Things Mom's Want to Know When Expecting First Child.

I wish someone would have explained in detail how the first weeks were going to be for me and my body. I did so much to prepare for the baby that I put no thought or had no idea what I personally was going to experience physically.

I got pretty depressed after I had my baby. I didn't even realize that I was depressed until after I was totally better. I was HUGELY irrational, tired, and had no confidence in what I was doing. I never thought that I would have gotten depressed prior to having the baby....but I did.

The other thing I think all mom's should know.....you NEVER get a day off.

There breathing pattern. I remember when my baby girl was sleeping the first couple weeks- and her breathing was a little arratic. it freaked me out!

A close friend warned me, so thankfully I knew: your hormones change at about 6 weeks, so it doesn't hurt anymore to breastfeed. It was SO helpful to know that it wouldn't ALWAYS HURT like it did at first! And she was right, only for me it was about at 5 weeks, lol. When you know it's not going to hurt forever, it's SO much easier to deal with.

Booties are useless. Find baby socks. Booties will fall off in about 7 seconds.

I found it in 2 separate books, so I was happy to follow it. If there's no feces in the diaper and it's the middle of the night, you don't need to change a wet diaper. This SERIOUSLY helps with the sleep deprivation, not just for us, but waking a sleeping baby to change him is another way for everyone to lose sleep. (We used cloth diapers, and it was still okay.) If there was a rash (usually not) we added Balmex and still did the same.

We had the hardest time finding time to cook for ourselves. We were so exhausted... With the second baby I got all kinds of frozen foods BEFORE the birth (and he was 3 weeks early, so I'm happy I started early). I froze a lot myself, too. FILL THE FREEZER! We also stocked up on easy-to-prepare stuff. With the first baby we practically starved as we had to choose between cooking and sleeping.

Something my Doula told me, and I have since announced at every baby shower for the benefit of the new mom: when you're visiting a new mommy and baby, BRING FOOD! And if you stay longer than an hour, be prepared to do a load of laundry. [grin] My mom found out when we were going to come home from the hospital, let herself into the house about an hour before, and put on a HUGE pot roast. We were able to keep adding vegetables for the first 4-5 days and still have some to eat. It REALLY helped us, because (as I said above) we weren't prepared to be so tired.

I saw someone else recommended this too: STAY in the hospital as long as they will let you. Nowhere else will you find people who will take care of YOU as you learn to bond with your baby. Get some sleep, you'll need it.

My gift to all new moms at baby showers has changed. It used to be something off the registry, or something "cute." Now it's a large set of AA batteries, a large set of D batteries, and a set of tiny screwdrivers (both phillips and regular). There's all this baby gear that'll help you, and if you don't have it set up to power on before the baby comes it's a real pain!

Get a Co-Sleeper. It's a 3-sided bassinet that attaches to your bed. The baby starts to fuss (pre-cry, hungry, hasn't woken yet) you pull the baby to you and breastfeed. You get extra sleep and the baby hasn't woken enough to have to work at getting him back to sleep. "Arms Reach" makes a great co-sleeper. It's a life-saver.

Breast feeding can be HARD to learn. Don't be hard on yourself, and GET HELP! I breast fed 2 sons. I had to work with a lactation consultant BOTH TIMES to get them to learn to latch. They each had different problems. My second son fooled me, the hospital lactation consultant AND my doula -- he looked like he was eating. He wasn't. He went from 8#8oz to 7#11oz. We had to take him to the ER because he wasn't producing diapers. But in the end I breast fed him for more than 2 years.

And that's another thing new mom's need to know: when I (or some of the other mom's at the lactation clinic) would bring in what we had pumped, it looked pitiful. Half an ounce. Almost an ounce. A quarter ounce. The lactation consultant would always say how much that was, as if it were a lot. New babies have really small stomachs. Their stomachs are about the size of their fists. As long as you're feeding frequently and the latch is fine, the baby is getting enough to eat. And colostrum is like UBER-milk -- lots of nutrients packed in there. Check the number of wet diapers produced rather than how much food s/he takes in.

ALMOST FORGOT!: Get a "red" light bulb, and replace the white bulb in a desk lamp in your room (or where the baby will be). You can turn this light on during the night and not have to worry about waking the baby!

Books that helped me immensely:

"Nursing Mother, Working Mother" - Gale Pryor

"So That's What They're For!: The Definitive Breastfeeding Guide" - Janet Tamaro

"Super Baby Food" - Ruth Yaron [lists month-by-month what foods the baby can handle, and helps you make your own baby-food easily!]

"What's Going on in There?: How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life" - Lise Eliot

"The Baby Book" - Sears & Sears [Everything you need to know for the first 2 years -- it was a GREAT reference]

"The No-Cry Sleep Solution" - Elizabeth Pantley [Teaching your baby to sleep and self-sooth, without making her just "cry it out"]

And later:

"Siblings Without Rivalry" - Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

"1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12" - Thomas Phelan

"Positive Discipline" - Jane Nelsen

Hi S.,
I think one of the things that needs to be explained really well is "pushing" when the baby is born. If you really explain which muscles are being used it would be helpful and then explain that it's really hard to have bowel movements afterwards. Everyone is always so focused on talking about pain management during labor that they don't talk about pushing and the pain afterwards and how hard it is to walk the first couple of days.

The other thing I found (and my sister in law did too) was that my fingers hurt for weeks after the baby was born. My other mentioned this as well. I'm not sure what caused it but it was almost like carpel tunnel. It went away after about 2 months.

The last thing you should let the expectant mothers know is that no matter how prepared they are by taking classes and reading books, their baby will have thier own personality/likes/dislikes and may not follow all the normal patterns that are talked about in the books. And let them know that it's ok if their baby does his own thing. For example, my husband almost divorced me because I couldn't swaddle a doll in class (he could) and every book we read said the baby has to be swaddled. Well, my son hated being swaddled from day one so I never had to do it anyway. A lot of what you do with a new born is just winging it until you find what works best with your kid's personality.

Hope this helps.

L.

I wish someone had told me that once babies regain their birth weight you don't have to wake them up to feed them at night. I feel like I did that longer than I needed to when we could have all been sleeping!

I also wish that I had perfected the swaddling technique more quickly.

Otherwise, while I was pregnant I kind of wish that I had kept myself a little more ignorant of the entire process. I did so much research that I actually freaked myself out a bit. I scared myself out of having an epidural right away and really it was no big deal.

I wish someone would have told me that my breast would leak massive amounts of milk! I buy all my expecting mom friends breast pads now, LOL. My mother did not breast feed me. She had me very young and the doctor told her to give me formula! He said that breast feeding was for animals, can you believe it??? My mom told me, I never could keep the fomula down and I was constantly spitting up. She had to change my onsies all the time. My mom was shocked to see that my breast fed baby kept his milk down and wore the same outfit all day! STRESS the importance of breastfeeding!! PS I am also a prenatal massage therapist. If you need my service feel free to call me. K. Henry, M.T. ###-###-####

i was a teen mom, and having had health class in a large public school system, they didn't bother explaining too much. neither did my parents. neither did the OB. so i thought that you go into labor it hurts and you push the baby out, it could last for hours, should i get an episiotomy or see if i tear. anyway, nobody told me about the placenta, so when the OB told me to push again, after my baby came out, i said, "what?! im done! the baby's out!"

i guess what i mean to say is don't forget about the basic details. you never know what these women were taught.

also, the fact that you cant expect it to go a certain way and that everyones bodies are different and react a different way after birth. and how long and painful the healing process can be and the different degrees of tears, etc.
cover EVERYTHING as much as you can.

S.,

Practical information on breastfeeding including what type of help you can get from a lactation consultant, what sort of support you can get in the hospital, as well as information on pumping effectively for women planning to return to work. Information on how to make sure your infant is getting enough milk, signs of dehydration, when to call the pediatrician, how milk supply works and how to establish it. You'd think nursing would be easy because it is natural, but it really isn't easy. But oh, so worth it.

:-)T.

It was very helpful to me when a friend of ours told me honestly that it takes a full 8 weeks to really get the hang of breastfeeding and get to a point where I wouldn't be in pain while my son was figuring out how to latch on. It was almost to the day of the 8 week mark that I finally felt confident and virtually pain free! Also, regarding breastfeeding, it would be very helpful to explain what your supposed to do if you get nipples that are scabbed and bleeding during this time. I never really knew what the best thing was during this time. I just basically took my son off of that breast until it healed.

Have fun with your class. Make them informed but at ease and excited. Remember it's a scary time for all 1st timers! Maybe informing Moms of websites they can go to in the middle of the night while they're up with baby would be helpful. They're not going to remember everything right now anyhow!

Good luck!
M.

Nursing, sleeping, first few baths with the chord... What to expect post partum in the hospital, a lot is assumed if you work there, but a lot of unknowns for new moms.

1. Babie need to be at home with their mommies, not daycare
2. Don't forget about your hubby (he needs attention to) and it's OK if his way is different than your way-just be glad for the help.
3. If anyone offers help, take it, don't try to be supermom
4. Explain about the bleeding afterwards & how long it lasts-I had no idea
5. Difference between episiotomy & tearing and proper care to heal(I had both-tearing much faster recovery)
6. Epidural-make sure it's turned off soon enough to push
7. Beware the hemoroids from pushing.
8. forget about the house for a few weeks-sleep when the baby does!

I was a freak when it came to researching everything while I was pregnant with my first. The one thing that threw me for a loop, was during labor, I became nauseaus and threw up a lot. I was so shocked, I was prepared for the pain and discomfort, but never heard anywhere that I might throw up! It felt a lot worse than it would have had I known it was a possibility.

I wish I had known more about postpartum depression after my first baby was born. I felt lost and sad, and I had never expected to feel that way. Seems like everyone expects new moms to just bask in all this joy, but the truth is, adjusting to new motherhood is HARD, and it's not always a joyful time.

Hi S.!
As a first time mother, (since my baby was pre-mature),
There was a great deal of frustration "Breast Feeding".
I did NOT know how, my baby did NOT know how, and we both
of us just cried!
Fortunately, a Really Wonderful Nurse came to our rescue!
She spent some time with me showing me how to hold the
nipple and saved the day!!

Also, another thing I wish I would have known more about
is; Babies and gassy tummies!! Very painful for the baby!
I ended up taking my baby to the ER.

I Wish You All the Best,
And May God Bless You for Your Efforts!!

C. S.

I was really surprised to find out that I would be BLEEDING FOR WEEKS after giving birth (that was a surprise to me!!) and all of the weird things like night sweats, nipple cracks, mastitus, and any other unsightly thing that you can think of. I was kinda grossed out by my own body for a while!

I hope what I am going to say will be clear - I'm not sure the best way to put this, and maybe 'objective' is not the best word, but I think you'll get my drift

The only 2 objectives of childhood, of children, are to:
1) Play.
2) Be with their parents - Mommy mostly.

I never understood, and so was resentful of my little ones, they wanted me all the time, and I wanted 'me' time too. Now I know that everything has a season, and I will have time to myself again. But we shelter and guide them, we have to be considerate of them, not vice versa.
I wish I had understood this right from the beginning, I would have been a nicer parent I think. I just didn't understand their need for me, me, me!!

I know when I had my second and third child, I had more questions than the first time around. What to do with a baby who wants to feed all the time??? What to do with a baby who has painful gas all the time? You know, homepathic ways so you don't feel like you are drugging your newborm baby all the time. I know the laws have changed within just the last couple of years for car seats....which way etc...what are the benefits of breastfeeding as opposed to breastfeeding. I would have wanted to know that breastfeeding also alienates Daddy & siblings from the whole feeding process too! Good Luck & God Bless You!

I couldn't count the times,that a friend or one of my sisters called me ...(upset) "He won't stop crying" "Why is he crying? I changed him,fed him his bottle,but hes unhappy. I think,it would take alot of the stress,worry and questions out of parents minds,if they learned about (different cries) For instance...You can tell a babies (tired cry) compared to a baby who may have colic.A fussy cry,compared to one that tells you something is wrong.I know in time, most parents will recognize these cries,but it is troublesome for most parents when they first bring a baby home,and they think a babies cries always mean there is something wrong,or they are not doing something right. How many times,have you seen a mother and her baby at the mall,and the baby is crying...she says...(whats the matter? why are you crying? All the while your thinking....Uhhhh Sounds like hes trying to tell you something...Like....(IM TIRED AND WANT TO GO TO SLEEP IN MY CRIB!! "CAN YOU LIKE DO THIS ANOTHER TIME MAYBE? Lol Good luck with your classes. S.

I took all of the classes offered through Hoag Hospital, which were all excellent; except the things I don't recall them covering were how important it is to do kegel exercises and what can happen if you don't start doing them early on and when you can start doing them after giving birth, and the deal with the newborn/babies wearing caps and mittens. I thought my baby needed to wear a cap all of the time and I'm not sure when I need to stop putting mittens on her little hands. I know to put them on because right now she may scratch her face or eyes, but don't know when to expect this to stop.

Oh and the biggest, my baby blues were completly about how much I missed being pregnant. The day after giving birth, the baby blues kicked in high gear and I was missing being pregnant. I missed having my baby inside of me knowing that I was protecting her and keeping her safe. I also loved the birthing experience and kept wanting to go back and do it all over again! Those are what I cried about for one week.

Dear S.,

What I needed to know that no one told me that almost made me crazy was that my baby might sleep through the first night home (just 24 hours old), from exhaustion from being born! I spent about 4 hours trying everything they (nurses at the hospital) told me to wake him up to feed him and was nearly hysterical. I was on the phone with the nurses (who only told me to do what I had been doing for the last 3 hours!) and my mother-in-law who told me not to worry about it - and later my mother was upset that I didn't call her (but she had to get up to go to work in the morning), because she wold have told me too, not to worry about it . . . My mother was very upset that I had been sent home, thinking that if I had been in the hospital, the nurses would have been dealing with it and I wouldn't have even known about it . . . (btw, we survived and he's a college freshman this year!)

This is the first thing that popped into my head when I read your letter -
Good Luck with your new endeavor!
B.

I had a problem when my breast became engorged just shortly after my son and I first got home from the hospital and my son wasn't feeding enough to relieve my discomfort. It was very painful and I wasn't sure what to do to relieve the condition. Also, I had a problem with my breast leaking while we were out and about and my breast were ready for feeding time and my son was still taking a nap. I don't think any of these topics were touched on during the parenting and childbirth classes that I had taken while I was expecting.

Hi S.,

Please check out my book - What Haven't They Told Me? Practical Tips for Surviving and Thriving During Baby's First Year. It's available at 32 stores in 12 states, as well as on my website and on Amazon. It might be a great resource for you and those who attend your class, and I can make copies available to you at the wholesale price.

Regards,
L.
www.OffRampPublishing.com

1. It is the hardest and best thing you will ever do
2. If you want to breast feed, commit to it and do not give up. It may be difficult for several weeks. Take a class, have a book available for help, and realize it gets MUCH easier with time. (I was at the lactation consultant's office until my daughter was 11wk old, in pain, but determined. Then suddenly things got easier and she breastfed for 12 months) Everyone I know who stopped breastfeeding thought it would be easy, painless, and gave formula at less than one week of age. This does not help.
3. Rely on friends and family who recently had babies and find at least one person you can call when desperate in the middle of the night.
4. Join a playgroup/moms group so you can learn together.
5. Realize everything gets easier with time - the first diaper can be a challenge but the 50th is a snap even in the dark on 2hr sleep.
6. Trust your instincts
7. It is ok for a baby to cry for a few minutes. You'll feel much better with an empty bladder or after a shower.
8. Enjoy the first weeks of cuddling, naps, time off work, help from friends and family. It will be gone before you know it.

One thing I wish someone had told me when I went to my parenting class, (even though it is probably something that would be addressed more in a Breast Feeding class) is that breast feeding DOES hurt for the first week EVEN if you are doing it right. :)
Another thing I wish I had been told, is that is OK if you don't feel that instant connection/bond with your child, sometimes it takes time for that to develop. Between the hormones going haywire, and the sleepless nights, and days without a shower or good meal, it's sometimes hard to get attached to this person that is now relying on you for SO much, you don't even have time to brush your hair....AND THATS OK! :)

I wish I knew more about nighttime parenting and that the first couple of weeks, the baby doesn't know the difference between night and day. When the baby is in the womb, the baby probably slept through the day while the mother is in motion and moved a lot at night when the mother is asleep. Once the baby is born, the same pattern ensues until you learn to get the baby to adapt. What helped me for more restful nights was to frequently feed throughout the day (showing baby that daytime is for eating and nighttime is for sleeping), wearing the baby and making sure baby doesn't sleep during the day for more than 2-3 hours in one nap.

Fake it, the baby won't know the difference. As long as you aren't doing anything to seriously endanger baby- then it will be fine. Like "The Dog Whisperer", Caesar Milan- says calm assertive energy. The baby can feel your trepidation and/ or security...which is why many times the baby calms instantly with an experienced Grandmother/ Doula? etc because she is relaxed. So if you don't know what to do in a certain situation pretend you do- and soon you will. Make sense?? It is a way stop dubting yourself long enough to trust your instincts.

Hi S.,

Here's what I would tell new mommies...

1) I never knew about all the post partum bleeding. If a colleague hadn't told me (and gifted me with all the appropriate supplies), I would've been up the proverbially creek.

2) My pediatrician always encouraged me to feed my baby every 2.5-3 hours during the day, even if it meant waking my baby up, and on demand at night. She always said the top two reasons babies don't sleep well at night is because they're not tired or they're hungry. So, if you wake them up to feed them regularly, they'll not only not be able to fall into a deep sleep during the day, they'll also get enough food to not be as hungry at night. Both my boys slept through the night at six weeks on this plan!

3) A colleague of mine recommended that the first week after baby was born it should just be mom, dad and baby at home so they could get used to the new situtation and learn to rely on each other. My mom was pretty bummed about not being at the hospital (we lived five hours apart), but it worked out. My husband was home the first week, my mom the second week and my Grandmother came for the third and fourth weeks. With this strung out schedule, everyone got their special time with the baby and I got help for the first month. That was very cool.

Those were my big lessons. I hope they help a bit! Good luck with your class!

I would just supply the new moms with a good support phone number. Sometimes it's information overload when your pregnant and after the baby is born it's nice to have someone to call to ask questions like, "how long can a newborn go without pooping?"
Hoag in Newport Beach has the Hoag babyline, they answer like 9-5 M-F. That support line was one of the best things for a new mom!

My response is about "stuff." I was under the impression that I needed the swing, the bassinet, the bouncer. Those things only get used for 3-4 months!!!
I would also teach about baby wearing!

Wow what a great thread how neat is this well heres my list lol

* Our babys are never gonna be like familys and friends each one is a unique and individual it is a learning experence with things changing sometimes on a daily basis

* Routine is great for us and our little ones but dont forget to be flexabile life is unpredictable

* I dont have to have all the answers and having a support group is crutial. Be proactive its okay to ask questions.

* Not everything is an emergency

* Take time for yourself forget housework dinner laundry whatever I am just as important and need time for me, self sacraficing doesnt make me a better parent

* Dont forget u have a life partner (husband wife boyfriend fiance, whatever) dont forget about that relationship dont forget to love and nurture eah other the little things are what count the most a cup of coffe in the morning sitting for a sunset whatever it only makes us better parents together

* expect to be grossed out. peed on, spit up on, funky smells, strange colored poo, sleepless nights tired minds and sore bodies. Rasing children isnt like the photos in all the parenting magazines it messy and mistakes are okay. But just one smile, coo or laugh makes u forget it all and be happy and gratefull to be a parent

1st of all I just wanted to say I think what you are doing is cool! : )
We have a 4 month old little girl who is such a blessing to us.
1.I would have to say to let women know that the bleeding after giving birth can last up to two months! I bled for almost 6 weeks and I had no clue that was going to happen. I took 3 different classes and not one mentioned that, come to think of it neither did my doc! Luckily I had a few friends that had just been through it.

2.Swaddling rules!!

3.Stress and lack of sleep can seriously interfere with breast milk production.

4.Don't be hard on yourself when you feel overwhelmed, because you will! Ask for help.

5. Go easy on hubby, he really does not understand, try as he may. They can't grasp the hormone thing. LOL

5.Most importantly enjoy the NOW. I think to many people get caught up in milestones. People always ask me, Oh I bet you can't wait for this or that. I always say "Oh yes I can wait, I am enjoying what is going on now, I can wait on everything. : )

what a real circumcision should look like versus the ones they give for medical reasons only - Ours was done for "medical" purposes only and so I will have to have it done when he's a year old and he will suffer just to look like the other boys.

how many wet diapers and dirty diapers a newborn should have BEFORE leaving the hospital -- I was sent home with a completely dehydrated baby only to end up in the ER THAT SAME NIGHT!

How to take care of baby such as how to
bath,
change,
feed,
hold,
cut nails,
clean,
nurture,
manage house/such as laundry and cooking

How to take care of self after delivery, natural and c-section, specifics recovery steps because moms tend to forget to take care of self.

How marriage changes after a baby comes in,
not just you can resume sexual activities in 30 days, but, what to expect. How to take care of being a couple.

How to include dad. How to communicate expectations on shared duties, such as a list of chores that needs to get done, and which ones mom would need help with. Clarify job duties.

How to discipline kids, and routines you want to set, what's comfy for mom and dad.

I am the mom of four, the oldest is 27, the youngest is 8. With baby #1 I wish I'd known so much that I know now! First of all, I wish I'd known not to expect a baby to sleep through the night for at least the first year. I wish I'd known that jaundice is NORMAL and almost always self-correcting, and not to freak out about it. I wish I'd known that breast feeding can be rough at first, but that if you keep at it, it WILL work out and be totally worth it for everyone involved. I wish I'd known that sitting and holding and nursing a newborn is much more important than getting the house clean. I wish I'd known that all newborns DO NOT sleep most of the time. I wish I'd known not to pay attention to the "averages", not to compare my child to anybody else's child. I wish I'd known that it is better to downsize hugely in order to stay home with your kids. I wish I'd known that a happy home is better than a tidy home.

One thing that was a big surprise to me.... the first few weeks we really could not put our baby down. You buy swings, bassinets, bouncy chairs, etc. All these things that you think the baby will go in, but NO... not for the first couple of weeks anyway. It's the one thing I always tell parents-to-be and they ALWAYS thank me later. You're so excited to be a new parent that you want to hold your baby, but you forget about how in the world you're going to go to the bathroom or eat, and forget about showering - ha! It's a beautiful time.

One more thing. Prepare more for the baby than the delivery. People need to read, read, read about how to comfort a crying baby, breastfeeding (or bottle), know the cycle of eat, sleep, and active time (not a lot in the beginning), and understand that a baby needs help to go to sleep in the beginning. It's all about understanding cues. As women, we're often so scared of the delivery, but that is just one day (hopefully!). We need to read and prepare for the care of the baby while we have time and before sleep deprivation comes our way!

Hope that helps!

Things I learned that were very helpful:
- Pre-register at the hospital you wish to have your delivery. This made checking in a breeze when we arrived before midnight.
- When someone offers help, take it! I was sooo in love with our daughter I wanted to spend the every waking moment with her but I was also very tired. Luckily in-laws were very willing to take care of her when I took my power naps.
- Go on date nights with hubby. If there's no hubby in the picture, go out with the girls.
- You can never have enough diapers :)

Things I wish I knew:
- If/When you breastfeed, expect to be sore for the first few weeks.
- Giving the baby a bath is nothing like you practiced in class.
- Ring slings are convenient and very easy to make.
- You may still have to wear your maternity clothes after giving birth.
- Babies grow so fast. Keep gift receipts in case clothes don't fit anymore that you can exchange them for a bigger size(as long as baby didn't wear them yet).
- Babies don't need shoes until they're walking.

This is all I could remember for now. Hope this helps :)

go thru all the things newborns do that would freak you out if you didn't know, i.e.: eye-crossing, hiccuping, jaw trembling, etc.

also, beyond basic hygiene/feeding lessons, what I found so helpful is this dvd:

"Surviving and Thriving During Your Baby's First Year" avail at amazon and www.babygroupvideo.com. Goes thru all the first year questions and concerns w/real moms, like having a virtual support group and gives easy to understand summaries. made my first time out SO much easier!

S., I would have wanted to know that there is no manual to having a baby and if you do your best everything turns out good. Also I would have liked info on how to pick a great Doctor (for baby) and how important it is to have a good OBGYN on your side. Throw the birthing plan out the window because you never know what will happen. How breastfeeding takes determination and to keep it up if you really want to do it. I would totally reccomend a class specificaly for breastfeeding if that is the choice for mother. Lastly, the best things to have for the baby BEFORE you have them, because running around with a newborn (unless it's your second time around) is almost impossible in the begining.

There have already been some great suggestions. I would like to add 2 things.

1. The latest on SIDS- I do a lot of reading so I learned some things that the class I took didn't say. I recently took a class on it (I'm a childcare provider) and found out even more, some stuff that I had done "wrong" with mine.

2. I took a class before I delivered and then the baby came. While all that info was great, what I really needed was a class while I was actually going through all the new things. The best thing I could find was a breastfeeding support group and we talked about all aspects of new babies. I think a "post birth" class would really help!

Good luck!

I really wish that someone would have told me that my baby would have her "days and nights" mixed up in the beginning. The first 2 weeks home, we were up for an hour in the middle of the night, then 2, then 3, etc....I would get so upset and exhausted - being a single mom I am the only one lucky to be up with the baby! However, it wasn't until my daughters 2 week check up that her pedetrition told me that this was totally normal. Her suggestion to me was to have a glass of water and a snack, and stop looking at the clock. The minute I stopped counting minutes of "sleep lost for me".....it got a little easier. It only took about 2 weeks after that point for her to get "turned around".
I also learned from the nurses in the hospital that even though the dr may say you can leave after 1-2 days, if your insurance covers you for 4 days, you can stay....the dr cannot kick you out! I say, stay as long as you possibly can so you can get the help you need before you go home (especially if you are a single mom!)
Good luck with your class!
T. - single mom to a beautiful 17 month old princess!

Hi, S.! I would suggest you touch on sitz baths and having postpartum pads ready. :) I've had four babies, and found the incontinence pads (e.g., Serenity or other) more comfortable and practical postpartum than period pads. New moms are often surprised at the amount and length of bleeding/lochia. Sitz baths and people who were supportive/encouraging about breastfeeding are vital, too! :)

Two things...

1. Do not leave the hospital until they kick you out. You may feel fine, but some problems, like jaundice can take a day to become obvious.

2. Leave your modesty at the door, because everyone will see everything.

I wish I had known a little more about how I would feel after the birth. I had an intense fear for my little one. I had heard about post-pardum depression, but this didn't seem to match. I didn't want any knives sitting out, I couldn't go onto the balcony with her. It was intense. Only months later (after it had faded away) did I learn about post-partum OCD. It would have been nice to know that there are other emotional hurdles to get over. Everything I read (after the birth) said that unless I had thoughts of hurting my baby it was probably just the baby blues so I didn't say anything to anyone, and it was hard. I'm sure you don't need to to go into a full discussion of this sort of thing with a baby care class, but it would have been nice for me if someone had mentioned that there are other emotional challenges, even if you don't have full blown depression.

My advice would be MOM's need breaks to. That when the father gets home he needs to take the baby for 15 to 30 min while mom goes on a walk, Talks to a friend, reads a book, ETC. Just because a baby takes a nap doesn't mean mom toke a break, she is usually cleaning house doing laundry picking up etc. and she is still checking on the baby, constantly worrying if she/he is breathing, or awake yet. This will help mom to relax and be a better mom when she is on duty.

Also that babies can tell when you are stressed, and most likely they will tens up and act out by crying none stop. It's ok to put the baby in the crib and let it cry. While you take a break and pull yourself together, this doesn't make you a bad mom, and your baby won't get hurt in the crib. If you can hear the baby crying then the baby is okay. Sometimes moms need time-outs too, some take longer then others. It's better to put your baby down in the crib and walk away for a few minutes then to get so frustrated that you take it out on the baby and shake it uncontrolably.

Usually that few minutes away calms you down so that you can think more about what the problem is, then you can go take care of it. Babies can cry alot for reasons we don't know. But taking the time to think about things and relax usually makes baby better because we come back calm.

Once I learned this I never had problems with screaming babies.

One other thing no-one ever tells a new mom is that honey is bad for babies, not that we come home from the hospital and feed them a peanutbutter and honey sandwhich, but it's bad for them in the first couple years. At least on a daily bases. J.

1)You only really need those little tie across t-shirts and blankets for the first several weeks after the baby is born.

2)Post Partum Depression happens to good people and recognizing and getting help early is the best way to deal with it. Also post partum does not necessarily mean you want to hurt your child, it can manifest itself in different ways like anxiety/panic attacks (like it did with me).

3)Being overwhelmed and exausted is completely normal. Give yourself a break - you are doing great even if you don't think you are!

Oh my gosh, I felt so lost! No one told me it would be so hard. (mine are teens now, I made it, shew!)

Breast feeding was awful for me. The nurses made me feel like I should have known the technique and blamed me for the kids not latching on, and my impatience when they were screaming neverendingly. It really upset me. Then the pain, I wasn't expecting the sore breasts like that, and to let someone suck on a sore spot, wow, that hurt!
Keeping that extracter nearby for congestion at first. I had a couple of good scares when my kids were choking on them at my bed side when the nurse wasn't around. My baby was turning blue and they were again mad at me for not knowing what to do!
"Just suck it out of his nose like this". They were all disgusted with me. I hope most people don't have rude nurses like I did.
"Everyone's experience is different"... expect the unexpected. I had two kids. First one came early and naturally. I had an epidural. The second one was 10 days late, I was going to be induced, but then I went in to labor on the day of inducing, and she was breach!!! I had read about breach babies in the waiting room of the clinic, but never thought it would happen to me! She came out sucking her toe! They had a hard time keeping her legs down at first. It was kind of funny. But wow, how unexpected!! (she also has red hair, which never crossed my mind as being an option, it's beautiful auburn and from day 1 has had so many compliments about her color that she's actually sick of hearing it at age 15)
Diapers are not cheap! And you go through a ton!
Husbands usually gag when changing diapers, mine wouldn't do it! He also had to run from the room when they threw up! sheesh! Husbands my act tough, but they are wusses! (some)
I was glad someone told me how durable they are at a young age, so not to worry so much if they fall a lot. They bounce back quick even if they break a bone.
Keep a close eye on them when they first start to walk and crawl, they get away fast! Mine pushed through the screen door and was crying. I couldn't find him at first, then when I did he was in the back yard! He climbed onto a folding chair and it collapsed with him in it. He bit through his tongue so blood was coming out and I panicked! I was 5 months pregnant with my second kid, and was babysitting a 4 month old, so I couldn't rush him to the hospital. I freaked out! CAlled 911, and by the time the firetruck and paramedics were here, he had finally stopped crying and was smiling at the strangers. I felt so stupid! Tongues heal on their own so long as they are not completely severed off! Lucky for me he only had two teeth at that age.
Boys are definitely less fearful than girls. WAtch the boys when they climb all the time! Same one that bit through his tongue as a baby crawling, jumped across two cement walls in the park, but missed, and bit through his tongue again as a 9 year old. Almost bit it off this time! Poor guy. :( Two big slits on both sides!!! He's fine now. Almost 16. So if your motherly instincts kick in and forsee something like this, go with it, you are right!
Dealing with teachers was kind of new to me as well. I had no idea that they knew so much about my kids "tendancies" and that they were kind of different at school than at home. Don't ignore the teachers, they aren't lying if they say your perfect child is acting up! Teachers are 95% of the time right that it's your kid's fault not the other kids' fault.
Help their teachers! Even if your kid has seperation anxiety, tends to hang on you when you are there, begs to go home once you are helping in class, go ahead and help out in class. It helps you get a feel for what they are learning, and where they need help, and the teachers always need the help! There are bulletin boards to build, kids who fall behind to help tutor, copies to be made, and they always always always appreciate the help! They don't get paid enough if you ask me!
Donate to their classrooms, kleenex, paper etc... they need it!
And one more thing... when they are adolescent teens. Don't think your little angel is incapable of misbehaving. They learn to act nice when around you, and can be a totally different person around others. My daughter is only almost 15 (this August) and has confided some things to me that I am in shock over. Don't listen to people who say not to be their friend. BE their friend and parent too. Being their friend helps them feel comfortable about telling you things you'd have never told your mom or dad about when you were a kid. Believe me, it helps!

I was a young first mom - 21yrs old and not somewhat naive. I did not expect the delivery to be so uncomfortable and painful. We attended pre-natal classes and were taught about the breathing but it just didn't make sense at the time. I was so surprised at how physically demanding it was to deliver a baby and take care of a newborn! No one talked about the sheer physical "labor" the whole endeavor takes! I am a happy mom of five now - for the next deliveries I figured out my own breathing because I had learned how to relax. I did whatever it took to get to that peaceful calm place so that my strength was used efficiently through the delivery as well as the challenging first few months of having a newborn.

Learn to eat, shower, and poop fast! try to see the glass as half full. When the baby only wants to sleep in your arms and not in a crib remember that in a few years they will be too big to rock to sleep. Most importantly ask for help, momhood can be overwhelming at times.
Find a mommy group if possible. Stroller Strides is a great franchise. You get in shape with baby by your side. Helps beat PPD and makes you a great role model.
Lactation education after baby is vital. Once the baby comes is when you have all the questions not prior.
Respect your children remember they are people too. We forget to pay them the same respect as we do our partners sometimes. For instance we might get on our cell phones in the middle of a story our child is telling. They deserve a simple, excuse me while I make this phone call.

Something that I didn't really know and have noticed others experience the same thing, is how often you have to feed a new born. Every two hours from start to start. I knew it was a lot, but was not prepared for that much. I breast feed and that is basically all I did for the first 6-12 weeks. All he did was eat. I was lucky to get a 15 minute break. It also seems very common for newborns to have jaundice. Maybe a brief explanation of it, along with how to get rid of it, such as not missing a feeding and sun exposure. I'm sure I could go on and on if I really thought about it, but I have an 8 month old boy at my heals. We are going for a walk at the bay this morning. Got to go. The last thing is to introduce a bottle at 3 weeks. I have known people that didn't do this and regretted it. Even if they reject it, keep trying. I have given my son a bottle once a day since 3 weeks. He did reject it for a short time, but eventually took it again. Just keep trying and don't be afraid to try things. Also, I'm sure this one is pretty basic, but try things early while the baby is still very young.

I wish I had read more about sleep patterns, establishing a routine (or not) with the feedings and the sleeping, etc... The sleep thing was huge for me. I also wish I had gotten more organized to ask for support and help once my mom left, because at that point, I crashed. She left right when my husband went back to work, and I was left all alone to deal with the newness of this...

I think talking about the anxities parents feel dealing with the new changes in their life. Loving their child but being afraid of all the responsibility. To get support. Find support so you don't feel alone with your feelings.

Also I feel it is important to let parents aware of all the power they do have in the hospital. A lot of parents don't know what they have control over. Making sure that it is a positive and happy experience for all involved.

Hope that helps.

R.

I think it's very important that the baby's get a hearing test at the hospital and that the parents know it should happen (Kaiser does it automatically, but I'm not sure about other hospitals).

I was not expecting my newborn baby to get a shot the day after he was born, while he was still in the hospital. With my other kids, that all happened at the pediatrician's office months later.

Decide about circumcision BEFORE the baby boy comes so you can prepare for it while you're there. Have the hospital give him numbing cream before the procedure and Tylenol 20 minutes before. You have to ask the pediatrician on staff for the Tylenol. Do it ahead of time, so you're not waiting around for an answer. (Actually, ask the nurses to get the permission).

I think a list of forbidden foods for the 1st year would be helpful to know right off the bat. I did not know my baby couldn't have egg whites until he was over a year old. At age 6 mo, he had one bite of scrambled eggs and an ambulance trip to the hospital from an allergic reaction. It could have been totally avoided; I knew not to give him honey, but had never heard of the egg whites.

If you're having trouble breastfeeding right away, request a lactation consultant to visit your room while you're still in the hospital. Also, like someone else said, the feedings are 2 hours FROM THE START of the last feeding, so it's really more often than you're expecting.

Write out a birth plan (I found samples on the Internet). I had one and it was the ONLY reason I was able to get a private room. There was only 1 left and the nurses said I got it because I put it in writing.

******Decide ahead of time about cord blood banking and have the kit there at the hospital with you*****************(You have to plan ahead on this about 6 weeks) Assign someone you trust to call the courier to come pick up the blood after it is collected. You will be too tired and might forget to do it yourself. I had that be my mom's sole responsibility.

Wash all the new baby clothes in Dreft or other dye and perfume-free soaps. Also, get dye and perfume-free dryer sheets. Some people go through all the washing in safe detergent for sensitive skin, then put dryer sheets that are normal in after. That sort of defeats the purpose. Also, the parents and caregivers can wash their clothes the same way, so when you're holding the baby, your clothes don't irritate his skin.

Know the signs of Autism so early intervention can happen. 1 in 150 kids (1 in 94 boys) are being diagnosed.

Sleep when the baby sleeps for the first few weeks/months. Even if you're tempted to "get things done."

Each state may be different, but in California, you have to be working the year before maternity leave in order to get state disability. Same with Paid Family Leave (the extra weeks you get on top of maternity leave for bonding) Also, a lot of people do not realize the father gets the same deal. You do NOT have to take all the weeks at once either, they have to be used by the time the baby turns 1.

I worked in a pediatric dentist for 9 years. I could not believe how many parents thought "Oh, they are just baby teeth, they will fall out." Everything that happens to the baby teeth can effect the permanent teeth. Breast milk has a TON of sugar in it. Yes, it's natural and best for baby but WIPE THEIR GUMS OFF WITH A WET WASHCLOTH AFTER EVERY FEEDING. When the 1st tooth erupts, start bushing their teeth and gums with special toothpastes for babies and a small, soft toothbrush. The pediatricians don't really go over this. Also, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend a baby have his first dental exam when he is 1 and start cleanings at 2 to 2 1/2. Also, stress the importance of not going to bed with a bottle of milk. It sits and pools on the teeth and can also cause earaches if the milk leaks into the ears and baby bottle rot. Stop bottles around age 1.

I had NO IDEA until I read it that small babies do not need water (until they are 6 mo old) They get the water from breast milk and/or formula until then and if they have too much, it can cause them not to absorb certain things. I don't have all the specifics on it, but I remember being shocked about it.

S. D
Work at home medical transcriptionist
www.homecareerinfo.com/0852

One thing I've always said I wished someone had told me:

You always hear breastfed babies eat every two hours. I wish wish WISH someone had told me this was a total crock and that they REALLY eat every 45 minutes around the clock. I was so unprepared for that . . . and that's something I've heard from a lot of new mommas.

Also that the whole not sleeping for the first few months really means NOT SLEEPING for the first few months. ( :

Also, everyone tells you to stock up on diapers etc. . . . but no one warns you exactly how many batteries you will go through!! Lol.

- the mesh underwear are normal right after birth
- be prepared with EXTRA big, EXTRA absorbent pads
- breastfeeding (all the stuff others wrote)
- jaundice (I was unprepared for my child to go under "the lights" and I cried and cried)
- transitioning kids to solid foods (I made all kinds of mistakes with my first; my second had to go through OT for feeding issues and I learned so much from the OT and the nutritionist that I feel all moms need to know...from when to transition, how to transition, how much to feed, how to introduce new foods, how to get your kid to eat so it won't be a battle, etc. etc. etc.

Hi S.,
Thanks for asking for input. I'm expecting my 6th child and would love to teach a class like you're putting together! I agree with April D. that some mention of what post-partum depression could look like or those "baby blues" feelings would be very helpful. Also, encourage the moms to seriously consider a breastfeeding support class in their area. Perhaps you could research what's available and when at the hospital you work at or elsewhere because I think that would be helpful for new moms to go to. I had bad postpartum depression after my first and second children and had I been strongly encouraged to go check out a class it could have helped me significantly to have other moms to talk to. Even if women were bottle-feeding, they shold have a place to go to as well. Perhaps considering starting a new mommies group regardless of how they're nourishing their babies is something you could look into or start yourself. They'll have so many more questions after their litle babies come. Good luck!

good luck w the program. great idea.

Dear S.,
I have a one week old now - it is my first child.
The things that have me most frustrated with are:
1. Breastfeeding. How often to feed at the different ages, how long to feed (both sides, one side?) Should you force the child to feed if they fall asleep at the breast or just consider them done - for all ages?

2. Sleeping - how much sleep do they need and how to get them to sleep longer.

3. Crying - how to comfort a crying chid - it is a big guessing game. How much crying is too much and not normal.

It seems whenever I ask a midwife (I am currently in Switzerland) about something I'm worried about they just say "that's normal" - which is good to know but I would also like to know how to improve things.

Best of luck to you and your class - wish I could have taken it.
L.

I wish I knew about the sleep deprivation. That is the one thing I was not aware of after my first child and while I was pregnant with my second, I was dreading it.

I have three little ones! I wish I knew alot more then I did when I came home with #1 and #2 and #3, none of them are the same LOL.
1. The last few weeks of any pregnancy takes longe then the entire 36+ weeks you just survived! and yes you will see your feet again!
2. If you have an episiotomy lean all the way forward (head to knees) when you urinate, this will help with the burning.
3. Get a good night light, a newborn can poop ALOT and all night long! You will not want to turn on the bright light to change diapers in the middle of the night, and yes the baby will eventually stop pooping in the night soon.
4. If you circumsize your son you will need ALOT of guaze and vasaline, and I mean alot! But get the vasaline in a squeeze tube so that you are not rubbing on such a sensitive area. Squezze onto gauze and place with each diaper change.
5. Babies change rapidly, except change, once you think you have fiqured something out it changes!
6. Be happy, this really is the best time of your life, and soon they grow up, FAST, so enjoy watching them sleep and if you look hard enough you might see them grow.

My advice is not focused on the baby this time as are most of the advices I have seen in this posting but it is centered on the moms. I had an experience and I want to share it with you so you can share it with your class.

I wish my husband and I were more aware o more educated about postpartum depression. We thought about it as something it would not happen to me but it did. The worst thing is that I was in complete denial and my husband even more. When I told him that I thought I was depressed he kept telling me that it was the baby blues and that some women have it after birth... but I was talking about when my baby was about 4 months old, then 5, then 8 months old.... and so on. I finally went to the doctor and she told me I had PPD. Can you imagine being depressed for that long and not getting help or medication! It was awful! People that have not gone through this situation or moms to be might think, why did I let time pass by by feeling sad and down... But the truth is that when you are depressed nothing is clear in your mind. I was totally unable to make decisions and to take the right judgement. And this is when husbands or close relatives come into place.

I my case I did not have anyone else than my husband to look over me. My whole family is in my country and I was by myself. And I had to deal with the baby care by myself and this alone was time consuming and overwhelming. My husband worked all day and everything was totally new, since it was my first baby.
I was so into the baby that I totally overlooked myself and my well being and I kept going despite my non-usual feeling thinking that since everything was so new probably my mental state was part of a transition, blah blah blah.... I tried to justify my sadness by many things for example the fact that I did not have my mom around and that made me feel mellancolic, etc.

So my advice to other parents to be is to not only educate the future moms, but most importantly, their husbands or whomever they will be more in contact with like a mom or a colse friend about everything related to postpartum depression.

I wish my husband was more educated about this topic so he could identify rapidly my mental condition. He was not really watching me all day so he saw a small portion of the whole picture of what I was going through. He came home in the evening when I was already tired for the day and he thought it was normal for me to feel tired and down at the end of the day. But the truth was that, that was exactly how I started my day as well.

So, please.... Educate the husbands and tell the moms to get someone to watch over them periodically if their husbands go to work the first weeks after giving birth so someone can identify their mental state and act quickly. The fastest PPD is diagnosed the fastest it goes away with treatment. Im my case it took about 9 months to realize that I needed help. And this occurred only because I happen to make research online about why I felt that way for so long! After my Dr told me that, I was so mad at my husband and resented him... but I know he was just ignorant about PPD.

I hope this helps,
Susana

I wish I knew how hard breastfeeding was going to be. I had no idea. I had watched my mom breastfeed all of my younger siblings and I took it for granted that it would just happen. I was not prepared for the pain or for how difficult it was to get the baby to latch on and nurse productively without falling asleep. There was a place in Carlsbad on Ave Encinas that had a breastfeeding support group on Friday mornings (this was 3 years ago when I had my first so I don't know if they are still doing it). My Bradley instructor had assigned for us to visit before the baby was born, but I never did - I wish I had.
As for the rest, I was warned that it was hard and you wouldn't get much sleep, but I don't think I really believed it!

I truly believe that breastfeeding a baby is one of the greatest gifts a mother can give her child. I nursed both my daughters for one year. Trust me, I celebrated when I weaned them, but the act of breastfeeding is very special.

I wish health care providers would be upfront about the ups and downs of breastfeeding. I can understand how women quit after the first few days because it is difficult and it hurts. At first I couldn't get the baby to latch on properly and my nipples hurt. Also, it takes a little while for the milk to come in so let mommies know that they can use a syringe with some formula if baby is really hungry.

Mostly, let them know that it won't always be easy but to stick with it and know that with time things will get easier. There is a learning curve for mommy and baby.

i really wish someone had told me that breast milk supply establishes at 6 weeks and that's why you need to pump a lot in the beginning as well as nurse so you have the extra milk and that you build up your supply so it doesn't drop drastically at 6 weeks. also i had no idea babies could only be up 2 hours ata time in the beginning.

Please encourage your new mommy's to breastfeed and do not alarm them if baby can't latch correctly right away. These days so many mommies are encouraged to supplement with formula when all the baby needs is to be put on the breast more often. ALSO please make sure mommies know that there is SOME DEGREE of pain when breastfeeding, but it should be about a 2-3 on the pain scale. Please tell them of the MANY benefits of breastfeeding!!! ALSO please tell them how beneficial it is for babies to get the colostrum and that their milk WILL come in... please encourage them to nurse on demand whenever baby needs it!

Can you tell I am a HUGE breastfeeding advocate?!?!?! ;)

I wish that I would have read somewhere that my old (even baggy) clothes wouldn't fit coming home from the hospital! :)

It's funny to look at the pictures now, but I was slightly horrified to see my big belly sticking out between my normal length top and my sweat pants!

I'm a bookworm so I read a ton before my daughter was born. I felt as prepared as a new mom can feel, except for this which was a completle shock. hahaha

knowing when to call the doctor in the first 2 weeks I think is so important. I have 4 kids and so many of my friends called me after their first to come look at the babys belly button (when the cord was comming off), it didn't look right they thought. Totally normal! That babies if they are sick in the first few weeks of life will not get a fever, but get cool. Setting a good schedule, where a baby eats, wake time, then sleeps. Babies that spit up should be propped up more, plus along the lines of spitting up, how much is really comming out (its amazing how much even a tablespoon looks like spilt on the floor). I think the most important thing a mom needs to know is to RELAX, don't research the internet for "what this rash could be", it can just be to scary, but to always trust your mommy insticts, and enjoy this time now, because soon they will be talking back!

The essentials of setting up the nursery: diapers, desitin, burp cloths, changing pads, etc.

Even though I had heard the breastfeeding would take some practice, it was much more difficult for my dd and I than I ever imagined. Those first 3 weeks were a killer trying to get her to latch on and nurse. I then found out that some of my friends had to work at it for up to a month! I guess my idea of 'difficult' would have been 3-5 days, not weeks.

Please, please, please tell new moms that pain during breastfeeding doesn't always mean you're doing it wrong. I have nursed three babies and it hurt like h*** with each one, at least for the first week or two. I thought for sure I was doing it wrong because I was always told that "breastfeeding doesn't hurt if you do it right". Well, now I know, and all of the other moms I know agree. It's just going to hurt for a while!

I wish someone had told me to stay at the hospital as long as I could. There is nothing to describe the fear I had over my daughter's well-being. I was deathly afraid that SIDS would take her life so talking about the actual statistics would've helped me alot and the precautions to take would have been great.

I wish someone would have told me that having someone come stay with you after the birth is a necessity. Whether it's a family member or friend, having someone else there really helps keep you sane.

Nobody told me how much I would cry. And I didn't have postpartum. I cried because I was scared, because I was worried. But mostly, I cried because those first two weeks, I thought, "What did I get myself into?" I loved my daughter more than anything, but I felt guilty for feeling like it was harder than I thought it was going to be. But my the second month I felt like an old pro!

that your nipples can crack and bleed in the initial stages of breastfeeding even when the baby is latching "correctly", that u have no interest in anything else but the baby, that it is so hard to leave the baby to go to work. Expect the unexpected, keep a very open mind...Every pregnancy and baby is soooo different.