So my five year old started exploring his body about the same time he got potty trained. I double check with his doc, and he reassured me this was normal for kiddos...this was when he had just turned four. Now my middle boy who just turned four on the 19th has started wanting naked time in his room. I am totally excepting of both of their behavior. my issue is that they share a room and when one is having naked time...the other wants naked time...i dont think it is really ok for them to share their naked time because that is alone time...now they do have bunk beds...so my answer to the arugment last night was my oldest go on the top bunk and the middlo needed to stay on his bunk. This is not the ideal answer for this...what do i do with two growing boys exploring their bodies and have it not sound damaging to them when they are older because it is totally normal for them to be at this stage...help me moms with older boys or even moms with girls ir whoever...I need the light to be at the end of this situation sooner then later so my boys have normal childhood and growing experiences.
i know this maybe a harer one but tia...
libby
ok, so i feel a little well taken back with some of these answers. this is not something i am like encouraging them to do. but when the situation does come around, and it did last night i was a bit concerned. i dealt with it the way that i felt was best for the time being. This is why i turn to you ladies.
I remember at a young age going thru this. I am sure as did all of you. I dont feel that is something that should be not openly talked about. No, my five year old son is not doing it to "get somewhere," it just feels good. I respect your opinions ver much but to make it sound like i am doing or letting something nasty go on with me standing guard watching... I am just on my mom adventure and this ws something i didnt see coming so soon either i guess. and as I stated before, My children share the same doctor and when i brought this up to him a little over a year ago, he reassured me it was a normal part of the growing process.
Bathroom situation only...would be ideal if they took baths alone and were able to use that time for exploration.
Addition:
Libby, I just read your 'what happened' and want to say that I think that you misunderstand what some of us are trying to say. No one thinks that you are "doing or letting something nasty go on". And no one disagrees with your doctor saying that exploring one's body is natural. The only thing that some of us disagree with is instituting "naked time" because of the possible complications. If you disagree with us, that's fine - it's your decision. But please don't assume that we think you are doing something nasty. No one said or meant such a thing.
Original:
I have to say that I disagree with the "naked time" concept at 4 and 5 years old. I wonder when you'll be able to get them to quit. You may really wish you hadn't if they start exploring each other. You have to understand that they won't see anything wrong with it and it will be innocent, but they aren't supposed to do it.
The only "naked time" my kids had was in the tub and getting dressed. I really think that's easier to control. Children do explore their bodies, and that's fine, but it's not necessary to give them so much opportunity to think about it by letting them run around naked when they are that old.
Just something to think about.
Dawn
wow. four is a little young to be needing "naked time". i'm not really sure what all they are doing in there but if it is something that is actually needing "time" to complete, i have a feeling this is waaaay past "normal". normal is checking it out in the tub or when peeing. normal is not setting aside personal time. they're not 16. as far as the light being at the end of this situation sooner than later - they're boys. puberty is when this is supposed to be going on. seems to me you just added about 10 more years to something you shouldn't even need to be worrying about yet.
for what it's worth, "yes, that's your wee-wee, and no, mommy doesn't want to see you doing that, and neither does anyone else," worked for us. if he "explores" it's on his time, not mine. i'm sure not going to encourage that behavior when he will firgure it out, and as grandma T says, be thinking with it, soon enough.
When you see both of them exploring at the same time, simply discourage it in a loving manner by telling them they should not do that in front of each other. Their bodies are private.
Boys like to compete and being they are brothers, monkey see, monkey do. So if you get the older one to stop, I am sure the younger one will follow. Don't make a big scene, just distract with something else and say "Let's say our numbers or find our colors" or something to that effect when you see them doing it. The fact is they have found this brings a certain sensation and they will continue to do it unless you limit it by keeping them busy
I tell my 6 year old son that some things are private and are for private time only. That means not doing something if mom or a sibling or anyone is around. I just repeat as necessary!
Could one have some naked time in the bathroom or bathtub (with some supervision to be safe depending on age) while the other is in their room?
It is a very normal and healthy part of their development, but I agree with you that the alone time should really be alone. I don't think there's anything wrong with them being in the same room exploring themselves when they understand personal boundaries, but they're still very young and need to be safe about their bodies. That's easier if there isn't another person right there exploring too. :)
Good luck to you!!
the bathroom unannouced what it is dont have them announce naked time. this is what my son did works great till someone needs to go do buisness. If you have 2 bathrooms ideal
I guess there is nothing wrong with it, but I also don't think that it needs to be encouraged. Is this something that they expect to have on a daily basis, like a nap? I have a 5 year old son, he does not "explore his body" as you say, and I think that he is pretty normal! Why don't you try to discourage the behavior (not saying ALL the time) by distracting them with something else to do - limiting it...But, I do agree, that if they need alone time to explore, then it should be alone - not with a brother in the room (or anyone else)...
I have a 5 year old boy and I simply say, "That is something you do in private, so please wait until you are in the bathroom or in your bedroom". In your case, it would be bathroom only since they share a room. No need to explain anymore. You aren't saying it's wrong...only that it's a private thing. In our case, we're pretty liberal and understand that he's just curious, so it doesn't phase me. I like to keep the message simple.
Oh, and since you have two boys, they probably are just following each other's lead. Nothing strange about it. They think it's normal and fine to check things out. That's good! You just need to add in the "private" part and encourage them to go to the bathroom. I forgot that I also tell my son to not touch his crouch in public or with other family members around..you know like if he has to go potty. I ask if he has to go an then I tell him he needs to put his hand down. If he doesn't, I remind him that he has to do that in a private place. Since it's such a non-issue, we hardly ever have to address it.
I do think it's important to stress that while it's natural, their privates aren't a toy to play with whenever they feel like it. They are old enough to have boundaries and understand you DON"T do that in the presence of other people. They should know that exploring their bodies is a natural part of life, but they can't just request naked time, because they want it. Also, I think calling it "naked time" is a bit odd. I think you can be accepting without being encouraging. I'm not saying you're telling or suggesting them to do this. What I'm saying, is by giving it a "special" name and meaning...you are inadvertently putting a very important emphasis on this. They don't get to just "want" naked time. They don't get to ask for it, argue about it, and want to it together. Quite honestly, I think you've accidentally opened a can of worms, by allowing them to think because it's natural they can do it on a whim...and you should accommodate that for them. WRONG. They are young, and this can be fixed. They need the lecture that they should NEVER touch their body in front of anyone else. It truly sounds like they are being given too much freedom with this. They are not a teenager and at a sexually active age, too much emphasis is being put on this. Time to reign them back in.
If one boy is already having alone time in the room, and the other boy wants alone time, ask him if he would like alone time in the bath.
I have a 3 year old daughter who started "exploring" about six months ago. Call it whatever you want, it's your home. We call it "private time" only because I wanted to reinforce the private part of it. It is a little perplexing to try to work out the bedroom sharing situation. I do think that the bathroom might be your best option. Obviously they are brothers and will know that the other has this behavior, which is fine, but encouraging it to be solo time is probably easier than needing to explain the same when they are ten. once sleepovers start it might get confusing for your boys that their friends are put off by the behavior. Shame in this area can be a lifetime issue, so better to avoid odds of it now. I try to think "if she's still doing ____ in 5 years, what would that be like?"
Hang in there mama, this is one of the tough ones. The more "boring" you make this topic with them though the better! Otherwise it becomes more interesting and we all want to put those years off for as long as possible!
All I can say is WOW. The responses I have read have really run the gamut, and what really leaps out at me is this idea that they are doing something for private sexual pleasure. THEY AREN"T! What makes things weird is when we parents project our really adult world on little kids. The reason they are asking for naked time is because they need to. Personally, this isn't an arguement we have had, but I pretty much let my kids decide what they want to wear, or not wear, in the privacy of our own home. Typically, and I have four sons, they put on clothes because it is cold. Once they are about 5 or 6 they really don't want to be without clothes on. I do ask that we have good hygeine, but all in all I probably fall into a very liberal, hippy dippy camp on this topic. Over thinking things like this is usually what causes the trouble. I would take a deep breath and relax. Soon enough they won't change their clothes, and will be stinky teenage boys. It happens quickly:)
-N.
