Throwing Sand

I think the best response is what other moms have suggested: no explanations, just "you threw sand, it's time to go". Do not let him back to the sandbox for the rest of the time you are at that place. Personally, if it was my kid throwing sand, we would have left the park immediately. That's one of those things I don't mind making a BIG impression about.

He may need a reminder every time before playing near sand: If you want to throw, go find a ball. Sand is not for throwing.

He's developmentally behind, and you're talking to him about right and wrong? You're trying to get him to understand the other child's point of view? Wasted effort! No child this age is really capable of empathy.

He thinks it's fun, because it is. When it stops being fun, he'll stop. So, how do you make sand-throwing less fun?

You curb his behavior by giving him immediate negative consequences - the second he throws sand, he gets put in the car seat and strapped in, and he's taken home. No going for ice cream, no treats, no conversation. "You throw sand, you have to leave." Period. Head Start teachers need to do the same thing. He doesn't get to play with sand, ever. I don't know what you mean about "a notice written up" - they sent you a notice? They put something in his file? That does nothing. He needs to find it way more inconvenient to throw sand - so he needs to lose freedom and privileges immediately.

He's 4. You're in charge. Give him an immediate consequence when he misbehaves. Don't expect him to understand why he isn't allowed or must do something. Once te behavior has stopped or after he's complied you cantalk with him about reasons. Through out your first response is to stop his negative behavior, consistently give an immediate consequence, then talk about what you expect from him and why.

early on I fell into the trap of thinking if a child understood he'd cooperate. I've learned that understanding is good but that is not the effective first action for me to take. I also learned that continuing to try to gain their understanding gives them the message that I'm open to a discussion. It leads to arguments. I stop the action. I tell them why. If they continue to act that way I give an immediate consequence every time. If, after a few times, they continue te action I add another consequnce.

this is how sand throwing would look for me. The first 2-3 times I'd immediately remove him from sandbox. I would confidently use short sentences telling him to stop and that sand hurts. Brief and to the point. He only has to understand that he cannot throw sand. After the first 2-3 times I'd immediately remove him from the park. If he threw sand again I would not go to the park for a week or so letting him know the reason you're not going. I would not discuss anything about it with him. I'd say, "you throw sand at park. This hurts other children. We are not going to park." When we went back to park I'd ask him to assure me he would not throw sand before going.

At this point I would talk with his teacher about how to handle it. I would talk often with the teacher about ways to discipline. I would spend some time observing how they do it.

I would also look for a parenting class to take.

Many 4 year olds aren't truly able to be empathetic. Some are, but most are not. So don't feel too bad that he isn't grasping the concept that throwing sand hurts people. It's possible that he just doesn't get that yet.

My 5 year old has been diagnosed with Social Pragmatic Communicative Disorder. (Think Asperger's without the specifically autistic traits, though we sometimes wonder if he might actually have autism.) He struggles with his social language and his social interaction. He's a very bright boy - knows all his letters, numbers, colors, etc. But socially, he is behind.

He doesn't throw sand, but believe me, we have our troubles. Every time we go shopping, I have to go through the rules: Stay with Mommy. No running. Inside voices. I've had people try to tell me that I just need to be more strict or I just need to try this or that technique. They mean well and know that some of the things he does are not age appropriate. Believe me, I know that! But my son struggles. I really am trying to teach him, but he can only learn as fast as he can learn.

Talk to his preschool teachers. Let them know that you are struggling with this at home as well and would appreciate hearing how they will approach it at school. My son has had problems at school from time to time, and his teachers have reached out to me to ask what we do at home and talk about what they've done at school. I've learned from them, and we've worked together to try and help him grow.

It isn't easy to have a child with developmental concerns. Keep working with the teachers and talk to your pediatrician. There are often services available, so it is very important for you to keep talking to the teachers and ped as he grows and develops and his needs change.

Hang in there!

I think removing him immediately is the correct thing to do.
Explain to him that IF and when he throws sand, he will have to Lexie the sandbox. Also explain that if he does not throw, he can stay with everyone else & play.

Until he can play with it without throwing it at people, he needs to stay away from sand.
Sand in the eyes is painful - he can't be allowed to hurt others.
Try him on play dough.

stop talking to him. the first time he does it, boom! whisked away and home he goes.
tell the people at his school that he doesn't yet get it, and to keep him out of the sandbox, period. beyond that it's up to them. you can't be with him while he's at school, they have to step up and proactively prevent him from hurting the other kids.
khairete
S.

he's allowed at the park, but no more chances in the sandbox until he is older, ask the school to follow the same rule. What may work for a typical 4 yt old isn't working for yours, that's ok. Take him to the park a lot, and remind him NO Sandbox so it will be easier for him to learn this rule at school. We dont put toddlers in the sandbox and he may be functioning in some ways as a toddler.

I hate public sandboxes - they are dirty, kids throw sand, cats poop in them. I'd find a park without sand or tell him it's off limits. And even if there weren't other kids to throw sand at, the wind can carry it into his own eyes.

By the way, it's "curb" behavior, not curve it. Curbs are restrictive barriers, and we restrict behavior, so we "curb" it. (I love language).

when he throws sand that is it sand is done for the day. period. other children should not be in the sandbox with him until you are totally sure this behavior is done.

The first time he throws sand he is removed and not allowed to return to the sand for that day. If he throws it at school he is removed and not allowed to return to the sandy area for that day. Be consistent. I am surprised you waited so long for removing him immediately to be your course of action, but since you did it may take him a while to figure out you are serious about it since before you just talked to him and he never saw any real consequences from his behavior.

Head Start needs to handle it at school and not bother you with that. It's THEIR job to manage him when he's there.

That said. He has no idea what you're doing okay? At a normal age 4 kids can empathize and put themselves, just barely, into another persons place and sort of understand how something might have felt for them.

Your kiddo seems to still be all about the texture, the sand feels good, it's fun to watch it fly and fall and hit stuff and wow! sand is just fun to feel!

He is going to keep doing this. It's a developmental thing. The teachers should shadow him and try to shoo the other kids away so your kiddo can play in the sand. Facing him away from the other kids will also help him not be tempted to throw sand in others faces.

As for you taking him to the park. What if you sat with him in the sand, behind him or right beside him so you can put your hand over his when he starts to draw back and say "Sand stays on the ground". That's it. You're teaching him to leave sand on the ground and you're giving him a physical reminder to not raise his arms.

There are many teaching tools you can learn to utilize. If there is a facility near you that has a sheltered workshop, group homes, etc....call them and ask if they have any ETL, Effective Teaching and Learning, classes that you could attend. If they don't then please consider contacting the agency and arranging some sort of education for yourself.

Head Start might be able to find funding to have these classes too. They are so important. Head Start could fund it and then learn specific skills to use in their daily work with all their students.

ETL made a huge difference to me in how I interact with people with disabilities and how I worked with them training them in just about every life skill I taught.

Even though this is an Oklahoma program, as far as I know it "was", they might have a video presentation or something that could still be helpful.

http://www.etl.org/index.shtml

It;s hard to give you advice because you say your son is "Very developmentally behind"
Sometimes getting down at someone's level isn't going to help if they are behind.
What does his pediatrician say? Or your counselor? People that know you and know your son and understand what his capabilities are.
L.

Don't you have parks with NO sandboxes?
Don't let him go in the sand, that should be off limits. I think sand is dirty and disgusting so my kids know that sand is off limits since they were tiny. Just stand in front of it and not let him past you.

Right before entering the park, get down to your son's level and look at him and say seriously "if you throw sand, we will go home right away."

If he throws sand at the park (even if it's not at another child), all play stops and you calmly tell him, at his level, "you threw sand and now we are going home." And you take him home, kicking and screaming if need be.

Go to the park again the next day to reinforce the behavior. If he doesn't throw sand make a big deal about how good he was and what a big boy he was and he has earned *insert fav thing here*

Let the school know how you are handling this and see if they can do something similar. If he throws sand, he has to go sit in the office until recess is over or something. Then right before dropping him at the door, remind him that if he throws sand, he will sit in the office until recess is over.

If you (and the school) are consistent, he will believe you. He doesn't need to understand the other kids' point of view - he needs to understand that he is impacted by his actions.