Thinking About Divorce.

A., I obviously don't know you and know very little about your situation, but I did want to share a couple of thoughts with you. Divorce is not a solution to be taken lightly. It will affect you (and a million times more so, your son) for the rest of your life. It is not easy, nor a solution to the problems you have with the way your husband treats you. Divorce is expensive, scary and can get quite ugly.

You say you love your husband very much, and to that I would say, please stop considering divorce and concentrate on what you can do to rebuild your marriage.
Please find someone (a therapist) to talk to... if it's to the point that you are seriously considering ending the marriage, you need outside help with dealing with the issues the both of you have in your relationship. Will your husband agree to marriage counseling? It helps to have an (professional) outside opinion and guidance in navigating a marriage through this ugly times. If you can get on the same team, keep a mentality of making this work TOGETHER, and work through this stuff, you -as well as your marriage- will benefit from it more than you can imagine. I believe if you still love each other, you can learn how to create the marriage you both want.

I don't know how much real effort either of you have put into rebuilding your relationship up to this point, but I hope you find your child together and your promise of marriage commitment worth not bailing without honestly giving it everything you've got.

I am very sorry you are in such a tough spot. You said you were happily married to a wonderful man- that doesn't sound like someone who wants a divorce. Couseling/therapy is something you must do first. If your husband won't agree to go or you have both tried this and it isn't working then you can consider divorce. By the way it is NOT kidnapping if a father decides to take his son to florida, it's his son, you are married to the father and he doesn't need your permission to take him across state lines. If you decide to divorce, talk to an attorney first, I'm sure they could inform you of ways to prevent him from leaving with your son. This would have to be done w/o your husbands knowledge.
Good Luck, hope everything works out.

AS far as what your husband can & can't do with your son - you will have to talk to an attorney. He obviously has rights as the biological father & your husband, but I don't think he can just flee with him if that is what you are asking. Can a court find that you have to share custody between two states so far a part of course. I've seen kids live with a parent in one state for 6 months & then go with the other for 6 months - ugh! If they live near each other I've seen them split the week in half. Typically they try to find somthing more logical - like going to dad's for the summer. It depends on the two of you & your attorneys. I agree with trying counseling if he will go, if you do still love him. I don't agree with staying with him if he is disrespectful to you, especially in front of your child. Your son will become what he lives. As your son grows, will your husband become disrespectful to him also? Is this something with your husband that nobody lives up to his expectations? or his way is the only right way? Anyways, if counseling doesn't work, I hate to say it, but get out now! It will only get worse & it will wear you down trying to stay with someone because you want to keep your family together for your child. (trust me I know!) & the older they get the harder it is. You wouldn't think so but when they live like this (in a split family) from the time they're little it becomes the norm for them & they don't remember anything else. Get some professional advice & think things through. Good luck!

Have you and your husband tried counseling? Sometimes if you hear things from a 3rd party they tend to sink in a little better, and this goes for you as well. I'm not saying you are a bad person, just that if you really want a marriage to work, you have to sometimes be "strong enough to bend" which means being true to you, but bending as needed, I guess. Anyway, as far as custody and all the jazz, I'd say speak to an attorney first thing. Find out all of your options, the reality of your situation and how it will effect you and your son and your husband well into the future. The best thing you can do for your son is to "love" his father even if somedays you don't particularly "like" him! haha... Being kind or at least not saying hurtful things about your husband within ear shot of your son will benefit him greatly. He'll think he has a great Dad (even if you disagree or whatever) and he'll see he has a great, kind, loving Mom. One thing that you might want to suggest to your husband if you haven;t already is perhaps asking him to be respectful to you in front of your son, this will teach your son great things as well, b/c not only are you that little boys' Mommy, you are also that man's wife, and why would he want his son to see him treating his wife that way? Anyway, take your time with this. Divorce is not a small or easy situation and should not be considered or entered into on a whim. Take your time, maybe even tell you husband (never during an argument) that you are very troubled at the way things are and you would really like to see them change - set up counseling - both attend - set up weekend get a ways w/o the child so the two of you can reconnect, or connect :) If all of this effort doesn;t work and you have talked t an attorney and you are serious about divorce in our heart then hyou do what you need to do, bit be sure its what you can live with many years down the road. And when you present your decision of divorce to your husband be passed the point of making it a threat, don't tell him you want a divorce and then back down when he's nice again. Tell him you are divorcing him and be prepared to do it bo matter how nice he becomes. Perhaps you two can love each other but you just can't be together and make it work, or maybe you need a few years apart... who knows. You'll need to be in touch for your son anyway, so be firm, and be kind about it. Even if your husbandturns into a big raging turd during any proceedings, you stand your ground and be the nice person. You'll be happier with yourself for being that person later. Good luck, and hopefully the two of you can work things out. (p.s. I was married for 7 years befoe I divorced, we had no children, then I married again and have been happily married for almost 5 years and we have two wonderful children) ALSO- I CAN NOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW VERY IMPORTANT IT IS TO GET REAL FACTS FROM A LICENSED ATTORNEY - ADVICE FROM HERE AND FRIENDS WILL BE FINE TO HEAR BUT YOU WON;T KNOW THE TRUTH FROM FICTION UNTIL YOU TALK TO SOMEONE WHO REALLY KNOWS WHAT THE LAW IS.