Terrible Twos Driving Me Nuts Help!!!!

Sounds like too much for one person to handle!

There's a really good book about discipline that might help:
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Better-Behaved-Chil...

Good luck, and take care...

Hi Nikki,

Did you know that aggressive behavior (especially in boys) is very normal for children your son's age? That doesn't make it okay--it is our job as parents to teach them appropriate behaviors. Knowing this certainly helps us as parents to know that 1. our children are normal and healthy, and 2. we aren't failing as parents. I don't know if you watch Super Nanny, but you should check out this page http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-toddler/-/Toddler...

You said that your son thinks your spankings are funny. This article mentions that spanking can actually feed their aggressive behaviors.

Good luck and God Bless.

It's possible he is going through some sort of anxiety - brought on by something psychological, or physical. My 2 year old (I am also prg with my second, due April) has rarely thrown tantrums in her young life, but this past week, she has been doing the noodle legs at the store, the screeching at the bookstore, etc. I have been very firm with her, telling her that it is not ok to behave this way (all the time wondering what the heck has been going on). Well, in her case, it turns out that she has a cavity and it's the toothache that has been making her cranky.
In my experience, everytime my little one has appeared to be "acting up" it has been due to something that is traceable - physical discomfort, or anxiety. So, in my case it works not to fight her, but hug her and let her cry it out. She sleeps with me (I know it's ROUGH!) but love, hugs and security at this age, I think goes a long way to ward off bad behavior.
Long story short - it may pay off to be firm with him, but give him all the hugs and cuddles you can - especially when he is acting up. In time I hope you can figure out the root of his problem.
Good luck!!

Clear his room of everything that he could destroy or hurt himself with. When he starts to act up, pick him up, put him in his room and shut the door. Let him cry and scream for as long as necessary. Tell him that when he settles down, he can come back out. It is not acceptable for him to hurt you like that and it will only get worse once the new baby is here. You will be so inclined to just give in to shut him up (I know I did) and that just creates an even bigger monster that screams when he doesn't get his way. Do not let him sleep in your bed. Same principle, once you start giving in, he will not let up. I know you need to sleep but at that age it should only take about 3 days for him to understand that he must sleep in. The main principal is to make him understand that his behavior is not acceptable and not give him excessive attention because of it.

woah....okay, you need to up your confidence as a parent. He is a little two year old, and you are a grown woman. You are in control, not him. It's easy to feel like there's nothing else you can try, but trust me, there always is. When my kids were that age, they had to stand in the corner. They literally had to touch their forehead to the corner the whole time. The first couple of times, I had to literally stand close to them and everytime they looked back or backed up, I would say "time starts when your forehead is against the corner." After the first day or two though, they understood that their 3 minutes or whatever didn't start until they were in the right spot, and when they looked back, it started over. It worked pretty well for mine once they realized that it was easier to just stand there the right way than to act up or argue about it. If you don't let a kid out of what's expected of them, trust me, they WILL begin to do what they're told because they will be able to predict that they will get in trouble if they don't. My kids also have always gotten spankings. Not necessarily on the butt though. For instance, every child tries all of the behavior you mentioned, but it's up to you as the parent to teach them what's not acceptable. So, when my kids first tried to spit, I popped them in the mouth and sent them to the corner. It's the element of surprise that sticks with them and makes them not want to do it again. When they tried biting, I bit them back. You only barely have to bite down in order for them to get the idea that it hurts. Afterwards, I sent them to the corner. I never had any trouble with my kids hitting and kicking, but I'm guessing it was because they were used to getting consequences, and once you start using consequences that work with your little boy, I imagine all other areas will calm down too.

At night, you're letting him stay in your bed because he "doesn't want to" sleep in his own bed? It's not up to him, it's up to you. You have to admit that it's not because "he doesn't want to", it's because "M.'s doesn't want to have to deal with him getting upset". Parents are too afraid to get their kids mad nowadays. If a child gets mad and throws a fit, it's not like you have to sit there and listen to it and have it drive you nuts. When my kids cry over stuff, I tell them to go to their rooms because I don't want to hear it, and they either stop right then, or they go to their rooms, so either way, I don't have to listen to it. You're setting your son up for some very rough school years if you don't teach him that adults are in charge and there's certain behaviors that are simply just unacceptable, and rules that he's expected to follow. He's going to go to school thinking that he runs the show and the teachers are going to have to deal with what you haven't taught him. I highly doubt you want him to be that kid in school that the teachers are happy over when he's absent, so do something about it now. It's definitely not too late. It's all about taking charge again. You've completely given all control up to him, and he knows it, and trust me, it will get sooooo much worse before it gets better because you've taught him he can get his way. He's going to try with every ounce he's got in him, to get you to give in to him, because he's been taught that M. gives in or that M. doesn't care if he acts out. So, he will escalate his behavior while searching for that breaking point. If however, you show him that there is no breaking point in you, and you mean business, then the behavior will become less and less frequent until it's gone altogether

My niece in law was telling me this week end that her 2 year old has a very violent temper too. They have a brand new baby so it was a big concern to her too. He is seeing a social worker from headstart who comes to their home once a week and she stated that it is helping. A day care or headstart, maybe your local health clinic might be able to guide you. Good luck and god bless

Like others have said, some aggression is normal in toddlers, but he sounds a bit over the top. Honestly, my guess would be that he's overtired. If he's not sleeping well at night and is no longer napping, he's probably crabby b/c of exhaustion.

If I were you, I'd spend the next week trying to get him to nap again. Do whatever it takes -- lie down with him in his bed or yours, go to the park or an indoor play area to let him run a while and then drive around to see if he'll fall asleep, etc. If you can get him to start sleeping better, I bet you'll see better daytime behavior.

Good luck!

Nikki -
Thank you so much for making me feel that I am not alone! My almost 2 year old boy has been doing the same things and I am exhausted!!!! I got the same advice from our parents as well. I tend to find that the more I ignore the behaviors, the less an issue he makes. Good luck! Sorry I don't really have much advice since I am in the same boat!

Hi Nikki..this is always a tough one. I do think more kids act like yer lil boy in todays age..my lil 5 yr old is a terror compared to my 15 and 18 yr old at his age. I am a mom who is for sharing the bed with the lil ones, unless they have a sibling to share with. Lord knows i don't like to sleep alone, why should they? :) But as for his behavior, yes we all threw a certain amount of fits when we were lil, but if i am reading you right, this is not every once in awhile, its probley a daily thing, at times 3-4 times daily, with times where yer lil boy is probley a complete angel. It is hard, it hurts, scares, frustrates, so many emotions you will have, specially since you are pregnant (congrats :)). First, he will grow out of some of it..he will. So breathe alil easier. 2. i know this may sound dumb, but what is he eating? meds he mite be taking? pay attention if he acts up more at certain times or after eating certain things. Some cold/allergy meds while they put some children to sleep, will make others completely bounce off the wall, i will not let my lil boy use inhaler (it was just during allergy season), he becomes out of control. also, caffiene, and i found out that my lil boy acted up twice as bad when he started eating lil debbie cakes daily. And yes, my lil boy laughed in my face when i spanked his bottom one time, and when i spanked it harder, he laughed again. Me and my husband are not on the same page with discipline, that is a major problem. Try to be on same page, that will help yer lil boys alot. And say a prayer Nikki, every nite with yer lil boy. Good Luck and God bless.

Your little man will out grow this once he can use his words instead of actions to express what he wants or needs better.You have to keep your cool, I know it is very hard. Talk to him and ask him what he wants. Then when he tells you tell him to use his words to tell you but don't bite or what ever he has done.You have to stay consistant.
You might look into speech therapy for him, it may help.I actually paid for my niece to go until my sister could get insurance because she would bite so hard you usually needed stitches.Her problem seemed to end up being that since she had so many ear infections as a baby she was not hearing things right so she could not use her words right.It helped to that my sister told her husband no more smoking in the house.That stopped her ear infections.By age 3 she was no longer biting or acting out.

For us, twos really weren't terrible, but three has been the challenge. Perhaps he's getting into that a little early, but it is more extreme than we've had to deal with at our house.

Kids do challenge you to see where they fit in the pack. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to establish your authority, he's just pushing back.

I agree that it's not appropriate for him to draw blood. Have you mentioned this to your pediatrician? I'd be interested to see if there is something else going on. We didn't always agree with our pediatrician about behavior tactics (e.g. spanking vs. no spanking).

Does his father support you in your discipline of him?

The sleeping thing is something we struggle with, too. Our son loves body heat and will snuggle into bed with us while we're asleep. It's a problem that we haven't taken action to correct yet.

Ugh. My kids all went through the terrible two's, but this sounds more extreme. I don't know if I have any useful advice, but here's what I would do.
First, make sure there is nothing physically wrong. I agree that I have noticed an increase in crankiness and tantrums when my kids were sick or had something bothering them- ear infection, constipation, etc.
As far as the sleeping issue, my kids all had phases with this. One trick that worked for my daughter was to fill a spray bottle with water and label it "monster spray" or "ghost spray". We'd spray it around the room to get rid of anything that seemed to be bothering her. Now, we didn't act afraid or anything, we said that we didn't believe in "ghosts", but to make her feel better, we'd spray it. "We know there aren't any monsters in here to hurt you, but your imagination is still telling you there are monsters in here, so to help your imagination to feel better and understand, we'll spray for you." Something like that.
I just read a book on baby signing. A huge reason for the terrible two's (which for mine, always started more around 17 mos.) is their inability to communicate their needs. I'm sure you've already tried this, but to get down on his level and really try to figure out what he wants may be helpful. Was he trying to communicate something before he acted out?
Because you are pregnant, has your husband been having to take over more of his care? It could be he's sensing the changes to come and needs more reassurance?
*My SIL has a 15 month old that has started signing. They started about a month ago and he's signing around 10 different words. She explains that she was out shopping with him and he started crying. She didn't know why until he signed "hungry". She got him something to eat and he was fine. After that story, I got a book and have started a couple signs with my 7 month old. At 2 1/2, you could still try to start some signs, if he isn't talking much, yet. It's just an FYI also for the baby due in Feb.
I hope you find something that works for you!

Just keep putting him back in his room. A keep telling him that the rule is we sleep in our own beds. And no matter how tempting don't stop. It is not okay for him hit you let alone draw blood.

Time outs can be effective if you do them right, and do it consistantly. We're going through "terrible 3's" with our youngest. She wants to be the one in control. Just like her, your son wants to be the one in control. They don't like learning that there are boundaries, which means we have to be that much more diligent in reinforcing the rules and boundaries.

Designate a "naughty spot". EVERY time he hits, scratches, kicks, spits, whatever - EVERY time, take him to the naughty spot, get down on his level, look at him in the eyes, tell him in a low voice, "We do not hit. I'm putting you in time out because you hit. You need to stay here for 2 minutes."

He's not going to want to stay there, so every time he gets up, take him back to the spot, and restart the clock. Eventually he'll get the idea that he needs to sit there. When he's done his 2 minutes, get back down on his level, tell him, "You were in time out because you hit. That isn't nice. I need you to say you're sorry." When he does, it's time for hugs/kisses.

It has to be done with every infraction, and it has to be done the same way every time. Kids need to be able to predict with 100% accuracy the outcome of their actions. If EVERY time he kicks, you put him in time out, he's going to figure out that maybe that isn't what he wants to do.

Don't think that just because he's 24 months means he can't figure that out. With our now 6 year old, when she was 2 years old, she would throw herself on the floor for a tantrum if she didn't get her way. I remember once she was in the kitchen, and my husband wouldn't give her whatever she wanted. Our kitchen floor is linoleum on a concrete slab. Just the day before, she threw herself back on the floor for a tantrum and really klunked her head. That night, she went to throw herself back for another tantrum, and remembered she was on the hard floor, and caught herself before she klunked her head on the floor - at 24 months old.

Just a few thoughts, for what it's worth, and good luck!

I echo what the others have said, but also want to add that you can buy a can of air freshener and tell him it is "monster spray." That it gets rid of monsters, so you will spray it in his room and the monsters will go away.

Try to catch him being good and praise him for that. Explain that you will need him to help you teach the new baby how to do things and to behave like a big boy. But you are right - he cannot beat up and cause you to be bloody and bruised. Have you asked your pediatrician for suggestions?

It sounds like he's looking for your attention. Even though he's only two, he realizes that M. is going to have another baby. My boys are 16 months apart. I've dealt with it!! The best thing you can do is provide positive attention to him on a regular basis BEFORE the negative behavior starts. He may be acting out because it gets your FULL attention. Sounds silly, but it's true. Show him he doesn't need to act out to get it! I feel for you!
My oldest used to take me by the hand and try to pull me away from wherever the baby was. He'd literally take me into another room! Lavish your 2yr.old with love while you still have time to! ;) Good luck!