Thoughts on Having Kids Close Together

Some of mine are several years apart, 2 are 23 mos, 2 are 18 mos and the last 2 are 14 mos apart. It is hard when they are little but it is great as they are growing up. Mine that are 23 mos and the other 2 that are 18 mos apart are grown have always been very close. They still are. The two babies (13 mos apart) are 1ish and 2ish. I love having them so close together. It is a lotof fun!!!!!!

wow girl you are one busy mom. with a child and 5 dongs. i bet it is hard to get stuff done. but i have a hard time geting stuff done with one child and 2 pets. well i wanted another child when my son was 1 hes now almost 2. we wanted them to be close in age. my husband and his brother are like 18 months apart and are very close. well we ended up getting pregnant. but after 3 months we had a miscariage. we were going to try again when the dr told us we were good to go but now we have decided that we should wait a little. my husband has 2 other brothers. one that is 3 years younger and one that is 8 years younger which is my age. they are all very close. i think that it just all depends on their interests and personality. some kids are really close in age adn still dont really get along. my brother and sister are about 2 years apart and cant stand each other. they are in highschol but when they get older and more mature they seem to all get along and thats when they are really close. you know i dont think that you could ever really know what it will be like. i think that when you do have another one it will all come to you. and just because your first one was hard to put in carseats and didnt sleep anywhere at home doesnt mean that this one will. it may be realy easy. you never know. some people will send you their stories and they may have had it hard or really easy.the way i see it is when you had your first child it was a shock and you were so busy with that one child and up all night and feeding. gosh i remember those days. but then you get used to it because it becomes a routine and then its not as hard. i think that if you two are wanting another one and are ready and can afford and all to have another then i think that it may be hard at first because it is new but i think that after a while it will just be normal for you. and if your second one will be around one then you can let them help you with all kinds of things to where they dont feel left out and then it seems to help things go a little smoother. on the bright side. you are already breastfeeding and waking up in the middle of the night so your body will be used to having to keep getting up and breastfeeding. its really if your ready to have another one. adn i saw that your son doesnt like his carseat. oh my goodness we went through screaming fits everytime we put our son in his carseat. he would arch his back and twist. we bought our son a dvd player for the car and yes some parents are against tv but this helped us soo much. we dont really let our son watch movies at home. he watches a couple disney shows in the morning and thats about it. but we do let him watch movies in the car. it worked for us. it was probably the best investment we bought. well i hope that you feel confident enough to know that you cnan handle having another child adn being ok. i am sure that you are a great mother and would be a great motehr to two children. well goodluck. just remember that you should have kids when you want to not because you wnat to have kids by a certain date or because you want kids close. i was that way but now i am going to wait on the second to when we are ready adn feel like its the right time.

Honestly, you can never know. It's such a personal decision to have another baby. I can tell you my experience and tell you what I'm picking up as an outside observer.

My children are 20 months apart by accident (they are now 5 and 3 1/2). My birth control apparently wasn't strong enough! I can tell you that there have been both harder things and easier things about having them so close in age. They do have two completely different personalities. My daughter had colic, my son didn't. My daughter is fiercely independent, my son is more laid back. They play together, they fight together. I don't think there's a certain age gap where this doesn't occur, because I believe it's more in the personality of the children than in the age difference. My daughter hated the stroller, wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me or home, and my son would pass out anywhere and loved the walks in the stroller. So just know that just because you had certain experiences with your son still means there's a 50/50 chance for anything.

One good thing was that we didn't have to buy anything but clothes. I was just barely out of the diaper stage when we had our son (my daughter was beginning to potty-train when he was born), so there wasn't any huge change there. But we already had a crib, an exersaucer, and a bunch of other "baby stuff." We were prepared! My friends threw me a baby shower and all I got was clothes, because that's all I needed! I wasn't having to switch my mindset.

Dad was also pretty uninvolved until the babies were older... not because he was a bad Dad but because he just didn't know what to do with a baby that wasn't interested in him. I still don't get a lot of help with the housework, so I'm thinking it's just a man thing! As soon as my kids were old enough to show an interest in him as a playmate, he got more involved.

I did want to tell you that if you are lonely, the best thing you can do is join a play group or Mommy group like MOPS (you can visit MOPS.org to find one in your area). It's important that you have that Mommy time to connect with adults and have a true adult conversation every once in a while. Then you have real friends who you can vent to, ask Mommy questions to, and just take a break with. These kinds of groups were my lifesaver when my kids were little.

But, again, when to have your next baby is a very personal decision. I've known women who swear by having them 2 years apart or less, I've known that swore by 3 years exactly, I've known women who swore 5 years, 8 years, etc. It's very much just about how you feel.

Good luck to you and let us know what you decide!

Hi, first my oldest son is 3 1/2 and my baby is 18 months. I think its pretty good "spread", my oldest was potty trained by the time my baby was born, which i loved cause that whole 2 baby thing whew!!! My first son had colic and cried all the time, had a lot of health problems also, now my baby is so healthy he has been sick like maybe 3 times since he was born. Now, they got along so well at first, but now that the baby is older and walking around (didnt start till he was 15 months), they fight, but honestly it is mostly the baby cause he is very hard headed wants everything and for everything to go his way, but i chalk all that up to sibiling stuff, i dont think it matters how far or close you have kiddos they are going to fight!! Now, i have a friend who has a son who is 4 a daughter that is 17 months and a son that is 1 month, and she has a hard time handleing them all, not sure if it is bc she has 3 or what. Just thought i would share with you!! Good Luck!!

Wow, I think the 5 dogs is a load:) I have a boy and a girl that are 18 months apart. It was not planned that they be 18 months apart and initally, I was not sure how well it would be handled. They are now 9 and 10 (almost 11), and I would not have wanted it any other way. They have a very normal relationship. They can't live with each other, they can't live without each other and noone better say anything mean to either of them or the other will jump all over you. They are able to particiapte in the same extra curricular activities, so there is no driving all over town trying to get them to two seperate activities. In the earlier stages, the worst part was not being able to go out as a family to a sit down dinner without one of them acting up. But, that is expected. The best thing is that the second child will usually (not always) try to keep up with the older child or children and the potty training, the walking, the interactions will come alot faster. It was a pain having to buy 2 sizes of pampers, but I can also remember the last time I walked down that aisle and have not had to walk down it since. There are so many pros and cons, but the most important part is that I did not do this alone. My husband plays a huge role in this. He has equal kid, house, car and after-school work duty too.

I have 3 boys. 24, 18, & 15. they are very good friends especially the younger two. I feel like 3 years apart was perfect. Maybe 2 1/2 would have worked or even 3 1/2 to 4 years too. It is so much easier to have the older one a little independent. This way he can help you out. He can get a bottle for you or a diaper. The key to making them close is how you raise them. If there is much kaos and screaming they will hate each other. I always told my boys how much they loved each other and they were each others best friend. Well, I guess the brainwashing worked. When the new baby arrives tell the older one how much the new baby loves him and what a wonderful big brother he is. He'll start believing it. Also, every baby and child is different. Just because the first one was hard doesn't mean the 2nd will be. But.. on that note adding a 2nd child makes a kaotic change. I would wait.

Maria,
Wow, I've read all the other responses and thought I'd share my experience with you. First, my sister and I are 5 years apart and barley talk. We grew up with such different interests because of our age difference we could never really do any of the same stuff at the same time. She was married and done having children before I ever got married, again opening the gap between us.
I have 4 children. The first two are 17 mos apart, which is what you are looking at if you were to get pregnant now. My first was a handful with the constant crying and always needing attention. I was at home all the time with her and I was extremely sick with all day sickness while I was pregnant with number 2. I could not keep anything down and here I was having to care for another child. But she was wonderful. She is a very compassionate little girl and would always be there with me. When her sister was born, just 5 months after her 1st birthday, she was very helpful in getting me diapers and wipes. #2 was lactose intolerant so she was on bottles, I just had the water premeasured in the bottles and one of those formula holders with the dividers always full and my oldest would go get me a bottle and the formula so I could mix it. She loved to help shake the bottle too. She found it being helpful. I always tried to let her help with the baby so she felt part of it. Now, #1 weaned herself from nursing at 9 mos and went straight to a cup, no bottle she refused those. However, I was okay with that because it hurt everytime she would nurse because the uterus was contracting and there was another baby trying to grow. Some have great experience nursing through an entire pregnancy.
Anyway, I often say the best thing I ever did for my oldest is having her sister so close in age. They've shared a room since #2 came home from the hospital and they really do rely on each other for everything.
#2 was not an easy baby either. Before we knew she was lactose intolerant I was nursing her. She would vomit everything she ate. So our schedule was like this: nurse, vomit, cry until she fell asleep (usually an hour), sleep about 30 min sometimes I'd get an hour, nurse, start process over. It was not fun but again, my oldest was always there helping in her own way. #1 would wait for her dad to get home and as soon as he walked in the door she'd tell him to take his baby (#2) because she (#1) was mommies baby.
Sure it was a lot of work but I wouldn't change it for anything. In fact we knew we were going to have more children so we tried to have #3 relatively close to #2 but that didn't happen. Instead we were blessed with twins just 2 days before #1's 5th birhday. They are a lot of work as well but I wouldn't change them for the world either. We would've had #3 & #4 as close as #1 & #2 had we not had twins.
My husband and his brother are 12 months and 3 days apart and they love it. They also have a younger sister who is 5 years younger than the oldest.
Sorry to take so much time but I wanted to share my experience with you. Now my girls will be one grade apart in school, they play on the same soccer and softball teams. They get to take swimming lessons in the same class.
The on most important thing is, once the baby starts sleeping more routinely start moving nap schedule for all until they are at the same time. That is the key to sanity. When the twins were first born and the girls were still taking naps I was able to have all 4 of them sleeping at nap time together for 2 hours and it was GREAT.

It's hard; i've done it. I had 3 kids under 3 years old and none of them are twins. And not to make things easier I was 40 years old when I had the last one. Looking back now, I think I would do it again. My husband was wonderful. We did things different than most people. We ran a small business together and raised our kids together. We were a family 24/7. No babysitters, just us. We bonded and it was great. It still is; just now we do spend time apart also. The kids go to school now, my husband got a job somewhere else and I run the business by myself. If you got any more questions feel free to ask.

My first and second are two years apart and the second and third are 12 months 5 days apart. It is hard work but they are all friends and play together. They are 9, 7 and 6 now. Keeping them close allows you to have them in the same activities. You can handle it if you get yourself organized and stick to a routine i.e. naps, meals, baths, bedtime etc. Set a schedule and follow it. Good luck.

I have four kids ages 13, 7, 3 and 2. I used to boast that I had really been blessed with having my children so far apart and how perfect it had worked out and then the surprise of #4 was a real shocker.

We didn't plan on our children to be spaced out like they were but in my opinion it is wonderful. I had so much time with each of them and I feel like my younger two have gotten cheated in getting me to themselves so speak as babies and toddlers. At least my 3rd did get me for a year.

With my oldest, he was kindergarten and while he was at school all day I had all day to play with #2, then when my older got home from school it was our time and daddy was home with the baby and then all of us were together. My 2nd was 4 when #3 came and that was even better because he was home with us and he was old enough to do things for himself but also still here to play with us. With #3 and #4 being 12 months apart, it has been tough...double the diapers, double the everything...even though they have each other to play with they still seem to try for my attention. One day I am sure it will be great and they will be close, but even though my oldest is 13, he and my 2 year are just as close as any of them, while I realize as he gets into teen years this may not hold as true, I have no doubt that there is much love there.

I guess if I had to pick the perfect spacing, I would bet on 3-4 yrs...I am just now starting to feel better since having the girls so close and I still don't feel like I have life under control like I did when my older two each turned 2 and 3.

You have to decide what is best for your family. Most people tend to either like their kids really close together or really far apart. I have the best of both worlds, but you still have to decide which will work for you.

Good luck!

Hi I have 2 kids. My kids are 12 months and 12 days apart. They are now 4 and 5. I have 11 dogs, 11 horses, 9 birds, 2 frogs, a hermit crab, and lots and lots of fish. I do not have much time for myself as you can imagine but I would not have it any other way. My kids are great. They get along so well with eachother. They are lost without eachother. It was hard at first but, I would do it again.

First let me ask if you are a christian...if you are you and your husband need to pray about it first and formost. Now I'll tell you my story. My husband and I prayed that if the Lord was ready for us to have a child then we would get pregnant. WELL, we had quadruplets in 2001. Since then one of our sons has passed away. We have 2 boys and a girl who go through the exact same stages at the exact same time. I can't say everything has been easy. But, I'm blessed and it's my wonderful family. On the other hand my parents waited 3 years and then 5 years between the three of us (I have 2 brothers) and we are very close also. My 2 brothers who are 8 years apart didn't do alot together growing up but now they are extremely close even though they live in different states.

I think it's how you raise them to love each other and respect each other no matter the age difference is what counts.

WAIT!!!! Oh my gosh, I hear this all the time.
People always say they want their kids to be close in age to play together but what sometimes happens is b/c they are so close in age, they often develop different personalities and they argue a lot. Not always but I have seen it. Think of your siblings, your husband's siblings or your friends kids....how many involve 2 siblings with opposite personalities?

When there is an age gap, they fight less b/c they have less in common to fight about.
My first child had colic and she was a handful and I know if I had another, the stress would have made me less of a mother. I'd rather be a great mother to one child than an OK mother to two. Just b/c some Mom's can handle 3 or 5 well, doesn't mean everyone can. My girl with colic and a full time job was all I could do. That's me and that's not everyone but I know my limits.
After reading your email....YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO....the writing is in your words and YOU DO NOT want another so soon. Don't do it, if your husband wants it and you don't right now, what is going to happen is you are going to handle the load, be exhausted and you are going to resent your husband for pushing you. I have a great husband who changes diapers, helps with feeding, baths, bedtime, etc. but bottom line is...most MEN DO NOT DO ALL THAT WE DO. Don't ever be pressured.
My sis and I are 8 years apart...huge, right? Yeah, but we never fought and by the time I hit my teen's, she was my confidant, best friend, etc. AND STILL IS AT AGE 40+. I am not saying to wait that long but siblings, as adults, will bond if they are meant to regardless of the age. Look at the big picture, not just the infant/toddler years.
You are overwhelmed, and rightfully so otherwise you wouldn't be asking the questions and I can tell by the length of your email you are justifying your concern. You know the answer already....wait and know that as mothers, as good as our husbands are, 99.9% of the childcare is on us. I don't know how old you are, but unless time is an issue, wait.
FYI...when my girl with colic hit 3 years old, life was soooo much easier,big change and big relief. It was much easier, I had my second 6 years later which is a big gap but I feel I am such a better Mom now with so much more time and patience I almost feel like my first was cheated a little. Go with your gut instincts. Good luck!!