The Terbille Twos Help!

My little girl hit the terrible two's at about 1 and a half it seems like and she's still in them. The best thing I can tell you to do is not to feed into the tantrums, let your child throw one just go about your business and ignore it and don't give her what she wants until she asks for it and doesn't scream and kick and throw a tantrum. The more they find that they get what they want with a tantrum the more they will use them. The hitting and kicking at other kids is normal just let her know that doing that hurts people and makes them not want to play with her anymore. And be consistent with it.

Well I can tell you that it may or may not get better. My doughter is seven and she still dose the same thing. I tell har that if she does it again, i'm going to take something from her. As long as you stand firm with her she will soon stop. I also found that one of the reasons she was acting up was becouse she need glasses. I know it sounds funny, but it helped. Hope things look up for you.

We had the same problem with our son!! We tried ignoring him, putting him in time outs, etc. What really worked was taking away his favorite toys. I'd give him until the count of 5 (because he was so little) to do what he was told or else I'd take away a toy. Be specific about which toy(s) you are taking. And you have to make sure it is your child's favorite toy. You must follow through with your "threat". Then, when he did something good (sleep in his own bed, not bite anyone at school, etc) he got a toy back. I also told him that if he hit, bit, etc at school he would lose toys at home. This worked the best for us. GOOD LUCK!!!

I personally would recommend spanking, either on her hand, or on her tushy. 1-2 smacks, after you tell her why she is getting in trouble. It needs to hurt, but not be so hard that there are marks present long after the punishment. For a child that is hurting others, it is not just the terrible twos, she is displaying anger and you need to be able to get a hold of it before it becomes part of her character. I wish you the best.

Oh my goodness!!! I have twin 2-year olds here and let me tell you, I know how bad it can be! I think that they act out like that because they get frustrated trying to communicate and they're just learning to be independent. The things that work for our family: Listen to them. I know it can be just as frustrating for us adults trying to figure out what they're trying to tell us, but if you listen and ask questions back, they feel better and you know for the next time. Let them be their own little person, if they want to wash their own hands, so be it. If they insist on putting the lotion on themselves, what can it hurt. I just "help" out. Discipline at home is key. I do not like to get onto my boys in public, but if they're acting inappropriately I take them aside and let them know that it's wrong. Doing it at home is so much easier though--who ever heard of a time-out in the middle of the mall? Oh, and another thing that helps is taking away a favorite toy for a couple minutes, kind of a time-out from the toy. My boys do not like it at all and it seems somewhat cruel, but it works. I think that kids need to know that hitting, biting, pinching, pulling hair, kicking, etc. are all hurtful and not nice, and that sharing is fun. Believe me, the sharing thing in my house is number one! It's hard, but who said parenting was easy, right? They really do care about others` feelings if they understand them. And some magic words to stop the begging: ALL GONE! It's not exactly a fib either...maybe the animal crackers are just "all gone" until tomorrow, or after dinner. Give and take, that's all...and definitely pick your battles. I'm no expert, but I'm going through the same things and this is what works for me. I wish you the BEST and applaud you for caring enough to ask for advice.

If you want her to stop being aggressive, DO NOT SPANK HER! How can she understand that it's only okay for grown-ups to hit, if she's still working on HER not hitting? You'll just wind up with a bully who beats up smaller children. ("I was pretending I am the Mama!")
She is trying to gain control over a world that isn't revolving around her as much as it was when she was an infant. She's trying to fit in. 2-year-olds have a lot going on!
As for sharing, do you let other adults you just met drive your car? Hmm? Don't force sharing. Respect her right to own her own things. If she causes a fuss over a certain toy, tell her you will protect it for her until later. Provide toys that have multiples, such as blocks or dolls, as an alternative. Discuss ahead of time with her that some toys can be for when friends play, and some for just her. She's still in what's called "the parallel play" stage, and isn't ready to play WITH other children -- she'd rather play NEAR them, and observe what they're doing. It's a normal stage.
Also, she still has a limited vocabulary. Teach her the words she needs to use. Then tell her to USE HER WORDS instead of the unacceptable actions. She'll learn what "unacceptable" means really fast!!
Rather than "Time Out", try to re-direct her towards a more acceptable activity. Remember, kids weren't designed to Sit Still.
You'll hear these words again from her pre-school teachers!
HUGS!!!
S. M
AAS, Early Childhood
Teacher Associate

My sister had a child that threw fits in a big way. He would flail himself on the ground and cry and kick when he didn't get his way. She would keep a gallon of cold water in the fridge and when he started to throw fits she would pour some on him and shock him. Well, this was 20 years ago but I will tell you she only did it twice and he stopped throwing the fits. It never hurt him but it shocked him good.My boys never threw fits luckily. But, my little one, he's 3 he doesn't like to share, I keep telling him that sharing his toys doesn't mean they get to keep them, he will get them back.

My sympathy for you.. I have a 2yr old myself. I have found that if he doesnt do what I ask or throws a fit I just tell him in a calm voice that if he didnt do right or what I asked him to do I was going to get the phone and call the Garabage Man to come pick up his toys!!!! Its amazing how large his eyes get and he soon straightens up!! It has worked most of the time. The child loves his toys. Keep in mind that he has physically seen me take away one of his toys and walk to the garbage can and place it in it. I have done this a couple of times so that he knows I am serious. I think that is the most important part of child rearing. You HAVE to be consistant and show them you MEAN what you SAY!

Hope this helps...
P.

I haven't dealt with the "terrible two's" yet. I personally don't believe in spanking. When my daughter gets to this stage, I would rather do my best to explain to her that what she has done is wrong, and why it is wrong. And then explain to her what she SHOULD do. Tell her what is acceptable behavior. Explain to her that when she "throws a fit" it doesn't always tell you what is wrong. Ask her to explain her problem with words. Kids don't understand when you just keep telling them "no" and not to do something. Instead of just telling them "don't do that", tell them what they CAN do. They can't always figure out for themselves something else to do. They've just been told what not to do, and they can get confused.

Hope that helps a little!

I have learned that when you leave your child with someone else they seem to turn into a different child! If anything, she will start doing better at home because of the structure and disipline at preschool. My oldest is going and he is not a bad kid to begin with and he has started sharing better and being considerate with his little brother's feeling. It's not perfect but it is a lot better than before when he couldn't understand the concept of sharing.