Time Alone

Well hello there Mrs. K.! I have a similar problem...except for the stay-at-home/daycare part. My husband and I do not have a sitter to watch all three of our kids so we NEVER get a night out, either. It's frustrating and it ends up causing us to get into arguements over the dumbest things...just b/c we are both tired and burnt out. My neighbor has four kids and they have set up a "date night"...every other Saturday. They put the kids to bed a little early...throw some steaks on the grill...turn off the cellphones...drink a few beers...and just spend some time together. It's a nice way to reconnect. I think that is such a great idea, especially when you don't have access to a sitter. There is a website out there called sittercity.com but I believe you have to pay to view contact info, but it's still a way to possibly find a sitter. Another possible solution...pack up your things....move down here....and we can both get time alone again =o) Just kidding.....well not really......hang in there girl...I totally feel your pain!

It is so hard to find a sitter these days that you can trust. I know what you are going through. I'd call a sitter service, to get started. We have a place called Childcare Partnerships found us a sitter.

I hope you can find some one. Do any of your friends have kids that sit? Good luck!!!

I hear you!! We just moved to the area and are having difficulty finding anyone to watch our kids. We have some leads at the church we've started going to, but haven't followed through with them yet. Would you be interested in starting a babysitting co-op? My daughter is 4 and my son is 1. Co-ops are great because you rotate who has the kids and who gets the night off. It doesn't cost anything because you share. And the kids get to play with other people and you make new friends too! Just let me know what you think.

haven't read any of the responses, forgive me if I repeat...

dh and I also have a difficult time getting out (our closest family is an 8 hour drive)... there are a couple of things that work for us.

first, a consistant and early bedtime - kids in bed NO LATER than 7 (usually closer to 6:30). People think I'm crazy, but they need their sleep (they wake up between 7 and 8 whether I put them to bed at 6 or 10... I'll take 13 hours over 9 ANY day!), but more importantly, dh and I NEED our alone time. I feel that the most important gift I can give them is seeing a healthy relationship. So between 7 and when we go to bed is "Mommy and Daddy time" As they get older and no longer need 12 hours of sleep at night, we will still do our routines early, everyone ready for bed by 7 and playing/reading/whatever quietly until bedtime that way we preserve our "special" time.

Also, since you can't get out, you might want to consider a "date night in" Some ideas are: getting the kids pizza (or whatever) and saving our nicer dinner for after, or watching a movie together, or sharing a bubble bath, or having a living room picnic, or sitting outside with warm beverages watching the stars and chatting, playing cards/board games, going to bed early (we always have our best conversations before we fall asleep - if we're in bed early, we're more alert and the conversations are even better... besides, a nice conversation in bed can always lead to even more fun...)

good luck!!!

Do you have a YMCA in your area? The YMCA I go to in Nebraska has a program "kids/parents nights out" even for non-members. They do this twice a month at night. You pay by the number of children. The kids do lots of fun things at YMCA under supervision while the parents enjoy their special night out. You should look into it.

K., If you do home daycare, then you do know someone. I know I would swap sitting with my old sitter to give her a night out when I could tell she needed it. Have your husband talk to people he works with, I have found some of the kids of co workers who have sat for me. Also joining a church will help you network with other people, and get the help of the kids in the youth group. If you lived in Omaha, my son 6 yrs old, and I sit for others as well. It gives him someone to play with and me a little break from his neediness. S. Some of the daycares have night time hours as well, it can get a little costly, but it is certainly worth it to me from time to time. Go to the high school as well and speak with the guidance counselors, they may know some eligible kids. Good luck up there!

Girl... the advice I give EVERY female friend I have is you have to have time for you and your husband alone without kids. If you have a home daycare, utilize the women and men who's kids you care for.

Find out from them who they use for an evening out. If they know of a responsible teen that will watch the kids for a couple of hours so you can go out to eat. You may want to go to your local community college and post a job listing at their message board. You can atleast interview whoever may apply or if the college has a daycare onsite, check with the director/teachers of the center.

Once the two of you start to spend some time together, you two will start to remember what drew the two of you together to being with....

Good luck.

M. H.

You know. . .sometimes the best thing is to bring home takeout, put the kids to bed early and cuddle up to a movie! I love nights like this with my husband! We very rarely go out, so we usually will try to put our daughter to bed earlier (8 pm) for a night together.

My co-worker used to run an at home daycare, and she did a babysitting co-op with the parents of the kids she watched so one set of parents would take all the kids on friday night and everyone rotated. She would have her own family one week, then watch the other kids, the next week would be her and her husbands turn to go out. Best part is it's free and you know the parents. If you are looking for more than one night a week out a month, I found a great weekend babysitter on craigslist(I got a ton of responses). Hope this helps!

Hi!! My husband and I experienced that same scenario. For us it took the support of our out of town friends and relatives and each other. When people came to visit, which we were fortunate to have, we let people know the status of our lives and they weren't so cooncerned about the house not being perfect and they all did something of their own design to help us get ahead. It was affecting me the strongest and I was starting to get sick etc. So, my husband took a day off from work and allowed me some much needed pampering/rest.It was amazing what that gesture alone did for our outlook toward each other. It sparked us for sure. It sparked romance that was missing but it also gave us enough extra energy to figure out new ways to get things done so pure exhaustion with no stress relief wasn't our everyday experience. We are still tired on a daily basis but we aren't drained and we can see when the drained stage is coming and do things to help each other prevent it. He hit the wall and got sick about a week later and it was my turn to step up to the plate and get him back on his feet.

What's that saying you can't take care of others if you aren't taking care of yourself. So, food, nutrition and stress relief were our number one priorities with the idea that if we all, kids included, ate well and enough (not lost in the "I didn't have time to eat")and had daily means of stress relief, the rest would fall into place. Believe me it took some real planning, creativity and effort but it has been worth it. It is also one of those things that continues to be reinvented with a new surface that works just that much better the next time.

Good luck!