My three year old daughter has never been a good sleeper. She did go thru a phase when she was in the early part of her second year where she slept well but other than that it has always seemed that nothing gets her to sleep. some nights are livable where she plays in her room, makes a couple requests, and falls asleep around 10 (Bedtime is at 7:30!). But many other nights she refuses to go to sleep. We have the same bedtime routine every night: pjs, brush teeth, read a story, put her brother in his crib, then i snuggle with her in her bed. Once we get to her bed i am okay with talking for a few minutes but she will never stop when i say its time to be quiet. After 10-15 minutes i leave and she is still up. Many nights she will then get out of bed, play loudly, make a zillion requests for me to bring her toys, change her pjs (for no reason), get water, etc. (She is gated in her room.) I try telling her that I will not come back in the room but when I stick to my guns she throws such a furious, never ending tantrum that it always wakes her brother and then they are both screaming! (My husband works out of state a lot so it's usually just me here.) I am SO exhausted. It seems like I can never get a good nights sleep. I have told her that when she stays up and mommy cant sleep I am a grumpy mommy but that doesn't seem to influence her. She does still take a nap from about noon-1:30 and on the days that she does not take it she is extremely overtired and grouchy by 4:30 and I have to force her to stay awake! I don't know what to do! She also sometimes claims to have ghosts in her room so I feel bad not responding if she says she's scared...
It is possable that she has out grown her nap! My son,also 3, will take a nap but is up untill 10 or 11p. If I try to keep him up at nap time he will go to bed with a little resistance but not much at about 6:30-7p.
I do have to put up with his attitude though from about 4 untill bed time:(
You just need to decide what is more important to you nap time or bed time....for me its bed time!!
The book by Ferber "Solve your child's sleep problems" was my bible. Crying it out works too, but his method is gentler although a bit slower. My first I let cry out and she cried for 4 hours straight for 4 nights in a row but then she slept through (this was at age 8 months to give up night feedings). For the second I used Ferber's method. You go in after longer and longer waits (per a set schedule he explains) and it took about 2-3 weeks to get her to sleep through the night. There are chapters on night terrors and sleep walking and all kinds of sleep related issues. The Groton library has a copy so maybe yours does too.
http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp...
Wishing you much needed rest.
What about putting her to sleep with you in your bed and then carrying her back to her own bed?
Or, lie with her in her bed until you know she's asleep and then creep out?
From your description of what's happening, I think she simply wants more of your time and attention in the evening...especially at bed time. It may take a little longer to get her to fall asleep by staying until you know she's totally out like a light, but if it works...then everyone in the house gets a better night's sleep. Good luck.
I can't say that I've been a lot more successful with getting my daughter to sleep, but I do have some ideas about how to handle her ghosts. 1) You can announce to her "friends" that it's her bedtime and time for them to go home or also go to sleep, so as not to disturb your daughter's much needed sleep. 2) Monster/ghost spray. If the ghosts are imaginary, the spray (water - it can be blessed if it makes you or her feel better) should keep the yucky ones away. Just a regular spray bottle of the stuff will do. Good luck!
I agree with the other respondent. Definitely try to cut that nap short. We also used the Weissbluth book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child." It solved our similar sleep issues with our daughter in THREE nights. I swear. We suffered for weeks and months..and three nights later (three terrible nights, believe me, of her screaming and drama and me crying quietly in the kitchen telling myself not to go in as she wailed for 50 minutes the first night, 15 minutes the second night, and 2 the third night--then peace) she fell asleep like it was second nature. She has slept beautifully since then. His book really helps you to understand the importance of sleep and why you owe it to your child to go through this to get them to sleep. For instance, you wouldn't say "I'm not taking her to get her teeth cleaned/vaccination/broken arm fixed because she cries so hard and gets upset." You do it because it's for her health and well-being. Same with sleep. I worried that she would think we didn't love her or care about her if I didn't go in when she pitched a fit--and then you realize--this kid is loved, this child is adored, this child is taken care of in every way imaginable--and this child needs to get some sleep (not to mention ME). It will not be easy as you do it, but the payoff is worth it--for you and for your child especially. Best wishes. It will get better.
I see that you live in Vermont from your profile, and I am in Mass. However, there are 2 places here that do sleep consults. One I know they do over the phone, the other place I am not sure. But here is the info!
http://www.jfcsboston.org/fcs/sleep_consultations.cfm
Check out their web-site and either call or fill out the form to get an apptmt set up.
The other is the Sleep Center run by Dr. Ferber himself: ###-###-####.
Otherwise, here is what I would suggest:
I would walk in and walk out a few times for your daughter, check in on her, tell her you love her, check under the bed, say there is nothing to be afraid of, give her a special blanket that will 'protect her', then leave - for the night. No more water, no more PJ's, that's it. Period. She now knows her screams will get you to go back in.
Say - good night, see you in the morning and mean it. Once you do this and do NOT go back in, she will learn fast. Make sure you praise her in the morning!
Can you cut her nap down to one hour instead of 90 min?
Now so she will not wake up your son - put a fan and a humidifier in your his room to drown out her screams. One on either side of his crib so he can't hear her.
Good luck!!!
Argh you poor thing. I agree with all of the advice below and want to give you one more thing to consider. My niece was the same way but gave up a nap before age 2. Anyway, over Thanksgivig a few of us noticed that when she did sleep at night, she snored like you would not believe. A glance at her tonsils showed them to be huge. She has since been diagnosed with allergies and sleep apnea and is getting fixed up as we we speak. Her sleep issues presented as not going to sleep easily, tanturms, and frequent (2-4)night wakings for water, toys, playing, etc,. She was also cranky and rather miserable each day by 2pm. Good luck.
J.,
Great advice from the mom below me! I just wanted ask if she is active during the day also. Maybe she needs to burn off some energy. But good luck and go get that book!
D.
Isn't this the hardest part of parenting?! What has worked for me as a parent and as an aunt is listening to a favorite tape. Once when I was watching my nieces it was a tape of their mother reading a couple of bed time stories which allowed the children to relax and not feel disconnected or alone in their room. For my children it was listening to EB White read "Charlotte's Web' in his quiet reassuring voice. Another family member had the child choose her routine and then used a check system with the last to check by the parent when she came in to check her covers and the child was asleep. I think it said "Sweet Dreams" and then the child would see that the parents came in to see that she was fine even when asleep!
Hi J.- I know that sleep issues are the worst. My daughter did not sleep well at 3 but it was also the age that she transitioned out of napping. If she did nap, she was wide awake until 10, like your daughter. So my only advice, is to try to skip the nap one day (and after taht) and get her to bed by 7 (late enough to sleep through the night)... the challenge as I remember was getting my daughter through the afternoons... someone told me to substitute food for sleep.. so I was feeding her healthy snacks fairly continuously.. a carrot, some apple, etc. Healthy kids, Healthy sleep habits (I think is the title) is also a good resource.
I hope you too can get some needed rest.
all best, M.
At three, she is probably more than ready to drop her nap. Even though she is grouchy in the afternoon, it is screwing her up at night. Although that afternoon break is SO hard to give up, it may be worth the trade for an early bedtime. Try making the naptime "quiet time" in which there is gently play, books, watching a show, etc. If she must nap, start by shortening her nap to 45 minutes. Then try keeping her up and playing until 8:30 and see if that makes her fall asleep faster. At any rate, 10 is way too late for her, and for you! Children play lots of games to have mommy's attention and affection, especially at night, so be very clear on what you expect of her and which requests are acceptable.
Hi J.,
My son is 2 1/2 and isn't a great sleeper either. Have you talked to her doctor about this? It sounds really exhausting for you and for her. Maybe her doctor could give some suggestions on diet or even recommend a sleep study for her. Hang in there! K. =)
