To Know or Not to Know? Finding Out the Sex of the Baby....

Wanting to find out doesn't necessarily mean you will find out. :)

I wanted to know so badly with my first and with this one (due in 2 weeks) but, both babies were modest. I am such a planner and would love to know if this baby is another little girl or a boy. There have been great sales for baby items that I could have taken advantage of (for boy clothes!).

Another thought is that I know of ANOTHER couple who were told they were having a girl and found out it was a boy when he was delivered. With that, I'd rather not "know" than to buy a bunch of items for one sex and find out it was the other.

So, if you do decide you want to know, don't be too disappointed if the baby is modest. :)

Hi C.,

I am all for NOT finding out. This is the one thing in life that is a real and genuine suprise.

Good luck and Congratulations :)
W.

When I was pregnant. I found it easier to find out the sex of my baby. My boyfriend had his heart set on a girl, as we already had a boy, but we found out we were going to have another boy. It made deciding what to name the baby much easier and made it more real for my boyfriend.

I did not find out for my first 2. So, I decided I wanted to try finding out for my 3rd. My husband did not want to find out. So, my sis in law gave us a really great idea to still make it exciting. We had the ultrasound tech put the gender in an envelope. We gave the envelope to a bakery. And, we told the bakery to bake the cake pink for a girl and blue for a boy. They frosted it with white so we could not see until we cut it and put a cute saying on top that said '10 fingers, 10 toes, boy or girl nobody knows'. We invited our closest friends and family over to all find out with us. I had everyone where pink or blue depending on what they thought it was. It was so much fun! No one that came had ever been a part of something like it before so everyone was excited! I figured since you don't have a shower or anything after the 1st, it was a nice get together with the family to celebrate the coming of the baby as well. Anyway, just an idea that we loved. I really can't say one way was better than the other. And, I feel like I am still just as excited about the birth. Have fun!

We did not choose to find out the gender with either child, and I wouldn't do it any other way.

Our reasons were simple:
1. Baby doesn't know if their room is decorated beautifully or if their clothes match - they just want to be loved and to feel safe.
2. There are SO few surprises in life, why not relish in the few we actually get to have?
3. We can't change it, so why do we need to know?

You can't be disappointed in a healthy child - it doesn't matter what gender it is. You will love a little girl as much (though differently) as a little boy.

My background and diagnosis with cancer is pretty common in my posts. I found a swollen node on my collarbone after nursing my 7 week old daughter one night. Before she was 11 weeks old, I had a confirmation of lymphoma and was starting chemo. Cancer changes you forever - if it doesn't, your eyes aren't open.
What it taught me is to love my children unconditionally, accept them for who they are naturally, and make each day with them count because you never know what tomorrow brings.

So, if we're lucky enough to have another child (my fertility shouldn't have been affected by my treatment), I'd do it the same all over again because it is the child who is important, not their gender.

I hope my story and my opinion help.
Best wishes!

I like the element of surprise!

Blessings.....

We found out the sex with my first two (a boy, then a girl). For the 3rd we went for the surprise since the whole "we need to buy clothes" argument was out the window as we had clothes for either gender. Honestly, it didn't seem that different to me. I look at it like either way you are surprised it's just that you can have your surprise now or you can wait another 25 weeks or so. Do you always wait for Christmas morning to open your presents or do you open a few early? It doesn't make the gift any less special to open it early.

Good luck!
K.

After reading through the responses, I am surprised at the number who DIDN"T find out. I always thought I was in the minority! =)

I have 2 girls and am currently pregnant with #3, all of them were/are going to be surprises! I believe it is one of the very few things in life that truely is a surprise. Sure knowing ahead of time so you can pick a name, decorate a nursery, buy the proper colored clothes, etc is great...but it's not like any of that stuff can't be done afterwards. It's either a boy or it's a girl...and you'll find out at the end of 9 months...so why rush the surprise?

I am surrounded with people who are just so excited with the birth of a new baby, that I will get plenty of boy/girl related items once the baby is born, so there really isn't a need to stock up before hand. Boy or girl, the essentials like diapers, a home to live in, to people to love him/her, etc aren't really effected by gender.

Wait to find out at the birth...it really is worth the wait. You can't beat the doctor and nurses saying, "It's a ____!" Talk about a total whirlwind of emotions!!!

Congrats & Good Luck!!! =)

Dear C.,
I actually wanted to know the sex of my babies both times. I was surprised enough at getting pregnant in the first place! I, personally, just liked knowing, but I totally understand those who want to wait.
I think your husband will be fine if he doesn't know until the birth and gets a girl instead of a boy....He'll fall in love with her at first sight regardless.
Your baby is what your baby is and there's nothing you can do to change it now.
As long as you have a beautiful and healthy baby, that's all that really matters.

I wish you the best!

This is such a hard question for me! My husband and I have always planned to have 3 kids. With the first, we did not find out. It did get hard toward the end for me not to know, but it was worth it! It was probably the single MOST exciting moment of my life, and it seemed like FOREVER until my husband finally said, "It's a little boy!" I was so sure that he was a girl, so it was a true surprise, and I loved every minute of it. I swore then and there that I would never find out what we were having ahead of time. However, as time went on, we decided that the only way we would find out was if we had #3 and already had two of the same gender. So, then I got pregnant with #2. The tech asked if we wanted to find out, and we said no. About 10 seconds later, he announced it was a boy. At first I was thrilled that my son would have a brother, then I was sad that I might never have a daughter, then I was mad that the tech had ruined our surprise. My husband and I didn't tell anyone that we knew we were having a boy, so it was still fun to keep a surprise for everyone else. It was fun to know that I didn't need anything, but honestly, his birth was not nearly exciting (though equally as special.) Now, if we are blessed with a #3 someday, I don't know what to do. I have to admit that I would love a little girl and it would be hard to wait for 40 weeks without knowing, but I know I would never be disappointed at birth if it was another boy. I like to hope that I wouldn't be disappointed at an ultrasound, but I could see myself getting a little sad that this was it and I wasn't going to ever have a daughter. However, if it were a girl, I would love to totally "go a little girly" in my preparations since I know it will be my last child. My husband and I totally joke that we plan to do it all three ways: not finding out, finding out by mistake, and planning to find out. I don't know, though, if we can hold out, I'd love to do the surprise thing again!

Well, I'm not a mom who's done it both ways, but I wanted to chime in anyway. =0) We found out with our first and loved knowing! Then, with our second, I considered keeping it a surprise, but I just didn't have the will power!!! LOL However, I think if I could do it all over again, I would've been surprised. If you think about it, there's no bigger surprise in all the world!!! The anticipation of that day and the moment of birth when they announce, "it's a ......!!!!" That would just be too much!!! And, I really don't think your hubby would feel any disappointment in that moment of having just watched that precious little one make his/her debut! =0) It would be thrilling either way. Just wanted to throw that out there for what it's worth. I had my daughter and then I had my son, so our family is complete. But, if things should change and we decide to have another, I will definitely hold out for the surprise of our lives!!! =0)

I pre-planned (before I got pregnant) that I would not find out with the first, and definitely find out with the 2nd. I was the only one in my birthing class that didn't know my baby's sex -- and I am so, so glad I let it be a surprise! It was one of the best experiences I've ever had! With my 2nd baby , I also was slightly worried about any possibility of either one of us feeling a bit disappointed in the delivery room. So I understand what you mean. But I can't say enough about how wonderful it was to have a surprise with one of my babies!! I did miss having it with my 2nd. Best wishes!

I have done it both ways. We did not know with our first. We found out with the second for practical reasons. Each was special but you can't beat the element of surprise.

We found out w/ our first (a girl.) With our second and third we waited. I much prefer the surprise at birth. There's nothing more exciting than that pronouncement of "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" after the birth. Plus it makes the pregnancy exciting since you don't know, you and everyone are always speculating. I was so sure my third was my third girl but after 2 girls we ended up w/ our baby boy and the feeling in the delivery room was so emotional. Sharing the news w/ family and friends was so much more fun too, since of course everyone wanted to know what we had.
I say wait! It's worth it!:)

I felt like it was a surprise either way - it was just when we found out the surprise that changed. After all, boy or girl were our only options, right? In any event, I am glad that we found out both times. We had a girl first and then a boy, and it was nice to be able to have the circumcision question addressed before birth. We also had a heck of a time picking out names, so it was nice to narrow that down. Finally, if your husband does have his "heart set" I would also want to try to avoid feelings of disappointment in the delivery room. Of course he'll love your kid no matter what, but I'd want to get whatever "disappointment" out of the way early. Like another poster suggested, we didn't tell anyone the name until after each kid was born, so that was our "surprise." Good luck with the new little one!

I am SO glad I found out. When I was pregnant, for some reason I felt I was having a boy. I had dreams, thought I was experiencing "motherly instinct", and basically thought in blue until the day when we could find out. The nursery was already blue & since I was sure we were having a boy, I didn't change the color. In the back of my mind I realized I could just as easily be carrying a girl, so I never bought clothes or anything like that. You can imagine when they said "girl". I was disappointed b/c I felt like my mind/body tricked me & worried about my "motherly instinct". I was just as happy having a girl as a boy, but I just couldn't believe I was wrong since I felt so sure. After about a day or two, it no longer bothered me that I was wrong, but I am very glad I wasn't thinking about these things while holding a newborn. That day should be nothing but happy. And about the surprise about finding out. It was surprise enough for me to find out I was pregnant & all the other wonderful surprises motherhood had in store for me. There's so little you can have control over so I felt comforted in being able to know at least one thing in advance. The rest of it is out of your hands...

I found out at 20 weeks and I'm so happy that I did. My husband wanted to wait but we made a deal that with this one we would find out and the next we would wait. I have found that I bonded so quick with her in my belly knowing she was a girl and so did my husband. I have no regrets and I feel that it's a surprise either way so it doesn't matter when you find out. Wait or don't wait if you stand it.

Oh, you have lots of responses, but here's my 2 cents. My husband wanted to find out with your 2nd, I didn't. I knew he really wanted a boy (first was a girl), and I didn't want to go the rest of my pregnancy knowing he was somewhat disappointed if it was a 2nd girl, whereas any "disappointment" would be very short lived at a live announcement of a 2nd girl that he could hold essentially right away. We have 2 girls and he can't imagine it any other way and is glad we waited.

Wow!
Look at all the "team yellow" moms!!

I agree....the element of surprise is priceless at the end of your pregnancy!

I have 2 boys and we didn't find out with either one. I am currently pregnant with #3 and we chose not to find out with this one. I was secretly hoping that the u/s tech would say "oh, there is her/his hand..." but she was GOOD! When my 2nd son was born, he came out, he was on my chest, and nobody knew for a few minutes if he was a boy or a girl...everyone was just reveling in the birth of this beautiful baby. I actually was the one who looked and said "its a boy!" Amazing!!

The only time is was hard to not know was right there in the u/s. My husband told the tech immediately that we didn't want to know and she later said that when parents say they don't want to know, she won't look either, so then there is nobody in the world who knows!!

This WOULD be the perfect time to find out (do I get rid of all my boy stuff and shop for something other than blue??), but I am so excited about the surprise. Its totally worth it to wait.

And the other moms are right....a healthy baby is what matters. Once the baby is here, there is no disappointment when that sweet little baby is in your arms.

Congrats!!
B.

Honey i would really go by finding out now, its much better b/c if its a boy ur huuby would really go out for him, shopping for clothes, sharing his love for sports, and everything a father does. Im so happy i got know wat i was having i was actually rooting for a boy, but just as long as my bby was healthy it thats all that matters to me. B4 i knew it was a girl i already had a name picked out for a boy, and well voila a girl popped out!!! Lol!!! Im just happy with wat i got!!!!!!!!! Its better to know than be to be let down if it aint a boy!!! But hope everything goes great with ur delivery.

We have 4 kids. With the first 3...all girls, we knew ahead of time. When #4 came along, my husband was dead set against finding out. I was sooo aprehensive. I am a planner and considering we just had #3 9 months before becoming pregnant again, and we bought everything pink for her...I was terrified I would have a boy and have nothing but pink stuff for him. I ended up caving and we didn't find out. The day he was born was surrounded with sooo much excitement it was unbelievable. I had a planned C-Section with a team of about 15 doctors and nurses...between the ones for me and the ones for the baby, and the only men in the room were my husband and the anesthesiologist. When my son was born, all of the women in the room squealed in unison "ITS A BOY!!!" Now, let me tell you that we would honestly have been just fine if he would have been a girl, afterall, we were use to the girls and were comfortable with them. I never imagined it would be such an awesome feeling to wait until he was born to find out. Boy was I wrong. I can honestly say that that was the single most memorable moment of my life!

Believe me, your husband will not be concerned if the baby is a boy or not when it is born. He will be just a thrilled with another girl as he would with a boy.

Wait. I promise it is totally worth it. Oh, and as far as preparing goes...remember i had all the pink stuff...I only bought the following items...a 3 pack of boy sleepers, a 5 pack of boy onesies and a 5 pack of white onesies and a pack of white socks, and a boy outfit to take him home in. Along with that stuff, I packed some of the pink stuff I already had. By the time we left the hospital...2 days later, my son had enough stuff to keep him outfitted for an entire month! Once everyone found out he was a boy, they went nuts shopping...even daddy who went out and bought a "boy" bouncer and carseat! Wait. It is totally worth it!

i am planning on being suprised if we are blessed with another baby. another option is yo know the sex, but save the name for when baby is born. we did that this time and it felt more special for it.

we did not find out with our first two and I absolutely loved it along with my husband. it was such a great surprise. We had a girl and then a boy. Now pregnant with our third we found out because our daughter was so anxious to know. it was a hard decision to make but we did take the plunge and find out. In a way I regret finding out as I have such a fear that they might be wrong. My husband on the other hand loves knowing what it is going to be along with the kids. I think either way is a good option but I do have to say having one be a surprise at least is a wonderful experience.

I found out with my first, because everybody else wanted to know. I did not find out with the second. I think it made the experience more fun. I was always comparing the pregnancies. It is fun to hear people guess, rather than tell you their experiences with a girl or boy. Everybody is different but I really enjoyed the surprise and shock (I really thought I was having a boy but had a girl) in the delivery room. Baby stuff is so gender neutral these days too, so it is still easy to buy..

My husband and I have the his/hers and ours plan for children. I had a girl, he had a girl and our first child together was a girl. Our last child together was very uncooperative (and to this day still is!) so we didn't find out. We figured with our track record that it would be a girl, but my Mom was on alert that if this child came out a boy, she was going to be doing some power shopping before we came home from the hospital. As it turned out we are now the proud parents of all girls!

I did not find out with my son but did with my daughter. I understand and respect why people want to wait to find out however since I did both, I definately can say, I enjoyed finding out better. It was so exciting especially to call everybody up and share the news. When you find out at the birth all the excitement is kinda meshed together plus your husband gets to make all the calls! However, with you, since you found out once already, why don't you wait this time and be surprised! Then you can post which way you think is best! lol Good luck!

I didn't read your responses, and I see that you already decided - and I applaud you! I didn't find out the sex either, and I think the guessing games are fun. The only thing I'd add is I was surprised at how many people just thought I was outright lying to them about not knowing the sex. If you knew me, you'd know, I don't have a poker face, I don't/can't lie - LOL, so it was shocking and eventually aggravating that so many people just assumed I was. For the most part they weren't anyone I was close to, and it wouldn't change my decision the next time. What friends of mine did, was have the Dr write the sex on a piece of paper and stick it in an envelope. That way, the plan was for them to be surprised, but if (the husband, in this case) got so he had to know, he could look. Good Luck!

We didn't find out and it was really neat looking down at my chest after he was born and seeing I had a little boy. The dr. didn't even announce what we had. The next one we are going to wait as well. There are so few surprises in life. And really I think this is the best surprise ever!

My thought is that if your husband is leaning one way, NOT knowing is better. We didn't find out the sex of our baby. My husband was "secretly" wishing for a boy, but when he saw our daughter for the first time, he was smitten. With him not knowing, he didn't have to think about how bad it could be or dread it... Your husband too will just love that new baby when it gets here! Just my humble opinion! Congrats & enjoy your little ones.

I have three boys, and for the first two pregnancies we did not find out the sex and there really is NOTHING like that surprise in the delivery room. It's SO exciting and SO dramatic and truly one of the last great surprises we could receive. With our third, we decided to find out and keep it a secret from everyone else and that was fun too. But it was a little anticlimactic at the ultrasound when we did find out...nothing like that surprise when baby is born. I know people say a surprise at 20 weeks is the same as in the delivery room but I disagree. That being said, I liked being prepared for a third boy and picturing life with a house full of testosterone. :) But if we ever have a 4th I would not find out the sex. Because in the end, it's all a blessing and our belief is that God knows the design of our family and what our family needs. Have fun deciding!

I like to plan, plan, plan, so I REALLY wanted to know beforehand. Luckily, all 3 of my kids cooperated so we could totally see what each one was. My son had no shame in the womb - totally spread eagle for everyone to see. My daughters, too, moved themselves to just the right angle for our viewing. But ever before the ultrasounds, I already knew what they were. I knew it like I knew my name that my first was a boy, second was a girl, and third was another girl. The ultrasounds were just confirmation.

With DS1, we did not find out until his birthday. Then with DS2, I was sure it was another boy, but DH insisted he was a girl, so we found out just so I could prove to him it was a boy! I kind of regretted not waiting for the "surprise." We are currently ttc #3 and this time will NOT find out ahead of time. If baby ends up being a girl we will be scrambling to find clothes after she's born, but that's okay with me. I liked not knowing better.

I'd go with the surprise.
I went with the surprise with m first and found out with my second. If I had found out with the first I'd have not found out with the second. With the second is was REALLY obvious it was a boy w/o asking the tech lol.

I have three girls and with the first two we found out what we were having, but our third was a surprise. The entire pregnancy I swore that I was going to have a boy. My husband said it was girl, and he was right. I think it was fun not knowing. My husband and best friend had a bet going and he won. It is fun listening to others around you when you do know. People always go off the myths and try to guess what you are having. We had a great time not knowing. Your husband will love the baby no matter what the sex is. I was so sure I was having a boy and when my doctor said, "It's a girl!", I was disappointed at first, but once I saw her beautiful face I was no longer disappointed. I love her just as much as my other two and I know that it was just meant to be!

I say go with the surprise especially if your husband wants it to be one. It is a lot of fun not knowing, and there is nothing like the "It's a ...." in the delivery room!

There's really no way to know how the knowledge will affect a parent's feeling until the time arrives. Whether that time is before or after birth could make a difference in "attitude adjustment time," but it might not.

Just a small story: I kind of hoped my one and only grandchild would be a girl. I found out furing my daughter's pregnancy that he was a little guy. I inwardly sighed and shrugged, and hoped I would be able to adjust.

Well, the first time I saw his little tiny self after his birth, I was just totally gone, head over heels in love with him. And it's only gotten better during the past 4 years. Since "meeting" him, I have never once wished he was a girl. (And his mommy had a similar shift in preference; she originally hoped for a girl.)

Whatever your decision here (and there is no "right" decision), I wish you and your DH the same crazy love for your new child.

I found out with my first and then with my twins (we really wanted a girl and are getting one). More than anything, it will help you get ready for when baby is born..
* if it's a girl, you can relax, you have all baby clothes from your first.
* if it's a boy, it will give you time to shop for little boy clothes (on sale or gently used) instead of having to rush out and buy new (and expensive) baby clothes.
* with baby #2 it's not usual to have a baby shower (at least in this area), so not much hope of getting clothes then.
* it will also give you time to plan the nursery and figure out who sleeps where, and if your kids will share a room or not. It will be easier if it's a girl.
* if your hubby still balks, then just buy a few outfits in white, cream, yellow or green just in case it's a boy.
Granted, I'm having two so the thought of rushing out to buy clothes last minute was overwelming. Shopping with a child and two newborns is the last thing I want to do for a couple of months.