Our 5 y/o DD is in Kindergarten and does a great job with getting herself ready for school & bedtime and is also helpful with small chores, such as emptying the dishwasher, setting the table, folding easy parts of the laundry, but she is terrible about picking up her play things. Cleaning up at the end of the day seems to be too overwhelming to her, so we are trying to teach her to clean up one activity/group of items before she moves on to the next, but are not having much success with that either. We've tried offering various incentives as well as taking the item away for a period of time if she doesn't clean it up. We've tried making it into a game. We've tried the teamwork approach. All of these methods work in other situations with her, but when it comes to cleaning up play things, they don't. Is it reasonable for a 5 y/o to be able to do this at all? If yes, any tips for helping teach her this?
Thanks for all your tips. Much of what you suggested we were already doing. What ended up working best for us is to make sure she cleaned up whatever she was playing with when we saw that she had moved on to another activity. When there was too much to clean up, it was overwhelming for everyone, so cleaning up each activity did the trick, with us providing directions when she seemed lost as t how to put something away. We made a big deal (positive words) when we spotted someone else cleaning up their stuff & then made a big deal when she did it too, so she realized better that this is just what everyone does, not just her. Also, we instituted "If you play, it goes away" taking away any items that she was playing with when she was supposed to be cleaning up. A bunch of things got taken away the first week (for a week), a couple of things the second week and now we say, "If you play..." and she just puts the stuff away on her own. While the house isn't perfect, it is oodles better and, more importantly, she is having less frustration over not being able to find things and has actually started cleaning up on her own without prompting.
yes. We have a cleanup song, and I used to help her clean it up (making it a race always made her want to do it more) but she does it all by herself now.
I started having her clean up her own toys when she was 2. She's 5 now and she still doesnt WANT to do it, but she will when made to.
I would also not allow her to get anything else out if the first set of toys hasn't been put away.
it's absolutely reasonable. my son does all that you describe, and at school he is a champion picker-upper - because he knows he has to. at home he's not QUITE as good because we don't enforce it as much as we should. but when he's asked he will help clean up. one thing i have done is only allow him to get one activity out (or if it's individual toys, a couple or whatever) and then if he wants something else, the first ones have to be put away first. that helps minimize the chaos a bit :) also, keeping the jobs short and manageable is helpful - like another poster said, just saying "pick up your mess" can be overwhelming and they don't even know where to start. but specific requests "pick up your books before you get out your legos" works a lot better. good luck!
5 years old or 15 years old or 35 years old or 45 year old Spouses.... do they pick up, always, and do it perfectly like you would?
Maybe, assign ONE place/section for her, to pick up after.
Not a whole room.
Most young children, will get overwhelmed if told they have to clean up a whole room, by themselves.
The point is: that they clean up or help... not the quantity of an entire room.
For me, I ALSO make cleaning up.. not a solo activity done to torture my kids... but that it is about HELPING each other and TEAMwork. Of which, I help too.
And, I do not teach my kids that "well you made the mess so you clean it up... not me" kind of attitude. Otherwise, a child will only learn to mind their own things, in a selfish way. Or that they do not have to help others... clean up.
It is just a thing to do. Like brushing your teeth.
But no, I would not expect a 5 year old... to do it ALL. Sure pick their toys... but at the end of the day... what are you expecting her to do?
Does that mean the whole house? The entire room? Everything at the end of the day? I mean, even for a SAHM, that can be daunting, right?
So for the proportional perceptions of a 5 year old, well, that must seem like double the quantity or volume, to clean up.
Have bins or something, for her to clean up, into. To put the things away in. Label the bins.
Yes, it is certainly reasonable and I think good parenting.
If she's truly overwhelemd I think it's okay to help or at least give her a strategy (do all the Legos 1st). I have had to change my tactics from time to time (when they were younger the clean up song, or sort the toys, or we race each other) We tried the rule of putting all the things away before you could get out a different toy, but he's so creative I appreciate the way he uses the toys together (need a garage for the hotweels? Go get the legos and build one) so that doesn't really work well for us.
2 things that work currently (though I admit I don't do a great job enforcing them):
1. Something to look forward to at the end of the day, after clean up. For us it's a tv show. "It's clean up time and then showtime" then they get distracted, so, "If it's not all cleaned up in 5 mins we won't have time for our show.... show's starting in 4 mins and I still see some x..."
2. My last resort- Get a box or the trash can "If you're not going to take care of these toys I guess you don't want them anymore." He tested me once and I actually threw something away. I haven't had to actually get a box since.
It's totally reasonable to ask a child that age to pick up their toys. Make a rule...if you don't pick it up, I take it away for a week. After a few days when all her toys are taken away and she has nothing to play with, I imagine she will get the idea. It's just a matter of wills at this point...there's no reason to take "no" for an answer. In what otherwise seems to be a very obedient and helpful child, I think if you stick to it it will come.
I do make sure that my children pick up on thing before moving on to the next so it isn't overwhelming...you have the right idea. I don't think it should take songs, or bribing, or games, etc (not that I'm against these ideas, don't get me wrong...)...picking up is a very simple and quick thing.
I showed my daughter an episode of Hoarders once and said, "Do you want our house to look like this?" (Okay, totally not going to happen, but you get the idea.) That's all it took...she likes things to look neat.
My five year old daughter doesn't do well with grand sweeping orders like, "Clean up this room!" What works for us are small manageable tasks like, "Please pick up all the legos and put them in the lego box." When she's done with that task she'll yell out, "All done!" Beaming proudly standing in the middle of a messy, but lego free, room. Then I'll say, "Now I need you to gather up all the stuffed animals and put them on your top bunk!"
In this way I can get her to clean her whole room without making her feel overwhelmed and unable to figure out where to start.
with my daycare, the rule is simple: no further activity until the 1st one is put away. By 18-24 months, the kids know that, & with my prompting the job is finished quickly. No battles, no power struggles....
The key is to remain consistent & vigilant. As soon as you see her moving on to the next round of play....stop her & make your request. If she doesn't comply, then she has to sit in timeout. She can get out of timeout if she's ready to pick up. & yes, I do work with the kids. I also make it a game..."do you want to put the books or the dolls away?"....or "I need all of the kitchen set pieces. Where are they?"
Variations of these questions....usually has the kids scrambling to pick up or to beat me to the toys. I never ask "yes or no" questions...I always stick with questions where the kids actually have to answer me. :)
Oh, & they do play with multiple activities....using books with the dolls & kitchen set. But that has to be put away before the blocks come out. I love how this method creates some really fun combos! One of my favs is when the floor blocks come out....they make a road or a sitting area, & then bring out the books/dolls to play in what they built.
In retrospect, the real key to all of this is to be actively aware of what is happening!
Yes it is reasonable to expect a 5 year old to pick up. Of course they may not do it like an adult would. My suggestion is to have a book shelf with plastic bins. Let them put the toys in them. Legos in one for example, dolls in one , drawing stuff in one, etc. Also have a book shelf to keep books on. If there is an easy access place to put toys they will use it. Have regular pick up times. Maybe a half hour before dinner is pick up time or after dinner. Whatever fits your lifestyle. Also before picking up becomes a habit, ask if you can help her so that she gets used to the idea and doesn't feel overwhelmed by it. Pretty soon it will be habit, but you must be consistant.
If they are big enough to make the mess, they are big enough to clean it up. This goes for husbands, in-laws, children, etc.
Our daughter (not our sons) seems to do the same thing. We tell her to pick up 3 things. She does. Then we say, ok, pick up 2 more things. Keep going on until all is picked up.
My dad use to tell me, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." Don't have her look at the entire mess....just 5-10 things....and then 5-10 more.
Our daughter likes races, so we challenge her...with see how many toys you can pick up in X seconds...and we have a box right in front of her.
Give her one toy to play with. When she can put that away w/o any problems, then give her 2 toys next time...and so on.
my son who is three and a half started getting like this about a month or two ago..... so instead of cleaning up at night before bed we made seperate times thru out the day to clean we pick up after lunch before dinner and before bed so its not so much at once... we also make it a game i let him toss things or i will say on the count of three put something away thats green blue orange and so on and so fourth this seems to really work.... since we started this new way of cleaning i only had an issue once he didnt want to pick up three toys so i said if mommy has to pick it up i put it where i want it and you dont get to play with them for a few days and thats what happened they went on top of the fridge where he could see and couldnt reach for three days (one day per toy) havent had a problem since.......
better than what my mom use to do we had 25 minutes to pick up whatever wasnt picked up GARBAGE.....
I would like to add that positive reinforcement like using a basic chart and rewarding the clean up with stickers is quite useful for building up good habits like picking up toys. Gives them ownership of the issue and lets them feel good about themselves when they do it. Keep expectations low (esp with 3 y/o!) to begin with and realize that at this stage of the game you are probably going to need to 'help' (give lots of direction & positive feedback) most of the time. With the 3 y/o you might esp want to say something like, "I'll get this & you get that." when the mess is huge.
http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/daily%20routin...
Omg, my girls 3 and almost 5 give me the hardest time at home! They are is preschool 3 days a week and are perfect angels there! Both of their teachers tell me they never have to ask twice. At home I always ask them to help ME clean up and my 3 yr old is def more helpful. My older one tells me straight out she doesn't want to help me. Honestly they have too many toys so when I tell them if I put it away they never see it again they really don't care. Since I also have a 16 month old I'm usually too tired to fight about it and also since I am a SAHM I just save it for the end of the night. Yes, I cave. Don't judge too harshly, lol. At least they help at school and other people's houses.
Do not let her take out any more toys until she has put the last one away. The less she takes out the less there is to clean up.
