Hi Momma's and the few Dadda's on here,
Here is the dilemma...
The in-laws want to go to Disneyland for Thanksgiving. They did no research, just got the days off, and months ahead of time we said that sounded fun and would plan on it. Our two kids are the only grandchildren of the three sons, so taking them to DL is a sort of right of passage for these grandparents and uncles. Seems copascetic right (sp)?
Then I got online and started looking at suggestions from other DL goers only to find out that Turkey day is one of the busiest days of the year. And that it's pretty busy all week, though the Mon/Tues prior would be the lesser of the evils. That lines are long and you'll feel like you wasted your time and money.
Fast forward to now...we let them know a few weeks ago that T-day was out. We wouldn't waste our money on that day and get crowded out. We said we would like to plan a different time when it is less busy and when everyone can get time off.
They said ok, and we all started making a new plan for celeberating the holiday, still together.
Then yesterday amidst some serious relationship drama in their house, they decided that we are indeed going to DL and can do it earlier in the week of Thanksgiving. That they don't care about the crowds and have planned on it and it is happening.
Is it wrong that I feel that we are being forced into this? Forced to spend our money on a day of crowds and waiting in line with eager, impatient children? They seem to think it is a money issue and in order to supercede our judgement have offered to pay. It's not a money issue and we have told them that. It's a sensibility issue. We want to go to Disneyland - just not during the busy holiday crowd week!
We've suggested Vegas and Mexico, or even the California coast. Vegas was looking good to them but now they are dead set on DL.
What to do? I want to say that we won't go because of the crowds, but that will cause a major rift.
BTW - I love my in-laws and have always had a good relationship with them. This is not a MIL drama situation.
Post Edit: Weeks ago, I did put this on my husband - their son. He is the one who we determined would "drop the bomb" on them about not going to DL for Thanksgiving - in order to keep me, the daughter in law out of the range of fire. Honestly, I think their latest decision on going has more to do with mending their relationship and feeling like they actually celebrated their anniversaary - more than it has anything to do with our family holiday. But with the fragile status of their relationship, we can't "go there" with our dialogue in an effort to change the plans. The plan is to only attend the park for 1 day, due to both for cost and time restrictions. Yes, we will get the FastPass and will get there early. But I'm still convinced it's going to be a bust.
Ack! So I decided to let it go...many of you mamas told me to just enjoy the day as it came...ok.
Per the status quo - they expected us to do all the planning...which really means me. So I found a hotel, found the rental cars, came up with an expected dollar amount per person, etc.
MIL called my husband two nights ago and said something like, "it just seems this is all going to be more hassle than it's worth, so let's not go to DL".
So now we are not going to DL or even SoCal. I am releived and irritated all at the same time. Thank goodness I hadn't made any reservations yet!
Is Disney Land a whole lot different from Disney World? My family spent Thanksgiving at DW several years ago and it was just fine. We were there 4-5 days, did all the parks, ate well and waited on pretty normal lines. Fast Pass is definitely worthwhile and so is planning the order of rides.
From someone who has had Disneyland passes for more than 15 years....A crowded day at Disneyland is ALWAYS better than a day at home.
Go in with a good attitude, it will make all the difference. Your kids will love it.
They might be willing to pay, and that eliminates the whole money factor as far as you guys are concerned, but like you said, it's super-crowded and your kids will be ones who will have the hardest time waiting in lines and you (the parents) will be the ones to deal with them, not in the in-laws. I would just stand firm, tell them you really appreciate the generous offer to pay for you guys, but really, it would be best to do Disneyland another time...it does NOT have to be Thanksgiving, and it would be way easier to pick another time of year. Depending on your kids ages, even if they had to miss a few days of school, it wouldn't be the end of world if it meant avoiding busy school vacation time. I understand you don't want to cause a rift, but if they get their panties in a twist, they are the ones causing the rift, not you. Really, they are just being unreasonable. Let them go and find out for themselves how insane the crowds are and how not-fun it is. It would be really interesting if they would be willing to take your kids without you guys and let them try to handle them in the lines and the crowds and see if they still feel it was worth it. Since this is your husband's family, I would get him on your side and let him talk to them and go to bat for you.
Remember...you are only forced into something if you allow it. We teach others how to treat us. Don't let them railroad you into this.
We went to Disney World on Thanksgiving one year. Everyone told us it would be incredibly crowded. We really didn't notice and had a great time!
Not sure how much has changed since 2007, but the Fast Pass was not something you had to purchase. You walked over to the ride you wanted to go on. If the line was long, you went to a Fast Pass machine, swiped your ticket and a Fast Pass was given to you with a time on it (8:05 to 9:05) when you could join the insanely short line and get on the ride within about 5 minutes. The only downside was that you could not hold more than one fast pass at a time, so if you picked up a fast pass you had to join regular lines until you used your fast pass. At that point you could get another one if you wanted to. Also, before you choose to get the fast pass, the computer tells you what the time to use it will be. You'll know if you'll be using it in an hour or 3 hours.
I would consider just going and having a positive attitude. Seriously, a crowded day at Disney is still a day at Disney. I think you'll have a blast!
Go to Disneyland. You had committed to it before doing your research so I have to side with the MIL. You did agree to it. You did your part by warning them that it is going to be busy, and you gave them the chance to back out. They still want to go so go. The good news is that even though it is crowded it won't be hot like summer. Maybe it won't be soo bad and you will have fun despite the crowd. I'm on the fence about who should pay for it- who was going to pay for it initially? If you were that I think you should still pay. If they were than they should. If they offer the line jumping passes than I would invest in those. Please don't cause a rift, especially if you have a good relationship, because in this situation I think your in-laws are in the right.
Wash your hands clean and have your husband talk to them - they're HIS parents - not yours. BTW - you are 100% correct and shame on your inlaws to "force" you into this. Have your husband hold his ground to them. You two MUST learn how to say no to people - I have learned (the very hard way) that it is hands down the most important life skill a person can have. If you and your husband cave in, you are letting them dictate your lives. Don't be weak! Good luck.
I feel your pain! Yes they are being a bit forceful and it's insensitive of them to plan a vacation with them at a time when you don't want to go (understandably so) during a Holiday. Stick with your original decision of not going during Thanksgiving if that is what you and your husband want to do. If they start asking questions or don't want to let it go, simply tell them thank you but we've decided not to go during Thanksgiving. An explanation is not required. Keep it short and sweet. If they press more you could tell them again thanks but we're just not going to go. And then change the subject or walk in the other room. Good luck!
You and your husband have to make your family's decision. Your inlaws can still go but they can't FORCE you two to go. If you decide not to go, TELL them now that you realize they are going but you are not and it is not open for negiotiation.
Regardless of who is paying, it is your vacation and memories too.
I live very close to Disneyland and have a season pass. Two years ago, I went on the Monday of Thanksgiving week and it was awful. Truly awful. It was so crowded and the lines were super long and we really didn't have that much fun. Many schools in this area (including all of LA Unified School District) have the entire week of Thanksgiving off. So, with all the local kids not being in school, plus all the people who travel for the holiday, there are just tons of people there.
Talk to your in-laws again. Tell them how much you want to go to DL with them and how much you can't wait to share that experience with them as a family. But say that you want it to be fun and worth the trip so you don't all feel stressed and anxious. Bring your calendar and sit down with them to plan another week that works best for everyone.
Don't choose a holiday week. If they want to see it all decked out for the holidays, go in early December, like the week of the 5th. Otherwise, wait until mid-January or later.
I've lived 20 minutes from Disneyland (and gone once or twice a month) and I've lived thousands of miles away and gone twice in five years.
You'll only notice how heinous the lines are if you're there a LOT. When we lived there & we'd bring people from out of town it was always reeeeally funny to watch them. On an "empty" day, people would be complaining how long the lines were. On a "full" day, visitors wouldn't even notice. It was our fault. If we were all excited because of how "empty" it was, they'd think we were nuts. And if it was slammed, that was just how they expected it to be! And now, no longer living there... it's all a "wash". I have no idea what is "full" or "empty", so I just have a lot of fun.
I can see why just a few weeks away your inlaws would be set AND even if it were months out why they wouldn't want to go ELSEWHERE (they want DISNEYLAND FOR THE KIDS). Their hearts are set on Disneyland. That's where they want to take the kids.
When I lived there, we'd spend all day (gates open to midnight) in the park. I actually prefer NOT living there, because we can stay at the Disneyland Hotel. Any hotel IN the park makes it soooooo easy with kids. Because you just hop on the monorail and head back to the room for snacks, swimming, movies. It means you don't get exhausted, or "lined out" (and I lived there where even an "empty" day, lines were often 4 hours long on popular rides. Now, with FastPasses, those lines are history. You just get FastPasses for all the popular rides (1 per hour). You get a fast past even when you're headed back to the room. They've REALLY streamlined the whole process.
If you're going to change their minds at ALL (and don't want to be there during a busy time), you'll HAVE to take the kids out of school. Period. Look up ANY holiday from school, and it will be slammed and people will say it's not worth it/ a waste of money. You'll be dealing with the SAME busyness as you will on Thanksgiving.
So if you're willing to pull the kids from school for a week, offer THAT up.
If NOT, go over thanksgiving. Because it will be just as crowded over winter break, midwinter break, spring break, as it will be in a couple weeks.
I would just say that you can't afford to go to DL all the time, so when you go, you want to make sure it's not at a crowded time when the kids won't get as much out of it. Decline politely. ETA: Just noticed they're paying. Scratch this!
They are trying to force you into it and given that a lot of your own money and time is involved here, you don't have to agree.
How about a Disney cruise? I've heard awesome things from all my friends who've done them? Maybe you guys can split the cost, I'm sure this would be more money.
Disney is awesome regardless of the lines. I have gone many times and only gone on a few rides because there is so much exciting stuff for the kids to see besides the rides. Disney is always crowded and there is no perfect time. Just go and have fun! It will only be a bust if you decide for it to be. Watching your kids will make the whole thing worth while!
I went to disneyland at Christmas with my in-laws and hubby's entire family. We planned it a year in advance and I ended up being pregnant when we went. We went the 23, 24 and 25. Christmas day was ridiculously busy and you couldn't even move through the crowds. BUT the 23 and 24th was totally fine. We had a blast!! I was surprised. I don't think it will be as bad during the week as you think it will. I thought at least Christmas Eve would be busy but it wasn't. Good luck!
i don't understand why your husband can't say "you guys have fun, we're going to have a quiet meal here at the house".
Updated
i don't understand why your husband can't say "you guys have fun, we're going to have a quiet meal here at the house".
First I have to say that I absolutely LOVE Disney, visiting is one of the things that I enjoy the most in my life.
Saying that, we went for New Years, about three years ago and it was awful, the amount of people there was incredible, the park was totally full by 10 am in the morning, doors closed not accepting more visitors... you would say, we are talking about Thanksgiving not New Year... but what I am going is this.....
after a little while I decided that I was going to enjoy my day there, and if I could make it to the rides fine and if I could not, then so be it, a lot of couples were getting frustrated and kind of fighting, when I observed that I said, I am here to be happy not to be upset... after that I could not be happier, there is always so much to see and to experience, rides or not rides, there are always rides that you will be able to see and if you know a couple of tips, like which rides you should get the "fast pass" and you plan ahead... it should be more than ok.
All the special Holidays Disney put on different events and shows, for me is always magical.
If you have in laws that are even willing to pay, WOW, that is awesome!, not that they need to do it, but the fact that they even offered, for me is like there is no wrong there. Aniversary or Thanksgiving the fact is that they planned this particular trip for a long time and you had agreed to it before and what they want the most is to spend that time with all of you.
If your only reason is the crowds, I am sure that if you decide to go you will love it anyway, crowds or not crowds, yes it is better without crowds but with kids in school that most likely will not be easy to happen.
Just do a little planning ahead and you will be more than fine.
I hope you decide to go and that you have a blast!
That's tough, because I personally do not like Disneyland when it's crowded. You can wait an hour for one ride. But, they have that special pass you can buy, where you reserve a place in line, can't remember what it's called.
Try convincing them to go another time, but then, I don't know, if they are paying, maybe you should just go. This one's hard, because they should be taking other people's opinions into consideration, not just insisting people go, but as long as they are paying, maybe it's better to go and keep the peace.
You will spend a lot of time in line, but the kids will still like it.
In the end, I agree with the other responses so far -- they shouldn't be forcing you to go at a time when you really don't want to. Maybe husband can decline politely.
