Three Is a Crowd with My 2 Daughters and 1 Friend. How to Deal?

Updated on August 03, 2011
P.R. asks from Akron, OH
6 answers

My oldest (almost 7) is very social and so far makes friends very easily. My youngest (5.5) is somewhat the opposite. Not a huge deal but it's gotten complicated when my oldest has a friend over who spends any time with my youngest. They're home now with our nanny and my oldest called crying hysterically bc her friend was playing with my youngest and the oldest felt left out. My oldest is fine if it's her and 2 friends. The issue is when the 3rd person is her sister. She gets SO possessive of her friend. I'll admit we've been a bit unfair bc if it's my youngest with one of her few friends over, I've tried to keep my oldest separate bc given she's older and more personable, so often my youngest's friend would just start hanging out with my oldest. I didn't want my youngest to lose her friend to her sister all the time and have no friends. She doesnt have a whole lot to begin with while my oldest has so many... I have to change the rule I guess and let my oldest play too but any tips on how to handle this situation? I wish the 3 could play together. They play fine together when no one is over and typically my youngest just goes off on her own when my oldest has a friend.

Btw - I try to always have a playdate for each but not always possible and sometimes I think they should learn to play together. They're so close in age and for instance, the girl over today is actually closer in age to my youngest...

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S.H.

answers from Killeen on

My daughter is like this and she is 12! She is the oldest and has three younger brothers. It drives her insane if she has a friend over and the friend wants to do anything that includes her brothers especially the 11 yr old. She gets super upset if one of her friends "likes" her brother but is tickled pink when its the other way around. I also have this issue with my 10year old son who rarely even wants to have friends over because he says they always want to hang out with the older two. I dont have any answers for you sorry, but I am in the same boat.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I can very much relate to this. We have this issue at my house, with 2 girls only 2 years apart. What I do is tell my girls they are free to entertain their own friend in their own bedroom, and their sister cannot enter that space. However, sister lives here too. I will not make a sibling leave the family room, basement, or yard area. Every once in awhile my girls will fight with each other while one has a friend over, and I need to give them a warning. If it continues, I have to apologize to friend, and ask friend to leave (its usually a neighbor). Our rule is if we cannot get along with each other, we don't get the privilege of having a friend over. Also, I repeat over and over again that they are different people, and they do not always get a playdate opportunity at the exact same time. If one of my girls starts feeling sorry for herself when her sister has company, I encourage her to call up one of her own friends and make some of her own plans. I think it is important for kids to have their own friendship relationships apart from their siblings.

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

In an ideal world they would all play together! But if your older daughter has a friend over she deserves some time to play with her friend without her sister hanging around, and vice versa when your youngest has a friend over. I have two girls (now 12 and 15) so I know the drill! Little sister needs to leave big sister alone for a while. She can find something else to do :)

1 mom found this helpful

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

If the oldest has a friend or two over, she shouldn't have to include her sister every time. Ditto for the youngest. I found that if I had a friend over for one it made sense to have a friend over for the other at the same time.
YMMV
LBC

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from New York on

Aww! I have no helpful advice. I have a 5 yo and an almost 4 yo. They're 14 months apart. We have so far had friends mostly they both play with. Once in a while we have some fights or issues but nothing big. Maybe they can find other friends who get along with both better? I don't know...

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C.F.

answers from Columbus on

I found that having an odd number of kids in a group never works because they always pair off. Always try to have 2 or 4.....

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