Three Year Old Boy Wants to Be Potty Trained, but *Can't* Go in the Toilet

Hello T.!
I sucessfuly potty trained both my boys by allowing them to potty outside or even in the shower. Take him in the shower with you and between the warm water, the noise and the fun of it, he will most definently pee. I'd make a big deal about it and tell them not to peepee on mommies legs but give them something fun to aim at. Outside it also super fun. They get to see how far they can shoot it or make cool designs. Good luck!! Have you tried a smaller potty chair? Sometimes just the big toilet can be too intimadating. I always keep a smaller potty chair in the kitchen or living room so they can see it and go before they get too full. Then take that one away when they get the hang of it. But don't worry, he'll do it! Have you ever seen a child graduate highschool unable to pee in the potty???

It sounds like your son knows when he has to go and he's holding it for the safety and comfort of a diaper. Let him see you use the last diaper in a pack and tell him, no more diapers. They are all gone. Get him a pee rock. My dad potty trained the boys in the family by saying..."I need to pee, let's go outside". They had a rock they peed on. I know that sounds gross and it was in a place no one could see them, but every half hour, he'd take the boys out to pee and even if they didn't need to go, they happily went with him because there was also the yard wander with Grandpa involved. The other thing you might try is having your son sit backwards on the toilet. That way, he has the tank to hold on to and no fear of falling off the other way. Put a little book or action figure only for potty time on the tank so he has something to look at and be distracted by.
Your son knows when he needs to go or he wouldn't be asking for a diaper. Count down, 5 more diapers then all gone, 4 more diapers then all gone,........There's only 3 diapers left? Do you want to use the potty and save them? Find him a tree or a rock or something out in the yard and let him get used to relaxing and whizzing that way. The rest falls into place once they decide to just let it go. And it's way more fun than having a diaper.

Best wishes!

Someone I know used a portable DVD player and sat in the bathroom with her kid "watching" tv to help them forget about trying so hard. The kid would get so into the movie and the next thing she knew, she was using the potty, (They made sure to listen well and make a big deal about going potty right away) after a few times, She switched to reading a book and eventually nothing. If you have a potty chair, you could always use that and the regular TV!

T.,

Gosh, how challenging for you and your son. Just a couple of thoughts that worked for us. If his dad is around or there is another adult male available, suggest that they talk with your son or even demonstrate for him. Sounds a bit odd, but sometimes the guy-to-guy thing works really well. For my two sons, we would float a single sheet of TP in the toilet bowl and have them try to sink it with their urine stream - it made being in there fun. Also, I always had them sit backwards on the toilet and use the toilet tank as a drum set. It helped them be relaxed and more comfortable when doing anything on the toilet. My first suggestion may work, but it might also be that your son doesn't want an audience (you being in the room) - he may just need his privacy. He will get it eventually.
Good luck - J.

My MIL told me the only way she could get my hubby (when he was three - not NOW when he's 26 ha!) to finally relax and pee other than in his diaper was to let him pee OUTSIDE with his dad. Granted, they lived in the middle of a 3,000 acre ranch. But, if you have a fenced in backyard, peeing off the back porch with dad might be worth the flower bed sacrifice to get him to go in the toilet. Maybe it's the oneness with nature guys like so much, I don't know, but my hubby still pees outside whenever he gets the chance - despite the fact that he's well trained to a toilet. :) Worth a try before it gets too cold.

T., are you using a child potty or the real thing. some children are afraid of the big potty. Some of the things I did was to let them sit on their own potty even in front of the tv. which they forgot and just went.for boys something fun to try is to get a big coffee can and let them pee in it they like the noise it makes. I would stop the diapers and use training pants real ones not pull ups. they have ones that have plastic on the out side.H e knows the difference . some times rewards work .He sounds like he is very smart . have you asked him why he won't go on the potty? MY grand daughter was very suburn she would be fine at my house but not at home. finnally my daughter just told her there were no more pull ups and she had to go on the potty her,s and was rewarded for going it worked. so good luck.the other choice to just put the pull ups on and wait a liilte longer so it is not a power suggle between you and him.

Hi T.: I am the mother of 5 and am very proud of each of them. I just wanted to share a story withyou that may make you giggle.
We do alot of camping. When we can't go the kids would set up a tent in the back yard and play at camping, for years.
When the boys wouldn't come in because they were having to much fun one day. I said something about them needing to come in and using the toilet becaue I had been training one son. I was profoundly informed" Mom, we are taking care of it--when I questioned how?? they informed me they had taught their brother to use the tree and to aim for the weeds!" I laughed so hard I cried for what seemed like hours. Then took the hose and made sure the area was ok.
My point*** you know that your child is aware of his problem. He is not having any urinary complications because of not going and that would be awful. So keep thinking and asking like you are for ideas and it will happen for you both. Does he wear those cute " big boy cloth underpants? I just bought Elmo ones for my 2 year old to wear over her pull ups. At age 3 he is still very young. I promise that it will happen in due time. Nana G

Hello T.,
I didn't get a chance to read all of the other posts and I have not potty trained my daughter yet, so this is a shot in the dark. My friend who did potty train her daughter said one day she just told her, Monday no more diapers, mommy is done with diapers. I think that was a Saturday. Once that day came all the diapers were out of the house and will never come back. Maybe if the diapers were not an option he would go in the potty. It may be that he just has another option so why use the potty? If you do this, I hear you have to stick to your guns and not bring them back in.
Now thinking about it. My friend took about 11 months to potty train her son and she said once she meant it and the diapers were gone, he figured it out.
Best of luck,
C.

Yes, we had the same problem... Every kid is different, and every mom's philosophy is different, which is why are agree with some of the responces to your request, and not others... My son is 2 1/2 and we just potty trained him this last Labor Day weekend. I used a 3-day potty training book that a friend of mine gave me. I got a lot of negative feedback from various people when they heard I was going to try to potty train our son in just 3 days. I am happy to say that I proved them all wrong. As for your question... Our son had the same issue. He was all jazzed about wearing "big boy" underwear like daddy, and going potty in the toilet like daddy, and liked to watch his dad go pee. However, when it came to actually going in the toilet, he cried and cried and held it as long as he could. We tried to be positve and reinforce that what he was doing was good, but he just didn't want to. We "ceremoniously" throw away his diapers, and put him in the underwear of his choice, and, after holding his pee for a long time, promptly peed all over the kitchen floor. After that we just had him sit on the toilet, and he cried each time the first day, it was frustrating for all of us. But, for us, what broke it was when he finally pooped the next day in the toilet. It was a HUGE event, and we celebrated with such vigor that he was elated, and after that has loved going both pee and poop in the toilet. So, with a little prodding, your son will figure it out as well. Good luck!

I would also suggest trying outside. Maybe the novelty will help. The other thing I would try is to have him sit on the potty while you read him stories. We do this to get my son to sit longer to try to poop but it might help your son relax and take his mind off the pressure of you watching and waiting for him to go.

If your son is motivated and is trying so hard, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR!! A condition runs in my husband's family that requires surgically re-connecting the tube between the bladder and the kidney. I don't remember the specifics, but my MIL has always warned me that if my kids are motivated to potty train and can't pee on demand, they need to get checked out. Hopefully this is not the case with your son--hopefully it's all mental. But to be on the safe side, check with your pediatrician.

Maybe try switching to a potty chair instead of the big potty. I like the movies idea too.

The only other thing I can think of is maybe let him go to the bathroom (at home only obviously) alone. Maybe he'll be able to relax a little more. Some people can't relax and just go with others in the room, maybe that's his thing too.

Sometimes children are fearful of letting something of theirs being flushed down the toilet. I would suggest letting him pee in the back yard on a bush or something. When both of my boys (7 and 3) were learning to pee they loved peeing outside more than on the toilet. They know that when we are in public we need to use the toilet and not a nearby bush. So I would say to give it a try! He may get more comfortable with letting go of his controll. Good luck!

I just read the other response about peeing in the back yard. This makes me nervous. I took my kids to a McDonald's playplace last year and another family arrived...well, when the mom went in to get food, one of her boys (about 7) opened his pants to pee on the ground next to the play structure!! I asked him to please not do that, and he told me me does it all the time! he did not appear to be mentally deficient in any way, he just thought it was no big deal to pee in public in a children's play area. I had to be very insistent with him to make him stop. Needless to say, we did not return there.
So, I'm afraid sure the "nature approach" could lead to an overly casual attitude about urination in public.

As far as getting your son to "let go", what if you tickle him a little while he is standing there?

Your little boy who is so eager to go on the potty may be trying too hard. He needs to relax. How about having him sit on the toilet and read a book or sing a song or having you read to him? I know you have tried all those things, but maybe sitting rather than standing may help him get the feeling of relaxing and letting go.It is wonderful that he can "hold it " for so long a time. That is half the battle and he has already won that half. It will happen...Does daddy help with this. ? Going like daddy does is part of the goal he has. Even letting him see himself pee into a diaper held but not fastened can be a first step since he is so fascinated by the process. Yes! That's how it feels!!

Those disposable diapers that take the fluid away from the body confused the normal feed back that air or a cloth diaper gives.

It will happen. so wonderful that he wants this to be accomplished!

Good luck...N.