I have a very rambunctious 2 year old and a 5 month old and a hard to handle dog. We are cramped in a very tiny apartment all day, every day.
I try to leave to take him out for activities, but taking my 2 children up and down 3 flights of stairs is physically hard for me, and my son is not at the age yet where he can play without me playing with him on a playground or library (he runs very far and very fast, and I can't chase him by myself while holding my baby). I have used a "child leash" on him, but he rips it off.
So, at home, he destroys everything. We have babyproofed doors, baby gates (not the cheap kind), drawer locks, and he literally rips these off and tears apart everything I own. I try to keep on top of it, but it is exhausting. I scrub the carpet, couches... several times a day from him smearing toothpaste, yogurt, lipstick, marker, poop... And, once I stop cleaning to heaven forbid go to the bathroom/shower or nurse my baby, he is at it again. I will lock him in his room sometimes, but not for long. And yes, I do give him fun activities to do throughout the day to try and keep him engaged, but he would rather climb and tear things apart. (We have even gotten rid of furniture because of him climbing it, we even have our kitchen chairs tied to the table legs b/c he tears those apart and uses them to climb furniture... so even sitting at the table is a challenge).
Anyways, we do time out and such and it is improving, but my husband takes it out on me. The second he gets home from work, he angrily cleans all the messes and asks what have I been doing all day. I tell him, I have been cleaning up all day long, but it is always very uncomfortable and it makes me feel worthless and ashamed like I am failing my family. He gets very upset with me because the messes he makes are from my stuff. I have a crafting company and lots of supplies, and even though I keep them locked away and fairly organized, my son still tears it all apart anyways, so my husband sees any mess my son makes as my fault. Yes, we tried counseling and the counselor pretty much ignored everything we both said so we stopped going.
I suppose this question isn't really a question. I am considering just shutting down my business and throwing everything out, and just dumping loads of stuff off at Goodwill if it will reduce any stress or future mess. I am basically just exhausted, unhappy and feel like giving up.
Have you thought about looking at getting him in a Mothers day out program or some part time child care? It sounds like he needs some mega play time and it sounds like you cant give it to him. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Dont stop your dream because of a little boy or a husband that doesnt understand. Do Not give up either!!!
Good luck. Chin up.
wow i don't even know where to begin except to say you're not worthless or failing your family. does your husband ever watch your son by himself?? i think that might answer his question of "what do you do all day?". i would definitely try another counselor because it sounds like you both need it, him for his anger, neat freak and resentment issues towards you and you for your self esteem issues. i use to take things my husband said about the house personally (i mean just random things like "wow we need to vacuum") and now i just blow them off because he and i both know my days aren't all lifetime movies and bon bons :) one thing about your son though, is he getting a lot of sugar?? and have you talked to your doctor about his behavior? one more thing, i would not shut down your business if anything i would suggest (if you can afford it) to find a babysitter at least one day a week so you can work on that and i think it would help you feel better about yourself and let you know you are important. good luck!
I have a very very active 2 1/2 year old. You have to really keep them busy and it sounds like you are doing a great job. He just needs a little more than you can give right now taking care a of your new little one. It was horrible for me when I was breastfeeding our son. She would get into more trouble and I really started to hate when I had to breastfeed him because that is when she was at her worst. I really liked the idea of finding him a summer MDO program. It would give him a place to play and use up some of his energy. If you cannot find one maybe look for a babysitter for your little one so you and him can go to the park and play. I have to let my daughter go outside twice a day to get some of her energy out. I know that is hard for your since you live in an apartment, but maybe you and your husband can figure out away for it to work. It is very hard being a stay at home mom hang in there you are doing a great job.
Your husband sounds like mine!!! My DD has a lot of toys and have taken over the house. Every time i clean a mess five seconds later it is messy again. He asks the same things your husband does. i try to tell him that i am cleaning it is just the things that I do are not noticiable such as vaccuming, dusting, laundry, cleaning the counters, mopping, and that my job NEVER ENDS!!!! He only sees the toys and nothing else. i explain to him go to any home that has a toddler and this is what you will find! Unless you have a maid or they dont have many toys.
As for your things around the house...i would suggest Locking them in a cabinet where they cant get to them.
At least he helps...my husband apparently cant even make a decision on what to eat for lunch he always asks me.
i swear i have two babies!
It seems that he didnt want a wife...he wanted a maid!!!!
I feel your pain!
Lisa,
You are NOT a failure! Parenting is hard...especially if you are a stay at home parent (I am too) and with a child that is extra active. I like the question another mom asked...has your husband kept his son by himself for an extended time frame? If not, I would definitely let him keep his son for half day or more while you go on an outing by yourself or with the baby. Your husband will see for himself what you do all day! You deserve some "me" time...everyone does...husbands and wives!
I agree that you should try a different family/marriage counselor...do NOT give up on your marriage! It sounds like there are a few things that you and your husband need to work on. Please don't take that in a bad way...if most people were honest, most couples have areas that they need to work on.
Do not quit your business. That is one thing outside your family that is yours. I like the idea of you taking one day each week to work your business and do it outside the home! This will also give you time away from your family, not to mention time with other adults.
Most importantly, pray about your situation...And seek counsel from your pastor. If you do not have one, ask friends who you trust for a good pastor to consult.
Good luck and God Bless!
Hi!
A little about me: 40 years old, married almost 20 years, (to a NEAT freak), 3 children, almost 18, 16, 11.
My two oldest are a little less than 2 years apart, I had a little more freedom because I didn't nurse my second, but KUDOS to you for doing it. I just didn't realize how important it was till my third.
Firstly take it easy, men think that all things can be accomplished in a 24 hour day, they deal with grown ups in an office and don't fully understand what it is like to handle young energetic children, who don't respond well to orders.
Secondly, take it easy on yourself. You have only so much time in a day and so much energy. You have prioritized the more important things as important. Like nursing your child. Remember that right now you are tired and we (women) always take things more to heart when we are tired. We are also more defensive.
Thirdly, I found a great resource when my youngest was born that I wish I had when my first was born... "Parenting with Love and Logic". (link below) And.... it seems you have a high energy, type A, I don't care what the punishment is, it's worth it, son! What a blessing, truly. He will be such a go getter in life that you will one day, (believe it or not,) think these years of fatigue were worth it.
fourth, please try the counseling again. If he was willing to go i agree with the other posts, you should try again. If you are a Christian, I have linked a website below that does Christian counseling. The web site explains a little more about this kind of counseling, which is NOT your traditional type.
fifth, Do you have any family or friends, that might take your son for a couple of hours a week, so you can have a little down time, or who would be willing to come by and help you with outings? Even once a week would be helpful. If you belong to a church maybe one of the young girls would volunteer to come by and help you out while you take a nap or get some of the tougher chores done. (I didn't have any of these options when mine were toddlers, and my hubby didn't get angry most of the time, even though he hated it, and i was defensive and took it all to heart also.)
Sixth, this is a short lived time, try to enjoy it as much as you can. I hate the thought that your memories will be bad ones of this glorious time, while you nurse and your little guy is young enough to still really be yours.
Seventh, sit down and talk to your man. Ask him straight out... do you love me? Then tell him your concerns. Explain to him not while you are defensive that the time situation is not what he thinks, that this time in the lives of your young children is shortlived and you'll never have it back. That your efforts will accomplish so much more when they are a bit older and for him to please be patient. That you love him and that you want for him to be happy with the work that you do at home, but there just isn't enough time in the day. (Surely all of his jobs at work aren't completed in ONE day.)
Also make a schedule for yourself that you stick to loosely.
One more thing.... when my second was about 18 months old, I had to have major surgery. I was in the hospital for a week. My husband had to stay home with them for that whole time. He took that time off work and (I laugh now,) but he was SO ready to go back to work at the end of that time. I think that one day isn't really enough for them to understand, and I know you're nursing so that won't be possible, and hopefully you'll never have to have major surgery.
https://www.nanc.org/directory.asp?sortby=l_name&sub=5
http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/pc-207-23-early-childhoo...
Many Blessings!!
