My 5-year-old daughter was playing a game with my in-laws and telling them how the rules worked. She seemed to be constantly commenting or correcting them on everything they did, and came across to me as bossy but nothing unusual for a kid her age. She shushed my mother-in-law once and I told her not to do that. Then, later on, she started getting upset over one of the rules and was raising her voice to them. She then said they were cheating. Neither one of them said anything in response, and so I took her aside and told her that she wasn't talking nicely to her grandparents and that she was being disrespectful and she might hurt their feelings. I said that the rules maybe were difficult to follow, but that she shouldn't be bossy and upset if they weren't playing the game properly. She fussed a bit when I spoke to her, but once she calmed down I told her to apologize to them. Since I was the only one who was bothered by this, I wonder if I worried too much about it? I know kids get easily frustrated and that occasional attitude comes with the territory, but when is it drawing the line?
Thanks everyone for your input and for the "reality check". One thing I did forget to mention was that my mother-in-law spends a lot of time with my daughter, almost every week, and reads to her all the time about manners, feelings, etc and is always giving us information and feedback. However, based on what everyone's said here, I don't think that will mean she will feel comfortable correcting her behavior in front of us. I will definitely keep that perspective in mind.
They may have felt awkward correcting her when you were right there. Even if she didn't mean anything by it you showed a lot of respect for them by telling her to show respect to them. Good job mamma.
Personally, I think you did exactly the right thing. Your daughter is lucky, she'll develop excellent social skills, and your in-laws are lucky, they won't feel the need to parent!
:)
I think you did a great job. You pulled her aside and explained what was correct behavior.. I am going to guess the grandparents did not want to get after her..especially since you were there to handle it. .
Just continue to have casual conversations about how no one likes a "Bossy pants" or a "know it all".. Manners means respecting others , knowing the rules, but that there are times, when not saying anything is appropriate..
Let her know the best ways to show manners is to follow them herself..
I used to tell all children.. I sure do like your manners when you let that lady have your chair.
Thank you for using your manners when you said, "Thank you".. It got so bad that a man offered me his seat on the bus and I answered him, with "No thank you, but I like your good manners"! We all burst out laughing.. I told him, "I guess you can tell I have a young child".. He told me "Thank you"..
I think you did absolutely the right thing.
Even though it might not have seemed to "bother" the grandparents and they didn't say anything, it's very possible they were wondering if you would mention the bossiness in a tactful way with your child. Which you did!
LIttle kids are learning to navigate...normal. Parents correcting them if they get out of bounds....normal AND commendable.
A little kid shushing a grandparent or raising their voices over a game and being in charge of the rules? I don't care what kind of personality a child has, that isn't polite. Our kids won't know that unless we tell them.
I think you did great.
Just my opinion.
It sounds to me like you handled it just right. You called attention to your daughter's behavior and made it clear to her that she should not talk that way. You had her apologize and everyone moved on.
Ignoring her being rude would have been wrong, but overreacting wouldn't be good either- sounds like you were right on target Mama!
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I think you did the right thing. She was being disrespectful to an elder, and that's unacceptable, even if it's grandma, and even if she doesn't seemingly mind. In the back of her head, I'm sure it bothers them. They are just too nice to say anything. I have similar issue with my 5 y.o. DD, and I make sure I nip them in the bud as soon as they happen. I won't tolerate attitude, back talk, bossiness, etc.
You did the right thing by stepping in since you were there. =) Your daughter will learn. You're a great mom!!
You did not overreact, you handled it well. It is typical for grandparents (even if they were strict with you) to allow kids to misbehave without thinking a thing of it, or maybe because they don't want to overstep their boundaries by trying to discipline.
Kids need to be respectful of everyone, especially adults. A smart attitude is not acceptable, even though it is common. Good parents will nip that in the bud. If they're sporting an unchecked attitude at 5 what will it be like at 15? Some kids are harder to raise then others, they constantly test the limits and question authority. However the boundaries need to remain in place and discipline given when broken. Consistency is key!
Best wishes!
I think if your daughter were playing the game alone with her grandparents and you weren't there, they should correct her. But - since you were there - you should do it.
Disrespect is not allowed in our home. I will call any kid on it -- no problem! I have quite the reputation for being a hard-a** and I'm good with that. I have no issues with behavior or attitude from my own children or any others in my home.
Nip it now.
LBC
My grandson (5.5) occasionally corrects adults by reminding us of the rules. As a grownup, I not only find this appealing, but understand that he is really internalizing correct behavior.
I think this is a boomerang effect. There is often a big disconnect, from a child's point of view, between being told to do, while the adults don't always follow the same rules. If you watch closely, this happens often. Parents might insist, for example, that kids not talk with food in their mouths, but then do exactly that themselves. They may demand with a rude voice that children be polite. They may tell a lie to a neighbor about why they can't attend a gathering, but then insist that children only tell the truth. A mom might make a mistake and tell her child not to tell Daddy, even though she expects her child to come clean when he goofs. (And she might shush a child for shushing an adult, or require her to say "I'm sorry" before the child has a chance to get to sorry, thereby requiring the child to lie.)
My grandson really does mean well, and is trying to participate in the world of adults with the best approximation he can muster. He doesn't always get it right. But unless they clearly cross a line and become rude, I think it's of value to appreciate the child's attempts. They really are trying to make sense of the rules, and fairness and justice. It's possible your in-laws realize this, and were not taking offense.
You did well to correct her yourself and to have her apologize. Knowing what's age-related and letting rudeness escalate are two different things. Good job!
I think the grandparents were looking at the fact that they were spending a special moment with their granddaughter. My daughter always had quite an attitude when she was younger and my family would always ask, "Why are you letting her disrespect you like that?" She was not being disrespectful but showing her personality. I have always let my kids let their little light shine. My family did not like it because they are just a bunch of control freaks. I think there is really a fine line here. I think that later on I might have said something to here but not anything degrading. She sounds like she has the personality of a leader and that will come in handy later on.
nope sounds good mom awesome Job keep it up!
