Thinking About Returning to Work

I'm coming at this from another perspective...I'm a single mom, so full time daycare is the only option for me. I don't necessarily like it, but it has to be done. Even though I'm not with my son all day every day, I still feel like I'm the primary caregiver. Yes, another person keeps him during the day, but he doesn't want to leave me when I drop him off and practically flies to the door when I go to pick him up. When I take him home, I'm the one that takes care of him, gets him ready for bed, gives him a bath, feeds him, takes care of him when he's sick, plays with him, etc. Don't feel like you're letting go of most of the caregiving because you send him to daycare while you work.

Also, have you thought about trying to find a job with an on site daycare facility? That way you could pop in during the day and at lunch. If you can't find one on site, you could look for one close to your job so you could spend your lunch break with him. Do you have any friends that are stay at home moms that might want to try child care? Try to look at all the options and see if one might work for you. Even if he does go to daycare full time, he's not going to replace you in his mind, you'll still be Mommy.

You are not alone in this at all!! I didn't have to make the decision to stay at home with my kiddos because when my daughter was born she had health problems due to prematurity that would not permit us to put her in daycare...however it was the best thing that could have happened. When she was a year old I went back to work part time at nights so that my hubby was home with her when I was not and one month later we found out I was pregnant, so I worked until he was born but he also had health issues due to prematurity and my boss was not understanding at all so I quit before he came home from the hospital. I decided then that I would not go back to work until both of my kiddos were in school full time. I am in school full time at OU and I just put them both in MDO on two days a week to free me up for homework and study time. I feel sooo guilty every day that I drop them off, but they both love it. My hubby doesn't make the money that we were used to when we were both working either and we definitely feel that but to me it is worth the sacrifice of material things to be with my children. You just have to way out the pros and cons of going back to work. There are three day a week MDO programs that would allow you to work part time if you could work out the hours the right way. Remember that your children are only little once and they are going to grow up so take advantage of the time that they do need you so much. My daughter is only three and it is amazing how much she already doesn't need me.

I agree with you 100% about full-time daycare, i have a 13 yr old and 5 yr old, i've been lucky never had to have either in daycare, i would like a job for that extra money but going to wait til my daughter is in school all day...

in my opinion what u have to decide is 1) do you need that extra time to study etc that it would benefit you or 2) after the baby goes to bed and i'm sure you are extremely wore out from the day will you feel like or have the time to study. I know my opinions aren't much help but you really have to weigh those 2 options and figure out which will benefit you the most. Also another reason i decided to wait til my daughter was in school all day is i've found it next to impossible to try to find anyone to watch someone part-time and like u i absolutely refuse to do all-day and having a stranger watch my child. Good luck....i think if i were in your place i would choose the MDO but thats just my opinion. email if you just need someone to chat to and get it off your chest, i know that sometimes helps in tough decisions.
J.

You know when people are giving advice on how long to stay home after a child is born, it's common to hear people suggest a year. It seemed like going back to work after a year was the thing to do. I agree, nothing is wrong with learning social skills and building up that immune system early on. Well, my son was also a huge handful and I hate to admit it but I was more than ready to go back to work. My son has been fairly strong willed from the get go so my opinion on this issue stems from our experience with him. I went back to work when he turned one worked until three years later when our second boy was born.

When our oldest was a little over two I determined staying home two years is better than one. During that first year of our oldest son's life we were all getting to know each other and bonding. When he hit the "terrible 2's" (at about 1 1/2 old) hubby and I were the only people he ever heard say the word "No" or give consequences for negative behavior. Daycare is set up in a manner that eliminates as much need for discipline as possible. He could go anywhere in the daycare room he chose, he could touch anything he wanted, when toddlers fought, distraction and redirection were used. He did whatever he felt like all day long, yeah there were planned activities but if a toddler doesn't want to participate they don't have to. Distraction and redirection are great, however, even the daycare providers agreed my son was undistractable when he had his mind set on a specific toy. My child just plain has to be told "No". From an adult's point of view, think about it...how would you feel if you were cooking and needed to use an the can opener and your husband came over, took it away and replaced it with any other kitchen item saying, "Here take this instead." When a kid is playing with a car and is redirected to a dinosaur his whole game is disrupted. Toddlers may be young but they certainly aren't as "redirectable" as a baby. Anyway once I had been back to work almost a year and my half of the income was needed to support our household, I came to the conclusion that the second year of our son's life would have been better spent at home working on the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior and the rewards or consequences that followed. While I was working every evening all three of us were tired and cranky. All day he did as he pleased until his "mean" parents came along and made sure he ate dinner (not just the fruit like at daycare), we made him take a bath, and eventually go to bed.

One day when he was 2 our son told me, "I can do anything I wanna do." after I had asked him to do something he didn't want to do. I then asked, who told him he could do anything he wanted because he said it in a way that I knew he heard it somewhere. He answered, "Blue said I can." He was talking about one of the last lines in the Blue's Clue's Theme song. LOL who knew!!!! Geeeezzzee do those little guys pay attention to EVERYTHING!!!!!!

I did the same thing, but based on income I had to return to work when my daughter was 10 weeks old. My husband stayed home with her for 2 months before we put her in daycare. in the end it was the best thing. She has learned more then I ever could of taught her. She has interaction with other children. She loves her teacher. I also get the break from her to be a new women and able to handle her when she gets cranky. I would say if you need the money put her in full time care it has worked out really well for us.

If you can cut back and make it on his salary alone, do it. But sometimes, that just doesn't work. I started back to work full-time when my youngest was 18 months old, but we were lucky to find an in-home provider who is wonderful.

Don't ever think that your child will forget who mommy is. If you do go to work, you need to find someone who will be consistently there and who loves your child. The worst is when kids are shuffled from stranger to stranger because personnel at a center change often.

What about working part-time. To me, that was the best of both worlds. Maybe you can find a college student (post some ads on campus) who can come for 20 hours a week. If your old employer would take you back on a part-time basis, that might be ideal.

You are not a freak about this. It is a terribly difficult decision. Not every mom comes up with the same answer. And very few moms I know really think that the path they have chosen is the best 100% of the time. There are times that mom's without paid work wish they had more money or more independence. And there are times that working moms wish they could be home with their kids.

If you do decide to go full-time, my advice is to interview the companies who interview you. You are not in a hurry to get a job, but start applying for ones that look great. You may get the hubby off your back as a bonus! When you get that interview, find out if they will let you work from home one day a week or when your kid is sick. Find out how much vacation you will get. Can you get extra vacation time in lieu of negotitating for a higher salary.

I am very lucky because my company is super family-friendly. I couldn't be nearly as involved with my kids as I am if I worked somewhere else.

One more thing, make sure that you are getting any government benefits that are due to you. You may qualify for the State Children's Health Insurance Program or even food stamps. I know lots of people have issues with taking that kind of help, but in nearly every other industrialized country in the world, a stay-at-home parent gets financial support until their kids are about three!

I feel exactly the same way you do. I have a 14 month old. I stayed home for the first six months, but couldn't afford to stay home. I actually interviewed day care providers, and I started crying in the middle of interviews. I was heartbroken to go back to work and leave my little girl. I started looking for ways to bring her with me. I have found that there are many ways to do this. Currently I am a nanny/housekeeper for a family and I bring her with me to work. I also started a website that is starting to bring me in some money from home. There are quite a few work from home options available online, but true to any job, they do take time and hard work to get them off the ground and making money. Most of this is just to encourage you. My husband is the same as yours, but he is not the one finding and dropping our baby off at a stranger's home. If you are feeling like this, it is for a reason. There are many benefits to a child having a steady mom always being there for them. I hope you can find what works for you.

What about looking into working from home? We too, had credit card debt stacking up, and my income that I've been able to make - working from home while the baby naps - has been a wonderful blessing. I get what you mean about day care - I could NEVER do it myself, either. Feel free to call me, email me - or even check out my website for further info. It really is a viable option - and it would still give you plenty of time to study. My hubby is so thankful I do what I do - he really appreciates those growing paychecks! One day, my income will take over his, and we'll bring him home full time - can you imagine?!? Two stay at home parents! :) Looking forward to hearing from you K.! Best of luck in your big decision! www.healthyhome4family.com (GET MORE INFO)