I have a 2 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary. Before we had babies, I was "always in the mood", if you know what I mean. This didn't change too much after we had our first baby, which is probably why we had two babies so close together but that's another story. ;) lol After I had our 2nd baby my libido has pretty much dissappeared. Is this normal? I am not on any form of hormonal birth control so I know its not that. I am still extremely attracted to and in love with my husband. He is gorgeous! And I love him more with every passing day. I enjoy our intimate times once we get started, but given the option I'd usually rather sleep. lol I went from wanting to make love multiple times a day to maybe every other day at most. I figured this was just a side effect of having two young children so close together...but I was wondering...have any of you experienced this? I have talked to my husband about it and he is not offended or anything...he is actually very understanding...but sometimes I feel bad about it. Maybe I just need more "me time"? And "us time"? Bc we don't get to go out just us hardly ever...no family close by and we don't have a trustworthy babysitter. Any tips or encouragement?
Edit: I think part of it is I am not happy with my body. I have lost all of the baby weight. But after my 2nd baby I had to have surgery, and couldn't work out for a few months while I recovered, then when I could start working out I didn't really feel like it. My stomach is loose and flabby and I don't know what to do to get back in shape. I was naturally thin before and never really had to work at it. So I am not sure what child friendly work outs I could do, ya know? I cannot afford a gym membership and don't have a sitter to watch them so I can work out alone. I've tried doing a pilates dvd but they climb all over me the entire time. ;) My 1 year old naps, but my 2year old does not.
You still do it every other day? Wow, that's a lot. I thought you were going to say you went from daily to once a month or something. Every other day is still the intimacy of champions especially since you have two kids. :-)
You are chasing 2 kids under 3 all day. You are probably exausted--beyond tired but just physically and emotionally tired and need some relaxation time. Maybe some vitamins and a good workout 2-3 times a week followed by a nice hot bubble bath and some cute/sexy nities.
You want to every other day? I'm lucky if I want to once a week! I would give anything for (a) time and (b) want every three days...but alas...I think it's normal.
Soooo normal. don't beat yourself up.
It's one of the by products if you will of having babies...especially more then one. It will get better..like when the kids move out. :)
Yes, it's normal. You are doing awesome, though! Body image can definitely affect your desire. Just know that guys (and you sound like you have an awesome one) really don't seem to care if they truly love you. And it seems he does. Then having two little ones is exhausting and tiring and hard to get the energy needed for anything beyond sleeping when you can;-)
I can totally relate to most everything you've said about your body. I've always been slender and tiny with no effort. I feel flabby in my belly and not in shape like I want to be.
Here are some ideas (these are what I'm doing or going to be doing):
- For exercise, try something fun like Zumba Fitness. You can get DVD's or for the Wii (and probably other types of game consoles). You just dance. I've tried Wii Fit and Pilates and Yoga...but I just got Zumba. There's a learning curve, and I've never been a dancer, but it was really fun and funny and had my heart rate going high really fast!
- Get the book "Lose Your Mummy Tummy" by Tupler. She has excellent exercises that get your belly muscles back to pre-baby positions. I've yet to try it (I'm prego), but I have the book. I am planning on doing it while prego too because she says it's safe for that. I just haven't yet. But I know that can really help you feel less flabby if you get the muscles back in place. Then add cardio to work off any actual flab you might have, and with consistency, you'll be back to a more comfortable size.
Hope that helps!
You are just fine. I used to get up and do yoga before work and the wonderful thing about exercise is that once you do it for a while then it becomes second nature. If you can find a way it will be a great pick me up. Vitamins also help and once I started taking thyroid I got a lot of energy. Our hormones do get a little more messed up after each kid. A good man loves your mind and not necessarily your body. You probably notice each little bump and bulge but he just loves you.
I had to smile...every other day with two kids??? You are doing pretty good if you ask me.
Things do change after kids. It's exhausting. Your body changes. Your hormones go nuts for while. Don't beat yourself up. Keep the lines of communication open with your hubby. It will get better.
I want to respond to your workout question. I have been working out regularly most of my life and I had trouble getting back into shape after my second child, even though I was still working out. I discovered Tracy Anderson DVDs and I can't tell you how thrilled I am with the results. I totally recommend them, especially after having children. I try to wake up before my kids to work out for an hour in the mornings or after they go to bed. It's hard to find time but so worth it.
You're lucky to still want it every other day!!!! With two kids and all the weird post-partum body changes, it's really hard to find the time and energy.
I read your other post about losing the weight and working out. Try the jog stroller you have. It helped me immensely after my 1st. Can't use it now because my first is 4 and a half and his brother is just 3 and a half months. Since yours are so close together in age, it will probably work better for you. Even walking while pushing it is a great workout because of the extra weight you have to move.
Totally normal. Pregnancy puts a huge strain on your body. Combine that with the needs of the babies and sex is usually last on the list.
Every other day with 2 kids that young? Go you!
We have a 3 year old and 2 year old (in 8 days) and we are lucky to get "us time" once a week. Although my husband works nights full time and is going to school full time too so we have a very busy weekly schedule.
In you same boat sister....I almost never want to have sex and when I do, it's usually because I feel guilty for not doing it for so long...He doesn't seem to mind how I feel about it, if I'm offering, no matter what the reason, he's taking..lol...I do enjoy it once in a while though, don't be hard on yourself..I too have a five year old and a two and 1/2 year old, and they take everything out of me...Sex becomes another chore after child rearing and everything else you have to do every day...Your hubs sounds like a keeper and if he says he understands, then believe him. I too don't have family here and don't have trustworthy baby sitters either..Plus, can't really afford one with me not back to work yet...We don't get alone time either but every now and then, a moment will pop up when we are both in the mood, believe it or not, lol, and able..Usually in the a.m. when the kids are asleep....Don't sweat it, I'm sure you guys will be just fine..As for working out, I walk in the a.m., I know it's hot, but buck it up, and I do arm weights and crunches at home....I have a side by side double stroller that I got for $80 at babies r' us...Jeep makes it, and it's great, I love it....Good luck!!
