Three or More Children?

I am the Mother of 2 1/2 yo G/B twins and very grown up boys!
Raising the boys was very difficult for me for lots of reasons. One of them being I was so young and really not in good finances. I had my tubes tied after the 3rd boy and regreted it for many years. I waited 20 years and with one round of IVF we had the twins. I feel waiting was the best thing I ever did. I can enjoy them more and teach them more. I will be 45 next month which was an issue at first, but I'm so glad I did it! Oh and I do still want more but unless I win the Lotto we won't...

S.... There are pros and cons to both. I have three and an extra (stepson) every summer. I had my tubes tied after my youngest (4yrs) and now I am thinking about maybe another. I think as a mother you long for that and remember sweet little fingers and toes but not so much the diapers and sleepless nights. Every mother is different. If I had not tied my tubes I would probably have had another but I think my family is perfect the way it is. Do you long for a girl and maybe you want to give it another shot? You have to do what feels right for you as every family dynamic is different! GOOD LUCK!

Well hun!! This is what I can tell you. I have two kids. I have my tubes tied, and yes I would love to have one. But my husband he has an older brother that is 30 and three brothers that are 25. When my mother n law had just Aaron and Adam my husband,They were living great!!! they had it all, Well then Karen my mother n law! got pregant with three kids yes three at once, Well then after that everything went to hell! $$$$$$$ they moved and moved and moved, couldn't afford things! So hun it is up to you!! Good luck to you!
Take Care,
K.

S.,
I have 4 wonderful boys and I work full time. I wouldn't change it for anything. I felt overwhelmed when we had our second child but when the third came along it seemed so natural. Then when our fourth did I had no problems at all. Believe me your arms will fit around all of them. Mine are ages 5, 3, 19 mo, and 2 mo. The oldest two feel special that they get to help mom with the younger two and they are best friends. My husband just loves having 4 boys. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best.
A.

I have 4 children and love every minute of it. They are 6 boy, 4 girl, 2 boy and 6 months boy. They are great. I totally understand your concerns about this. They are not silly questions either. I obviously started with 1 and loved it. Just didnt want him to be alone. 25 months later had #2. It was great as well. I did feel a bit overwhelmed by 2 kids. It wasnt as easy as going from 0 to 1. Big adjustment to me. Then we decided to go with #3. He was born 4 months shy of 3 years after my 2nd. Not as close but it was great. easier than any other change. You already are used to multiple car seats, more than one size of diapers, different bed times or bath times. You are already a pro. The kids loved him too. 18 months later we had #4. I love it. I wouldnt change it for the world. OH and YES they were all PLANNED. lol. After you get 2 down pat then 3 or 4 or even 5 are no big difference. The older kids naturally help the younger kids. It all works out great for us. I love it. I think I have said that 10 times but it is true. Perfect for us. We wouldnt even be mad if we had 1 more. I think we are done though. We work opposite shifts so we dont pay a baby sitter. I have 3 boys so I just hand down used stuff. We keep it pretty nice. When you have 4 kids you wouldnt believe the people that help you with hand me downs too. I work at JC Penney so I get a good discount and buy sale and clearance. Nothing that breaks us. You just have to shop and spend money wisely. Good luck to all mommies wanting more. Let me know if I helped at all or you just think I am crazy. lol

K.

I have 3 living children. I had twins which would have made 5 but they were very preemie. Anyways, I am getting ready to have another child on the 2nd. If you want one more, listen to yourself or you may regret it later when you are not capable of having more.

go with your instincts, you might have regrets later on if you don't. I'm mama to 2 living, 13 angels in the stars & surrogate mama to 4 more kids, between the ages of 7 yrs down to 3 1/2. yea, there's days its a handful & chaotic but at the same time there's that much more love going around.

S.- I am in the same boat as you and I have finally decided that I for sure want to have another baby. I think that your gut will tell you the answer and you have to listen to it!! I have 2 girls 3 and 18 mo and we have been trying for a few months now and I am getting anxious! Good luck I know that you will make the right decision!! A.

I am a mother of 4 (ages 5 months, 3 years, 12 years, and almost 14 years) and still feel the way you do. But I also know those who don't want any more children. Before kids, I too wanted only to have 2 children so that my husband and I would not be outnumbered. What I have found instead is that my older children help those that are younger and that there are very few times that any of them need more attention or love that I can give. I work full-time, but that wasn't the case when I started having kids. I don't think I would have felt that I could handle more if my husband was not such a supportive person. He picks up my slack and vice versa. Hopefully your husband is the same.

I trully believe that God will lead you to the decision that is best for you.

Do what is right for you and your husband. There is always controversy with what the "right" number is....those with one say that they can focus on that child....those with lots (4 or more) point out the bond and support system that the brothers and sisters have and will have as they become adults.

I'm a mother of three (10, 8, and 6) and my only advice is this...I found it much harder to go from one to two than from two to three. As my husband plainly put it....once you've mastered the zone defense adding another player seems easier (love the basketball analogy!)

My best wishes for whatever you decide!

K.

I have 2 daughters and 2 stepsons. I love having all these kids. They keep each other busy and I have enough love for all of them. I can't have any more kids of my own so this is the next best thing. If you are thinking about having more don't worry about not having enough love and you have two arms and so don't your husband so that's an arm a kid! ;O) I say if you are able to have another one and want one go for it. Kids are so wonderful!! I hope this helps.

HI S., I HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS 8,4,& 3. I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND I BABYSIT FOR A FEW. I DON'T THINK IT IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT WITH 3 CHILDREN THEN IT WAS WITH 2. GRANTED YES YOU MUST BE PREPARED TO GIVE A LOT OF ATTENTION TO ALL AND THEN INDIVIDUALLY. BEING AN A.H.M. GIVES ME ALL THE CHANCES FOR INDIVIDUAL TIME AND I GIVE WORKING MOTHERS ALL THE RESPECT CAUSE I DON'T THINK I COULD DO IT. I SAY YOU WILL KNOW IF YOU CAN OR CAN'T HANDLE A 3RD YOUR A MOTHER NOW AND YOU KNOW THE TASK AT HAND NOW YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE MILESTONES BEFORE SO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD BE COMING. I FEEL THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE THAT GUT FEELING OF ANOTHER THEN I FEEL THAT IS YOUR MOTHERLY INSTINCTS SAYING GO FOR IT!!!

GOOD LUCK W/ YOUR FINAL DECISION
A. M.

Hello S.. My name is K. and I have 4 children. I had my first three at a very young age and it was hard at times but it was also a lot of fun. With your two boys at the ages of 5 and 2, they would enjoy a new brother or sister. Again, there are your pros and cons. It's just something you will have to talk to your husband about and see what he thinks. I always want another child, but I will never have another one. Four children is my limit...but I miss having a baby. I know this wasn't much advice but I thought I should respond a little since I do have 4 children.

I only have one daughter but I am one of three kids in my family. My advice as a child who grew up with two siblings is have 2 or have 4 or more but don't have three. There is always someone left out or teamed up on. Not always the same sibling everytime. I have heard this from many other people in the same situation. So if you have another be prepared that you may want to have a fourth to even things out. I don't want you to think I am being discouraging. I think if you are ready for another child then go for it!! There are so many kids born to people that don't want them or aren't ready for them so it is wonderful that you are yearning for another. I just wanted you to know what happened when we grew up. Good luck!

I have four children and there are pros and cons to having a large family. My kids are all very close. I think I could manage four just fine, except for the fact that my daughter is 18 months and my son is 2 months. That makes it hard for going places because sometimes I have to carry them both. I think that if you are really feeling the urge for another baby, go for it. Three is really not much different than two anyway.

I come from a semi-large family. I have 4 sisters and 1 step brother. I couldnt imagine not having so many siblings. Remember that one day your children will only have eachother to lean on. The more the merrier. I have 1 son and Im due with my second,little girl, in April. I want to have as many kids as I can afford because one day my husband and I will be gone and when you have a lot of brothers and sisters you have a support system. Children are blessings, each one is different and each one will contribute something wonderful to you family. If you are able and healthy and can afford it, do it!!!! Its not like you could regret having another baby to love!

Yes, I do think the urge to have one more will always be there. I have 4 children. 9,8,3 and 5 months. Now my 8 year is disabled and in a wheelchair so I have even have more on my plate, lol. I think you know your limits and if you still feel like another sounds good then you would be fine :) I don't notice much change when adding another one. You just adjust and your old routines change and you get new ones.

Hello,

First of all let me say do what you want...if you want another child just do it...you won't ever say (once they are here) "I wish we had stopped at 2"...I am the mother of 3 girls...My oldest two just turned 3 and 2 this month and my third is 7 months...We had to make a few changes/sacrifices in our life when we found out we were having another baby(not planned). Including getting a bigger vehicle to fit all 3 carseats into. We got an explorer(on the day my water broke-talk about last minute) which fits all 3 car seats, but just barely. I got out of the ARMY to be a stay at home mom because we could no longer afford childcare and he wanted to work full time and I am willing to be at home all day and work a part time job at night...I am currently at home all the time from still being on unemployment from the ARMY. Just when I think...great she's walking, now they're a little more independent...I'm pregnant again...Now when I walk across the street I have a baby in my arm and a little hand in the other, with the other little hand holding the other little gilrs' hand(like a chain). They say having a baby changes everything...so be prepared. It's very hard to give all the girls enough attention and never actually seen myself having 1, let alone 3 kids, but I wouldn't change it for the world...

Hope this helps, Nickie

too often children are born to parents who dont want them or who think they have the right to give up being parents when they cant deal anymore. so i think it is very awesome of you to actually give it some thought rather than just going for it and having a baby then deciding. but you sound like you really want a 3rd child. i have 3 kids ages 8, 7, and 2 and during the gap between the 7 year old and the 2 year old i always thought about having another baby. i had the same concerns you did as did my husband. we thought about it forever or so it seemed. but no matter what your kids will later in life do, the outnumbering thing doesnt really become an issue. older kids really look out for younger siblings. im sure if you have enough love for another child then one more will just be more love for your home. i know that if i could have another child now i would but i guess it was God's itentions for me to be blessed with 3 children and not a 4th. i wish you the best with your decision....

I am a mother of four boys. Ages 13,11,9, and 1. My personal take on this is like many others. There is no universal "right" number of children per family. The three older boys are all 2 years apart and when they were small, I could'nt even begin to tell you how many people thought we were crazy for having them so close together. However, they are "buddies" they share the same friends and enjoy the same activities. And now that we have the baby, they are fabulous at being little "mothers".

I think that as long as you can finacially provide for a large family there is nothing wrong with having one. Of course with each child the dynamic of your family will shift. But that isn't an automatic bad thing.

As far as your neighbor goes, I think to an extent it is true~for me anyway with each of the boys once they started to become little men and gaining independence I always felt that pang of wanting "just one more". I got over it though...

We have a running joke in our family that goes along the lines of kids are like cats or dogs in the sense that once you have so many whats one more? (horrible I know...)

I am a mother of 3 girls so our family is 5. Yes there are some issues such as going on vacations rooms at hotels are made for 4 and you have to pay for a bigger room or just say you have 2 children. We were only planning on 2 children but someone up above wanted us to have 3 so we had twins. So when we make our reservations we consider out twins an unit. But having another child needs to be a decision of what you and you husband want or can afford. If you decide based on that you will learn how to deal with 2 parents and 3 kids. Remember as you get older the likelihood of having multiple births go up. And after having a set of twins and hitting 40 this year, you will not have the desire to have just one more (because one could easily be two or three). So base your decision on what is best for you and your family. Ask your 5 year old what he thinks as well as your 2 year old because o new baby does change the schedule of the family.

HI I AM A MOTHER OF 4 KIDS. THREE BEING GIRLS AND ONE BOY. I WOULD NEVER WANT TO CHANGE A THING. AT FIRST I THOUGHT TO MYSELF I MUST BE CRAZY AND CAN I DO IT. I FOUND THAT IF YOU CAN MANAGE TWO, THREE IS NOTHING. AFTER THREE I THOUGHT I WAS FINISHED, I WASN'T. SEVERAL YEARS WENT PAST, AND I KNEW IN MY HEART I WANTED ONE MORE. SO I DID HAVE ONE MORE, IT WAS SUCH A GREAT DECISION. WHEN SHE GOT HERE, IT WASN'T ANY "BURDEN" AT ALL. THE OTHERS WELCOMED HER, ENJOYED THE WHOLE PREGNANCY, WANTED TO INVOLVED WITH EVERYTHING, PLUS SOMETIMES YOU HAVE SEVERAL EXTRA PAIRS OF HANDS AND EARS HELPING OUT. I FOUGHT THE URGE TO HAVE THE 4TH CHILD FOR A WHILE THINKING THAT FEELING WOULD PASS, BUT IT ONLY GOT WORSE. FOLLOW THRU WITH YOUR HEART AND GOD WILL LEAD YOU. MY CHILDERN ARE 10,8,6,1.

I have 5 children. 5-girl, 4-girl, 2-girl, twin boys-2months. I have a super support system of an awesome mother-in-law and wonderful friends. Now that I have 5 I think back to 3 and realize it was a breeze. But, it's not always. You always make it work no matter how many you have, and I think you always will want another just because you miss the tiny baby stage, and then the toddler stage,etc., even though sometimes you can't wait for that stage to end. Each child is their own wonderful person and most of the time it is a great thing to have, but it is not always easy. But if you and your husband are both on the pro side, go for it. A big family is a blessing.

You will not hurt your family dynamic by having another child. You are just changing it. If you really want a thrid child, then if you and dh feel that is what you both want, then you should add to your family.
You will know when you are done having children. I don't know how to explain it other than to tell how it worked for me. After my 2nd child I wanted a tubal, but I still had a small inkling about having another child off in the distant future. I am glad that I listened to the small voice because we decided 4 years later that we wanted another child. We got twins. After the twins (4 children) we decided we were done. Financialy we can not handle more than 4 children and I feel that I am spreading myself thin enough with 4 kids. It wouldn't be fair to the 4 existing children for dh and I to devote time to another child. And once you have natural twins, your chances go up of having twins again. So I am very much done.
Our life with 4 children is most times chaotic. We are busy all the time. But we are never board. But we have a relativly happy homelife.
So in closing, I say have a 3rd child, it will add love to your family.
G.

Thanks for posting this...I am VERY curious to hear the responses...I want more children, but my husband thinks it would be crazy to be outnumbered! lol
Proud mommy of two, wife of one, and full time salon manager of 5! ;)
R.