The RIGHT Way to Do CIO

Sometimes you just need to love. I know there are times that I just want some soothing from someone else... And it goes in phases. Even though mine is called PMS... Lol.

BUT... My son did this about 3 mos ago or so. Ended up he had swimmers ear. So, technically he wasn't sick, but not sleeping through the night was his ONLY symptom. I found this out when I had to take my 7yr old in for a sinus infection. I asked the pedi if for poops and giggles would look in my son's ears, nose, and throat real quick. I told him the only reason I asked was because he wasn't sleeping all the way through the night. He did and found that he had swimmers ear.

We did pure CIO with both our kids when they were the right age (and you're well past that). Put them to bed and that's it. They sleep trained within days. I didn't have to bother with "My Kid Won't Sleep" books, agonizing on boards about the issue, none of it. Just trained them and done. That's what our oldest's pediatrician recommended and she was so right.
ETA: It won't be long before you're dealing with another big sleep issue -- keeping kids in a real bed without climbing out at bedtime, so you at least want to get the sleeping through the night issue done sooner rather than later.

Here's the thing... when our children are sick we go to them, no matter what time and they love it! They also learn a new behavioral pattern- I cry and mommy comes. We have had to "retrain" my son a couple of times- always following an illness. At this point, he is pretty good about getting back into the routine and when he had the croupe last week and woke-up coughing asked to go back to bed.

Here's what I have observed/learned:
- Make sure that your little one is really feeling better before you try to get back into routine.
- We used the Ferber method each time and it did work. As my son got older, his protests became more adamant and longer.
- The first time we CIO'ed him, we tried just letting him cry- three hours later we were all exhausted and needed a break. The next day, we actually read-up on the method and implemented in using incremental "visits". It still took 3 days to get him back to sleep, but it did work.
- After 5 minutes, go into his room and whisper to him, rubbing his back for a minute. Then elave. Wait another 5 minutes and go back in. We increased the length b/w visits by a minute or two each time.

Be consistent and know that you will be up all night. I strongly suggest doing this on a weekend so that you can nap during hte day!

Be consistent

Any of them will work, but not until you're ready to commit. Nothing works because you give up too soon. And every time that you give up, you make the next attempt harder by showing him that when the going gets tough, mom caves, she hasn't yet, so I'll scream more, and she will, or I'll scream louder, and then she will. Decide what method you use, and don't quit until he's back to sleeping all night. You have to teach him what to do with himself, and you're all over the map. If you decide to help him through this rather than let him CIO, the easiest way to prevent total meltdown is to stop it before it starts. Go in as soon as you hear him, and soothe him before he has a chance to wake fully. You can sit with him if you want, just turn your face away and don't talk. NO EYES! Put his binky on a strip to help him find it if you haven't. Move gradually toward the door. You can do it, just don't change methods once you decide.

The only right way to CIO is to NOT DO IT!! If he is crying so much he makes himself sick, isn't this enough of a clue that it is not the right method for you?

Instead, I suggest the "No Cry Sleep Solution." There are several books, for naptime, bedtime, toddlers & preschoolers, and more. Please please PLEASE check it out. http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/ Libraries carry these books. It won't hurt to check one out. It will save you both much anguish.

My best to you and to a good night's sleep in your near future! ;)

Many won't like my answer, but I don't think there is any "right" way to do CIO. I think it's unnatural. If you are upset & on the brink of tears, your baby senses it & will get even more upset. Whatever you decide to do, you need to be strong & confident. I would recommend the book The Baby Whisperer Solves all your Problems by T. Hogg. Your baby may be confused b/c you are trying different methods. I personally, would sit or stand near the crib, then every few days move farther away. I did this, but got stuck for several months sitting in a chair by my daughter's door until she was asleep. Finally, after a little bribery she fell asleep on her own & has been doing so since (she's 20mo. old, very smart & wanted the "prize" when I said she could have one if she fell asleep with mommy not in the chair anymore). If he's only waking one time, at 10pm, just go in there! You are probably not sleeping yet anyway (sorry to assume). If he can soothe himself back to sleep in the middle of the night, why mess with that b/c of a 10pm waking?

Since his illness he might be having nightmares if it's this one time that he wakes up and screams and most other times he puts him self back to sleep.

yes I am against CIO , for the very reason that we don't really know what's going on and at such a young age they can't really tell us if something like a bad dream happened or they woke up and something in their room scared them.

My oldest had night terrors at that age , still has them now at almost 9. She'd suddenly start screaming in the middle of the night I'd go in and hold her and rock her sometimes have to hold her really tightly to keep her from hurting herself. With a night terror it looks like they are awake but they aren't . They will fight and scream and be upset for however long it takes to ride it out and the only thing you can do is be there for them and hold them to keep them from hurting themselves.

I think it's a very personal choice.

I have friends who did CIO at a very young age and so they didn't have to listen to the wailing went to their basement and watched a loud movie. They swear their method is best.

We have tried several of the CIO methods with our three kids. One was a "puker" when she got upset. The ped called it a "sensitive gag reflex", so letting her go with no assistance wasn't an option unless we wanted to end up having to shower her, change the sheets, etc. every time. For her, we'd go in, NOT talk and just shush her, less and less each time, until we could stand in the doorway and do it.

The second child was a binky baby. However she would not put it back in herself. So for that child, I had to go "cold turkey" and just let her fuss. It made for a very cranky toddler for several weeks.

Our third baby does some CIO and gets some help. Just when he's sleeping great he gets sick or gets his nap schedule screwed up, we're back to up at nights, sometimes several times. If I know our baby doesn't need to be fed, I try to let him CIO. However if he starts to get "hysterical", I will go in, pick him up, and rock him until he's 1/2 asleep. It depends on HIM as to if I let him CIO by himself or go and "help" him. Sometimes he really doesn't calm down until I feed him...then he just passes out.

I'm sorry I don't have a cut and dry answer. I think CIO depends on the parent's tolerance to listen to the crying and the child's reaction.

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I used the 5 minute approach, and it worked great, but fact is I never had to sleep train because we started this at around a month and bad habits had not yet formed so self soothing just came naturally to them. Whatever method you decide on, you have to pick one and stick to it. I personally do not like the idea of endless CIO, which was why I choose the 5 minute approach.

You have some good suggestions. I would really start trying to tap into the different cries of your son. I know when my daughter is upset or sick or is she's just mad she's in bed. Depending on the cry is when I go in. If she is scared, I go in right away, if she's just mad that I put her to bed, I don't go in.

I wanted to also point out that my daughter's molars started to come in at 15 months. Are you sure it's not a teething issue?

The sitting next to the crib didn't work for us, it made her more hysterical. With us it was all or nothing. If we went in we got her out of bed, calmed her down and right back to bed.

I haven't had to start this at 15 months, but this is what I would do. If he goes down fine, then when he wakes up, let him go 5 minutes to see if he can soothe himself back down. If the sound bothers you, you need to be in a different shut room, with music on, or read a book, etc. You can even put on a timer. Then go in and calm him down however you choose. When my kids are REALLY upset, I try with putting myself down near them, breathing really slowly, shushing, touching, etc. If he is too worked up, pick him up, it's ok. When my daughter is worked up, she usually needs to burp too. When he is calm, then put him back down. He may start crying right away, but let him. Wait 5 more minutes, repeat. Just stay consistent. It will be difficult the first few nights, but it gets easier.