been a preschool teacher and director for the past 15 years. I suggest speaking directly with the teacher AND director for their feedback. I also have been speaking to several parents at my school regarding this same issue recently. If you would like to chat about it more, feel free to let me know. But definitely... go to the source.

Hi C.,

You may be right - he's feeling pressured to potty train by the teacher. If you can, I'd just take him out of preschool for now. At 2 1/2 kids really need to be around their family and he may be feeling sent away while you stay with his younger brother. Unless you work, you are the best person to raise him anyway, not the preschool teacher. Wait 'til he's potty trained to send him and, for a boy, that may not be for at least another year. It's totally normal for a 3 1/2 year old boy to not be trained. If you make potty training a negative experience there may be emotional costs in the future.

V.

Hi C., it sounds to me like something happened, to change your childs love for pre school, I'm surprised they allowed your son o go to pre school, most pre schools required the child to be potty trained. I don't think it's the presure of being potty trained, at 2 1/2 he honestly should already be, I'm sure he kmows where to go to get a cookie, if so he knows where to go to go potty, i have potty trained so many kids over the years in my day care, and my 3 were potty trained at 21 months, one was 19 months and my daughter was 22 months. Pre school is not mandatory, maybe you may want to try a day care that way your son will still have other kids to play with, if you force him to go to pre school, you may turn him off to school completely. J.

Hi Cynhia,

I truly believe that your 2 year old isn't old enough yet for preschool. Small kids ned to stay with their mom, at leats ideally that is.

My son started preschool at 3 1/2. Experts say that at 3 years of age it is a good time to enroll them into preschool, because developmentally they are ready at that time, at least most kids.

As far as the potty training goes, that could be it. Perhaps he does feel the pressure. Can you try to get potty training books for him. I know there are some fun little ones out there and get him a cool potty chair or seat and make it into a game. Everytime he uses the potty successfully give him a special treat. Not a gift or food but maybe do something special with him, something that he would enjoy. Play a little game with him or something.

My son just loved his training toidy from the first day I brought it home and he was just 2 years old. He was clean at 2 years and 2 months. I wasn't even thinking about potty training him. I just wanted to have one at home to be prepared.
Go figure everyone is different.

Good luck my dear.

P.

It may be he is too young to start preschool. Depending on the school usually kids start preschool at age 4. Sometimes they have classes for 3 year olds but only like 3 days a week half days. Is it a real preschool with a credited teacher or a daycare facility that has a woman they call a teacher? If it is a real preschool with a credentialed teacher you may want to reconsider preschool or cut down his time if he is full time to part time. People get the misconception that because they think their child is smart & potty trained he is ready for preschool. Preschool is a big step and sometimes even 4 year olds are not ready. In Preschool kids have to sit and do crafts, sit and listen to story time, follow rules and in school kids do not get to do what they want they need to follow the cirriculum of the teacher and school. To be honest having a 2-1/2 year old follow this you are asking a lot and you will definately have issues. It is obvious that your child likes the kids and not the teacher because he does not like or is ready to follow the curriculum. He wants to play. For example if the teacher has a project that they are going to examine rocks with the magnifine glass and learn about them (science) a normal 3 to 4 year old may have the compacity to want to learn this and want to understand. But for a 2 year old he wants to look at it and move on and play blocks. In school the teacher needs the child to stay focus and learn about the rocks. The is the teaching aspect of it which a 4 year old has the capacity to do, not a 2 year old. That is why most preschools have a age requirement of 4 before they are enrolled. If a preschool take a 2-1/2 year old then they, in my opinion, are not a preschool I would take my son to. Now there are many kids that have started school yound and do fine, but please be careful, your son will start to have behaviour issues because he is acting out. Watch for the obvious signs and do not blame him or the teacher. He is just not ready for preschool.

Good Luck

Hi C.,
I love that name. It was my mom's. Anyway, I have the same problem. Only my daughter is 4 and she is potty trained. She too started pre-k in Sept. and she loved it until about a month ago. Our problem is she tells me the other kids "tease" her. She cries in the morning and says she "hates" school. This breaks my heart because at 4 I feel like it is too early to hate school. Anyway, the thing that has been helping us is that I have established a good repore with her teacher. I thinkkeeping an open dialogue with the teacher, letting her know your concerns and having her or him keep an eye open for anything that may be happeneing.
Well, good luck, and I hope you get it straightened out. I know how heart breaking it is to see your kids cry at the sound of school.

try to talk to your 2 1/2 yr old to see why he suddenly doesn't like the teacher. Maybe he can't tell you because he doesn't have the vocabulary to explain, these are new feelings to him, so see if you can help him to explain.
1. what part of pre-scool don't you like? singing, coloring, recess.
2. what does the teacher do that you don't like? talks to loud, yells at the kids, gets mad at you, makes them go potty.

3. etc. If you give him a choice of words you will most likely open him up once he realizes little words are ok.
Ask him if he wants to go to another pre-school. If his answer is no it could be that he is affraid that he is missing out on something that you are doing at home. He is only 2 1/2 that's early for preschool. maybe at this time find a friend who will do play dates with you so every Tuesday your son goes to their house and every Thursday they come to yours. Then plan little activities, for them to learn. Good Luck! J.

It sounds like it could be a teacher situation, but I really feel he is mighty young for pre-school. You can't err on the side of caution at this age, so why not take him out til he's potty trained (and older!), and in the meantime, get involved with a mom's club (you can go online and find one in your city---they are an int'l organization). They have meetings every single week---at a park for everyone and all ages, and also an age-appropriate "play group" that might also meet at a park or someone's home. It's for the both of you (including siblings), so you'd be with him and he still gets the opportunity to play with other children. You have the added advantage of talking to other moms and hopefully making new friends. There are also many "Mom's Day Out" programs offered by churches and private daycares you can look into when you need a break. Many larger churches also have a program called MOPS where you go to a meeting and all the kids go to a playroom. You get to interact with other moms, drink coffee without anyone tugging on your arm :),have some snacks and hear a speaker (oftentimes about motherhood). It's all faith-based, but it's lovely and usually very helpful. You are very busy with your toddlers, but preschool while he's so young isn't the answer. He's unhappy, and has realized he doesn't want to be away from mommy. Let him enjoy this time home with you and don't rush things. He'll grow up all too fast and one day you'll look back and wonder what happened to your little boys!!

Hi C.

I am no expert and will never claim to be. But why is your little guy in preschool when you stay at home? They really should not start preschool till 3 years of aga and potty trained esp. when you are blessed to be at home. Try and mommy and me preschool it's usually one day a week your school district should offer something. You are there with them and leave for an hour while they play on the playground and you listen to a lecture of some sort. My little one and I did it for a year age 2 - 3 and then she started preschool in the fall when she was potty trained and age ready. Make sure the school is a preschool only when he is ready not a preschool/daycare. My daughter now goes two days a week 8:45 - 11:45 and next year we will add another day when she is 4. He probably is not ready it is very young still.

I hope this helps.

S. mom of two ages 3.5 yrs, 10 months and one due next month...I also stay at home

I think it may be better if your son stayed home with you and all three of you attended playgroups together. Also you may want to try a coop preschool. There are lots of wonderful mom's clubs where activities are planned just about daily and you can get out with other moms and their children. It is a agreat way to encourage your child to be social when they are not ready yet for preschool.

Sending my almost 3 year old boy to school was one of the hardest things I've had to do as a parent. Don't beat yourself up about the bumps along the way.

You think that 4 out of 6 are potty trained but 2 1/2 is young for it (for a boy). We had ours in pull ups when he started and he did do try the potty sometimes at school but was definitely not "potty trained". He was there by a little after 3 years old.

School is scary for them. The teacher may be strict or asking them to do something that he doesn't like. How are the other mothers' children responding to the teacher? If they seem to be fine, I would suspect that something she did rubbed him the wrong way. It took my son months to finally start liking his teacher and it is even more difficult for them the younger they are.

Also, this is too young for them to be social or to understand about being polite. They don't necessarily want to say hello to others. They are also very extreme. One day they love everything and the next day it is scary and the next day they hate it.

Give your little one time and don't be afraid to ask the teacher about how he is doing during the day. He will get there!

Hi Cyndee: Maybe your little boy is too young for preschool. It could be that it is getting too intense for him. He is only 2 1/2 and it could be too much structure/activity for such a little body. Also, 2 1/2 is pretty early for potty training for a little boy. They seem to take longer and it could be really stressing him out if anyone is making him feel bad or pushing him to use the bathroom when he is not ready. My boys were not trained until they were 3. My oldest boy resisted all my efforts/bribes, etc. One day when he was 3 he trained him self (day and night) in one day. My other son was also trained very quickly at 3 although the nights took longer. My girls were under 3, but then backslid later. Why not take him out of school for now and try again when he is older. I'm sure he misses you very much. It's hard to be separated from mom at such a young age. You could do the same activities with him at home and take the pressure off of him. It's such a wonderful age.

All the best, Mary

Hi C.,

I wasn't going to respond to your post, but after reading so many judgemental posts, I feel like I have too...you can put your child in school whenever you feel like you and the child are ready and want to. It's none of anyone else's business!

I work full time and my son has been at a Motessori since he was four months old. He's currently in the two's program and even if tomorrow I was able to quit, I'd need to keep him in school. He just gets so much from it! There are days when he doesn't want to go...sometimes the days are a string of days that turn into a week or a few weeks here and there, but he mostly gets past that and I have to drag him out of there at the end of the day! I do agree that talking with the teacher is key!

Oh...and another thing people seem to be so fond of saying...my son is nearly three and has been potty trained for five months now...just because he's a boy, doesn't mean he's incapable of being potty trained before he's three! I think we should take each child as they are and not limit them to preconceived ideas we have because of their gender!

So...do what's best for your family and go with your instincts! YOU know what's best!

-M