Tips for Raising My Son to Be an Independent Person

Have you thought about sending him to a preschool that wouldhelp him be come more independent and help him get along with other children good luck raised4 andnnow have 7 grandchildren A. no hills

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HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SENDING HIM TO A PRESCHOOL THAT WOULDHELP HIM BE COME MORE INDEPENDENT AND HELP HIM GET ALONG WITH OTHER CHILDREN GOOD LUCK RAISED4 ANDNNOW HAVE 7 GRANDCHILDREN A. NO HILLS

My parents spoiled me and my sister.
Meaning they were kind, loving, gave us a safe environment to grow
up in, looked at our own needs first, gave us everything we needed.
Also, note for Christmas they bought two of everything so we wouldn't fight over toys or who got what.
Now having said that my mom imparted wisdom, taught me manners, how to count back change so you don't have to rely on a cash register (can't tell you how many times that saved me and my money!), that silence can sometimes be gold, be respectful of my elders, speak with grace, tried to teach me chores and to clean (to no avail not her fault...all mine), taught me easy tricks for math.
Dad taught me how to always look up a word I didn't know if it was when I was reading or vocabulary words given for homework, he taught me how to change a tire, pay my bills, get a 2nd or 3rd job instead of filing bankruptcy (he always worked hard).
They spoiled both of us.
I grew to be independent because my dad somewhat nourished it but mostly I have to say it was because of my personality.
So you can instill certain things in your child by teaching them (ie. clean up after themselves, give them a few chores, teach them the value of money, be respectful of others/elders/themselves), lead by example and some part of it will be their personality type will have to factor in.
So you do your best, show him the ways of the world (value of money, pay your bills, how to balance a checkbook etc.
My parents SHOWERED us with love, taught us well, gave a great example and we did well (if I may toot my own horn).
SHOW him things, TEACH him things, LEAD by example etc.
Don't do everything for him (you can still do some things for him but....)
He will be fine.

If he's clingy then be there for him. Thats his personality. To raise an independent child, be there for him, answer his cries, questions, and worries. Be reassuring and loving at all times, gently leading him into the future. Children who are firmly attached to their parents are the most independent in school years and beyond. My boys were at my hip constantly form birth to around age 4, and then they both branched out and now at 5 and 8.5, they are very independent, they are not worried about us returning or leaving them, they aren't anxious or worried, they are attached and independent.

I think people go the wrong way nowadays, they force babies to be on their own from birth because they think that makes them independent, when in fact it makes them anxious and worried, distraught and overwhelmed. If the first thing nurtured is a childs attachment, then independence will come with age. It cant be forced and if it is it won't work.

The first thing you can do is when he asks you a question answer it with "what do you think?" When he gives his opinion you can observe that his opinion is interesting to you and that you'd like to hear more of what he thinks. Over time this will teach him to think for himself.

You can also pump him up about doing things on his own like "I just know that you are gonna figure out how to put your straw in your juice pouch by yourself. You're always so smart about those things!" or "I bet you know exactly where the crayons go. You're so observant!" The more you repeat this kind of encouragement, the more he's going to believe in it. Encouragement is the name of the game.

So far you're doing the right thing in giving him LOTS of love. This is the foundation that his self-esteem is going to be built on and self-esteem is critical for building confidence and independence. Now you just need to take a more active approach with the encouragement, challenging and with allowing him to try on his own first without jumping in and taking over. Lord knows it's tough to let them struggle to do something, but it's one of the best things we can do for them in the long run. Sometimes "nurturing" means stepping back and giving them the space they need to grow on their own.

Have fun and good luck to you!

I have two kids (9 and 11), but my partner has an only child (13), so I can honestly seethe difference. The main difference is that the only child is very emotionally underdeveloped, and he's not as capable or inderpendent as my 9 year old! He has been protected by 2 parents for so long he's not been taught any realliufe skills. I don't think they've done him any favours!
Having seen this I canonly encourage you to get your son to do the little things he can himself. Feed himself ( even if it's messy) , dress himself by 4, clean teeth while you watch, and make sure you talk to him and listen to him.
My kids make their own breakfast, school lunches, and walk to and from school themselves at 9 and 11. There are strict safety rules, but they love feeling more grown up.
My kids can be trusted to make good informed decisions because I have let them make mistakes before (I am always careful to be nearby the first time), and learned from them. They are more responsible than the 13` year old, and less whiney and needy. Nothing worse than kids who want to be adults (stroppy) but have no skills to do it safely. Or no sensible emotional capability to make their own decisions.
Also,encourage any team sports - they'll learn so much from their peers behaviour, and have to deal with peers in a competitive environment which makes them tougher and more resilient! Good luck.

This is a journey for both you and your son. As you grow as a parent, he grows as a child. This independence you are reaching for will last for nearly a lifetime. You will find that you cry the same for his first day of pre-school as you do for his first day of college. You will feel the same about his girl friend as you do his first crush.

As you release him, use your best judgement, as I am certain you do and trust he will learn to trust others and remember everything you taught him and he will use his best judgement.

...if you never let go, neither will he.

First of all, you can't mess up!!! (well, technically I guess you can, but you sound caring enough that it probably won't happen). OK, independence. My first daughter did not really develop her independence until she went to preschool, and they just have the kids do everything for themselves...pick up toys, put away their own blankies, gather supplies for art projects, etc. One teacher can not and will not tie everyone's shoes, so they figure it out for themselves. My second daughter did not have the immediate response time that my first daughter got, so she developed her independence pretty early, since mom was busy with big sister, she would get the sippy cup and pour the milk into it even before she was 2! (well, the milk did not usually land in the cup!). Anyway, I guess you can just get "busy" and he will get more independent. You can suggest that he get his own granola bar and use the scissors to open the wrapper while you are finishing up on the computer, or whatever. That way, he will start thinking - oh, I guess I CAN get that myself... I think when we expect our kids to be able to do things, they will! So you can discuss with him some things that you would like him to do for himself and then just delay your response to give him time to do it. Usually we jump in because it is faster if we help them put on their socks and shoes, but sometimes, speed is not the goal. It is more in training yourself than him!

My son is an only child. Parents tend to do a lot more for only children. If you have more than one they sort of have to start doing things on their own. Only children don't really have to if we keep doing things for them. A lot of the things they need to do on their own helps develop their fine and gross motor skills. My son was a little behind in the fine motor skills because of this. His teachers and doctor told me I had to let him do more for himself.. and he wanted to do more for himself. Even if he makes a mess, you have to let your son do a much as he can for himself - obviously it has to be age appropriate - there are certain things you wouldn't let a 3 year old do but once he's 4 or 5 you might. Let your son help you around the house with little things.. let him dust a table or help set the table or help you vacuum... things like that help make children independent too and they feel a sense of pride in helping. They know they are expected to help out rather than be catered to. I also put my son in karate lessons at 3 years old. It really helped his confidence and he's a lot more outgoing now.

Do the best you can. There is definitely a lot of winging it involved!! I'm sure you're doing a great job.

Hi my 3 are grown, 27, 23, and 21 and early on we let them do things for themselves, many moms don;t because they can do things faster, dress the child, tie the shoes, brush their teeth, but even thought it takes them longer to achieve a task, you got to let them try. You will mess up as a mom, every mom does, and yes it is the greatest blessing. You want them to have a sense of independance, but at the same time, you don't want them controling, many children out there even on mama source seem to have more control over their parents than the parents have of them. You sound like a mom who wants to be the best you can, I think you will. J.

To me, independence means being responsible for your own actions and good decision making. Several of the other moms had great suggestions on how to foster responsibility, I'd like to throw in a few thoughts about decision making. It's like a lot of other things, you can't learn to do it if you're never given the chance. Start at an early age, being age appropriate, and let them make choices. Start with little things like "do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red one?" As they get older and the choices become harder, help them evaluate the pros and cons of each choice. And then the tough one -- let them make the choice; if it's the wrong one, they need to learn to suffer the consequences, but also to learn that mom & dad are there to help pick up the pieces. Sometimes the best way to learn how to make good decisions, is to make some bad decisions. You sound like you are a great mom; and love is the most important thing we can give our children.

The absolute hardest thing we as parents have to do is let go, but it is vital to giving our children the quality of life they deserve. Let go!!

Whenever you feel yourself getting the urge to "overnurture," remind yourself that you're not raising a child, you're raising an adult.

Best of luck to you and your precious son!

Give him... a good sense of self.
A sense of being himself....
let him explore, create, think, do..... with his OWN creativity and ideas.
Praise him for it.
Allow him to make mistakes... and how to manage that.
Teach him that there are MANY DIFFERENT ways of doing something. Not only one way.
That he does NOT 'have to' be perfect.
To KNOW "who" he is.... and to be himself, always.
That is what we teach our kids. And they are confident kids who KNOW themselves, very well. Even amongst other kids.

Let him express himself... boys NEED that. To learn that. Good moods or bad moods... to be able to SAY how they feel. Openly, with you. And to be able to TALK about it. Not lecturing about it.
I teach my kids... to KNOW how they feel.... so that they know themselves and can discern that. It is called "emotional intelligence."

For me, I "let" and "allow" my kids to try things... even if I know they don't know how or even if I know they can't do it PERFECTLY. So what. The point is NOT that they do it "perfectly" or even know how... the POINT is that THEY are having fun and exploring and trying..... that is how they gain confidence and a sense of who they are.
THAT is what creates, an independent and self-reliant child.
KNOWING themselves....

And if my kids make a 'mistake' I do NOT focus on that, I focus on how FUN it was just doing it.... and the PROCESS of it.

Being 'independent' does NOT create a "spoiled" child.

Let him do things... without 'hovering.'

all the best,
Susan

I always wonder about nature vs nuture. My daughter is 10 and has always been very independent. It is her personality but I also think it has to do with the fact that my husband and I would leave her with friends or babysitters on a regular basis. This gave her the understanding that we'd be gone but always come back. I encourage you to do the same.

I agree with Dyreka. "Catch him" doing good things and lavish the praise. My son is 7./ He's an only child. I know I have continued to do thins for his for far too long b/c it was "easier" "faster" etc and that's the really tough part. Allow the time (when you can) to let him at least try to do tasks by himself.