Three of His and Three of Mine Affecting Our Marriage!

Marriage counseling.
Family counseling.
Getting mom and dad on the same page regarding the kids' behavior.

A., things aren't going to get any better until you all get some help. If you can't get to the point that you can care about his sons, they will never get to the point that they care anything about you either.

It is sad what you are going through, and it's sad for ALL the kids too. It is mightily stressful for them to realize their step-mom doesn't like them, much less love them. And your husband is stuck in the middle.

If you can't get outside help, I don't know how you will stay married.

Good luck,
Dawn

Have you taken all of your children to therapy? That seems as though it would be the responsible thing to do, you said the youngest "lies and lies" and the others try to make your daughter look bad, could it be that they feel as though they are not getting the attention they need so they are acting out or that they are taking out aggression on your daughter because of some deeper issues that they don't know how to express properly? Personally I couldn't marry a man if I was incapable of loving his children like my own because that isn't fair to the children, not to mention it causes a host of problems because in one way or another the way the step parent feels will be revealed. I would suggest getting into family therapy & if you already are just sticking with it & approach situations with love & empathy.

Sounds like a good time to go get some family counseling. Start with counseling for just you and your husband and then, if the therapist recommends it, start bringing the kids into the mix. Or maybe the therapist will give you some insight and strategies that will help you and your husband establish some law and order back into your household once again.

Hope this helps.

I totally see why you would not like his kids. If you were not married to their father, they would not be in your life and you would not have to deal with this.
Are they coming every other weekend? Does your daughter go to her dad's house? Perhaps she could go to her dad's when his boys visit.
Have you considered family counseling? I would start with you and your husband together so you can learn some techniques to deal with merging the kids.

If your husband doesn't want to do the counseling, go by yourself. That will help you sort all of this out. Good luck!

I will have to agree, if you want to keep your marriage intact and spare all 6 children from going through another divorce, you should consider family counseling.

I also have to tell you that, while your feelings are understandable, you are one of the adults here. You need to get your feelings of rejection and hostility under control and act like a responsible adult would act, instead of pouting and withdrawing.

Seeing your parents separate and marry new partners, getting new sibs and becoming a mixed family is a lot for kids (younger and older ones) to handle and them acting out and playing you against each other is their way of dealing with a stressful and emotionally confusing situation.
In addition I bet that you see their behavior with a more critical eye than what you own children do (to them and to each other). It is NOT unusual at all for siblings (birth or step sibs) to have rivalries and try to make each other look bad. Make sure you examine your viewpoint and perception before making firm judgements.

All of these points are something that family counseling would address. See a counselor with your husband first. Make a plan of what your expectations are for ALL children in the house AND for both of you and then implement.it is not a quick fix, making a blended family work is very hard work and you can expect it to take time.
Good luck!

I feel your pain. I have been raising my step children since they were 5 and 7... they are now 15 and 17. The 15 year old boy is terrific... good student and athlete and shows respect. The 17 year old girl on the other hand has practically ruined my marriage.... she has been trouble since day one. Now the problems are just bigger. I don't even like to be around her... I hate the sound of her voice. She is incredibly mean to her very own 8 year old half sisters... she is a horrible influence on them.
My husband just ignores all of it. I have taken her to counseling, she has had a case worker, has been in trouble with the law, she steals from all of us - you name it... nothing gets through to her. She goes missing for days, skips school... my husband does nothing. I have passed the point of resenting him because of it all.
Wish I had some great advice, but guess I need some myself. I know how you feel... it is a horrible, paralyzing situation. Good luck.

i wonder if the brady's had family counselling? sounds like you guys need it, i agree with the other ladies. good luck. sounds like a rotten situation.

In order to get alone with your husbands children, you may need to just step back. Put a little distance between them while you seek counseling. Speak with your husband about getting the entire family to go. This is something that needed to be done in the beginning because you are merging to different families from different lifestyles. Oh well, try it now! Try to sort this out with a mediator. If you keep talking to your husband about his children, it could cause some resentment. I hope and pray that everything works out for you.

If you love him, then love his kids. It cannot be a family if you separate his kids from yours. You and your husband sit down with them all and be the adult. Listen to their concerns and be fair. Some things are acceptable; and some are not.
And good luck.

This really is a Brady Bunch Scenerio! It works on TV but it will not usually work in our true society of today. There are so many things pulling these children in a hundred different directions and the confusion for them and for everyone is futile. Family counseling is an option but everyone has to go! Each child has a different personality and the one that lies I guarantee you is the most sensitive one. Some shells are harder then others, his is not. I begged my sister not to get into this situation 3 yrs ago. She had one and he had 3. Hers has sensory processing issues and two of his have ADHD and one has bipolar. Not exactly the charming life with an insane ex wife to boot. I told her don't do it. She will never love those kids every other weekend and I was right. She just resents them. They are crazy, they ruin her things and put huge stress on the family when they arrive for their 36 hours of hell. She puts up with it so the following weekend it can be just her and her husband alone with no kids. To me that's ridiculous but some people will go to great lengths to be with the one they supposedly love. You need to make up your mind because things will NEVER get better. They will get worse as all the kids age and get into bigger troubles. Maybe get your own place and see each other when there are no kids around if you still love each other but the kid thing is not going to work at the rate it's going wothout intervention.

Family therapy might be a good idea.
It's sad that you seem to despise his kids so much. How does he feel about yours?

Try couples' therapy. He need to see your point of view and it is hard sometimes for one parent to critique another parent and understand both sides....married or not. We can all be defensive at times and we can all say things in a better way too. Seeking help from an outside party can bridge the gap and give you resources for better communicating with each other. Even whole family sessions may help. Seek the root of the problem. What is causing this behavior towards your daughter and not towards you. It is interesting. Perhaps the boys never learned how to treat a girl or understand the difference of living with one. Good luck! It is a bumpy road but hopefully a resolution will be found before your heart breaks.