Okay ladies, I am very curious to see how you handle your daily routine when you are sick. Now I have had an unusually hard weekend which included a dog bite on my face and a bad respiratory virus that left me on the couch for 2 days. I tried to get up and help fold laundry, pour drinks, etc... little things to show willing but for the most part I was useless. My husband did everything, fed the kids, entertained the kids, laundry and even chaperoned birthday party our 3 kids were invited to. Now I am feeling awful from the antibiotic that was prescribed for both the dog bite and the respiratory (I know its a virus but the doc said an antibiotic was still a good idea) flu. My husband, although he does all these nice things is never very concerned about me or all that nice to me when i am sick. It is very clear to me that he is working very hard but honestly, I'd rather he put down the laundry basket and spend a minute giving me a hug, or even just a "How ya feeling?" I'm sure some of you will see this as weak, but I normally power through whatever i have to do when I am sick. He is often gone and I have to do it all no matter how i feel. What do you guys do? Do you hope for a little compassion above and beyond the chores?
Thanks for all the great responses. I know my husband does a great job but I have a really hard time understanding that men are wired so differently from women. I have "learned" this before but I need to "learn" it again.To be clear, i have told him that I'd like a hug and a cuddle when I am sick, but he is the "leave me alone" type when he is ill so he just doesn't get it.Obviously I am not the "suck it up, buttercup" type of woman. I could be tougher. The funny thing is that I am tough, and although I am not afraid to ask for a cuddle when I need it, I do not shy away from the harder stuff in life either. I consider myself a feminist and only find it odd that so many people who consider themselves feminists as well, totally undervalue those traits typically labelled as feminine. Oh well, that is probably another post. I guess it comes down to my belief that this isn't an either/or type of situation. Can't you have both? Compassion and strength? Thanks, for the insights and the well wishes. I will get over all this crap and hopefully, thanks to you all, learn to appreciate my husband for what he does do and not what he doesn't. By the way, the antibiotics were more for the potential problems with the dog bite than for the respiratory illness but the doc said it would help if bacteria were involved in any way.
My husband is good at taking care of me when I am sick...not as good as I am at taking care of him when he is sick... but he tries none the less and it's the thought that counts, right?!
On the flip side, my husband does NOT help with the cleaning and stuff though...and in all honesty I think I would prefer him to fold some laundry then ask me if he can get me anything, Ha!
I like to be left alone when I'm ill. Keeping the children somewhat quiet and entertained is enough for me. Bonus if he is doing laundry, feeding the girls something other than cookies and hotdogs, etc.
My husband knows that I like to be left alone so he doesn't bother me. He will bring me a cup of tea every so often which is much appreciated.
If you want a hug, you are probably just going to have to yell, 'husband, come here for a minute.' Husband arrives. 'I need a hug.' Husband hugs and then goes back to manning the fort.
I'm an only parent, so, I never get help OR a hug. I know you are feeling crappy, but somehow, please, consider yourself lucky.....you could have it MUCH worse. Hope you feel better soon.
Not really. I'm an adult, so unless I'm really really sick/injured I don't expect to be doted on. I am thankful that when I am sick (pretty rare) he picks up the slack and keeps the kids quiet so that I can sleep. Beyond that, he doesn't bring me tea or toast or bring home magazines for me to read... he's just not programmed that way.
I think you should count yourself lucky that he took care of the kids for 2 days while you couldn't get off the couch. If much rather have that than a hug.
My husband never got sick so he honestly did not have an idea of how to treat a person nicely when the person was sick. Sometimes I would not show my face to even get food because as soon as I did, it was like, "Oh look! She's up!" and that would be it - he'd disappear, the kids and everything else would be my responsibility. He never thought to actually bring me food or something to drink. I had been known to drive myself to the doctor with a fever of more than 104 degrees!
So I will tell you what I wish I had done sooner rather than later. TEACH him what it is you need, and what you want him to do. Once he KNEW he was supposed to check on me once in a while, and make sure I had anything I needed (like water, tissues, medications), and make sure my temperature was not so high I was delirious, and could still be coherent enough to take any medication I was supposed to take, he DID it.
He FINALLY got really sick for a whole day-and-a-half, and I tended to him, and he finally really "got" (understood) WHY he should administer some TLC, get the person water, maybe make broth... because he appreciated it when it was done for him. He honestly did not know. What can I say - he came from REALLY good genes! His mother never went to the doctor either! Ha ha! I would have died many times over without modern medical care!
So teach him.
You sound like my hubby, who NEVER gets sick but when he does, he is just a baby. Wants attention; wants me to continually ask him how he feels, etc.
I am just the opposite. When I'm sick, I just want to be left alone. Don't ask me how I feel because you already KNOW I don't feel good. Why keep asking - it is just bothersome to me. I also don't want him to try to make me eat. He figures food is the answer to all so he constantly bugs me about eating something.
When he's sick, I try to treat him the way I want to be treated - left alone! When I'm sick, he tries to treat me the way he wants to be treated - babied. So, we don't really get along well when one or the other is sick.
Maybe your hubby is doing for you what he would want you to do for him - do the chores and leave you alone.
He just sounds very action-oriented, which in the long run is a good thing. You're looking for empathy which is more of a female strength imho.
I live in an all-male household and can totally relate, though my husband does a good job of asking me if I need anything. I get mad at myself when I get sick because I feel worthless to my family.
Hang in there and I hope you feel better. You've had a really rough time of it lately. Nurture yourself!
After a few hours I'm lucky if I don't start getting asked repeatedly asked if I'm ready to get up yet, or can I please just do x....
Next time, ask for it? Just say something like "Babe, can I please have a hug?" Or "Hun, I'm really sick and I could really use a hug". Eventually he will get the hint
I love S.'s answer. I can't remember the last time I was sick (knock on wood), but I like to be left completely alone. Really, if I could check into a hotel by myself, I would.
It sounds like you've been through a horrible couple of days. I hope you feel much better soon.
It's rare that I get sick time. My husband travels quite a bit too, so if Im sick...oh well!
And I have to be REALLY sick before he'll "take over" and offer to order dinner (he doesn't cook) or start cleaning up the house.
But he is always compassionalte and will ask how I feel etc.
But if he gets a cold....look out LOL BABY BABY BABY!!!!
Feel better soon :)
Most men aren't nurturing. Nothing wrong with it, it is just the way they are wired. He shows he cares by taking care of business for you. When I am sick my husbands takes care of the kids and does what I ask of him for me.
When I am sick, I do everything that I did before. My husband helps a little, but I don't feel like I can just go lay down. He will make dinner but everything else is left to me.
I think men are "fixers" so they don't sympathize because they just focus on fixing the problem. When mommy is sick, it feels threatening to them and they feel helpless and therefore aren't as lovie dovie as they could be.
Sometimes I wish he would say I'm sorry your sick, how can I help.... But I know better. I just suck it up and do what needs to be done. However, if I do need a hug, I just tell him what I need and he is very good about giving it t me.
I really liked Sarah's answer it was right on the nose. Some like to be babied so to speak and some don't. Those that don't have no clue how to help those who do. On top of that he is a man after all. You have to tell him clearly with anything emotional. Hun thank you for taking care of all that your the best but I'd love if you'd drop that laundery and just sit and cuddle with me and watch a movie. That would make me feel tons better.
I know this has nothing to do with question, but why do doctors give antibiotics for something viral. Bacteria is mutating and for someone like me
It can be deadly. I have a central IV line in my chest that goes to my heart.
An I fiction with a mutated bacteria and I am done. Wish docs would stop this.
Now to get to your question. Men are wired so differently than women. Be glad he is doing what he is doing. Actually, when I am sick, I like to be left alone in my own misery.
i feel for you! when I am sick i trap myself in the bedroom. is your husband always affectionate. i gave up on the sweet cuddle time when i was needing a hug along time ago. my husband just isnt that affectionate. You can tell him to please sit down with you for five min and just hold you. its ok to do that!!! guys dont know. would you have any idea if he were thinking the same thing?
Sounds like your husband is stepping up a lot more than mine would. I know for a fact mine would have let the laundry sit untouched and as far as feeding the kids? Cereal and frozen pizza, tops. And I probably would have had to force him to take the kids to a party.
If you need a hug then TELL him. He probably has no clue. I'm sure he thinks he's being wonderful and helpful (and he IS!!!) but if you want a cuddle then tell him, men aren't mind readers, nor are they very good at guessing or picking up on hints.
I know how you feel. Yes, I am a baby when I'm sick, so sometimes I have to reach my arms out in a hug motion to my husband so he sees that I need some love. Usually I'm very independent, so luckily, he stops what he is doing and makes me feel better with a hug. Those are the days you miss having your mom in the same house. :)
I try so hard not to get sick, because What Sick Days?!
Feel better. Hug.
