K.,
we have had this discussion several times, and I keep reposting my experience,
hope it will help you somehow.
Also, there are links to those conversations,
the latest one for example has 66 responses:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/5887570798692007937
there should be something that will work for you and your girls.
I copypasted here part of my response,
and wish you to have many happy days:
it is such a time of JOY when they are growing (too fast, I'd say,
my 'lil' one is already 18...)
I can only share my experience, which worked fine with my boys.
maybe, some ideas will help you, but number one, as it seems to me, is that the WAR needs to be dismissed, and a way of COOPERATION to be found, because even if you win this time the war, there will be more battles that you possibly both wish to avoid. So, why not to come to the one side of the barricades, and seek for ways to make PEACE. Then, on the common ground, to find ways for mutual happiness.
He is a smart boy, and he can figure out what is good and of use, you only need to find the motivation, and he will come along. It will be a hard work now, and will need a lot of wise loving monitoring from parents, but the time is not LOST yet, not yet, so, I wish you all the very best success,
and here is what i have to share with you, Katy:
As a writer, allow me to share with you one story which is very relevant to the topic:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/niravameen/2874114301/in/set...
this story I wrote and posted under my elder son's portrait, is absolutely true, no fiction added.
[I have more stories under photos on that site - I do some photography, as you can see :)].
As a mom of two happy young men (25) and (23) now, here are some comments on such issues, including mine under the M. name... hope, something will ring the bell for your situation,
I wish you all the very best:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/12752255403270602753