The "B" Word

Well, you were acting like a "b", and he's right, he didn't CALL you a "b". If DH tells me I'm acting like a "b", it's because I AM acting like "b" and need to start being nice.

You have a man that tells you how he feels, and communications. Don't minimize his feelings. Be happy that he is open with you, and work on his concerns.

I think there is a difference in calling someone the B word and saying they are acting like one. One defines them, one defines an action.

Same thing as saying that a child did a bad thing vs. saying they are a bad child. One relates to sense of character and one relates to a specific action.

So, I side with your husband on this one. He was talking about one specific action, not actually calling you a B*tch. You went overboard dropping the F bomb on him when he was communicating to you specifically about an action and his feelings on it.

Sounds like he made a very accurate statement. He was looking for help from you and got attitude. To me, saying f-you is way worse than saying that you were acting like a b-tch. I think you need to chill out.

Two wrongs don't make a right. You were both wrong and letting your little kids mentalities run loose. Both of you were acting bad and letting your egos get in the way. (Ever hear a kid say, "But he hit me first"?)

You should both go out for a date and make up afterwards. (Its the making up aftrerwards that makes having an argument worth it.)

Good luck to you and yours.

To answer your question, I would be mad too. Tone can be condescending and we of course can't hear it in your post. I find it ironic because my husband never understands when I tell him "it was not what you said but how you said it" or "it was the tone you used" but he can hear everyone else's "tone".

Condescending means he felt that you were using a tone of voice and/or words that were talking down to him. It sounds as if you were and he was right. He tried to explain to you what he felt about your behavior, and you took it as a personal attack. Semantics really do matter.

I hope you apologize sincerely, and hopefully he will too.

He shouldn't have been needling you after you already apologized, but to pounce on a specific word which is OUT OF THE NORM and used in this context was sort of gunning for a fight to "Order him" not to call you that (when he usually doesn't and sort of didn't). Then the F-bomb was way more aggressive and angry and took things to the uglier place-yup sounds like drinks were involved. Sounds like a bad moment and both people know it, so live and learn!

Rather than wait for your "where do we go from here" post, I'll just say that if one of you is not feeling well or in a bad mood, it's really foolish for the other spouse to poke at you, knowing that you don't want to be poked at.

First, agree during a neutral time that if either of you are "in a bad mood" that you'll let the other know that you don't feel up to talking. That places the cards on the table. If the other spouse ignores that, then quite frankly, they're asking for a confrontation.

Dawn

It sounds like both of you hurt each others feelings and want apologies for it but are being passive aggressive about it.
Everyone needs to quit picking the scab and declare a general amnesty.
Everyone can have an off day.
It happened - it's over - don't go there again.
I'm not at all bitchy compared to my sister even at my worst.
My husband knows it and hopes there are no latent familial developments in that direction.
He has days when he's a grouchy old bear.
As long as he doesn't take it out on me he can grouch all he wants till the mood passes and he's his sweet self again.

My husband had it out with my brother for cursing in my presence when I was pregnant with #1. He now curses WAY too often, but he has never called me a B. I wouldn't stand for it...but I don't think he called you one. So I don't think you should have freaked out on him and cursed back.

Well, my husband and I don't use that word, and especially the "f" word. It sounds like you both need to apologize. And honestly, if my husband did tell me that I was acting like a "b", then he's probably right and I deserved name.

I would have probably been a little upset but more than likly I would have agreed with my husband if he ever said that. Cause I am the one that will say I was being one and he tells me he is not going to argue but would not have said it himself. Sounds like ya'll are both having a hard time and I don't know about you but when I am sick and in pain I can be extra witchy. And usually take him out on my guys. Try not to take it too personally. I think the way he said it was quite creative and as well he didn't want to directly call you that.

By the way I hope you feel better soon!!!!

Actually, both of you are wrong. This will not stop if you have D. that before. If he says something bad to you or make a bad gesture, you will keep reacting in the same way, and vice versa, then it will turn out on a never ending lifestyle for you and your husband.
It takes two to tango. Next time calm down and talk calmly to your husband about your problem, and let him speak as well, but always breath and wait before insulting your loved one even if you did not start the argument.
Nurture each other, speak about your likes and dislikes, everything, the good and the bad. It is hard in bad moments, but it is the best choice.
My husband and I argue as any other marriage, we are not perfect, but we don't use bad words, we don't insult each other, it is just not right.

Calling you one and saying you're acting like one are not the same thing. You didn't help your case anyway by telling him to F off. Not your finest moment. IF your turned the tables, how would you have felt if he didn't acknowledge you when you said something? I think you would have been none too happy.

Apologize first. I think you went to far with this to begin with.