The Absolute "What Would You Do?" Question..

Oh, I would so have been knocking on that door! I would be mortified if my sons had done such a thing! I would not call the boys out, as it is not their fault they have badly mannered mother, but I would tell the mother that she put everyone in an uncomfortable spot by telling them to just come over to someone's family party. Maybe she would feel embarrassed and learn a lesson!

I would have told them that it was a preschool birthday party and that they were too old to attend but would gladly give them some cake to take home with them. That is assuming that I knew the family and the mom and the boys werent diabetic or allergic to anything. How rude of the parent who let them come over!

I would have went and got the mom to come get them. Honestly, she might not have known what they were doing. Yes, I have neighbors who never know where their kids are! Sad, but true. And, I would be having them come to pick them up pronto!

I would have gone over and talked to the neighbor, gently.
Some kids can be really sneaky and it's possible the kids told their mom they were asked to come over and that's why she told them it was okay.
Or, they may not have asked her at all.
Then again, some parents see a bunch of people and a bounce house and think nothing of sending their kids over to join in. Even uninvited.
I think it would have been appropriate, and since your sister was willing, for someone to walk the kids back home and say to their mother, "I'm sorry....we're having a family gathering right now. Maybe the boys can come over some other time. Have a great day!"

That shouldn't have started a fight, by any means, and you could all have gone on with your day.
Lots of moms have had this problem when they get a new trampoline or swimming pool. Suddenly every kid within a 5 mile radius wants to be at their house, whether they know them well or not.

I think they should have just been nicely walked back home.

Just my opinion.

I would have knocked on the door too!!! If I were the hostess of the party I woul have marched them back home and advised them NO Invite, NO Gift, NO PARTY thank you and have a nice day. Should you send the kids over again I will call the police for domestic disturbance or child abandonment or something dramatic like that.

This married and children-having mom would have been knocking on their door too -ESPECIALLY if it was my kid's birthday party! I would simply have escorted those two back home -with a piece of cake (I'm not into hurting 8 and 10 year old's feelings)- and said, "I'm sorry, but we're having a private birthday party for a 5 year old. Everyone is preschool aged, and they're really too little to play with such big boys. I hope you two will enjoy your cake! See you later!"

In my opinion, such a rude and trashy woman as their mother should be DELIGHTED for someone to be that nice! Since this has already happened, I would still go over and *nicely* explain that sometimes I throw private, invitation-only events that are geared toward certain age groups, so that she really needed to call and ask before sending her kids over without talking to me first. I just have no patience for such outright rudeness!

Well, I am a bit of a mother bear so I would have been really irritated and definitely said something. How sad to have the spotlight taken off the birthday boy for something that is just unreasonable. I would go talk to the mom, politely of course, and explain to her that it was not her decision to make that they could go over there. She must have some delusions about what is ok and what isn't.
Fingers crossed there aren't any more incidences like this.

I would do nothing. It's over. Let it go. Even during the party, any action to be taken would be the responsibility of the niece whose neighbor this was. The person who lives in the neighborhood has to continue living next door and so must be the one who decides if any action is to be taken.

If this were my neighbor, I would've gone next door, taken the boys home the first time they came over, and told the mother that this was a private party and that her children were not invited because they are not friends or relatives of the birthday boy. I'd word it as diplomatically as I could at the time but I would be very clear that they were not a part of the party.

If this caused bad feelings, so be it. One has to have boundaries! And one has to stand up for those boundaries in order to have a livable neighborhood. Not speaking up will cause your niece to have bad feelings and as you saw put a damper on the party. I strongly believe that taking care of ourselves and our family comes first over trying to make anyone else happy.

Now that it's over, if I was your niece, I might still talk with the neighbor. to let her that her son's came back over and act as if the mother didn't know it. Give the mother an out but let her know that you won't accept this sort of lack of consideration again.

Sounds like she doesn't know the neighbor. If that's the case I'd make a point of getting on casual but friendly terms with her so that I'd be more comfortable handling any other situations that might arise.

Only the niece who lives next door should be the one to say something to the neighbor. The neighbor would rightfully dismiss anything said by a stranger and be upset with your niece at the same time because she would think that she was allowing the stranger to interfere, not having "guts" enough to talk directly with her.

I am with your sis...

My DH and I would have escorted them home and introduced myself to their mother and told her that her boys were scaring and/or hurting my children and that they needed to stay at home. I would have done it this way so that my family member wouldn't have to risk having a crabby neighbor lady. Instead, the lady could be crabby at me (a stranger) and hopefully not take it out on my niece for the remainder of their days as neighbors.

i agree with marda, it's too late to do anything now (not quite sure if that's your focus or just discussing what could have been done at the time.)
your sister needs to butt out.
i hope your niece will be a bit more assertive next time. it doesn't have to start a fight. grandpa was right on the money. they can be told nicely to leave, given a piece of cake and escorted to the door. if they return and say their mom told them to come back, they can be told nicely (it's not their fault) that they will be invited back at another time but this is a family party and they are too big to play with the little ones. have a nice day.
even if it's necessary to go talk to clueless-troll-mother (and it might be), it doesn't have to be ugly. she can take it however she wants, but a neighbor on her doorstep telling her politely but firmly that her boys are not allowed at a little-kid family party is not rude.
boundaries are important.
khairete
S.

well it might cause some problems, BUT the mom kinda already did that by allowing her kids to be extremely rude and butt in on a family party. i would have treated them just like one of my own. "We do NOT need to be so rough in the bouncy house or we will be getting OUT." and enforcing it. i would have stepped in and put a stop to them "helping" unwrap presents - i find that TOTALLY rude - i actually have an aunt whose dog does it and they all laugh and act like its the cutest thing ever, but it really irks me when the dang DOG is stealing my little boy's moment - RUDE! anyway. if this mom wants to pawn her kids off on someone else, allow them to butt into a private party, then YES - they can be disciplined/controlled by those same people. i wouldn't have made a big deal about the cake thing, but the being rowdy and disruptive, would have been stopped.

*i also have to say, a neighbor of ours had rented a bouncy house, and we all share a HUGE common back yard - it was KILLING my son not to just run over and start playing on it. we waited till after their party, which seemed to be family, and lo and behold the mom came over and invited my son to play, herself. i thought it was awesome of her. it is REALLY hard for a kid to see something like that, and not be able to play on it. if the parents aren't going to take charge, of COURSE they would be over there in the middle of it.

Who knows, the boys could have told her they were going out to play without telling her they were coming over to the party. Or the boys could have told her "Mom, they're having a party next door is it ok if we go?" Making it sound as if they'd been invited and she said sure go ahead. If I had been your niece I would have walked the boys home the first time and given her an out saying "the boys said you sent them over, while we would love for them to get to know our child at some point, today is not the day, it's my son's 5th b'day party and I have my hands full with his classmates and family." Making it clear that the average age is around 5 and those children are much smaller than her boys. Then there would have been no doubt that the children are not invited and you've left the other mother an out without accusing her of being rude. Now if she then sent her kids over again I would have tossed them out immediately.

I would have explained to them that this was a party for little ones, and while I know they want to join in the fun, it really is just for little ones. I would have told them "you have to go home." When they would have responded with "my mom said," i would have said, "that's great, but this is my home. Please have your mom come discuss this with me."

You can't do anything about it now.

My guess is that these boys were lying to you and their mom did not tell them to come over.
I would have either called over there or walked the boys back home and just nicely told the mom that " i understand you said it was ok for the boys to come over, but this is a family party for younger children." Maybe invite them over after everybody is gone to play on the bouncer, when they couldnt hurt the little kids.

My house, My party, My food, My liabilty...Kids not invited would be told to leave. If they came back, I would tell them that they are tresspassing and police would be called if they did not remove themselves from my property.

Obviously, if the kids were friends of the birthday boy, they would have gotten an invite. Neighbors or not, they have to go!

So happy I live in the country & nearest neighbor is a mile or so down the road! LOL.

sounds like the initial problem has been solved. at a future party, keep doors locked and IMMEDIATELY tell the boys to go home - they're not invited. But as for having this rude mother who just sends her kids your-way: I say don't go knock on her door with flames a-blaze. If she mentions the party or something of the sort, your neice could say something like "uh yea - they came in and took over the place. Joey started unwrapping gifts and John helped himself to cake. I don't mind sharing some cake with y'all, but next time we have a family gathering, I'd appreciate you not sending your boys over to take over the party."

I would have escorted both boys back to their house and talked to their mother. If she actually knew they were even there, I would have told her that her children may not attend the party and may never walk into their home uninvited. If the kids were just making it up, I'm sure the mom would handle it from there. Since it's over now, there isn't much that can be done, but if the boys or their mother step over the line again, your niece should be very firm about boundries with them whether they get angry or not.

I would have absoluely knocked on the door. I have a giant bounce house for my kids and daycare. The first time I put it up the neighbor from across the street walked her kids over and was planning to put them in it while I was getting my kids drinks. I was like WHAT? I was not friends with her, didn't even know her name. I marched out there, told her that I'm not going to be responsible for their safety. I went on to explain that I would not be able to host neighbor kids because I don't need my daycare parents thinking I care for more children than I do.

People are rude, unbelievably rude.

Any bounce house I've seen has all the kids coming out every 5 or 10 minutes (and big kids and little kids can't both be in at the same time - if a big kid lands on top of a little kid they could get very hurt). That means some adult needs to monitor it with a timer.
I would have told the older boys (and their Mom) that this party was for 'much' younger kids and they need to sit this one out at home.

Terrible. Who needs such a neighbor. What is that woman teaching her children? The boys may have been making it all up about their mother sending them.
I'm with your unmarried non-mother niece. She knows how to deal with party crashers.

I believe the boys could be lying or their mom might have sent them over. I have started speaking up directly to the child and parent if they are right there when these sorts of things happen. I try to stay friendly looking and calmly state the facts "You need to go home now." No explanations.

Just yesterday a mom with a screaming 2 year old came over to me and a group of kids who were clearly playing basketball drills. She kept telling her crying boy to tell us that he wanted one of our balls and we had 4 balls. We were using them and practicing at the park. I intentionally picked the court away from people and playgrounds so we could do our drills. We kept going and I told her "Miss, the kids are using their balls and we are doing drills. These balls are hard and hurt when they hit someone. The kids are playing and don't see your son. He is going to get hurt. He can NOT have one of their balls." Finally, she left after over 5 minutes.
Before that an 8 year old girl rode her bike to the goalpost and yelled "Now you can't play anymore because I am sitting here." I said "Heads up! These balls hurt when they hit you. Look out!" When she realized we were not going to stop, she went back to the playground.
Next time, lock the door and don't be afraid to do make waves. If the mom has any decency, she will be horrified they said she sent them over.

My sister-in-law has the same kind of thing going on at her house. Whenever we are outside, out comes the neighbor boy. He is older than our younger boys and younger than her older boy. He's right at the age where he doesn't really have anyone to play with. When we have birthday parties she (why I don't have tact like this woman, I'll never know) my sister in law kindly tells him that this is a family party and that he should just go on home for now. He usually does, and yes sometimes the mom just sends him back over. Here's the part where it gets tricky. One time my husband went back over to talk to the mom himself and it turns out that events and facts hadn't been correctly related. For instance we told him to go on home for now and when he got back to his house he said he needed a swimsuit, so the mom got him one and sent him back over. He hadn't related that it was a family birthday party and not just a free for all. Now, I'm not saying this is the case. Sometimes parents are truly awful in that they just want someone else watching their child for a while and view neighbors' parties and a drop off service. I know she doesn't want to start a fight, but the "childless" sister probably had it right. It might be as simple as miscommunication, but it's might not be. Either way, the mom needs to be spoken to by an adult so there's no confusion. And if there in an insuing "fued" then so be it. The kids don't play anyway, and just because other parents allow their children tobe ill mannered doesn't mean other have to allow those children to be that way. Hope this helps.

I would have gone and gotten the mother, and had HER come get her boys out of the bounce house... explain to her that it's a party for little kids, and maybe offer to let them play in it later. Let her be the 'bad guy' who tells them to come home, after all, she is the one who gave them permission to go to your place without asking you... or else she is the one who wasn't keeping track of her kids. It's not fair to the invited guests or the birthday boy to have the party ruined by the neighbors.

I have 2 kids who live downstairs from me, in the past, they would ring my doorbell and ask to come and play with my kids. On one particular incident the little girl told me her mom said she can come up to play. Her brother rang the bell a little while later and said "my mom wants her to come home now". So when I went to get her she said "I know he's lying cause my mom isn't even home". Well, that was the last time I ever had them up here. This mom would leave her kids home alone all the time.

Bottom line, it's your house and your rules. (Or your neice.) I have had invited kids that were not following the rules and the parents were not enforcing any kind of control over them. After talking about it with my husband we became a united front. If a child is in MY house and not following OUR rules and the parent is not making them, then it is MY duty to make the child follow the rules or they do not get to stay. I have and do march neighbor kids back to their house. Since we started enforcing the rules and the kid knows we follow through, this child listens to us. I really wouldn't worry about upsetting a neighbor that is so clearly rude or thoughtless. Even if there is a miscommuniction the mother clearly knows her children didn't get an invitation to the party. I wouldn't just sent my children to a neighbor's house if I saw there was a party and I hadn't gotten an invitation personally or in the mail. So, really, how much miscommunication can there be? Again, it's HER house and she gets to make the rules. I would not have put up with that kind of behaviour.

I would have sent the right back to their house. That mother does not run your house. If she lets that pass, she will be sending them over while she goes only God knows where. Do not start something you do not want to finish.

Wow, that neighbor mom is very rude. How would you think it was OK to send your kids over uninvited, without you, for a neighbors family function. It would be one thing if they were invited but geez!

If I lived there I would have gone over and asked her to either come supervise her boys or keep them home!