*Update below*
My son will be 7 months old next week and is still waking frequently at night to eat. He is bottle fed on formula and has been since 2 months old (previously nursing) and until about 5 months was waking every 3 hours to eat. Now he seems to be getting worse and worse, waking as frequently as every half hour. Sometimes he wants to eat, sometimes just wants to be held. He has never been colicky or crying without reason but he has been extremely needy and clingy lately and I'm exhausted. I have 3 kids and never had sleep troubles with my other two.
He is still in our bedroom, in a crib on the separate wall as my husband and my bed. Eventually, he will share a room with my son but I can't even consider moving him until his sleep patterns regulate a little. I run a day care and work around 70 hours a week, so my sleep is precious and he was so active during pregnancy that I really haven't gotten a good night's sleep in over a year.
The strange thing is that he has slept through the night (from 10 until around 5) twice without waking at all, but then the next night he'll be up every half hour. He is a big boy (19 pounds at 6-1/2 months) and I have to thicken his formula with rice cereal for reflux. Throughout the night he eats a total of 6 - 8 ounces (usually about an ounce or two at a time) so it's hard to tell if he's really hungry or just needing to be comforted.
This may sound weird, but we're thinking of emptying out our (HUGE) walk-in closet and removing the door and turning it into kind of a nursery area for him where he is seperated visually and audibly from us. I suspect maybe he is just a light sleeper and wakes when my husband snores or I toss and turn in bed or something.
I just need opinions and encouragement on how to get this fixed. I want to try 'crying it out' but I'm hesitant and haven't yet encountered a few days when I can manage with even less sleep than I currently have. We're going to be sharing a house with many people at Christmas time and I really hope there is a way for him to be sleeping more soundly before that time comes. Help!
*Update* -- So after typing that out yesterday, I thought last night was as good a night as ever to give CIO a try. It was heartbreaking, which I expected, and he cried through the first hour, settled down when I would go in and rub his back and kiss him goodnight (at first every 5 minutes, then 10, then 15), then leave, then he'd start up again. He is so used to eating at night that he was sucking on his hands and trying to EAT the pacifier I tried giving him (he doesn't normally use one but I thought maybe it would substitute for the bottle). He wasn't screaming but it was his "hungry" cry, which was really hard to ignore because it felt neglectful, but I didn't!
After the second hour of crying, I used a Podee bottle (has a straw-like device) to give him some water in his bottle without picking him up. I've tried giving him water before and he wouldn't take it but after the crying, I think the bottle soothed him, so he fell asleep after 2 ounces of water. The next time he woke up (3 hours later), I let him cry for another 10 minutes and then gave him the water (he drank 2 more ounces) and he slept until 8 am. I know it's not as effective as cutting him off completely but this was progress, definitely, and I'm hoping the water will help wean him off the bottle so the crying doesn't have to be as traumatic. He did go the whole night without formula or being picked up, so we're making progress.
I'm definitely planning on making the closet into his nursery area. This can't happen right away (I need to purchase a wardrobe to move our clothes and closet contents to first), but I do believe some separation is required but my 9-year-old son needs his sleep for school and I'm not ready to make that transition yet.
Oh, and I appreciate the perspective of those of you who suggested co-sleeping but it's just not for me. I watched my mother keep my brothers in bed with her and my stepdad until they were 6 (because she couldn't say no to them), and the sleep disturbances and trouble it caused everyone was traumatic for everyone. If it works for your family, then more power to you, but we're all too light of sleepers to make co-sleeping work, and I really don't believe it would be a healthy for my marriage or my family.
Thanks for all the encouragement and support.
I would suggest the book: No Cry Sleep Solution. I got it at the library and am reading it right now.
My son started waking every 2-3 hours around 5 mo because he wanted his pacifier, which turned into every 45 mins by 7 mo. (See my previous post about his reflux/wedge/swaddle issue if you want more info) He too never really ate much if given a bottle. I decided to try the cry it out method. By the 4th night he was sleeping from 7:30 to 7 without waking us up. He will wake up (I can hear him rustle around, even kicking his crib) but he no longer starts crying or fussing for us.
I truly think removing him from your room will help. I believe he can hear you and you can hear him, and he doesn't get the opportunity to teach himself to fall back asleep.
Whatever you do, good luck. I know how crazy it feels to never have a good night sleep. It can be impossible to focus and think. Best of luck!
I SO feel for you, C.! My son was a terrible sleeper until we finally did CIO at 11 months out of sheer desperation. He hadn't slept longer than a 2-hour stretch EVER, and most nights he was waking up at least once or twice an hour.
Here's something you might want to try before sacrificing your closet: get a white noise machine ( I highly recommend the Marpac SleepMate) and turn it on while you sleep. If you feel that he's waking because of the sounds you're making this will mask those sounds. You can even put it in your son's room once the boys start sharing, and it will help them keep from waking each other up.
I use one in my room (cant' sleep wihout it...even take it traveling with me), and we got one for my son's room. I've messed with cheaper brands, but realized the Marpac is the best, and wish I'd just bought it first. Good luck!
Hey there,
If he's only on formula right now, and is still hungry at night, he probably needs something more substantial to tide him over like rice cereal or start trying some other solid foods. I started all three of my little ones on rice cereal around 5 months and then moved onto other solid foods between 6 and 8 months. They were getting bigger and milk just wasn't enough anymore. Teething could also be keeping him up at night - I used the natural tablets with my kids and occasionally the baby Tylenol if it seemed like they were really in pain. The walk-in closet separation idea might be a good one. We are lucky enough to have a retreat room off of our room that worked well for this. If our youngest woke up in the night, most of the time she'd look around and not seeing us would go back to sleep unless she really needed something. We could hear her but we also felt as if we had a little privacy as well. Best wishes... and remember this stage doesn't last very long. Enjoy the good things. :)
C.
I am not a doctor just a M. and a grandmom at 7 months your son could be needing to have regular food like cereal with fruit at night it will help. Since he has been in your room from birth the noises of you and your husband should not be making him wake up.
Paula
I think you're right about creating a separate nursery area for your son. My daughter was the same way at night when she was in our room. She'd wake up whenever I'd roll over & I'd wake up whenever I heard her, etc. Nobody got very good sleep until we moved her to a separate area where we wouldn't disturb each other. Good luck.
I would move him out in to the walk in closet or into the hallway. If you can still hear him, move him further down the hallway, but away from the other children. Then I would practice not responding to his every noise. (This is easier said that done, I know!) I think you have gotten into the habit of responding to him every time he makes a noise.
If he just wants to be held, put him down. Night is not play time.
I would also look at how long and how many naps he is taking during the day. Try to increase his activity level so he is tired at night and sleeps because he is tired every night. Swim lessons? Baby swing, crawling, etc.
I have a very long story with our son but long story short you would be surprised as to how much better he might sleep if you move him into the room with his brother now. I would also suggest taking him to the chiropractor.
I would NOT recommend CIO. Just the opposite! Bring him into bed with you. Let him know you aren't going to abandon him at night. Nights are very scary for kids. I have a seven yo girl and a 2 yo boy. I had all sorts of broken sleep because of my eldest which didn't decrease until we are all sleeping in the same room. Cultures all over the world do it. There has to be some logic to it. My girl sleeps in a loft above us and I sleep in a double with my boy below it. The only nights I have been sleep deprived it has been minor and was due to illnesses. We have an adult room that we can retreat to when we feel like some private time. Bed sharing is safe only if you do not take sleeping pills or drink alcohol before bed! Good luck! I know you will find a balance that works for you!
What about giving him some cereal at night?
Try some white noise until you can get him moved into the closet. That helps mask the sound of you and your husband moving around. It really helps out with my children with the outside sounds. They have white noise machines you can purchase or a static station on the radio, or we have used our air filter that makes a little bit of noise for white noise. Good luck and God bless you.
I suspect he has "trained" you to respond to his waking up. You hear him fussing and being a caring mom you just can't ignore it and so you pick him up.
All babies have to learn how to soothe themselves. They will be unhappy untilt they do and they'll not learn how if you respond to his waking. I recommend that you adapt the walk in closet or put him in your son's room. It will help if he isn't able to hear your normal night time movements and you can't hear his awaking.
Crying it out is not a long term project. Most that I read says it takes a week or two. So in the long run you are time to sleep ahead. I don't think that you could stand it if he's in your bedroom. I've found it difficult to not respond.
I don't know if this is the true cry it out philosophy but I'd let him cry for 15 minutes or so and then go to him, reassure him that you're there without picking him up and then leave. You might have to do this several times the first couple of nights. Or so the books say.
If he's in a different room his cries won't be so loud and will be easier to tolerate. You might be surprised and find that your son can tolerate these loud intrusions on his sleep better than you can.
I had difficulty letting my granddaughter cry it out while I was caring for her. I know it's difficult. I didn't succeed. I was staying with my daughter at the time. When I moved out I think she did the cry it out thing and my granddaughter did learn to go back to sleep.
I personally believe in handling sleep issues any way in which you can feel comfortable. I think my effort to quietly soothe didn't work because my daughter was angry with me doing it. I also think it depends on the baby's personality. If one way doesn't work try a different one.
Sounds like he is waking up out of habit. At his age and size, he certainly doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night. In my opinion, he has trained you to get up at his fussing. You need to teach him to sooth himself back to sleep. For instance, with my son, who was much younger, I would go in to his room, put in his pacifier and turn on his ocean wonders aquarium and rub his back until he went back to sleep, I would never pick him up. It didn't take long until he I didn't have to get up at all... he would find his own pacifier and turn on his music himself and go back to sleep. You mentioned reflux, is he on medication? If not, you should try that too, my son had reflux and thickening his formula didn't help a bit. I don't think having him in your bedroom is helping at all either. Good luck.
Hi C.,
I would try letting your son cry it out. Below I have pasted the link to my favorite book on sleep from amazon. I am sure you could get this book from the library. You can do a graduated cry it out method where you let him cry for 5 minutes and then increase that crying time by 5 minutes each time he cries. I also think it would be a good idea to put your son in the closet, and you may want to think about getting a white noise machine. I find that they help my light sleeping children immensely!
Good luck and take care,
T.
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...
The closet idea is a good one. And taking the time to let him CIO will be worth it. Acid reflux should disappear very soon. Also, make sure he isn't too tired when he is put to bed. The weird thing (BUT TRUE) is that a too tired child will wake up during the night repeatedly during the night.
I know CIO is painful, but don't "help" him go back to sleep. Cold turkey is quicker. He needs to learn to sleep without ANY props. He can do it. When he starts crying try thinking:
1. Is he tired? If yes, then he needs to be in bed where he can sleep.
2. If he was crying for a bag of marbles, would a give in and give it to him. No, so I won't give in to him "wanting to stay up" (He isn't crying for love or something heartbreaking list that.) He just wants to play with you.
3. He will still love me in the morning. (When my children still greeted me all smiles the next morning, the CIO was easier to handle.)
Depending on the company...maybe you could let him CIO out when you have company. Maybe you could nap during the day and they could help out? ...I know it depends on the company.
Wow C. you do have your hands full. I worked at a day care center for years and can't imagine having 3 kids on top of that. I only have one daughter currently, but having worked with children alot and seen alot. Do you have a bedtime routine were he knows what happens when it come bedtime. Stories bath etc? Have you tried music? Soft gentle soothing music for bedtime to help him know it is nighttime and sooth him to sleep. Does he take a binkie or suck his thumb that might help sooth also. I have not been around a child much with acid reflux, but maybe his tummy is bothering him. Have you talked with your doctor about the waking and all. Well hope this helps and may encourage you. Oh and with the crying to sleep. Have you tried going were you can't hear the cry. Outside etc. just for a few minutes and then you can check on him. That helps me sometimes. Well hope all goes well. Good luck! Ok so after writing all of that I saw your stuff from last night. Does he eat enought during the day. I make sure my daughter who is now 9 months old drinks enough formula during the day and she has no problem sleeping. Well when she was younger I would wake her, but now she wakes up if she is hungary during the day. I think 24 ounces might be the minimum.
Moving him into the closet is brilliant. I really think that we do wake our babies up in the night when they sleep with us. I would also bite the bullet, and let him cry it out ASAP. It can be difficult and I understand your concern about losing even more sleep, but it is so worth it. I have three children, none of whom slept through the night until I had them cry it out. I had forgotten what it was like to be a normal person until then:)
