Sleep! We Need More Sleep!

Updated on July 01, 2009
C.A. asks from Swanton, OH
13 answers

I have 3 year old twin boys that go to bed well on their own. The problem is that they wake up 3-5 nights per week in the middle of the night crying and won't go back to bed until either my husband or I sleep with them either in our bed or on the couch! They shared a room until about 3 months ago when I seperated them because they were playing with each other until around 10:00 PM and not gettign to bed early enough.

Now, they act like they are afraid to go back to sleep if they wake up. At this point I don't think that any of us are getting enough sleep.

I've asked them if they are afraid at night and they say "yes - of the monsters" We've tried talking to them, used "monster spray". Nother works. Not an issue when they go to bed - only middle of the night. Any ideas??

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So What Happened?

thanks ladies for all the great advice. We've starting a reward chart and it actually seems to be working. Also have been re-decorating the twins room that moved and he loves it - lots of red and purple paint!! But he loves it and is excited about sleeping in there again. I also have come to accept that "this to shall pass!" Thanks again!

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C.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

They have that twin bond and miss each other. They need to be back together. My sister never slept in a room by her self until she left her 3rd husband. He kicked her out so she really now doesn't have a choice. Finding a friend with benefits is not an option right now.

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T.R.

answers from Cincinnati on

My first thought here is they are not getting in enough physical play time, or fresh out door air, take them to the park for 2-3 hours, a pool, get outside, to wear them out so that they are tiredand sleep through the night, epecially at 3, that is high energy age. What does you hubby do with them when he is alone with them for the day?
What time do they get up in the morning?

Drop the day time nap is there is one.

Monster spray drop it not an issue right now, by go though all that.

If they are crying out for you two, then start a bedtime ritual each night, dim the lites in the whole house/apartent, tv, stereos off, and read a few bedtime stories with them sitting on your laps or in a rocking chair, every night.

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T.C.

answers from Steubenville on

hi. i would try putting them back in the same room again. it is less scary, and to lil kids probley less boring sharing a room. specially if they are used to sharing the room. after doing that, have you tried putting them to bed 1/2 hr early, so maybe they can get thier 'playtime' in? that might help. just do your normal routine, but make it all 1/2 hr early..or even cut a few things in half to make up for time. with my little boy, he has a digital clock in his room ( he's 5 now), i would show him the clock each night, and point to the numbers, and if we didn't get everything done by 9:00, no story. you can use that also with thier playtime. just a thought...good luck

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K.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

We tried everything when my son at that stage. We found that a night lap (7wtt bulb) worked best. It lit the room enough that he could see when he woke up and was still dim enough to allow him to wind down and go to sleep.
BUT this has not worked with my neice. She just turned two, and won't fall asleep. She shares a room with My son and it just doesn't help at all. Best of Luck!

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A.W.

answers from Cleveland on

I have boy/girl twins that are about to be 5 years old. My daughter went thru a spell when she was about 2 1/2-3 where she would wake up during the night. We called it the witching hours... It seemed to be worse when we would actually pay attention to her. She just had a hard time putting herself back to sleep. She would very often be awake from 2-4 am calling for us...we just tried to ignore her and she eventually learned how to get back to sleep on her own. We would make sure she had her blankie and her bear but would tell her to go to sleep and then ignore her. It took a good couple of months... Good Luck!

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S.S.

answers from Toledo on

Sticker/Reward charts may work. Start off by giving a sticker each morning they went back to sleep wthout a fuss after waking up and then decrease the number of times they are allowed to wake you up in order to get a sticker. Incentives have worked for my 4 year old. She used to manipulate us by waking up EVERY night and either one of us slept with her or she got into bed with us. I am happy to say we have made progress with incentives. She cannot get into bed with us unless it is thundering and lightening outside, she is sick, or one of us is out of town. She did not welcome the change and/or accept it right away, and there are times when we seem to slide backwards, but when I look at where we were a year ago, we have come a long ways.

It may be too late now, but I had read somewhere that the fear children have in monsters is often reinforced by parents. As parents, we may think we are doing our children a favor by checking under the bed, shutting the closet door, using "monster spray", etc. when in reality we are actually reinforcing the fear our children have. With my children, I told them from the very beginning that monsters and other scary characters did not exist. I will NOT check under the bed, look in the toy box, close the closet door, etc. Why do I have to do all those things if they do not exist? Studies have shown that if you appease your child by using the monster spray then they are thinking monsters really must exist if mom or dad must use spray to get rid of them. This is reinforcing their fears. Parents often confuse children by saying one thing and doing another. I can tell you from experience that my children have never had any fears of anything being in or around their room. They might say they are afraid 'of something' and my response is always, "There is nothing to be afraid of in this house, I love you, and I will see you in the morning."

GOOD LUCK!

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K.C.

answers from Cleveland on

You could put them to sleep in separate rooms and then carry one back into the shared bedroom so that they don't wake you up in the middle of the night but still go to bed. We put my daughter in our bedroom in our bed to sleep(we are not in the room) after the 1st offense and then carry her in when we are ready to go to bed.

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G.E.

answers from Columbus on

Ah, the issue of sleep! Isn't it between 2-3 years old that kids get nightmares, etc? I'd offer to let them sleep togther again ONLY if they go to bed and NOT play(are they napping?) Good naps during day=good sleep at night. I'd also go buy "The No Cry Sleep Solution"...got me thru alot and my 5.5 year old has slept like a dream since 9 months old. Also they may need a nite light or white noise to soothe? Do you have good bedtime routine? Keep room darker and more sleep like when it's time for bed. I have read alot about keeping the bedroom enviroment a sleep enduced environment and I believe one should NEVER banish the child if in time out to the bedroom-shud exude peace and good restful sleep. Just my 2 cents, hope it helps! G

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C.K.

answers from Cleveland on

I'd also suggest putting them back together in the same room to see if it resolves the issue. Better to let them go to bed at ten, then to have everyone's sleep interrupted in the middle of the night - and it's better than them getting attached to sleeping with Mom and Dad.

Also, note, my 4 year old daughter does not share a room, and even though she's in bed between 8:30 and 9:00, she generally doesn't settle down and fall asleep until close to ten (sometimes later). She just sits and plays with her stuffed animals. I've found that it's best to just leave her be and let her fall asleep at her own pace, because if I go in there to try to get her to settle down earlier, it just stimulates her more.

Also, one of my daughters used to be afraid of "shadows". She was probably between three and four when I had a big activity of shooing all of the "shadows" out the window, closed the window, and locked it, and told her they couldn't get back in because the window was closed and locked. She's now almost seven and hasn't had a problem since then with "shadows". (She also always sleeps with her window closed no matter what the temperature.)

Good luck.

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S.S.

answers from Cleveland on

I also have three year old twins... but girls not boys. Every once in a while they talk about monsters, but i've told them that monsters are for tv/movies and for dress up. I repeat that every time they talk about monsters. That has seemed to stop their fear of monsters. A solution for sleeping, which may or may not work for you, is that we have these bedtime lights that play music and flash different shapes/colors on the ceiling, they play for 15 minutes and then stop. We put the girls to bed with these lights (of course have to go in and turn them on every 15 mintues til they go to sleep), and then when they wake up in the middle of the night, all we have to do is turn the lights on, and they go right back to sleep everytime. We've been using since they were infants though, so your boys may be unfazed by this.

I also agree with putting them back together in the same room, but you are their parent and would know best. My girls would never agree with being seperated. Good luck.

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M.B.

answers from Columbus on

Hi C.-
My oldest son did this too and I tried everything. I know it's unconventional and probably not the most professional suggestion but what finally got him to sleep through the night was bribery. I told him he could have a hershey kiss every morning with breakfast if he slept all night. In the big picture this small dose of sugar first thing in the morning was worth the sleep for all of us;-) Eventually I weaned him off of it and now that he's almost eight he sleeps like a rock every night! It was an easy fix...hope it helps you!
M.

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S.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

Well, I think these boys have got you in a situation here.
At this age, it is too bad that they are in separate rooms.
You could try to re-establish their sleep in the same room by putting them to bed and doing the "supernanny" thing....first time they get up, say, "It's bedtime", while you put them back to bed....second time, repeat.......third time and after you do not say anything, just put them back in bed.....you do this every night that it is needed until they get the idea, which won't be as long as you may think if you are consistent.
The other thing you can do with this is to sit on the floor of their room near the door...no eye or voice communication...to observe their behavior and take the above action if needed.
If they awake in the night, do the same thing every time.
You will solve this with consistency on your part.

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D.G.

answers from Columbus on

Put the boys back in one room and let them feel safe with each other.Every one will sleep better. I can't imagine seperating twins for any reason except maybe fighting.

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