Help with Throwing Things.

Updated on May 11, 2008
N.S. asks from Somerset, CA
12 answers

My daughters son 17 months is throwing things. Last night he hit her with a cell phone on the eye. She is giving him time outs, but he is still throwing. She just moved into a new place, but he was doing this before then.

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So What Happened?

Just wanted to thank all of you that responded to my question on 17 month old throwing things. He throws whatever is in his hand and no paticular reason. I sent my daughter all the responces so she could look over them and use what she feels might help. I think she also signed up so she can ask her own questiones in the future. She is due at the end of next month with her second child, a girl.

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D.W.

answers from Modesto on

She needs to work on that asap. Throwing things can be very dangerous. My nephew went through a stage like that too and threw a toy car at my daughter. When the car hit her it got her right in the head and busted it open. She bled everywhere, this is what actually got him to stop throwing things when he seen what he did to his cousin. I think it scared both of them!

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A.C.

answers from Sacramento on

I'd do my best to keep anything but his own toys out of his hands. If he throws a toy it immediately gets taken away and a timeout. I always made a big deal about putting the toy up tall where she could see it but couldn't reach it and everytime she asked for it I'd remind her that she threw it so it got taken away. We'd usually start fresh the next day with a reminder about if you want to keep your toys make sure you don't throw them today or they'll get taken away. At 17 months anything but immediate consequences seemed like the best. If I were to take something away, like dessert or playing at the park later that day or the next, it was just confusing. At that age, they are still so small and don't remember that they can't do something because of something completely different that happened several hours or the day before.

Consistency is key...he may not stop throwing things right away, but if he gets enough things taken away and spends enough time in the corner, then he'll start to get it. So tell her to make sure there is an immediate consequence every single time he throws something. And after his time out have her kneel down and remind him why he got a time out, remind him that if he does it again he'll get another time out and have him apologize before he can leave the time out area.

Good luck!

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S.S.

answers from San Francisco on

The boy is too young to be punished. All babies and toddlers throw things. She needs to baby proof everything and make sure he does not have access to things like cell phones! I know this is a major incovenience but it's worse if someone gets hurt. Make sure he has plenty of access to toys that are age appropriate. He will outgrow this phase.
Good luck to your family and congratulations on the one on the way.

C.C.

answers from Fresno on

My younger daughter was very unpredictable at that age, and would alternate her shocking behaviors to keep us on our toes. She would throw things every now and then (along with hitting, kicking, screaming, and various other obnoxious "terrible two" behaviors). If she threw a toy, we'd immediately take it away, and she'd have to go sit in her room alone to cool off for a minute or two (or longer if she so chose). We don't keep toys in the kids' rooms, so sitting in her room was booooring. The consequence has to be immediate in order to be effective, and Mom can't react emotionally or it becomes a fun game for the toddler.

I don't see much point in punishing kids of this age. They truly aren't sorry, and have zero impulse control, so punishment is not meaningful, and lectures get you nowhere. My logic is that I am simply intervening in the unwanted behavior immediately, and allowing the child the chance to get themselves in control before the behavior has a chance to escalate.

I hope this helps!

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C.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I just took a "Disciplining Your Toddler and Preschooler" class at the California Parenting Institute (CPI) in Santa Rosa. We were taught that time outs do not work until the child is at least 2.5 years old as they cannot understand the concept until at least that age.... Giving him something that IS acceptable to gently throw, and maybe showing him how to roll a ball is a great idea. My daughter also went through this stage, we were just very careful about child proofing and trying to redirect her.
Good luck!

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J.W.

answers from Stockton on

kids especially boys like to throw things. My son is only a year and has hit people in heads with things as well as me and himself...they are learning and we need to teach them, time out I feel isnt the way to go with someone so young, he doesnt really care all that much he is in a corner or chair somewhere and really doesnt understand a whole lot of why he is here. i have found being stern and saying no hitting has worked also popped him in the mouth lightly but he doesnt like it and understands that isnt ok.... he throws a lot less now but it is something we will struggle with until he is about 3 or 4. Kids are learning but they can forget something you tell them in 30 sec or a minute so main thing is to be consistant. hope this may work

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

At 17 months that's still kinda cute, in my opinion. Funny, too. My youngest used to throw half his food all over the floor when he was eating, and he thought it was hilarious. We acted stern, but thought it was hilarious too.

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S.F.

answers from Bakersfield on

i think it may just be a 'boy' thing. my 21 month old son does it still and telling him no has done nothing. i am hoping it is just a phase. he seems to understand now NOT to throw at someone directly. but he still loves to throw. everytime he throw's hard objects we still tell him no and give him a squishy ball to throw instead. and he loves soccer, so , he'll throw the squishy ball at dad's feet to get him to kick it around. i think it is just time. because as boys there will always be sports where throwing ball are involved. good luck!

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S.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I am a mother of 3 and can confirm this is a stage. My child 20 months throws food on the walls, windows and floor, throws objects and balls at the windows and walls and kicks people and things. He thinks it is really funny. Although I continue to discipline him with time outs, he is still too young to really understand and to really respond to discipline. If he gets any kind of reaction from what he does, he continues to do it for attention. I assure you the child will grow out of this stage and eventually go into another stage. eeks.

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

If time outs are not working maybe it is time to start taking away things that he really likes when he throws. I am just guessing but i bet he does not throw that things that mean something to him. A favorite toy or play time with friends can all work well. Also i would do no warnings at this point. Sit him down and tell him what is expected of him and that as soon as he throws something he is going into time out and one toy getts put away for the day. Also try a reward chart. For every day he goes without throwing something and doing what he should do,playing nicely, brushing his teeth, or what ever you want him to do, he gets a sticker and then when he get so many stickers he gets do something special. Kids respond well to positive renforcment. So give it a try.
A.

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N.P.

answers from Modesto on

Hi N.!

I invested in about 10 balls, all cheap, all small, and all soft.

Each time my son would throw something, I told him "that is not a ball, you are only allowed to throw balls". And i quickly gave him one to throw.

It didn't take more than a week for him to catch on. Then only in his little "fits" did he throw something in anger. He's 11 now, and doesn't throw anything, not even in anger! He takes after his daddy that way :o)

Good luck
:o) N.

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A.B.

answers from Sacramento on

call my wife and arrange to pick up a book called "What I wish I knoew when my kids were young". It is free and deals very well with this and other issues. Call A. ###-###-####

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