Throwing Fits - Torrance,CA

Hi! I have a 15 month old who also cried everytime I went to the kitchen to cook. i received an e-mail from parents.com and it stated that toddlers love to help. I try to include her on doing things that are safe such as putting plastic containers in and out of cabinets. I also entertain her by letting her play with magnets on the refrigerator or i bought her play food wich she puts on some small pots and pans I let her play with while I cook. This has helped me tremendeously. Hope it works for you!!! Barbara

Buy or rent from the library Harvey Karp's "Happiest Toddler On The Block". It has really helped us with tantrums. He essentially says that they need to be heard and we do this by mimicking their emotion loudly back to them like "YOU WANT UP, YOU WANT UP, YOU WANT UP. But mommy can't right now" said more calmly. If you watch the dvd/video - you get to see him and parents in action. It feels silly (especially when you are out) but it works. Then they get that you understand how they are feeling and what they want. You might say "YOU WANT MOMMY YOU WANT MOMMY YOU WANT MOMMY. But mommy needs to make dinner right now, let's play with Daddy."
Also - time-outs are best given in a place different than where they sleep or play. We have a separate graco pen that sits empty in the dining room and he gets time-outs there. If you put him in his crib he'll start to associate that with sleep time - something negative. Hang in there!

I am having the same problem and my son is 21 mths. Like you I have tried ignoring, scolding, explaining, time outs on the couch in the living room. But like with you he wanders back in and tries to pull me from cooking dinner. I need assistance with this issue as well.

I have the Happiest Baby on the Block book but the redirecting approach he suggests does not work when you need to finish dinner! I haven't tried the video... good advice. Maybe my tone is not right. Thanks

Hi M., I remember dinnertime was the worst time of day with all three of mine. You might try (if you haven't already) giving your son his own pots and pans, measuring cups and spoons to play with on the floor or at the table while you are preparing dinner this helped occupy mine and allowed me to make dinner at the same time.

Sorry to say, it's completely normal and may not get better until he turns 4! You hear about the terrible twos, but it's really about 15 months to about 3 1/2. You just have to remember that children don't have the skills to tell us what's wrong, and throwing a fit is the only way that they can communicate at times. You'll figure out how to handle them in time, and when he's older his fits will just be a distant memory. Good luck! :)

give him a big hug ..i always say "hug it out" and explain to him why you can't pick him up right now..there's a book on that method too..i haven't read it yet..and i can't think of the name..sorry..but yes..i always hug my son when he throws a fit..or if he lays on the ground i put my foot on his butt and help him have his tantrum then he usually starts laughing.

Dear M.,

He needs to cry, cry, cry, cry until he stops. Put him in his room, or in his crib and let him have at it. You can do it !! You two can take it!! If you do not do this, he will just continue to have tantrums. So there you are, some very good advice, and it is practiced by lots of moms and dads all over the world, hopefully. C. N.

My 14 month old does the exact same thing. Some days, it is anytime I'm not sitting on the couch, but usually it is with dinner or dishes. I actually avoid the kitchen on days my husband isn't home in the evenings. I'm hoping this is just a stage, or possibly I'll need to re-introduce an afternoon nap, just to get through dinner! And yeah, everyone tells me how easy she is too. HA!

Wow. You just described my child - exactly! She is 19 months old and exhibits the exact same behavior. Since she was 6 months old every one (strangers included) has commented on what a "happy baby" she is. Her doctor even described her as a possible medical cure for depression because her smile is constant and contagious. However, the minute she doesn't get my attention when she wants it, she throws the same fit. She grabs my legs and won't let me walk. I have yet to find what works. On occassion, I have been able to get her calm, then distract her, then walk away while she is busy with her new activity but this doesn't always work nor do I always have the time to do it. Hoping someone else out there has some advice for both of us!

Dear M.,

Your son needs to be unattached to your hip. My daughter was the same since she was an only child and at the time I was a stay at home mom. So I did sign her up for playtime with other kids her age with a group at the library she got used to being away form me and then when dinner time came I always gave her a task to do even if it on the counter across from me it could be anything from making food from playdoh to mixing some water with cool aid.

Sincerely
V.

I have 4 children who have all done this at right about the same age as yours. All 3 of my sons use to head butt the floor a few times to work themselves up. My daughter use to tackle the back of my knees There are a couple of things that might be contributing to the tantrums. He may be hungry or he may be tired as well as wanting your attention.
The key to stopping it is controling your concern. Stop worrying so much about his happiness, worry instead about his safety. You know there is nothing wrong with him when he is throwing these fits, so stop reacting to them except to put him in his crib where he will be safe. This will teach him that no one is going to respond differently to his tantrums and they will eventually stop (the longest it took was 2 weeks). Everytime you run around trying to placate him you are telling him that he is the one that makes the rules.

This too shall pass
H. Stanley

M.,
I feel for you and what you and your husband are going through with your little one. I had a little girl who was really strong willed in certain circumstances, but was very sweet, and I found it was really important for her, to win the battles at home. These battles lay the foundations for her relationships with teachers and people in authority during her growing up years ahead.
When my daughter threw a fit, I would put her in her crib until she quieted down. And tell your son that he can come out as soon as he quiets down. I would tell my daughter, " It is up to you, Tracy, as soon as you stop yelling you can come out and Dad will read to you." "But Mom is busy making dinner now and she cannot hold or play with you." Let the child be the one who owns the solution.
It takes awhile for them to decide that you mean business, but by no means do you give in to their yelling....turn up the stereo if you need to .....let them scream, all the time you are eating dinner....they will be fine...if you have picked them up in the past, it will take longer this time for them to realize you mean business. He has to learn that you mean what you say. Good luck with this!
J. Kay

At 14 months old he's too young to understand time-outs. He has no abstract reasoning capability or logic, so the whole point of time-out is wasted on him. Can you wear him in a sling or backpack while you do your work? That is a win-win situation for you both. His needs of being near you are met and you are able to do your work.

If it consistently happens when you're making dinner, which has happened to me and is quite frustrating, see what you can do to troubleshoot your own needs. Plan crockpot meals, double your batches when you cook so you can freeze the extra portion. When I cook I cook several meals at once: if I chop onions for chili, I chop a few more and make spaghetti sauce and red beans & rice. They all simmer on the cooktop and I get three meals for the effort of one. When we grill meat, I have my husband grill several kinds and freeze the ones we aren't eating. Maybe your husband can alternate cooking with you.

This will pass, it's developmentally common for his age even though it feels like it will never end. www.askdrsears.com is a good site, and the book "Your One Year Old" has good descriptions of common behaviors by age, though her discipline is outdated. For discipline and alternatives to time-out, www.positivediscipline.com/ is good.

Hi M.,

Oh, making dinner with a toddler screaming in the background! I remember those days. I don't know what to tell you about the tantrums. Sometimes holding them really close and telling them it's all OK helps. This doesn't help with dinner though does it?

Do you have a slow-cooker? You can buy a brand new crock pot at Target for about $30. Seriously consider it. Make dinner in the morning when your baby is calm and let it cook all day. Or make a casserole when he's taking his nap. The tantrums do pass, at least they did with my kids. The thing is to notice when he's having the worst of them, (around dinner in this case) and try to side step the triggers (mommy involved in something else). Having dinner already made and in the oven or in the crock pot will nullify the situation. Babies change so much at this age. In a few weeks the mega-tantrum stage could be over.

My kids are 4 and 7, and often that right before dinner time is the worst for them, though they no longer throw tantrums. You might want to give your son a little snack right before you start making dinner. He won't eat as much at dinner but it might calm him down a little.

Hope this helps.
H.

Around the same age, my daughter started doing the same thing. She is now seventeen months and is much calmer and the fits don't last so long. What helped me was changing my perspective on these tantrums. They are developmental and part of who they are today. They are not permanent, well to a degree they are, we throw our own fits, like when our child throws a fit. Any who, when i started to feel at ease with the tantrums, so did my child. She still throws them, but i keep my cool, show her a little understanding for her strong emotions by sitting with her for a minute or two till she calms down, then i give her something to do next to me and i go on with making dinner.
One thing that helped me the most - they are as scared or possibly more scared of their tantrums than you. good luck.

You need to trust your husband completely when he's with your son; no intervening. Have your husband take your son for a daily walk while you're preparing dinner; that will establish more of a relationship between the two of them and it will give you time for yourself and what you need to do.
Remember, you are the parent. Your child must do as you say, no excuses.
Good luck

I have a 4 and 2 year old plus #3 on the way. I never let up on discipline and my expectations of them and people always comment on how well-behaved they are. Discipline isn't fun and it is exhausting, but that's the job of a parent.

Are you sure you don't have my baby? ;) We had the exact same experience with our 16-month old boy beginning a few months ago. One thing that worked well was to put him in his high chair in the kitchen where he could watch me cooking at a safe distance and we would keep him distracted with something like a small toy, book, crayon, or pre-dinner snack. He was happy and I could interact with him and still cook.

Hi M., I totally understand what you are going through. My daughter,16 months, does the exact same thing. When we get home in the evening she just wants to be held the entire time which makes it difficult to do anything like cook dinner or even go to the bathroom. Maybe he is going to separation anxiety? I also found my daughter to behave like this when she had an ear infection.
Check if there are any health issues such as ear infection or teething, etc..

oh boy I am right there with you.. im looking forward to reading what the others have to say!

M.,
I am very familiar with this senario you are describing, I too have a 15 month old son who does the same thing. I just read, "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson. Your little guy is testing you! Seperation anxiety is also at it's peak time, so that is a little of the problem. My husband usually gets the stoller out and takes him on a walk (which I can say is awesome for me!) You may also want to put a gate up to block off the kitchen, or have some special toys for daddy and him to play with reserved specifically for dinner time prep. My kids love puzzles, and coloring...something dad can manage. I would highly recommend reading the book though, it will change your life!
J. Z (mom of 2 boys, 3 and 1).

Hi - I just posted this to someone else who was asking about the same thing. There was a great article about this sort of thing in the latest issue of Mothering Magazine (the one with Ricki Lake on the cover). It's called "Rock Me Gently" and it's all about tantrums and how to handle them with respect and care for the child. It really opened my eyes to what tantrums are all about from the child's perspective and how to help your child through them. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's worth a read and has great suggestions. Hope that helps and good luck!

My mom did this to me. I had one tantrum in my life. You need to ignore the behavior. Even if he is hanging on you. Eventually he will she that the tantrum is not getting your attention and he will calm down. This might take weeks because he has gotten away with it for so long. Even your husband should ignore it. When he comes back to reality (stopped crying) Give him Praise. He might hurt himself once or twice, but then he will realize that it hurts and stop.

I am a mother of 3 and each one of my children has done the exact same thing during that age. To be honest, I only used my patience to deal with the tantrums. Giving into them only made it worse and they picked up on it. I know it's hard to have to sit there and listen and watch your child scream but paying no mind usually does the trick with a little bit of disciplining as you have been doing. Continue to stand ground with your son and eventually he will soon get the picture. As long as you and your husband are discplining him the same way, it should get easier. I know this isn't much help but with the participation from both parents it will work.

New to Waianae,

J.

is he bigger than you?

Thank you for sharing your story! I felt so alone and wondered if anyone else dealt with the same thing...now I know I'm not alone! I, too, look forward to reading everyones advice!

The best way to stop this is to do time out. But do it on a spot on the floor or somewhere other than his bedroom. Otherwise they start hating their bedroom. He only needs to sit there for 1 minutes as he is only a year old. But if he gets up then you keep putting him back until he stays. Believe me it is hard the first few days, but eventually they get it. If you watch super nanny she has great ideas on this. You get down on his level and tell him what he needs to stop doing and then you say this is a warning next time you will be in time out. Then if it continues you put him in time out and tell him why he's in time out. Then leave him for a minute. After the minute you tell him why he was in time out and you need a hug and then he can go play. It really works if you are consistant with it. Even at 14 months, what you are doing is creating a pattern for him and eventually he will understand that you he has to sit down if he does something wrong. As he gets older you can tell him he needs to apologize to you for throwing a fit. But it works for 14 mo. olds too.

You poor dear!! How well I remember the tantrums...even though my son is 29 years-old now!!! A very good friend of mine, a psychologist told me to ignore the "negative" behavior provided that it was not disruptive to the whole household. If it was disruptive, then I was to isolate my son for a few minutes in an area where he could not get into anything, or hurt himself, and where there were no toy's to play with. A few minutes is an eternity for a young child!! This way my young son learned that he was to be a good boy in order to be around us, and that we were not giving him any attention for "negative" behavior.You did the right thing, as a short time out was good!! Sometimes children will hold their breath's to get attention..and really scare their parent's!! Not to worry..the brain/body will kick in and start the breathing process!! I have a young grandaughter who is older than your son and does the tantrum thing..so I pick her up, and put her on our bed, and I tell her that when she can behave herself and stop yelling, then she can come out with the rest of us.Of course I have had to close the window's, but it has worked!!! Hope this help's!!

Wow it sounds like you are living with my child. My son is not 17 months and still going through this. Some days are worse than others but in general he freaks out if I leave the room and if wants to do something or have something that I won't let him and say "no" he throws himself on the floor too. I just ignore it as well as I can but it is exhausting sometimes. I do distract him in the kitchen with a Tupperware drawer but that only lasts so long. I am told that this is just a phase and it will go away but it seems like hell while it is going on. It is nice to know that someone else goes though the violent tantrums too. It is scary when they throw themselves back and flip their body around and kick and scream. I just put my son on the floor and walk away. Sometimes distracting him with something else works too. My son always wants to go outside and with the rain lately he can't so after screaming at the back door I try to distract him with playing cars on the floor or something. Good Luck.
A.

I'm going to go against the flow of most of the people who have responded. My daughter went through a similar very clingy stage at that age (she's now 27 months), though without the tantrums, which, granted is a big difference. I also work full time. I found that the best thing was every single time she ran to me and grabbed my legs I tried to pick her up and give her my full attention, if only for two minutes. I felt like I had a polyp attached to me sometimes. It sounds impossible when you're so busy, and it felt that way some times. But I could see her visibly relax. I think she had separation anxiety and wanted to know she could have me when I was there. When I had to cook I put her up on the counter where we were at eye level and could interact somewhat. I know this sounds really difficult, but for us at least the clingy stage was short-lived, only about two-three months, now it feels like a blip. I do think it's important to get the baby's trust BEFORE the tantrum starts because I agree with others here, you can't give in after that point or it teaches him to have tantrums. You can't give a child what they want every single time forever, but if it's security he's looking for, it might be worth it.

An aside: a friend of mine visited during that time and said 'wow, I wish I had someone who wanted me so bad all the time like that.' And she had a point. It was a pain, but now she's over it. Good luck to you.

Hi M.;

I have raised four children. I have 25 yrs old married,had 18 mths old daughter,21 yrs old son lived and studied in NY as Video and Game Designer,16 yrs old already in Junior College,14 yrs old freshman in high school. I am full time stay home mom and my husband work. I keep my children busy academic and extra curricular activities. You have to train your son and be firm with him. He started to have those tantrums because he is trying to control of you. Let your husband try to play and pay attention with him while you're busy making dinner. He need to spend some quality time with his dad. Give him a tough love that's I can say. Good luck.

A.

This is a control issue, he is trying to force you to accept his will.
You can choose to ignore him and continue the time outs he will eventually get the point. Just put him where he can't hurt himself.

My mother chose another route for my brother, she kept a cup with a little cold water in it, and would put it in his face when he threw the tantrum. Sounds harsh but it worked fast, he didnt like it at all. Each child is different so the main thing is being consistent with the discipline.
Your husband should support you in this also by not allowing him access to you during this time.

Regards,
A Mom for the second time around!

M.,

I'm T., the mother of 3 (ages 5,4, and 1 1/2). My 5 year old used to throw the worst fits. He'd even bang his head against our kitchen cabinets and our concrete slab kitchen floor (OUCH)! My advice? One route would be to have your husband take your son into a totally different room and CLOSE the door. This way they can play, you can have some terrific alone time, and he'll be distracted. If he screams in the room with your husband, maybe you could start with 5 minutes in the room, then 10 minutes the next day, etc.

Another thing you can do is put the little guy to work in the kitchen. My 20 month old loves to play with pots and pans, my tupperware, my measuring cups, etc. Then, he's with me and he's happy.

As far as the tantrums go, just ignore the screaming and writhing on the floor. Just be sure he can't sure himself, and he'll eventually figure out he's not getting a reaction by throwing fits. I've noticed that with my kids, they throw tantrums when they're hungry, tired, or if they need to be held. Maybe you could spend a few minutes reading or cuddling with him when you feel a tantrum coming on! This way, you can try to head it off before it begins. Anyway, I hope this helps!

I am reading a great book by Dr. Harvey Karp titled "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." He gives some great (and unusual) advice on how to deal with tantrums. You can also get a DVD if you don't have time to read the book.

Good luck!

Hi M.,
My children are now grown, I had 4 the third born did exactally what you are talking about. I so know how frustrating it can be, but you can't give in or "he wins" and he will continue. You have to stay very calm put him in his room and say he can come out when he is no longer crying. I know it will break your heart and be so hard, but if you continue to give in it will just get worse. He will know he is in charge. The most important thing is not to get emotional, oh and I know that is so easy to say and so hard to do. I would always second guess myself and say to myself am I being too harsh...but you don't have to be harsh, just act like it is the most natural thing in the world to put chilren in their room when they pitch a fit. (his crib if that is safest)Talk very calmly to him and just express to him how sad you are that he has to go to his room because he is not acting properly. Just remember if you give in only ONE time, you have to start all over. He is so much smarter than you think and he understands so much more than you realize. Its so very hard but you will be doing "I believe" what is best for him, children are always more secure if they know the boundries...he's trying to find them. I'm certainly no expert and I hesitate to give advice, but my heart just so goes out to you I have been there...
G.

Assuming that there isn't something or someone in the other room that is frightening your baby, (You will need to make that assumption or check things out to be sure. . .)it sounds like our 14 monther is growing rapidly onward to "the terrible two's " . . . .and they don't call them that for nothing !

As long as he eventually gets what he wants with the tantrums, they will continue. I always felt that if I couldn't control my 2 year old, I might as well forget it when he gets to be 14! ...so . . . you have to establish that, no matter how loud he gets nor how long he's willing to keep it up, he doesn't get his way with it. If he's very strong willed, like my little one was, you may have to be very obvious about ignoring him until you finish, say fixing dinner. (Don't try to "explain " anything to him. He won't understand. Just "act.") Then turn to him, and say "There, Mommy's finished my work. Would you like to come and eat?"

Your husband will have to agree not to give in to him either.

As the baby learns that the tantrums get him nothing but getting sweaty and messy with tears and unhappiness, he'll gradually stop using them.

You have to be consistent in ignoring the tantrums as much as possible and diverting his attention to better ideas . . . . at home, or you can be assured of having to submit to one in the grocery store or some other public place. He's just testing to see how much power he has, so we want to divert his "persistence" to better behaviors than tantrums.

He will grow past this stage and you will have taught him that we can't always have what we want in life, and tantrums don't help anything.

WOW! You certainly got lots of responses. I'll have to read them myself! I have a 15 month old and he has been doing the same thing! I took a course called Love and Logic via St. Rose Hospital - Family to Family. You may want to look into it. I know they have a Yahoo Groups that I also belong to and they have been very helpful. Basically at this point we just have to redirect and make sure that they are in a safe place when they have their fits and as hard as it is just ignore him and he will have less and less fits when he learns he can't always get his way.

This is completely normal for his age. Dr. Sears adresses this very well here and discerning the different types of tantrums
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300.asp
If he's endangering himself, hold him so that he can't hurt his head (my son used to throw his head back full force on any surface)or anything else.
But it sounds to me more that he is really wanting more of your attention in general. You don't say but do you work during the day? Try to spend a little extra time with him before you start dinner and then when dinner starts tell him it's daddy time but you'll have some time for him after dinner. He's still young though and I'm sorry to say, this can go on for a couple of years. The sadder part is that all too soon, he'll be just as content to ignore you for hours and it will be you asking him for the attention.

My daughter is now 18 months and she started this about two months ago and now it's even worst... i know how you feel... i get freaked out... she throws herself on the ground and starts screaming and yelling like she just got beat up... and my husband and i are looking at each other like "oh my g-d"... the best suggestion is when he thrown a fit to sit on the ground next to him and just look him in th eye and tell him to calm down... and DON'T show a reaction AT ALL... just keep asking him to calm down because you can't understand what he's trying to tell you when he cries ,... even if this takes a while... keep doing it... i actually spoke to my daughter's pediatrician about this last week and he said that until they reach 3 years old kids have a bad temper and that's why it's called the 'terrible twos'... and said that the WORST thing i could do is to give in to her crying and screaming because then she's going to think she can get her way when she does that.. that eventually you are going to give in.. good luck i know how frustrating it could be... i'm in the same boat as you ;-)

Hi M., I have a 21 month and about 3 months ago he was doing the same thing. The second the fit started I would just start ignoring him, both myself and my husband. The first time he threw a fit for almost 2 hours. We just ate dinner and continued on with our night. He wouldn't look at him or speak to him. Once he was finished throwing the fit I gave him lots of hugs and rewarded him for being a good boy. My son was the same a perfect angel compliments on how great he was. It was about 2 or 3 weeks for us to get through these terrible tantrums, but once we committed to ignoring him, we didn't waiver. It broke my heart to not hold him, but he needed to learn self soothing. Everyday his fits went on for less and less time. Now he is my perfect angel again. But you and your husband have to stay strong and as quickly as he has learned this horrible behavior you can unteach it. That's what I kept telling myself and it worked. We also would put him to bed early and just let him scream it out in his crib. He fell asleep a few times standing up in his crib. But I promise if I can get through it anyone can.

Make sure that his violent tantrums don't indicate something that needs to be dealt with psychologically or medically. See if he's hungry or tired (or anything else). Then, if he has a tantrum, just calmly, briefly explain to him that he'll only get what he wants if he uses nice words as is patient. After that, just ignore him, because he sees that his tantrums are getting him attention (never mind that it's negative), so he repeats them. I know you do that, but you need to keep doing that, and eventually he'll get the message. Maybe your husband can actually take him out of the house while you're cooking dinner--that would really distract him. Good luck!

I know how you feel- my 18 month old does the same thing at dinner time. It is just what they do at this age- not what you want to hear, I know, but it will go away. He is simply testing you, seeing how much he has to do before he gets you to do what he wants. Choose the limit and stick to it- it will take a while, but it does get better. And I have done all of the same things- although when we get to the point when I put her in her crib it is more for me to chill out than for her. Also, try engaging him in something that he REALLY loves before you start making dinner- I usually send mine outside (I can see her), where she often (finally!) will stay until I am done. And when she does cry I tell her I can't hold her while I cook, and if she cries she has to leave the kitchen. She likes to look in the oven, so I turn the oven light on (even if there's nothing in it) and that keeps her interest for a little while. The key is to be patient and not give in! Also, these tantrums tend to get worse before they get better- he's still young, the worst is between 1.5 and 2.5. But if you're consistant now they will be more managable.

Another thing I do, I make simple dinners and do them in stages, so if something is sauteing or simmering I'll sit on the floor with her and play a little. And don't listen to the super extreme advice to just heartlessly let them cry- it's not that simple, (although it is part of it, you have to ignore the crying), and just putting him in his crib until he stops crying A)he won't stop, and B) will degrade his level of trust in you, because he doesn't completely understand what he's done. Plus I don't think it's healthy to use the crib for punishment to that level, because he'll start to look at the crib negatively.

Last thing- time out does not work at this age! As I said, I put mine in her crib sometimes, but it's more for me to regain my calm than for her. Time out is ineffective until around 2, though.

Oh honey, I'm sorry this is wearing you out! I would urge you to follow you insticts on what is right.. for me I didn't want my children to cry, so I could suggest that your man do the cooking and you play with the baby...my man didn't...I did every thing...so I strapped my little ones to my back and went on about my cooking... The walk that someone suggested is a good idea cuase that would be fun for the boys...but your little one needs you, give him love he won't be spoild by this alone so don't worry...and my children are very well behaived, caring ,have good manners and are so happy and at peace and people always comment on us when we are out and about, our love shines...
This will pass too so take it easy and do what works there is no right thing...
Blessed love mama-

I would suggest picking up one of James Dobson's books, Dare to Discipline or The Strong Willed Child. HE has dealt with children like this for years and has a lot of practical, knowledge with good outcomes. Hope that helps.

Melissa
Mother of 4, Grandmother of 5

Welcome to the club! My daughter is 14 months old and throws a fit if she does not get her way either. I do not remember encountering this with my son (who is 15 now). Everyone's got their personality! There are many times when my daughter wants to be with me while I am cooking or trying to put makeup on when we are going out. What we do is I go into the bathroom and close the bedroom door and my husband watches her. We have a baby gate to the kitchen and I close that while my husband watches her. I would have your husband take your son into another room away from where your son can see you. He will probably cry initially but then get distracted. My daughter also cries when I leave to do errands, work out, etc. and my husband takes her but we both know that she will stop crying once I'm gone.

This is going to sound terrible but it worked for my 2 year old.
I had a squirt bottle of water to spray the cat when she tried to climb the drapes. One day my darling daughter decided to throw a screaming, feet kicking, red in the face fit and I squirted her lightly in the face with the water.
She stopped! She was startled by the water, it didn't hurt her and the she started a bit of crying. I put her in her bed for a bit and she went to sleep almost immediately.
Another time we were at the grocery store and she started it again. I was near a water fountain and I flicked her with water. She, again, stopped immediately.
Once more as soon as we were in the car she fell asleep. She didn't sleep long either time, about 20 minutes, but that was her last tantrum.
God Bless you
D.

M. -- my daughter threw a tantrum once at Target. I say once because that was all it took for her to realize that I would not be an audience to that behavior. I stepped right over her and kept walking (of course I turned the corner and was watching her). She stood up and came rushing to find me. Start teaching your son that no is your final answer. It'll take a little while for him to realize that you mean business, so in the meantime, make sure he's in a safe environment, put on some ear plugs and move it along!! Right now you are teaching him how to treat you and others. Oh one other thing, pick your "battles" and once you've picked it, you better win!! Consistency is the key. Hope this helps.

Hi M.,

As you can probably tell from reading your responses, most families go through this phase. The key is to keep yourself as calm as possible. I say to my little ones, "I can see that you want me to pick you up, but I'm making dinner right now. I will give you one big hug, and then I need to finish cooking. You can go play with Daddy or your toys" Then I IGNORE the tantrum if one is thrown. This usually stops the tantrum for most kids, but my second son is a little more strong willed than most, so I tell him, "If you are going to throw a tantrum, you need to do it in your room." For some reason, he's fine with that idea & will go to his room on his own. Then, he comes back out when he's calmer. The most important thing is staying calm yourself & never giving in to their requests when they are throwing tantrums. Once they realize this technique NEVER works, they will abandon it.

C. : )

I have 2 boys.... what fun their tantrums are. :) If he is hurting himself or you are afraid he's going to, you should definately call his pediatrician.

Hi M.,

Sounds like normal 14 month old behavior to me. Both of my older boys threw scary tantrums until they were close to 3. We chose to ignore them and eventually they decreased in severity. We put them on the family room floor and walked away. It's hard to listen to all that screaming but if you don't respond in any way, he will calm down. Right now he knows if he gets crazy enough you are just going run around trying different things. And that's what he wants YOUR ATTENTION. As he gets older you will be able to reason with him. He's too young right now. Of course he wants you, you're his mom! I seriously can't believe someone suggested spanking him at this age. But that's my opinion.

I had the same exact problem when my kids were your son's age while I tried to make dinner. The only thing that worked was to "involve" him in making dinner. I cleared out a lower cabinet in the kitchen I filled it with a few plastic bowls, spoons, plastic easter eggs etc. He would "cook" along with me and loved it. Later I ended up buying one of those little food sets from Target.

Also, my kids LOVE to play with water so sometimes I would pull his high chair near me, put a towel under it and give him different size plastic cups with a little water and he would pour the water from cup to cup and play. I swear I could get a good 30 minutes out of this...

Wishing you the best,
J.
Mom of 3 boys

You could try giving him something to do while he is in the same room as you. Or have your husband take him out. Mine would take the kids out and put them in their room to cry or outside to play. This helped my kids.