The Post-Friend Letdown

I used to tell my daughter, and now I tell my GD, that I am not their social secretary nor their entertainment committee. If they can't find something to do, I can certainly find something for them. They usually find their own entertainment because they know I will assign a chore.

Holy cow can I relate! My daughter is 7 and her lifes dream was to have her BFF sleep over. Well, the other mother and I agreed this spring break we'd allow it.

Wowza! Thank goodness I waited until the morning of the sleep over day to tell her because she immediately went into planning mode and virtually freaked out. She was rearranging couch cushons on the floor for a hide out, negotiating the use of the large outdoor camping tent, planning food and snacks and every second of this sleep over. I finally told her no more planning unitl 30 min before her friend arrived.

The girls had a wonderful time.

The next day my over tired daughter was a crab - didn't want to clean up the mess they made, nothing was fun, she was bored, bored, bored and wouldn't stop asking when the next sleep over was going to happen.

*sigh*

I hear ya... that's all I have.....

I have had the "don't want them to leave" meltdown. Before friend visits, we remind her that she has to be a good friend and not cry at the end. Before the friend has to go, I give her a warning. And if she fusses when the friend leaves, I take her aside and remind her not to cry.

If your child is driving you crazy post-friend visit, I'd talk to the child in advance and then talk to her if it happens after the visit. Maybe brainstorm things to do so she doesn't feel bored. I think also kids today are especially "on". There's the TV and internet and texting and music - sometimes all at once. Teach her to deal with the quiet time. Maybe even jot down ideas with her and put them in a jar and say simply, "Go pick something out of the jar."

Yup. My little guy is the same way. (almost 6)

I now just give him a snack if he needs one (I often offer a snack during playdates, but excited kids don't eat well) and have two activities on hand to offer. After that, he's on his own.

I don't mind if you moan, groan or complain--just do it in your bedroom and not in my kitchen while I'm making dinner!

We have play dates all the time.
Some last for hours.
We just had one that was 6 hours long.
Yes, the Mom stayed too.
Sure my kids are ho hum after. But not always. It is not letdown. They are just TIRED! And then, they had gotten their yah-yah's out. So that is GOOD.
And my son, who is 6, actually NAPPED after the play date. He told me "I'm tired, I'm going to nap" and he fell asleep for almost 2 hours.

If my kids tell me they are bored, I say "good. you are perfectly capable of thinking of something yourself." and they do.
And some days, we do NOTHING. And that is good too. Because then, a child has downtime and self-reliance time and use their imagination.
Can't be "entertaining" them every second.

My boys used to do it like yours, with the exception of #3. Our is

3. Friend leaves. Time to NAG NAG NAG for the next friend to come over. And nag. And nag.

Ugh, my youngest is like this, she never wants the fun to end, and from the minute she wakes up on the weekend it's all "can so and so come over?" It's CONSTANT. Her counselor says it's pretty typical of ADD/HD kids but it still drives me crazy!
It's okay for her to be sad when the fun ends, but if she gets too difficult or angry about it then I make sure we don't have anyone over for a while. Usually just the threat of no play dates for a week or two improves her attitude because she KNOWS I'm serious. I also remind her how to handle herself as the friend is leaving, it gives her a chance to stop and think about making the right choices.
Give your daughter a choice here, make sure she understands future play dates depend on how she handles herself on current play dates. If she likes having friends over as much as my daughter does that should be a pretty powerful motivator.

My youngest is this way. Anytime the fun is over she reacts with absolute heartbreak. She is the Drama Diva!

I will say that I remember being young and getting to have sleepovers and how fun it was. I remember waking up in the morning with my friend (no matter whether we were at my house or hers) and being sad because the fun was almost over. It was kind of a let down afterward. It's always more fun to play WITH someone than alone.

Such drama! If a friend is coming over, my two will clean up like they're preparing for a queen to visit. At the end, my 7-year old chants over and over "Mom, can you please send her/his mom a message and set up the next play date? Or can we have dinner with them tonight? Mom, have you sent the mother a message yet? Have you? Have you? When will you? Can I see what you wrote?"

I feel like telling him I need a week to recover, ask me in a month! :)

Yes! and that includes ANYTHING fun. Then we come home, and they hate their life and say they don't ever have any fun, and there is nothing to do. It's so extreme. I have thought about taking every single toy they have and getting rid of them. Since there is nothing to do. They don't know how to have downtime. They feel that every second must be occupied with having fun. When I am washing dishes one of them will stare at me like "How could you!" - You could be taking us to DQ! Instead you want us to have a clean house!" - - It's an ongoing battle, that I am hoping they grow out of or at least understand there is a time for everything.

hee! yes, my boys would do this, but NOTHING to what i used to do! full blown howling and mountains of despair.
i remember my mother promising in exasperation that she would NEVER let me have or attend another sleepover. she didn't appreciate the drama.
i'll bet she was just as bad, though.
:) khairete
S.

Drama queen is my vote, LOL!

Maybe sitting down with a book and a snack might help, after the friend leaves.

Good luck!!
Dawn

we only have friends over t night since i get out of work at 5ish so when the friend leaves i ussually have some fun snack or show ready and then we get ready for bed. not sure what an afternoon end to a hangout would be like

No, even drama kings do that! You know how everything is duller without someone special to share it with!
Nip it in the bud. Catch that moment and tell them, you understand but that attitude will not fly. If they can't stop whining after a play date then NO play date. It might be best if they go to their room for 15 mins afterwards, just to get back their emotional equilibrium.

OMG. My son never used to do this. Yesterday we went to a new friends house and he did not want to leave (he usually is polite). He was saying 'we watched a TV show at the end so that doesn't count as playing so I get to stay longer." He had an attitude in his voice and i was embarrassed.

Mine don't have friends over not room for extra people in the house. But my oldest when he gets back from his friends house he's a pain to live with.