My three yr old wont do what we tell her to do. She says things like "I don't want to.", "You can't make me.", "NO I don't want to do that." I don't beleive in spanking. We have tried positive renforcement. we are at witt's end.
I should have mentioned that I am in the military and have been away alot because of school and work. My kids are currently with their dad and grandpa while I am looking for a new house in a new location and my oldest finishs the school year out. I think it is her way of showing that she misses mommy even though I talk to her every night
the book: "how to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk" is real great... even for adults dealing with adults.
You can get it at Amazon or probably most bookstores or maybe even E-bay.
I have a 3 year old too. :)
All the best,
Susan
I think you are right, she is showing that she needs more from you. I think once you get the housing situation sorted out and settled in, things will improve. Until then, kind but firm. She cannot be disrespectful to you despite the situation you are in. (I too, do not believe in spanking)
Thank you for your service to our county, I hope things work out for you.
I would imagine that most people that have a three year old are in the same boat! My three year old does the same things-and often think that she is lucky that I don't believe in spanking either or her backside would be pretty red LOL. We do time outs or I put a toy in time out sometimes that actually works better. I give her a choice-she can either listen or sit in time out. I try to explain to her why she is going to time out or why I've had to take her toy away. I know one thing for sure -if I give her an inch she will take a mile so I have to be consistent with the time outs etc. Overall my three year old is pretty good, but they all really just want to assert their independence and see what they can get away with and I am pretty sure that she would be acting this same way if you were home with her all the time or not!
try try and try again. Three year olds are just like that. I'm sure that missing you and trying out boundries plays a part, but all you can do is just reinforce what you have been doing.
BTW- Thank you for supporting our country. And good luck with your situation and future life!
What are you asking her to do when she says these things?
I also do alot of positive reinforcement, but there are times that call for a time out. if my daughter told me that "I can't make her do something" I would tell her she could do what I asked or she could sit in time out. That's it.
I agree with what Jen said. Positive reinforcement certainly has its place, but there are times when your kids need to hear, you're gonna behave and do what I say or you're going to get punished. Disrespecting you like that is certainly not something that's okay, and the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better. Good luck with your move. I hope things settle down for you quickly (my hubby's military too so I've been there more than a few times).
First thank you for everything you do for this country!
Secondly have your tried giving options, my daughter is 3 and she wants to have independence. So I give her options but they are options that I want her to do example "do you want to wear the blue or pink shirt" I try to do this many things even when making meals "do you want peas or corn" when I ask her to clean up I say "do you want to start by cleaning up the horses or stuff animals" or even when getting ready to leave "do you want to wear your pink or purple coat."
This way she is choosing a majority of what she does through out the day. THEN when there is something that we must do and no options can be given my daughter usually does as told because she has had "freedom" through the day.
She is also showing that she misses you through her actions so when she is being good give plenty of positive reinforcement and hugs. Hopefully that will encourage her to be less defiant.
When my 3 year old daughter talks back to me even after giving her an option we do time outs. I have a specific spot that is the time out spot she stays there for five minutes or until she is ready to do what I asked her... after a week of this she has been less defiant when asked to do something. We also have the rule 'if you are going to throw a fit go to your room and do it because I do not want to hear it,' this helps reinforce that fits, bad attitude, complaining are not a good things and does not get you your way.
I like the toy time out one of the moms mentione, never heard of that before BUT I am sooo going to try it :) We have tried we are throwing it away but sometimes hard to follow through on when you know you spent mom on the toy!
Wanted to add that I agree with Rebecca about putting the toy in time out if the toy is used destructively. My four yr old hates this. Also, when I ask her to put away her toys at the end of the day and she does not want to, then I offer to do it for her. On the condition that I put them where I want and she may not see them for a few days. Sometimes threatening to take away some activity that they do like will work, but be careful with that one. I had to carry through with that once and it was tougher on me than her. But she remembers and knows I will do it if I say.
Hope some of that helps.
