Those of You Who like "Love and Logic"

Logical consequences, in this case, are things that make sense based on the infraction, preferably something that teaches them about the behavior.

As an example, if my child did not bring their laundry down, then the natural consequences might be that they don't have clean laundry, logical consequences might be that they have to do a load of laundry, and non-logical consequences would be being grounded.

I like love and logic because it address providing warmth and consequence (both of which I think are important for parenting). Also, the idea of natural and logical consequences tends to be not only effective, but relatively easy to implement. I don't have to try to control my kids' behavior when they can learn from experience (of course, there are some instances where we have to step in such as when the natural consequences could be serious or there are no negative natural consequences).

Natural consequences occur without the parenting having to do anything (for example, if the kids stays up late, they will feel tired). Logical consequences are tied to the misbehavior (for example, if the child breaks something, he or she must fix/replace it; if the child gets a poor report card, he or she cannot go out on school nights; if the child takes a toy from a sibling, he or she must give it back with an apology).

I love L&L! I used it as a classroom teacher and now as a parent. My favorite parts are giving choices and speaking with empathy. Giving choices (specifically the way you word them) gives the child of any age a sense of ownership and control. They learn fairness and responsibility if used consistently. I like the natural consequences it provides as well. For instance, if I couldn't get my child to put on his coat, instead of arguing round and round, I would simply say-"Would you like to wear your coat or carry it?" Here are two perfectly good choices that are ok with me, but gives him the option to decide. If he chooses to carry the coat and realizes it is cold outside, chances are he will figure out to put on the coat on his own. (natural consequence) without me constantly nagging about it.
I also like that L&L really gives the child the opportunity to think about their choices whether it was a good or bad one. We all make mistakes and should view them as learning opportunities. The younger these kind of tools are started with children the better. The lessons just becoming tougher and more expensive to learn as the child gets older.
HTH,
A.

I just bought this, so I am going to keep checking to see what types of answers you get.

The simple answer is that it's logical....hence the name. It teaches children natural consequences to their decisions which I believe will serve them well into their future not just as children.

First off....find Love and Logic on Facebook. About weekly, they will post cool ideas to use and also tried and true techniques that work for parents.

Secondly, we love the empathy and consequences. I grew up in a screaming house and this technique is all about calm, loving communication, also allowing the kid to figure out what what they can do to fix the problem. We love giving him choices. We are taking classes right now in Hales Corners and have also taken a one day seminar.

Thirdly, you can call Love and Logic and the customer service people will help you immediately with a specific question using L &L ways.

Lastly, I don't have time to write it all down. So here is a link and you will find lots of info.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/articles.html
1-800-338-4065
FACEBOOK:
Love and Logic Question of the Week (LLQW): Bedtime can be a struggle for many parents. What are some Love and Logic techniques you use to make it easier?
October 21 at 2:33pm · Comment ·LikeUnlike21 people like this.50 of 66
Andrea Witkowski Uherka Giving options to the child of the order of the routine but yet maintain a routine. Also making natural consequences for being the next day if they do not go to sleep like they should.
October 21 at 2:50pm · LikeUnlike · Corinne McKay Lots of exercise in the afternoons (so the child is actually tired), regular routine (potentially using a timer that goes off at "get ready for bed" time so that the timer is the bad guy) and setting an in-your-room time instead of a go-to-sleep time. I tell my daughter "you go to sleep when you're tired but I'm off duty at 8:30" and we seldom have issues!
October 21 at 2:51pm · LikeUnlike · 3 people
Loading... · Katie Ossmann Johnson Bedroom time vs. bedtime for our four year old has worked great, also energy drains if he does get up for me the next day. After a day of doing nothing the next day because Mom is too tired from the interruptions he stays in his room, also giving a choice to have the door open or closed, he always chooses open, but looses that if he comes out repeatedly.
October 21 at 2:53pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Amy Semba Ashton Lazor ‎"You don't have to go to sleep, but you do have to stay in your room." , "do you want me to check on you...?"
October 21 at 2:56pm · LikeUnlike · 2 people
Loading... · Abbie Sitzman Bedtime use to be a really big struggle for us, after we relocated for some reason? But we finally found a new routine that works and hopefully it will continue to work.
October 21 at 2:58pm · LikeUnlike · Ashley Hard Davis Covers or no covers, stuffed animal or no stuffed animal, tv on or tv off, light on or light off, door open or door closed?
October 21 at 3:00pm · LikeUnlike · 2 people
2 people like this. · Kimber Spradlin After 5 years we finally gave up on our 2 boys sharing a room - "bedroom time" was a disaster of either fighting or playing (and many times not being able to tell which). Energy drains, lock on the door, extra chores, earlier bedtimes the next night - none of it worked. Now the oldest shares a room with his baby sister and everything goes much smoother. Hopefully by the time she is old enough to need her room back the boys will be capable of sharing a room!
October 21 at 3:00pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Melanie Desrosiers Turowski Taking the pressure off and telling the kids they know how much sleep they need. When my boys were younger and they shared a room, they would stay up and make so much noise. It was a constant battle. I then told them I needed quiet time ...so as long as they didn't make a lot of noise they could go to bed when they felt they needed to. It only took a couple rough mornings for them to make good decisions about going to sleep. They are now teenagers and still go to bed by ten and are up early, with no pressure from me. They are even the first to go to sleep at sleepovers! I am always happy when they are the ones to come home with writing on their faces because they were the first to fall asleep. LOL.
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October 21 at 3:05pm · LikeUnlike · Shawna Dean We have had a great routine from about 5 months of age (She is now 3) and we are currently struggling. I am new to L&L but have tried the questions and they seem to work, right up until I walk out of the room. That is when the whining/I'm frightened/potty/water stuff starts. I was saying I would come back in 15 min, then 10 and I am so tired of the fight. I finally said do you want me to check on your in 5 minutes or 6 and for THREE Nights in a row....IT"S WORKING!
October 21 at 3:05pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Daynnell Renae Smith The one thing our 7 year old has always known is that when we say "Bed Time" we mean it. He has on occasion tried to complain, argue or stall, but we keep telling him it is not up for negotiation. Actually, some nights he tells me when he wants to go to bed, and it's usually earlier than what is normal.
October 21 at 3:06pm · LikeUnlike · Princess Eleby Chidren need consistency and routine. Make sure that you do this and always try to finish the nite with a great story. Read them rite to sleep.
October 21 at 3:08pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Holly Willwerth Mine go to sleep and stay there okay, but sometimes getting the jammies, etc. routine is hard for the two year old. I just ask her, "Would you like to go to bed with or without jammies? teeth brushed or not brushed? Story or no story?" Seems the more "control" I let her have, the easier it is on all of us. I am agreeable to whichever answer she gives to all of those, so I don't sweat it when she wants to sleep in her clothes for example.
October 21 at 3:12pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Cherie Johnson I established the whole choice thing a long time ago. Now it is just the routine. The older ones know that it's room time but the continuity of routine and something fun, like a familiar character song has gone a long way towards making bedtime a no-struggle, no-drama time.
October 21 at 3:17pm · LikeUnlike · Ash Tareq ‎4 more minutes!
October 21 at 3:18pm · LikeUnlike · L. Thomas McGrath choices, choices, choices..it is all about choice with us. lol Some times,,,,there isnt enough choices for him.~sigh~
October 21 at 3:19pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Shannon Kohl ‎@ Kimberly Sommers, I do the same thing. Some people think Im crazy but it works :)
October 21 at 3:22pm · LikeUnlike · Jan M. Maltby Wickersheim ‎"You don't have to sleep, you just have to stay in your room. Love you. Night."
October 21 at 3:27pm · LikeUnlike · 2 people
Loading... · Katie Cameron Oh you must have read my mind this wk, these tips are just what we needed! Thank you!!
October 21 at 3:32pm · LikeUnlike · Linda Hemp My kids all go to their rooms at 8pm with a flashlight and a book ... they go to sleep when they want to ... they are usually asleep by 9pm ... they think it's a big treat! Got that straight from the L&L book!
October 21 at 4:03pm · LikeUnlike · Chad Baron Routine. My wife has her older children, 12 and 15, trained to go to bed at 8 pm. It's amazing how often they are asleep by 8:30. Our 5 yr old is on the same routine. Dinner, chore(s), bath. If time maybe a little family tv time. Reading or prayer at bedtime. And she is out!
October 21 at 4:11pm · LikeUnlike · Caroline Stewart Mullins routine! and," I will stay and pat your back for one minute...as long as you are trying to go to sleep" (lying still, not talking) then it's a kiss goodnight and I love you. :) This helps them settle down. I have also used the "feel free to stay awake, just stay in your room" bit and it has helped with my younger, more strong willed one!
October 21 at 4:13pm · LikeUnlike · Susan Walther Watring Giving the choice of going to bed now or in 15 mins... with the 15 mins being the ideal time of going to be.this way he has the choice when he goes to bed but knows that he still has to go to bed.
October 21 at 4:19pm · LikeUnlike · Nancy Troutner Bedroom time is 8:30 in bed w a movie. I come back at 9;15 for the 8 year old and 9:30 for the 9 year old to turn tv off . Any complaints no tv the next day
October 21 at 4:29pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Neeka Grove To Sheila Dewell- I also have a 9 yr old daughter that we struggle with showers (and teeth brushing!). The other night she huffed up the stairs and started crying in the shower. I was so annoyed by her fussing but thought of one of the tech...niques. I asked her if she was actually crying because she had to shower. She said "yes," and I said "How sad you let showering upset you so much". She said "Huh?" So I repeated myself and then left. She stopped crying right away. Now I'm hoping the next shower goes easier! :) Basically, I made it not my problem. Good luck!
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October 21 at 4:34pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Carolynn Yancey We typically don't have a ton of problems with bed, it is the pre-bed that sometimes they struggle with. But our 4 boys understand that if your snotty or disrespectful to anyone during the day you have to go to bed at 8:00 because obviously you need your sleep. If your kind and have a nice mouth with everyone you get to stay up until 8:30. (9:00 for my 14yo) They love staying up late, and I love having sweet kids, it is a great compromise!
October 21 at 4:39pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Charlotte Williams we have started "miracle music" routine. along with love and logic tips and choices it works wonders. the house is clean and the kids in bed with little help in 20 min! I highly reccomend it.
October 21 at 4:46pm · LikeUnlike · L. Bulik Johnson Bedtime, shower, AND teeth are all a struggle for us with our 12 year old AND the 20 year old for showering. At a loss...
October 21 at 5:01pm · LikeUnlike · Alicia Davis My kids are old enough to know when mom says go to bed they do but it wasent allways like such when they were small I would put them to bed early if they got out of bed I would put back in bed this seems tiresome but this took a week then they got it I sat outside their door reading or folding laundry
October 21 at 5:04pm · LikeUnlike · Christine Sten Dailey Started by following the No Cry Sleep Solution, which I followed to the letter and is all about routine and sleep signals (things that happen before bedtime that signal the brain to get ready for sleep). Then later in years, reinforced with... L&L "bedroom" time technique. We spend 1:1 time with each of them before bed, and during that time they get to choose how to spend it (singing, cuddling, reading, playing hangman etc.). And when that time is over they are free to do whatever they want as long as we don't see or hear them unless they're broken or bleeding. We also got them alarm clocks b/c I'd much rather have a sleepy 7 year old be cranky at the clock than cranky at me. By the time they get downstairs for breakfast, the crankies are gone and we share yummy morning hugs!
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October 21 at 5:26pm · LikeUnlike · Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Calming rituals, "Bedroom time" vs "bedtime," and choices are great options! Here is more from Dr. Charles Fay: http://bit.ly/cvNzCF. If you have more questions, feel free to call our customer care specialists at 800-338-4065 to be directed to additional solutions.
October 21 at 5:49pm · LikeUnlike · Janet Carter I just go to bed when I am tired.
October 21 at 6:10pm · LikeUnlike · Rosa L. Resendez I have a 6 & 9 year old who at 5 & 8 use to sleep in the same room. Getting them to bed was no problem, it's what they were doing while they were in the room that was a problem (fighting, playing, jumping). My solution was to stagger their ...room time (8 pm and a 8:30) that worked sometimes as one will wait or wake the other. Then we separated them because of age/ gender difference, with the same times to sleep. That has worked like a charm. It took a while for dad to buy into adult time after 8:30pm. Mind you they have a routine now, in the past the routine was hindered when I worked grave yard and dad didn't want to keep a routine. Sometimes it's parents that manifest situations; I can't praise modeling for your children enough. Relations, mannerisms, just doing the right thing (choice) in front of them. And also, allowing them to see your mistakes as well, it shows that you're human and capable of failure, it's okay to admit mistakes, but show what choices you will make to resolve the matter, by apologizing and or example. Conflict can bring you together when they see that you're the same- human.
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October 21 at 6:13pm · LikeUnlike · 1 person
Loading... · Cindi Gibbs-Wilborn I have 4 year old twins and routines help us out big time. bath, story, and choosing their "book or music on CD" for the night really helps. I leave the CD on "repeat all" so they can hear it over and over if it helps. Thomas the Tank stories are popular with my son, and my daughter loves Winnie the Pooh.
October 21 at 6:46pm · LikeUnlike · Jennifer Chase A good routine with stories & snuggles so they can relax before they need to sleep. It helps me relax and unwind at the end of the day too!
October 21 at 6:51pm · LikeUnlike · Angela Sulik Would you like to carried up the stairs or walk by yourself?
October 21 at 6:59pm · LikeUnlike · Carrie Lynn Atkins my two girls age 7 and 4 usually take a nap after school so bedtime in the evening is usually up to them because they are both different individuals and their mindsets are diffrent. But all the lights gets shut down at acertain time for bedtime and they automatically know its time to quiet down to go to bed.
October 21 at 7:25pm · LikeUnlike · Angie Vis Butler would you like to hallway light on or the bathroom light?
October 21 at 7:36pm · LikeUnlike · Sharon Voss Perez Routine
October 21 at 8:09pm · LikeUnlike · Alexandra Durrett My oldest is two. So I usually tell her it's time for bed and turn the tv off and while she is crying (as she almost always does) I continue down the hallway turning off the lights as we go while asking her if she wants to brush her teeth first or if she wants mommy to do it and so on to keep her distracted. By the time we get up the stairs she is done crying and eager to brush her teeth and get in her pj's for a bedtime story.

I think a logical consequence can be something the parent does. For example, we were having trouble with our 13 year old missing the bus/not getting out of bed in time. The consequence we put in place was that if she missed the bus and we have to take her she has to pay a "cab fare" for the ride to school (reimburse us for the time out of our schedule to take her - paying for a service provided to you). Another example...it drives me crazy when my kids put their clothes in the laundry inside out. I do all the laundry, but if anything gets to the basement inside out I leave it in a pile and it doesn't get washed. So...if they want that favorite pair of jeans washed they need to make sure they're right-side-out. The consequence is that they don't get to wear those jeans if they don't take care of them. Last example...we had a string of missing assignments at school. The consequence we put in place was that if there were missing assignments during the week then our daughter couldn't do things with friends on the weekend - she would take the weekend to make up the work she should have been doing during the week. (If I don't get something done at work I have to take it home on the weekend....)

I think the hardest part about Love & Logic is coming up with the "natural consequences". I try to think of what would happen to me in the adult world if I did the things my kids are doing and base the consequence on that. There's not always an obvious answer, but this helps me many times. It's not always easy to stick to the L&L theories, but when you do they really do work! Good luck to you!

Natural and logical aren't interchangeable. A logical consequence is something the parent enforces that should be logically related to the behavior. If your child doesn't clean his room and you say no desserts for a week, you're imposing a punishment completely unrelated to the behavior. Instead, you might remove the toys that weren't cleaned up and put them in a time out.

What I like about L & L is that it encourages responsibility and the logical consequences of neglecting to do so. For example, the parent would not interfere and/or come to the rescue when a child would forget their homework. The child would then learn the consequences that stem from that in school. The parent would then simply display empathy (oh, what a bummer you forgot your homework and now have to make up the work, etc) and let the lesson speak for itself. I highly recommend the book as well as several others that are more specific to age groups and situations. The website is a wonderful tool where you can order books and receive daily/weekly emails. Check it out: http://www.loveandlogic.com/